Posted on by BWThomas

Forty years go by in a blink

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

In the blink of an eye, everything can change. So forgive often and love with all your heart. You may never know when you may not have that chance again. Zig Ziglar

Our fortieth anniversary was yesterday, and we thought we should do something to celebrate. We took a couple of day trips this weekend, nothing spectacular. One day, we went East and saw the Peterborough lock system. This is a hydraulic lock; it took eight years to build and was finished in 1904. The boats come in on both sides, and then a foot of water is added at the top, and it goes down to the bottom, like a hydraulic teeter-totter. There are only eight in the world, and two are in Canada. What a feat of engineering.

The next day, we went west. There are a lot of towns and cities to visit, and we haven’t been big day trippers. We’ve been talking about it, but haven’t done it. The big trip to England and Paris hasn’t happened yet, but we have a Paris in Ontario.

Dinner in Paris sounded like a great idea. Maybe we didn’t know what to look at in the places we drove through because we didn’t stay long, and found ourselves in Paris long before dinner time. It’s a pretty little town, not as pretty as I was expecting, as some have said it is the prettiest town in Ontario. It sits on the Grand River and has some pretty lookouts, and a restaurant we wanted to eat at sits on the banks of the river with a lovely view. But, it was only two in the afternoon, we stopped into a new home showroom, and saw what they have on offer.  We walked through a little farmers’ market, down to the lookout, and we bought an ice cream. The girl serving us assured us we didn’t want the single scoop, it would be too big. Sure enough, we bought the kiddies cone, and it was a massive amount of ice cream. Too much ice cream never seems like a thing, but on a hot day, with it melting all over you, the larger cone would have been more of a mess, and the kiddie’s cone was bigger than a lot of double scoop cones we’ve had.

My husband looked at me and said, “You really want to eat there?”

The obvious question, “Where do you want to eat?”

“I think we should drive back to Elora, the first place we visited, and eat there.” So we did, Elora was the prettiest town we saw, it’s on the same Grand River and has a gorge we’d walked beside in the morning. When we got back, it was packed with people. We walked by a few restaurants and went back to the first one, which we liked best, had a wonderful dinner with an entertaining waitress, and drove home.

Life is what we make it. I see Facebook pictures of people living their best lives; it can make some of us feel our lives aren’t big enough, full enough, or fun enough. Comparisons are odious. What is the point of comparing ourselves to others? We don’t know their suffering, what brings them to their knees, and if we could swap our lives for theirs, we would have to give up something we truly love about our own lives.

There is a limit to the time assigned you, and if you don’t use it to free yourself it will be gone and will never return. Marcus Aurelius

Living our own lives, crossing off our own bucket lists, and making the most of the time we have with the people we love is what’s important. We never know what the next day will bring. Even our best laid plans may be altered. I still haven’t had dinner in Paris, and it’s okay because I think dinner in Elora was the better experience.

Forty years have gone by in a blink; we have choices ahead of us, until we don’t. We have to make the most of them. We’re not competing with someone else, but what do we want out of the next year, five, ten, or twenty years? What have we been putting off we need to deal with? What changes would make our lives better?

Those elephants we haven’t dealt with are still there, creating havoc; some of them will always be there. We might not see eye to eye on history, politics, religion, or the future. That isn’t likely to change, but none of those affects our relationships unless we let them. We have to agree to disagree, and it seems to me most of us want the same things: peace, prosperity, love, respect, a future for our children and great-grandchildren, and a society that works for all. Our ideas about how to get there differ and cause a lot of the problems.

Making the most of our lives, one day at a time, is what we can do. A merry heart doth the body good. We can try our best not to be contentious or argumentative. After all, what’s the point of arguing about the same old thing continuously and ending up more set in our opinions, yet upset with someone else about theirs?

There is so much to be grateful for, and when we are grateful for what we have, we get a better perspective on our lives. It might even give us space to make the changes we need to make, which, when we focus on what is missing, we somehow can’t manage.

When we have more years behind us than ahead of us, we need to be careful we don’t focus on the shoulda’s, coulda’s, and woulda’s. Instead, can we focus on what is still possible? What if it’s more than we might think?

