Posted on by BWThomas

                     Thanksgiving, gratitude, and happiness.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough. Meister Eckhar

The other day my husband said, “I’d like to take a trip out East next year.”

I said, “I’d like us to have all our ducks in a row first.”

He looked at me as an elderly man walked with a walker in the parking lot, and he said, “If you wait long enough, we’ll be just like him, and we won’t have done any of it.”

He’s right, and still I think if we just get this done, that done, and oh what about this other thing. Why am I putting us and our dreams, goals, and plans at the bottom of the list?

Being self-employed, we’ve always worried about taking time off. It’s always worked out, but we’ve always still worried. When you have a job, you worry about losing the job; when you have a company, you worry about losing customers. Either way, we often spend a lot of time worrying about things that may or may not happen. The question is: what does all that worry do for us?

We can spend our lives worrying about things that don’t happen and be blindsided by those that do. Yesterday was Thanksgiving, a day to get together with family and friends. We worry about where everyone will sit, whether we have enough food, and whether we have enough chairs.

It was wonderful getting together to celebrate October birthdays and Thanksgiving. We have one more October birthday: our granddaughter turns two. How blessed we are to have great-grandma and her great-granddaughter together.

A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all other virtues. Cicero

We talked about winning eighty-five million dollars and what we might do with it. How many conversations like ours took place about the win that would change lives? But the real win that changes lives is family, making a decision to create one. This is what we can’t buy if we win or make eighty-five million dollars. We can’t buy a healthy child; they come as a gift. We can’t buy a loyal, loving spouse, and we can’t buy a great-grandmother sitting in the chair holding her great-granddaughter.

We make choices to build a life, and we hope it works out, and we all know things don’t always work out as we’d hope. The longed-for baby takes years to arrive, or doesn’t arrive at all. But the choice most of us get to make is to find a partner and build a life. Most of us can have a family if we choose to.

When the choosing is over, and the opportunity to build a family is past, how does it feel? Choices made long ago will be the sum of our lives. Those choices, more than winning a lottery, give us joy and happiness.

Looking around a table, or in a room of scattered chairs because the table no longer is big enough for the family, warms our hearts in a way nothing else can. We’ve built something that matters in a family; we’ve built something that has a chance of lasting. We’ve built a legacy in a family that we can build no other way.

I hope Thanksgiving was warm and wonderful, with the murmur of generations of family brought together under one roof, laughing and talking. Getting together with those we love when we can is important, because we never know when it might be the last time. We don’t know how important it might be to someone to be included, to feel they matter, or to be inspired by someone.

Decisions that seemed small become magnified over the years. When we get to be grandparents, we see things differently because we see how choices impacted others, people not yet born when the decisions were made.

Life continues through good years and bad, happy and sad, but it is getting through the bad times to get to the good times that will give us a life well lived. Families have a culture; we got what we inherited, but also what we’ve added. When we can hold hands with our parents, children, and grandchildren, sisters, nieces and nephews, and wives and husbands, we are blessed. If some are missing from the circle, we will still feel blessed, but what if we haven’t built a circle at all?

If someone is outside of the circle that should be on the inside, can we bring them back? Is there a duckling out there that needs to be gathered? Getting our ducks in a row is about so many things, but family is the most important thing; it is what will reverberate across generations. What we do now may impact generations in ways we don’t understand.

Is there someone we need to reach out and touch? Are there wounds that need healing? Are there breaches to mend? Do we need to forgive ourselves or others to go forward better, not bitter?  Are we counting our blessings, and naming them one by one?

The more you practice the art of thankfulness, the more you have to be thankful for. Norman Vincent Peale

I am happy because I’m grateful. I choose to be grateful. That gratitude allows me to be happy. Will Arnett

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. John F. Kennedy

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Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

                         To a great and glorious country!

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

A nation’s culture resides in the hearts and in the soul of its people. Mahatma Gandhi

There is no place like home; and no matter where we roam, are we always glad to return to the place we call home? I’ve been away visiting family, attending a wedding, and driving across parts of this beautiful country.

Travelling gives us a perspective that staying in our own little bubble doesn’t. We see new things; maybe even get a new perspective as we look at things from a new vantage point.

What makes a great country, a great people, and a great culture? I’ve been asking myself and others why, in Canada, we are talking about separation. Do American States talk about separating from America?  If not, why not, and do people have a right to want a better union?

