Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Remember all frustration is based on unmet expectations. If we did not expect anything we would not be frustrated. John Lund

Plans rarely work out how we think, but planning is indispensable. If we don’t have a plan, how do we know where we want to go? But, don’t some of our best adventures happen when we veer from the plan? We go down a road we didn’t know existed, we explore something new, and we take a chance on something that turns out unexpectedly well?

We used to look at maps, and now I just plug something into my phone and out jumps what I want. But when we look at maps, we see places we want to go and things we want to see.

The computer is great for planning a trip, but last night, planning a little weekend getaway, or maybe it will only be a day trip, I finally pulled out my old map book to see how where we are thinking of going lines up on a map. Looking at that map, I could see how little we’ve seen of the province we live in.

We often think the adventure we want is a plane ride away; we need a passport and a hotel. We’ve been talking about day trips for a while; we even talked about travelling in a small motor home. But nothing has come of any of it.

There was a point when I said to my husband, “You know, we are the most boring couple.” We were at an anniversary celebration, and we didn’t get up and dance. The music wasn’t good enough. As guests, we were expected to help make the party fun.

Life is what we make it, marriage is what we make it, and adventure can be found anywhere. Do we have enough adventure in our lives? We probably have as much as we want, because we are in charge of the planning and implementation.

Sometimes things seem like such a bother, but when I make the effort, I always feel good about the result. Is it too much not bothering that creates a boring life? Sometimes our expectations are so high that the adventure can’t possibly be as good as we expect. Do unmet expectations play a big part in our dissatisfaction with life?

We thought things would be better and different. Maybe we thought if we spent enough money, we would receive whatever we think is missing in our lives? The chasm in our relationship would be bridged, but if we have a chasm in our relationship, why would we think going to a new place and spending lots of money would fix it?

We’ve all experienced the letdown of unmet expectations. An expected reward that fails to materialize is worse than a reward that was never anticipated in the first place. Anna Lembke

How do we get the life, relationship, and adventures we want? Jordan Peterson says, “You will never fix some of your problems. You can manage them.” I think he’s right. When we don’t see eye to eye on things, how can we fix that? We need to be willing to agree to disagree. It might seem incredible that someone doesn’t see what we see; it’s so evident, are they blind? I’m beginning to think it isn’t blindness, it is seeing through the lens of what they think is important. Some of us take a wider view of our society, and some take a smaller view; those two views can be at odds. But, aren’t we talking about the same thing? Not really, because if we are hanging onto the leg of the elephant in the room, and someone else sees the whole elephant, the conversation will seem like we aren’t talking about the same thing at all. If we happen to mention they aren’t taking a big or small enough view, how will that go?

We might think we need them to focus on the leg, and they think we need to see the whole elephant, but what if we need to realize there is more than one view of many issues? Is the problem thinking our view is the only one? Conversations come around to these contentious issues, but what if I learn how to worry more about what I can control than what I can’t?

Planning a weekend getaway or a day trip, I can do. Control where the conversation goes on said trip might not be so easy, but what if I learn to control my reaction to how someone else sees things and quit trying to get them to see things my way?

We must respond to the unmet expectations of life in ways that create solutions by finding ways to heal the wounds of letdowns and injustices. Rev Larry Kreider

The source of almost all conflict comes from unmet expectations. Brenda Hewitt

Anger always comes from frustrated expectations. Elliott Larson

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