Life is a cycle, always in motion, if good times have moved on, so will times of trouble. Indian proverb

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. Mark Twain

Life is precious, and there are no guarantees about how much time you have left. So, live each day to the fullest, take good care of yourself, and most importantly, be grateful for the chance to live another day. Unknown

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

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Unmet expectations, frustration, and planning

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Remember all frustration is based on unmet expectations. If we did not expect anything we would not be frustrated. John Lund

Plans rarely work out how we think, but planning is indispensable. If we don’t have a plan, how do we know where we want to go? But, don’t some of our best adventures happen when we veer from the plan? We go down a road we didn’t know existed, we explore something new, and we take a chance on something that turns out unexpectedly well?

We used to look at maps, and now I just plug something into my phone and out jumps what I want. But when we look at maps, we see places we want to go and things we want to see.

The computer is great for planning a trip, but last night, planning a little weekend getaway, or maybe it will only be a day trip, I finally pulled out my old map book to see how where we are thinking of going lines up on a map. Looking at that map, I could see how little we’ve seen of the province we live in.

We often think the adventure we want is a plane ride away; we need a passport and a hotel. We’ve been talking about day trips for a while; we even talked about travelling in a small motor home. But nothing has come of any of it.

There was a point when I said to my husband, “You know, we are the most boring couple.” We were at an anniversary celebration, and we didn’t get up and dance. The music wasn’t good enough. As guests, we were expected to help make the party fun.

Life is what we make it, marriage is what we make it, and adventure can be found anywhere. Do we have enough adventure in our lives? We probably have as much as we want, because we are in charge of the planning and implementation.

Sometimes things seem like such a bother, but when I make the effort, I always feel good about the result. Is it too much not bothering that creates a boring life? Sometimes our expectations are so high that the adventure can’t possibly be as good as we expect. Do unmet expectations play a big part in our dissatisfaction with life?

We thought things would be better and different. Maybe we thought if we spent enough money, we would receive whatever we think is missing in our lives? The chasm in our relationship would be bridged, but if we have a chasm in our relationship, why would we think going to a new place and spending lots of money would fix it?

We’ve all experienced the letdown of unmet expectations. An expected reward that fails to materialize is worse than a reward that was never anticipated in the first place. Anna Lembke

How do we get the life, relationship, and adventures we want? Jordan Peterson says, “You will never fix some of your problems. You can manage them.” I think he’s right. When we don’t see eye to eye on things, how can we fix that? We need to be willing to agree to disagree. It might seem incredible that someone doesn’t see what we see; it’s so evident, are they blind? I’m beginning to think it isn’t blindness, it is seeing through the lens of what they think is important. Some of us take a wider view of our society, and some take a smaller view; those two views can be at odds. But, aren’t we talking about the same thing? Not really, because if we are hanging onto the leg of the elephant in the room, and someone else sees the whole elephant, the conversation will seem like we aren’t talking about the same thing at all. If we happen to mention they aren’t taking a big or small enough view, how will that go?

We might think we need them to focus on the leg, and they think we need to see the whole elephant, but what if we need to realize there is more than one view of many issues? Is the problem thinking our view is the only one? Conversations come around to these contentious issues, but what if I learn how to worry more about what I can control than what I can’t?

Planning a weekend getaway or a day trip, I can do. Control where the conversation goes on said trip might not be so easy, but what if I learn to control my reaction to how someone else sees things and quit trying to get them to see things my way?

We must respond to the unmet expectations of life in ways that create solutions by finding ways to heal the wounds of letdowns and injustices. Rev Larry Kreider

The source of almost all conflict comes from unmet expectations. Brenda Hewitt

Anger always comes from frustrated expectations. Elliott Larson

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read more, and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

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Canada, our great and glorious land. Happy Canada Day!

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Canada is the homeland of equality, justice, and tolerance. Kim Campbell

Canada Day is coming, a day we celebrate with pride. This country of ours we’ve built together with those who were here, and have come later. We are here, and we aren’t perfect, but as long as we can discuss our imperfections and elect leaders with free and open elections, we will continue.

One of the things many people across the Western world appear to worry about is that they can’t discuss problems in their society that are considered an ism. We especially need to talk about the isms, about expecting things from some groups that we don’t expect from others. How much are we willing to have our society change to make other groups happy?