Canada’s union might look to the world and to ourselves like a messier, more chaotic union than the United States, and we always compare ourselves to the United States. But are we looking at the best of America and comparing it to the worst of Canada? What barriers keep Canada from free trade? We’ve been talking about it for a long time; who wants it and who doesn’t? Because if we wanted free trade across Canada, wouldn’t we have it?

The West feels Canada is all for Quebec and Ontario; it might not be true, but these feelings run deep. In a lot of families, someone feels someone else gets more special treatment than they do. Making everyone in a big family feel valued is difficult. Has America achieved this more than Canada?

We live beside America; how could we not compare ourselves to them? It’s like comparing ourselves to our most successful relative; we always feel inadequate around them. They look so polished and expensive, and their house is newly renovated. Even if we’ve done some work on ours, when we compare it to what they’ve done, it looks inferior.

The harder the struggle, the more glorious the triumph. Self-realization demands very great struggle. Swami Sivananda

Where do inferiority complexes come from? Do they sometimes keep us from trying? Can they also give us fuel to rise above where we find ourselves? Do we need to quit fighting and become what we can become, use the ideas on the left and the right, and quit being our own worst enemy?

What can a truly united country do? Whose interests get sacrificed for unity? What does a win for Canada and a win for each province look like? Is it easier to question each decision and fight among ourselves than trust our leaders to lead Canada in the direction it needs to go?

Families need direction, countries need direction, and fighting amongst ourselves weakens our union. Conversations about where we want our country to go are needed; too often we talk over each other instead of to each other. Are we often saying the same thing, but because we come from a different slant, we can’t accept each other’s opinions?

Canada has to get over our inferiority complex, but living next to a flashy, boasting cousin doesn’t help. Solid, strong, and humble isn’t something we need to feel bad about; it might even be strength.

In our families, we need to accept ourselves warts and all, make the best of who we are, and appreciate our strengths and those of our siblings. Is our country any different? Provinces are jostling for position; they don’t think they are being treated fairly.

As conversations are being had, we need to make Canada work for all Canadians; are growing pains part of the deal? A rainbow is in the sky as I write, perhaps a sign that we can persevere with the messiness of Confederation and continue to build this great and glorious country.

We might always feel jealous of our flashy boasting neighbor. But perhaps that will spur us to continue building a solid, stable country that strives to deal with the issues before us in a just and fair way.

What justice and fairness look like will also be something we have to figure out, as it doesn’t look the same to everyone. We need to be able to discuss the big and small issues that divide us, even the ones we are unwilling to talk about, because talking is better than silence. Not talking about them doesn’t mean they aren’t there; just ask any toxic family about the things that haven’t been talked about. They might look good on the outside, but are a festering cesspool on the inside.

I remember when my youngest brother wanted to run away from home; he wasn’t very old, not a teenager yet. I cried as he walked down the driveway, but somewhere along the way it must have crossed his mind: where was he going to go? He was back before dark; our parents probably didn’t know he was thinking of running away.

In a hundred years, where will Canada be, still fighting, still talking, still working on our challenges, and still building this great and glorious land? We aren’t building Canada only for ourselves, but for children not yet born. If the future is bright, and we build this country with goodwill to make it the best for all our citizens, we will have a lot to discuss over the years because there will always be challenges and hard things to face. Is it facing them that makes us weak, or hiding them and pretending everything is okay that leads to decay and destruction?

Your pride for your country should not come after your country becomes great. Your country becomes great because of your pride in it. Idowu Koyenikan

A little more persistence, a little more effort, and what seemed hopeless failure may turn to glorious success. Elbert Hubbard

The greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. Confucius

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Posted on by BWThomas

Do family and friendship resist time, distance, and silence?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

A friend is a gift you give yourself. Robert Louis Stevenson

Friends add dimension to our lives. We are born into families, but we choose our friends. We’ve stayed in touch with some friends, and others have fallen by the wayside. It takes effort to stay in touch; it is easy not to bother, and it is easy to wonder how we lost touch.

I’m trying to fit things in before I leave for a visit to family and a wedding. Seeing family when we are spread out is a challenge. We used to meet at Mom’s, but now she’s gone; we have to make more of an effort to get together because if we don’t, it won’t happen.

It is easy to get busy with our own lives, our immediate family, and feel we don’t have time to make the effort for extended family or friends. It’s an effort to make dinner, clean the house before everyone arrives, and clean the house after they leave. Why bother, we might think; why not curl up on the couch and relax?

