Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

The most important things in life are the connections you make with others. Tom Ford

Who can we inspire and encourage to make people feel like a more confident version of themselves? I think it was Maya Angelou who said, “People will forget what we said, what we did, but they will never forget how we made them feel.”

Do people we talk to feel we believe in them, so they can believe in themselves? Do we point out only what can be improved, or do we point out their strengths? After a conversation with us, do they feel defeated, demoralized, and inferior, or empowered, encouraged, and motivated?

Do people feel better after a conversation with us? Are we spreading light or darkness wherever we go? Some people might only have one interaction with someone per day, and if it is with us, did we elevate their day?

Yesterday, my husband and I went out for coffee, and as we sat, a group of older couples came in one couple at a time. They were obviously friends and happy to see each other. It was great to see a group of older adults making the effort to get together. Their energy uplifted us as we sat watching them assemble.

We often see groups of men or groups of women, but seeing a large group of older couples getting together seems rarer. I ask myself as I write this, why don’t we get together as couples more often? The book club meets once a month, but we are all women. Toastmasters meets once a week, but most members come alone.

We can bring positive energy into our daily lives by smiling more, talking to strangers in line, replacing handshakes with hugs, and calling our friends just to tell them we love them. Brandon Jenner

We need to make time for friends, and as we get older and no longer have the social connections we once had, if we don’t stay connected, we might be lonelier than we need to be. A friend called me on Sunday to ask if I wanted to go for a walk and coffee, but I’d already made plans to go out with my daughter. Single people have to make more of an effort to engage with others, but couples have to be careful not to let their relationships slide until it’s been so long since they’ve seen someone that they question their relationship.

It takes effort to get together, it takes a bit of money, whether we go out or invite others in, but what is the cost of not bothering? Sometimes I think, when was the last time I called, or when was the last time we saw each other? Often it is too long, and if we let these connections break, we may have a difficult time rebuilding them.

Do we only want to share our successes, and when life isn’t progressing as we like, do we keep to ourselves? During hard times, we should come together even more, not to complain, but to celebrate the good we still have in our lives. In a book by Amy Tan, her very poor characters get together and share an orange; the last piece is left for the host to eat after everyone leaves. They weren’t getting together to eat because no one had enough to eat, but they could still get together to talk, laugh, and play a game.

I remember reading about someone who said she was never invited to a friend’s place because the friend was embarrassed that her place wasn’t good enough. The friend said, “I didn’t want to see her place, I wanted to see her.” We might think we can’t invite people out to Tim Horton’s, we need to invite them out to a nice restaurant, and that is too expensive, so we don’t bother.

What if we take advantage of the moments in our lives to spend with others? Is coffee better than an expensive dinner, where we wonder what sacrifices we’ll have to make to afford it? Shouldn’t the emphasis be on the relationships, not the ambiance of the restaurant?

Enjoying life’s simple pleasures is an art some people have developed. I remember Mom telling me about neighbors who had gone through a hard winter, living mostly on eggs and potatoes. Things finally turned around, and they went to the local café to treat themselves. They ordered Denver sandwiches, which, to their horror, turned out to be an egg sandwich. Haven’t we all ordered something on the menu with a nice-sounding name that disappointed us?

Elevating our life doesn’t have to be about spending a lot of money; people during hard times have always figured out how to socialize without spending a fortune. It isn’t about the money; it’s about the effort to maintain connections. We can learn a lot from older people who maintained connections when they couldn’t afford long-distance phone calls, plane fare for visits, and people dropped in for coffee.

Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing. Elie Wiesel

In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed. Khalil Gibran

Be willing to share your blessings. The only riches that last are the ones that are given away. David Khalil

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