If we can’t talk, it will devolve into something else. The conversations might even get ugly, but if we don’t talk about issues important to us, and let them fester, and hard feelings develop between groups, how can that end well? If I want something that appears to take something away from you, how will you be happy? If we talk about it, debate it, and fight about it in the public sphere, and come to an agreement, then we can live in peace. If we don’t talk about problems arising in our society and the world for fear of offending someone, it will end worse, and it won’t be words hurting others, but violence.

In England, it looks like to keep the peace, the elite have tried to muzzle the common working-class Brits with hate speech laws, etc. It doesn’t look like it is working to me, and I don’t want to see that level of division come here. Different groups can live together in Canada if we all agree on Canadian laws and Canadian values. We don’t have to look the same, eat the same food, or follow the same religion, but we do have to live together without infringing on each other’s rights. Mutual respect, mutual responsibility, and mutual love for Canada are required.

Canada might not be a good fit for people who do not like Canadian Laws or Canadian values and want to impose their own on their part of society or all of society.

Is the Alberta referendum positive?. Talking about Alberta’s complaints might be a good idea. I grew up with sentiments like, “We pay the freight when we buy it, and we pay the freight when we sell it. The West always pays the freight.” Canadian elites, Eastern Canadian elites, have created this problem. Rightly or wrongly, the West believes they aren’t getting a fair shake. It’s coming to blows because they weren’t taken seriously, after all, what could the little Western Provinces do?

Canada is like an old cow. The West feeds it Ontario and Quebec milk it. And you can well imagine what it’s doing in the Maritimes. Tommy Douglas

Ignore concerns long enough, and you’ll see what they can do. If you ignore concerns by trying to make people think they are horrible people for even seeing an issue, let alone voicing it. Soon, you will have people who don’t care what you call them, and they will do more than use their voice.

How do we deal with the issues facing us? Not by pretending we don’t have problems. How do we address the disparity between the rich and poor, housing prices outpacing wages, and immigration outpacing opportunities? These aren’t the only problems facing Canada, but they are here, and if we want to continue as a country that people want to come to and live in, we have to make choices that are good for Canada and its people.

We are at a time in history when it seems the common people are the least catered to. Look at the Albania controversy: a protected island is now being sold to be developed as a playground for the rich and famous that the average Albanian will never be able to afford to visit.

Tourism brings in money, but it doesn’t always benefit the common people. We need to balance all the interests to keep Canada the great Canada it is, and the greater Canada it has the potential to be.

Canada Day is a day to reflect on where we came from, where we are going, and who gets a say in the decisions.

Happy Canada Day!

As a woman in Canada, I get to do whatever I want to do, and I’m used to that. I’m used to not having my government tell me my life is going to be restricted because I’m female. Deborah Ellis

It’s like Canada is the little brother to the United States and one day they are going to show the world they’re just as cool as their successful big brother. Dustin Milligan

The truth is, I’m someone coming from a spoiled society. – the worst thing we deal with in Canada is winter. Denis Velleneuve

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read more, and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives, or categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Fathers, hero’s and first loves. There’s a hole in the family without a dad.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Dad: A son’s first hero, a daughter’s first love. Unknown

Yesterday was Father’s Day, and the topic of conversation was about family and how families miss the mark. We all know as parents we got upset, more upset than was warranted or helpful. Our son said, “My parents on their worst day were better than no parents.”

My sister-in-law’s client told her how her mother called Children’s Aid, and her daughter was put in Foster Care, where she died. There’s a lot more to the story, but the child was supposed to be protected from harm, not put in harm’s way. It’s unfortunate that parent’s aren’t always as good as they should be, but when the protector’s are worse, what can we say?

The grooming gang’s in England are horrendous, and who did they prey on, girl’s who were in the system from what I understand. It sounds like some of the girl’s did have families, but the authorities didn’t believe or support them?

Families are where we are supposed to believe we are safe. There is an idea that it takes a village to raise a child. This only works when there aren’t predators out there looking to take advantage of the lost child.