Too much curling up on the couch leads to a loss of connection. Someone has to make the effort, and if we don’t, who will? What happens in our lives as we lose more and more connections to people we once knew?

When someone is gone- who used to hold the family together- they leave a hole that can’t be filled. Life is built as members join the family and leave the family. We don’t know how many more times we’ll have to get together; we need to take advantage of the opportunities as they present themselves.

What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes part of us. Helen Keller

If we put things off too long, opportunities we thought would stay open might close. If we are thinking about making a call or visiting someone, we should do it. Life has a strange way of happening while we are making plans.

As long as we live, we’ll have choices to make; some we’ll regret, but what we won’t regret is reaching out to touch those we love. There will come a time when we can no longer reach out and touch them. It is a fact of life we must accept. We might think of conversations we wish we had, or conversations we wish we could remember better, but when it’s over, it’s over.

Reach out to those you love while you can. Missed opportunities are missed; a new opportunity might arise, but we’ll never get back the one we missed. A call we didn’t make, a dinner that didn’t happen, or a visit that didn’t materialize.

Is making the best of the time we have with the people we love how we have the least regrets?

Be the things, you loved most about the people who are gone. Unknown

You can’t stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes. A.A. Milne

The only way to have a friend is to be one. Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Posted on by BWThomas

Do we choose gratitude for what we have, or complaints about what we don’t?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for. Epicurus

My grandson says, “You don’t have to make coffee this morning. Grandpa did, that’s nice, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is.” Sometimes I wonder if I’m grateful enough for all the good things I have in my life. Strangely, it seems some of the most grateful are those who have the least. How is it that those who live the simplest lives are the happiest and most grateful?

I was listening to a podcaster, Garth Brooks; he gives his students a happiness quiz and takes it himself every year. He says he’s sixty percent happier than he used to be. I haven’t taken his quiz, so I don’t know how one would measure this.

When we are thankful, do we experience more happiness? Does it help us to notice the good things in our lives when we count our blessings? I remember a song we used to sing. “Count your blessings, name them one by one, and you will know what the Lord has done.” Count Your Blessings was written in 1897 by Johnson Oatman Jr.

When life is hard, do we become more grateful, and when life is easy, do we take our blessings for granted? We might long for a life of ease, but do easy lives make the best people and societies? If good times make soft people, soft people make hard times, hard times make strong people, strong people make good times, and around and around we go in one hundred-year cycles.

Looking at one hundred-year cycles can give us perspective on the times we are in. This too shall pass, the good and the bad. Life will get better for some and worse for others as we ride the roller coaster of life. If poor is a state of mind and not a bank balance, and if we have enough and are content and grateful for what is already present, isn’t that a rich life?

He who is not content with what he has, would not be with what he wants. Socrates

If comparisons are the thief of joy, and isn’t that what is going on in our society now, the internet is all about showing us what someone else has; this makes what we have look small and inconsequential. What else are shows like The Rich and Famous about? If a rich life is the gap between what we have and what we want, then lowering our expectations instead of wanting more might be the antidote.

If we are on the external path to happiness where we think getting more will make us happier, then will we ever have enough, because isn’t there always something more?

We each need to define what a rich life is to us, but what if being happy with what we have and where we are also leads to getting more? Buying less means we have more left over, which can ultimately lead to financial freedom.

Are we rich in relationships, have enough to live comfortably in a clean, safe environment, and can our children and grandchildren grow up secure and happy? This sounds like a rich life. Do we need a private airplane to jet-set about or a private island? Aren’t they something dangled in front of us to steal our joy and peace?

If someone can make us envious, do we give away our power? Subconsciously, do we admit that someone else defines our worth, our desires, and our definition of success instead of ourselves? Does envy trick us into wanting things we don’t actually want; at least we didn’t want them until someone dangled them in front of us?

If we tie our self-worth to comparisons, do we accept the idea that someone else winning or having more is our loss? How can we control a moving target based on other people?

If we take back control by being grateful for what we have, decide what we want because of our own desires and values instead of someone else’s, can we work toward our goals and have a degree of control over our lives? Envy might make us chase someone else’s dream instead of our own. What if we spend our time and energy reaching goals, we acknowledge were not ours, and paid prices we wish we hadn’t paid?

Let not your mind run on what you lack as much as on what you have already. Marcus Aurelius

Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty. Doris Day

Pebbles that bring you joy are better than diamonds that bring you sorrow. Matshona Dhliwayo

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Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Choices and decisions made today give us tomorrow

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Every choice you make has an end result. Aristotle

One of the problems of so much opinion available to us is deciphering what the truth is. Everyone puts their opinions out pretending to be facts, hoping for maximum visibility, which also means maximum divisiveness.