Is the home where we start to fix our society? Building a family is the most important thing we do, and when we fail to care for and protect our children we create problems that don’t just affect this generation, but generations to come.

How do we fix the broken souls out there? I was listening to J.D. Vance and even if you don’t like his politics you have to like his story. He grew up with his Grandma as his biggest influence. He said, “When you hear about children from bad situations growing up to do well, they all seem to have someone that was in their corner.” He had his grandmother.

He was there when I didn’t understand, he was there when I was wrong, he was there when I cried, he was there when I lied. For some reason my dad was always there, when I needed him most. Michael Jordan

Some of these children have no one to turn to, and when they get offered attention from people who mean to use them, they get used and abused. Is it too simplistic to believe in many of these situations the missing person is a father?

Father’s want to protect us from harm, and some of that looked like fun to us. Our father’s weren’t trying to keep us from having fun, or living the best life we could, they wanted to keep us safe, and not be taken advantage of by someone who didn’t have our best interests at heart. People whose intentions we didn’t understand.

Even when our father is not someone we go home to, because we’ve left home to carve out our own life. His presence in our life is there, we might hear his voice in our head about a situation that could be dangerous. If we got the love we needed from a father we weren’t so needy and desperate for attention.

Fixing the problems in society is a herculean job, and broken families are broken in many ways, but if one person in a child’s corner can make all the difference, maybe there is hope.

There are many situations that if Children’s Services had gotten involved a child might have been pulled out of their family, but when they grow up with a broken family there is a chance someone will be in their corner. In some cases is the cure worse than the problem?

We want to protect children, but in our zeal to judge families, are we ruining young lives that would have been okay? In some cases is a dysfunctional family better than no family?

I don’t know the answers, I don’t even know what questions to ask, or what the criteria should be for stepping in. But, I do know, many of the things we’ve done with the best of intentions have unintended consequences, and we meant well, might not be a good enough defense.

Thanks Dad, there would have been a hole in my life, no one could fill, without you.

It’s only when you grow up and step back from him – or leave him for your own home – it’s only then that you can measure his greatness and fully appreciate it. Margaret Truman

Being a Daddy’s girl is like having permanent armor for the rest of your life. Marinela Reka

He adopted a role called being a father so that his child would have something mythical and infinitely important: a protector. Tom Wolfe

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read more, and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Our choices shape our lives; to make a choice is to build a life.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Life is a chess match. Every decision that you make has a consequence to it. P.K. Subban

Are we willing to ask the hard questions of ourselves, our family, society, and the world? What builds a good life, and do we have the right to judge the choices others make that don’t build a good life or a good society?

Last night, listening to a podcast, the speaker said his grandfather would tell young people, “I have nothing against you, it’s your lifestyle I don’t approve of.” Do we have the right to judge the actions of others? Do we have the right to believe that living certain ways, following certain principles, builds a better life?

When we see the choices we’ve made and how they’ve turned out, do we think that if we’d made better choices, we’d have a better life? Expecting ourselves and others to always make the best choice is unreasonable. To judge others harsher for their bad choices than we do ourselves is unfair. But are there principles that, if followed by anyone and everyone, will lead to a better life?

I’m not meaning there should be no diversity in how people live their lives. I am not for religious or other groups controlling the lives of their members. I am for personal responsibility to live good lives to build a good society for our children and grandchildren.

The family is the cornerstone of our society, and if we look around, we see where the breakdown of the family leads. The family helps us build a better life, provides more security for ourselves and our children, and gives our children a springboard to launch themselves.

Some studies show marriage is alive and well in the richest segments of our society, but becoming increasingly less common in poorer segments. Of course, some marriages should end, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a real price paid when they do.

A real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken a new action. If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided. Tony Robbins

Who we choose to marry might be one of the biggest choices we make, and not getting married is also a choice. But, like a team of horses, two can do so much more than one. What if love gets us into marriage, and something else has to keep us in a marriage? The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but going for the greener grass always has a price.

One of the things we need to do in life is look at the price tag of our choices, and there is always a price. The highly successful person won’t be home much; the person always at home won’t make as much money. Life is about trade-offs; a trade-off that seemed great in our twenties might not look so good in later decades. We heard in our youth, “You make your bed, and you need to lie in it.”

Do too many of us think someone else is responsible for the state of our lives? Is it name your ism, but what of those who overcame their ism and built great lives, what does that say to those who haven’t? Their unlucky, or unblessed, life is unfair? Life is unfair; we don’t all start at the same place, but even if we start at the worst starting point, we can make choices that make our lives better or worse.

What if progress is more important than the end result? What choices can we make to improve our lives and maybe the lives of our children and grandchildren? Is considering the next generation one of the most important things we do, and where many mistakes have been made?

Are there unintended consequences for what we thought would be some of our best choices? Mistakes were made, and mistakes will always be made, but what can each of us do to make the best of the life we have and the society we leave to our children and grandchildren?

I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime. Elisabeth Kubler Ross

If you don’t make a decision then time will make it for you and time will always side against you. Billy Graham

The strongest principle of growth lies in the human choice. George Eliot

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read more, and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives, or categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Building a rich life at any age, we might have more choices than we think.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Clutter isn’t just the stuff in your closet; it’s anything that gets between you and life that you want to be living. Peter Walsh

A rich life is about more than money, and the richest lives are built on the things money can’t buy. Money can’t buy love, friends, health, purpose, passion, honor, character, children, grandchildren, and other priceless things we want in our lives. It can buy a lot, and I’ve never had to worry if someone liked or loved me for my money or status they got from being around me. I’ve never hung around people who I got status from, and when we love the people we love because of who they are, not what they can do for us, that’s part of a rich life.

The joy grandchildren bring is richness money can’t buy. We don’t get to go to the grandchildren’s store and pick out the cutest ones. We have to count on our children to give us this gift, and count on our grandchildren to give us great-grandchildren. As long as the generations continue, this is the richness money can’t buy.

We can’t buy health, we can perhaps preserve it, and prolong it. But we can’t buy it, and no amount of health care expenditures will fix poor health. Access to health care is important, but health without healthcare is where richness lies. Healthcare insurance is like car insurance; we need it, but don’t want to have to use it.

Dad always said, “Too soon old, and too late smart.” If we could go back and seize the opportunities we saw but didn’t recognize, recognized but didn’t think we could make work, or thought were for other, smarter, or more courageous people, how would our lives look? Is that a way to be unhappy about our lives, when what we might need to do is be grateful things worked out as well as they did, and figure out if they haven’t worked out well enough yet, what would make them work out better?

The best way to find out what we really need is to get rid of what we don’t. Marie Kondo

Do we have someone in our lives, someone who knows us and loves us warts and all? Do we have siblings and good friends we can talk about the real things in life with? We don’t have to put on a show. Is there someone we should reach out to, spend more time with, and bring into our circle?

We might think we are too old to do something to make a difference in our lives, but is that true? Is there something nagging at us to start, finish, or get back to that we know would make our lives better?

Is it exercise, learning something new, getting back to something we loved to do but have set aside, reaching out to old friends, or making new ones? Do we need to plan some adventures? Do we need to lighten our load of stuff weighing us down? Last night I went through more books, and found two bags I can give away. But I did what you shouldn’t do after deciding something can be donated. I went through the bags, and only one book is going to be given away. Someone has suggested cutting down to two hundred books. Two hundred books in six categories, writing, art, religion, self-help, history, and miscellaneous is only thirty-three books per category. Getting rid of books is tough. Last night I went through art books, maybe I’ll have better luck in the other categories. If I had to move and could only take two hundred books with me, I would sort and only keep the best of the best. I know it can be done, and if I have to, I’ll do it, but I don’t have to yet.

Creating systems that work is one way to build a rich life. When something new comes into our lives, something has to go to make room for it. What if I have to choose one to eliminate from my collection before I add a new one? This is what they tell us to do with a capsule wardrobe: replace items, instead of adding more, and more, and more.

Will I feel lighter as I cut down the number of books and other possessions I own?

People say lightening their load of stuff gives them freedom to live a bigger life, not a smaller one. Could it be possible that less is more? What if buying less leads to a richer life?