They say the truth is the first casualty of war, and figuring out truth from propaganda is one of the most difficult things. We have some historians revising history because they say the lens the history was viewed from is incorrect. But revising history doesn’t mean they are now telling it correctly; they may only be viewing it from another side.

We are always the good guys in our own mind, and we appreciate things about our history others may not, and we don’t appreciate things about someone else’s history they may see in a positive light.

As East meets West, and North meets South, we have clashes. How could we not? Everyone wants their civilization to win, and winning often means someone has to lose. Even in a fair deal, someone probably comes out a little better, and how often are deals between nations fair? Is it rare that the smaller economy gets to take advantage of the larger one?

Bullying takes place in families, the schoolyard, and throughout our lives. We may think we don’t want to have to deal with bullies; we may even think we aren’t the bully when others think we are.

I grew up in a family where we counted Smarties so everyone got the same amount; the big kids couldn’t eat all the Smarties before the little kids got any. Life isn’t about no one losing when they play a game. History is filled with winners and losers, tyrants, and leaders who did the best for their people they could.

Choices are the hinges of destiny. Pythagoras

Ideas that work in one era might not work in the next. We might always be trying to find balance as the pendulum swings. Traditional values versus progressive ones, protectionism versus open trade, and moving toward religion or away from it. If we are in sync with the direction society is going, we may be happy, but what if we rail against the direction and see what others see as progress as a disaster?

How do we take the long view, when we don’t know what the long view is? Look at all the students who got into programs leading to jobs AI is now eliminating. Their choice of study looked like a good decision when they made it, but “progress” pulled the rug out from under them.

Reshoring manufacturing to the U.S.A. means pulling auto manufacturing from Canada and Mexico. What does a world based on protecting our industries, our borders, and our culture look like? But what does it look like if we don’t protect our industries, borders, and culture?

There is always a price to be paid for dependence and independence. There is no free ride for individuals, societies, or countries. We have to decide what is important, and we have to be willing to pay the price. Decisions made now will impact the future, and is taking the long view usually the better decision? Even if we make what we think are the best decisions, circumstances can change, and history might say we should have taken a different route.

Are we at a crossroads where decisions made today are hard to reverse, not just for ourselves but the world?

May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears. Nelson Mandela

In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing. Theodore Roosevelt

Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide. Napoleon Bonaparte

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read more, and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Thank you for reading my books, and a special thanks to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

                                 The price of a deal

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

You must never try to make all the money that’s in a deal. Let the other fellow make some money too, because if you have a reputation for always making all the money, you won’t have many deals. J. Paul Getty

How do we calculate the price we will pay when we make a deal? We make deals all of our lives; marriage partners make deals, business partners make deals, and countries make deals. When we look at the past, we probably think some of those deals weren’t very good.

Years ago, the Canadian arm of the company I worked for had purchased the American head company. When the Free Trade deal went through, they promptly packed up and moved to America. Companies have been playing musical chairs for years, moving for cheaper wages and fewer rules and regulations.

Was Free Trade good for Canada? It probably comes down, as it always does, to those who win in a deal and those who lose. What takes the place of good manufacturing jobs? You can’t remove the resources out of the country, so mining, lumber, and oil jobs stay.

The single most powerful tool for winning a negotiation is the ability to walk away from the table without a deal. Harvey Mackay

Some say what is going on in America is that the “American system” is trying to replace “British Imperialism.” Canada is, of course, under Britain, and this might be why we are in America’s crosshairs.

Whatever deal eventually gets made, we will have to pay a price, because dealing with the Americans, we’ve always paid a price. Will we be stronger for having to deal with a bully?

After World War ll deals were made that weakened Canada. Did we have other choices or did the leaders at the time make the best decisions they could? Are we paying the price now for bad decisions we’ve made over the years?

Over the years how will we look back on this time? Will we look back with pride that we took a stand? Are we at a cross roads in global politics? Is American Manifest Destiny at play? When William McKinley said, “We need Hawaii just as much and a good deal more than we did California. It is Manifest Destiny.” They’ve always wanted to say the same about Canada.

What is the best possible outcome for Canada? Our leaders have a tough job. We might not think they always make the right decision, but I believe all our leaders want the best for their province and the country. Knowing what is best in the long term is difficult, and whatever deal gets made, we will debate it for years. When America says we were offered a good deal, I wonder who it was good for.

Deals work best when each side gets something it wants from the other and the worst thing you can possibly do in a deal is seem desperate to make it. Donald Trump The Art of the Deal

There are no extraordinary men, just extraordinary circumstances that ordinary men are forced to deal with. William Halsey

At the end of the day, nobody cares how much you tried, what the deal was, or if you were a good guy or a bad guy. David Lichenstein

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you purchase an item through the Amazon link, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

 Are we making the future better, one decision at a time?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

One of the primary reasons why the human brain has evolved to look so far into the future is so that we can take actions in the present that will bring us to a better future rather than a worse one. Daniel Goldstein

“Did you watch a movie Grandma?” my grandson asks.

“Yes, but it was slow and I fell asleep.”

“Was it about a sloth?”

How do we make sense of what we hear? Not everyone hearing a movie is slow would think it is about a sloth. Is everything we hear and everything we say open to interpretation? It seems we don’t hear the same things, or at least we don’t interpret them the same.

How do we get back on the same page? How do we discuss some of the big issues of the day? If we aren’t willing to discuss contentious issues, are they likely to become more contentious or less contentious?

How do we discuss making reparations for past sins? Where do we start and where do we end? Many people are not just part of the majority group, nor the minority group. What of the people who aren’t part of either group?

If we do well in life, but everyone we know also does well, and sometimes even a little better, are we going to feel we did that well? When progress raises all boats, we won’t feel we moved up. If we aren’t ahead of everyone else, how did we move ahead?

Equality sounds great, but I don’t think a lot of us want to be equal because if we only have what everyone else has, then another term comes to mind: mediocrity or average, and somehow being average doesn’t seem good enough.

But why isn’t average good enough? Most of the people in the world will be average in height, weight, income, etc. Because if they weren’t, we wouldn’t have an average. If we were born poor, getting to the middle class is a big accomplishment.

Would we rather be a big fish in a little pond, or a little fish in a big pond? How do we interpret success? Is it only money and high positions that count? We might think hierarchies are terrible, but they are everywhere. Have you noticed the plants in your garden? If you let nature take over, will one plant become dominant?

I believe that Canadians have the common sense to see that a better future cannot be built on fragmentation. Kim Campbell.

This is why we have to watch planting invasive species with more delicate ones. Life is always changing, the landscape changes, and species who adapt best will do the best. We might wish we didn’t have to adapt and change but what other choice is there?

As the world turns, the world changes and we must adapt and change with it. We might like the old ways better than the new ways, we might be nostalgic for what was. But, who would like to get their light from a coal-oil lantern, or a candle before that, or no light at all after the sun goes down? Water from a bucket and a well, or carrying it home from the river, and have to kill something before making dinner?

I don’t like all the changes I see, but we can’t pick and choose the parts of progress we like. The good comes with the bad, and as a society we have to figure out how to handle the messiness and the fallout.

If we continue to progress as we have in the past, there will be winners and losers. One century we might be up and another century we might be down. Our garden doesn’t remain stagnant, and nor does the rest of life. We have choices to make, and how the fallout of those choices plays out might not be what we expect. But we won’t know until we look back over a few hundred years.

Those who view the past from a few hundred years in the future will not be looking at the present with the same eyes we view the future now. We hope the future is bright; we won’t see it, but if we are lucky, our ancestors will, and we hope they will be proud of who we were and what we did.

What if every choice we make is made to make the future we won’t see better?

We can do things the cheap way, the simple way, for the short-term and without regard for the future. Or, we can make the extra effort, do the hard work, absorb the criticism and make decisions that will cause a better future. Mike Rounds

Everything you need for a better future and success has already been written. And guess what? All you have to do is go to the library. Henri Frederic Amiel

Leaders don’t look backwards to condemn what has already been done, they look forward to create a better future. Mark Cuban

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you’ll come back and read more, and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts, click on the picture, and scroll to the end.

Thank you for reading my books, and a special thanks to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

What would our best life look like?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Steve Jobs

On Saturday, I attended the Writers Group. I’ve missed many meetings, but I’m always inspired when I go. On Saturday, the workshop was creating a Vision Board. We started last August, and by writing the questions down, by November’s review the question was answered, and a direction charted.

Having a plan, even the inkling of a plan, is a start, and it can take a long time to implement, but if we know where we want to go, we are on our way. With our compass pointing North, we take steps that move us closer and closer, until we finally reach our goal.