Creating space, decluttering, and evaluating our beliefs about enough helps restore our home to its original purpose: refuge. Lisa Avellan

Time spent minimizing possessions is never wasted. Unknown

Clutter is nothing more than postponed decisions. Barbara Hemphill

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read more, and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to those who read my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale, through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Grandkids make life better. They are the silver lining of aging.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

If I’d known grandkids were so much fun, I would have had them first. Unknown

Last week I didn’t put out a blog. We were having hardwood floors installed upstairs, and the railing was taken down. With two little grandkids, it didn’t seem fair to leave my husband to watch them alone while our son-in-law dropped our daughter off to work. I remember when our daughter was small, I turned around and couldn’t find her anywhere. I wondered if my husband took her with him, but he wouldn’t do that without telling me.

Frantically, I searched the house, finally finding her in our closet quietly playing. I could finally take a breath. With the railing down, I had visions of one of our grandchildren sitting on the top of the open floor, their feet dangling down, saying, “Look at me, Grandma.” One of the things I feared most was that our grandson would get up early, come upstairs, and go exploring. I slept in the family room so I would hear him if he came upstairs.

Accidents happen quickly, we can’t protect our kids from everything, and overprotecting parents aren’t good, but finding the happy balance is tricky. I grew up on a farm, one of the most dangerous places, and the town industry was a lumber mill, another dangerous industry.

Is it true what doesn’t kill us makes us strong? I’ve heard self-made people say the biggest gift they were given was to grow up in poverty. They only say it because they overcame it. Our childhoods shaped us in ways we might not even recognize. Some of us might live a life striving toward something, and others might strive to overcome something. We might not be able to articulate the driving forces in our lives; do we want to emulate our parents or live lives as different from them as possible?

A grandchild is someone who reaches for your hand but touches your heart. Unknown

Who we had in our lives as children shaped us. Did we grow up without a father or mother, or without grandparents, and how did that impact our lives? Did we grow up in big messy families or small close ones? Did family dynamics work, or do toxic relationships impact our lives? We can’t escape our past; it is always with us and colors our lives in ways we can’t recognize, but we still have choices to make.

I was listening to a podcast on retiring, and grey divorce came up. Women over sixty-five who get a divorce and are grandmothers report a high level of happiness. I don’t think this means getting a grey divorce brings happiness; I think it means being a grandmother brings happiness that a grey divorce and diminished finances don’t eliminate.

One of the things many people have to face is being alone as they get older, either because of divorce or the death of a spouse. It is a fact, and if we have to face it, we may as well face it with as much positivity as possible. Things happen in life that we can’t control. Being alone in old age happens, and we are either the one who leaves or the one who is left behind as friends, spouses, and siblings pass away.

My aunt always said she wanted to live till she died, and die all at once. I share her sentiment, and even though it is not up to us, staying as healthy as possible might be the antidote to a long, debilitating end. I think of Mom and her morning exercises, which she kept up until about age ninety-seven.

Our grandson asked me if I had a ballerina jewelry box. I told him I had one, but I left it at Mom’s. He said, “Can you go to her house and get it?”

I said, “No, Grandma’s gone, and so is her house.”

He said, “Did you love her lots?”

I said, “Yes.”

He said, “Do you still?”

We have profound conversations, and I wonder where this comes from. The other day, he said his aunt should get a husband. Someone said why? He said, “So she’ll be happy.”

He talks about husbands and wives a lot. We wonder where his little nuggets of wisdom come from. Life with grandchildren is so much fun. We want to protect them from danger, but we also have to give them the freedom to grow and develop into the men and women they will become. It’s a delicate balance, and we won’t know how well we managed it until they are grown up and take their place in the world. Our son tells us he’s surprised to see how much joy grandchildren bring into our lives, and I’m surprised he’s surprised. But he isn’t a father yet, and when he is, he’ll understand.

Being a Grandma is so much fun, it is the silver lining in aging, and I feel sorry for everyone who has to live without the warm embrace of a grandchild as they sail into the later years of life.

Grandchildren just make you feel better when you are around them. They’re sunshine for your soul and medicine for your mind. Unknown

A grandchild fills a space in your heart you never knew was empty. Unknown

Grandchildren give us a second chance to do things better because they bring out the best in us. Unknown

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Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Riding the dragon, facing our challenges, and becoming better, not bitter.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Inside of every problem lies an opportunity. Robert Kiyosaki

I heard a Chinese proverb about riding the dragon, “If you ignore the dragon, it will eat you. If you try to confront the dragon, it will overpower you. If you ride the dragon, you will take advantage of its might and power.”

If we ignore our problems, they do not go away; often, they grow bigger and bigger. We might be better off learning to deal with the forces in our lives rather than fighting them. There may even be something positive in a negative that, if we overcome it, will build a better life.

If we listen to motivational speakers, they often overcame something, which is why they have a motivational message for the rest of us. We might not have a dragon in our lives that will lead us to greatness, but when we see people who have overcome challenges, obstacles, and situations, it makes us believe we, too, can face those challenges and learn to ride the dragon.

If we ignore the dragon, it will eat us. There are many ways this is true; we ignore things at our peril. My book collection has become a dragon, and one of my bookshelves broke under the weight of the books. I can buy another bookshelf, or I can edit my books. Buying more bookshelves for more and more books can become a hoarding situation. What if I limit my books to those that will fit on the four bookshelves in the den? Limiting our tendencies to excess might be one way to tame our dragon.

If we try to confront the dragon, it will overpower us. This might be about challenging powerful forces without a strategy, or being the lone voice trying to change things.

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials. Confucius

Learning to ride the dragon so we have access to its might and power is a challenge, but what if it’s possible?

Poverty, and all the isms are dragons, and many people overcome obstacles in their lives to build a life no one thought they could build. How often do we see people living in easy situations, wallow in their ease, and not do much with their lives, while someone with something to overcome overcomes it and soars, as if on the wings of a dragon?

Ignoring what needs to be dealt with might be one of the worst things we do in our lives. Small problems ignored become big problems, and one of the best ways to build a good life is to look after the small things. What if not looking after the small things is what leads to a lesser life? Weeds in the garden, clutter, and overspending all seem like problems that start small but can overwhelm us.

But what of those problems that are too big or too powerful to control? AI and robotics seem like dragons we’ll need to learn to ride. There are two ways to deal with a dragon: one way, you ride it, harnessing the power; the other way, you kill it. How can we learn to ride the dragons in our lives, political dragons, economic dragons, social dragons, and personal dragons?

Maybe we thought slaying dragons would make us powerful, but what if riding dragons is where the real power lies, and the more we confront the challenges in front of us, the smaller they become?

You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory. J. Donald Walters

You’re trying to escape from your difficulties, and there never is any escape from difficulties, never. They have to be faced and fought. Enid Blyton

Confronting problems is choosing to suffer now in the hope of future gratification rather than choosing to continue present gratification in the hope that future suffering will not be necessary. M. Scott Peck

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read more, and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the purchase price.

Posted on by BWThomas

Waiting, waffling, and wondering aren’t how we build a good life.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped. Tony Robbins

In life, it isn’t just what happens, it’s when it happens. For instance, if you have a million dollars and get an eight percent return, you can’t figure out how that will play out by calculating a million dollars by eight percent per year, because you don’t know when the gains and losses will occur, which affect the actual return. The sequence of returns, when we get the ups and downs, will affect whether a million dollars at eight percent with a forty thousand per year withdrawal will have us broke in less than twenty years, or have ten million after forty years.

We have to live life, take the chances, and see where it goes. How many people, who finally decide to get married, start a business, have kids, or do something else they’ve wanted to do, wish they’d started sooner? There is only so much preparation one can do before we need to get on with the business of life.

Some of us are thinking we’ll wait one more year, but what do we think we will get for waiting? One more year of waiting to get married might mean it’s harder to have children, buy a house, or make decisions to build the best life. One more year waiting to retire might mean taking the long-awaited adventures without our partner, or not being able to take them at all. Life waits for no one; we need to seize our moments.

My husband and I found each other at age twenty-one, but we didn’t get married until we were twenty-seven. How might our lives have progressed if we’d made decisions earlier? House prices more than doubled in the time we were sitting on the fence.

I see how much energy it takes to look after grandchildren. We don’t become more patient and fun as we get older, and what if I’d become a grandma in my fifties instead of my sixties? My four-year-old grandson brings his chocolate milk and says, “Let’s do a cheer.” Then he hugs me and says, “I love you, Grandma.” He then goes to his Grandpa and repeats the process. These are precious moments, and I am blessed to have them in my life.

Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right. Phil McGraw

Sometimes I think, what if I had waited too long, I would have missed all this. My son says he is surprised by how much we enjoy our grandchildren, and he might be surprised by how much his sister, his wife’s sister, and husbands are enjoying having kids. He’s missing out, and he knows it.

Life is a series of choices; we can’t do everything, but we need to make decisions to give us choices about the important things. Sometimes I think making a decision is the hardest thing. Deciding for one thing, one person, one house, one business, means saying no to all the other potential choices. Too much choice can cripple us, and if we wait too long to make a choice, there are no choices left to make.

I’ve waffled over choices throughout my life; looking back, I wish I’d had the courage to make a decision and stick to it. We won’t get everything right, and maybe that is where I’m making a mistake. Life is good, but looking back, some better choices would have made it even better.

The question isn’t what choices I would change if I could go back; the question is, what choices do I have to make now? Do we sometimes not recognize the choices we had until we look back? The time for action is always now; there is no other time to make a choice. Waiting, waffling, and wondering aren’t how we build a good life. We might need to correct our course, but we can only do so once we are on it.

When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier. Roy E. Disney

Life is a chess match. Every decision that you make has a consequence to it. P.K. Subben

You cannot make progress without making decisions. Jim Rohn

Thank you for reading this post. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Can we get happier as we age? Is silence the answer?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Silence is a true friend who never betrays. Confucius

Do we need silence and boredom to turn our right brain on? I’ve been doing a boring job, removing wallpaper, and as terrible as it sounds, there is an upside. It’s meditative removing it. I’ve listened to podcasts, but also worked in silence.

If silence is one of the things we need to activate our right brain, which is linked to happiness. Then, turning the TV and our screens off and walking or working in silence will boost our happiness.

I grew up in silence, surrounded by the sounds of nature, and I think when we have time to think, we have a richer inner life than when every moment is full.

I like more silence than my husband, who grew up in cities. He tends to like background noise, which I don’t appreciate. If the TV is on, I want to hear what is being said, or I want it off. I don’t want to sleep with the TV on. I don’t mind watching something in bed, but I want to go to sleep in silence.

Learning to live with people is an art. As we jostle for what we feel we need, we compromise on some things and have to live with others that will never be our way.

Journaling is a practice that leads to greater happiness and peace of mind. Walking in nature is another practice that boosts my mood.

In the silence of the heart, God speaks. Mother Teresa

Aging well is something we should all aspire to. Since aging isn’t an option, we may as well try to enjoy the journey and be as well and as happy as we can manage.

Nothing sounds less appealing than being a long-lived curmudgeon scowling their way through life. I’ve had a couple of miserable days, and sometimes I think, what if that was my life every day? There is no point railing against the things we can’t change, but what about not bothering to do anything about the things we can?

When we don’t eat right, we don’t feel good, not feeling good makes us miserable, and not exercising can increase the pain we feel. Eating well and exercising are the antidotes to building a better life. We might rail against the injustice in the world, which we mostly can’t fix, but if we acknowledge what we can control and what we can’t, is this the beginning of wisdom?

Self-interest sometimes sounds like a bad thing, but improving things for ourselves often improves things for others. If we are strong and healthy and have good relationships, it is good for everyone. We hear about the sandwich generation, parents looking after kids, and their aging parents. Many aging parents who take care of themselves are not a burden, and lighten the burden of child care.

Being able to take care of ourselves to the end, or close to the end, with a cheerful smile and words of encouragement for everyone we meet makes us a blessing to ourselves and others. What if being happier, healthier, and active as we age is possible? A good life is something to aspire to, and might be more in our control than we think.

If more silence makes us happier, maybe Mom’s words are more appropriate than ever: “Turn the idiot box off.”

To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders. Lao Tzu

Silence is the sleep that nourishes wisdom. Francis Bacon

Let silence take you to the core of life. Rumi

Thank you for reading this post. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives, or categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.