The end of one journey is often the beginning of another. As we continue to set our goals, our life moves on. If we forget to set goals, our life can seem stagnant. If we don’t break our big goals into smaller goals, we can feel like nothing is moving us closer to the end goal.

Small actionable steps move us forward. We might get discouraged along the way; everything takes so long, costs so much money, or something keeps getting in the way of our progress. Life happens on the way to our goals; sometimes we get derailed, and that derailment may last a lifetime because something bigger and more important got in the way.

How many people’s dreams of what they would do in life got derailed by marriage and family? Then marriage and family become the bigger dream. How many people didn’t have much of a dream but things happened, and they ended up with a life they never expected.

Love the life you live. Live the life you love. Bob Marley

We don’t know what will happen even if our plans work out, and sometimes when we hear about other people’s plans we think we haven’t been thinking big enough.

We are each unique, with our own view of the world; could we do more than we are to lead a more adventurous life? What would adventure look like to us? Would we choose a day in a city somewhere in the world or an outdoor adventure? Do we want to see wonders someone else has created, or do we want to try and create something ourselves? Does simple appeal to us, or opulence? Do we like to be in a group or alone? Do we want to be part of a group sometimes but also value our alone time? Too much togetherness or too much alone time doesn’t fit.

I find when I have the house to myself, I always seem to be looking for something to eat. Food is comfort; does this mean I am not comfortable alone, and if I had to get used to living alone, could I? People learn to have adventures alone, to travel, to create, and to thrive.

One of the ways to have a good life is to make the best of what is; more choices don’t lead to more happiness, the experts tell us. No matter what happens, in about six months we’ll be about as happy as we were before. This is good for all of us who face change and worry we might never feel comfortable again. We can move and create a home we love again. Can we meet new friends, find new activities, and find creative pursuits to feed our soul? We adapt and grow; a new chapter might be ending, but a new chapter is also beginning. We might wish the ending chapter could be longer; we knew who we were in that chapter, we knew what to expect, but what if a bigger adventure is around the corner?

Will choices we make today improve our lives? We need to be willing to make those choices; it might be the food we eat, exercise, groups we are part of, activities we participate in, and actions we take. What if we looked at our list, or made a new list, and did one thing to improve our life? Not try to do everything on the list, just one thing.

Today is a fast day for me; last week I had cream in my coffee, some call that a dirty fast. Today my coffee is black. One twenty-four-hour fast, from Sunday dinner to Monday dinner. It’s a small thing, but I let it slide, and only started again four weeks ago. I think it makes a difference. How many small things can we do that will make a big difference to our health and life? Not all at once, one at a time, and they will build on each other. If we document our progress, we can look back and figure out what works best. Our foot hurts when we eat that; maybe we shouldn’t eat that, but maybe we can try it again in the future.

We need to be our own control board, our own experiment, because what works for someone else won’t necessarily work for us. Building a life we love, in a body that works, making our dreams come true is the goal. Not someone else’s dreams, or someone else’s body; we have to work with what we have, who we are, and what we want.

Do we need a plan to figure out what we want in all areas of life, or do we figure it out as we go along? We get to choose how we live our life, what we focus on, and what we change. After all, it’s our life; live the best one you can!

The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction not a destination. Carl Rogers

You do not find the happy life. You make it. Camilla Eyring Kimball

When we do the best we can we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another. Unknown

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Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Silver and gold friends add so much to our lives.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

A good friend is like a four-leaf clover; hard to find and lucky to have. Irish Proverb

The power of friendship, when I see it in a movie or read about it in a book, a tear comes to my eye. What would really make me cry is not having any friends. The book club got together last Tuesday. A friend I met long ago recently reached out to me, and she came out. What a great addition she’ll be to the book club, and it seemed like all the time we haven’t seen each other disappeared. There were three of us laughing that night; sometimes there are five or six, but it’s always fun.

Last night we watched a Netflix movie, “Hail Mary.” Its sci-fi, but at its heart it’s a story about friendship. How we develop a friendship, rely on that friendship, and will sacrifice for that friend.

How lonely life would be without friends. Some friendships crumble over outside influences, but other friendships weather whatever comes along. How many friendships are fractured over politics right now? The divide seems unbridgeable, but what if we leave that division alone and focus on everything else? We can spend our time trying to convert people to our way of thinking, but we don’t need to have the same philosophical view or religion to read a book, and discuss it, or do any number of activities friends do. We need to spend time together and let them be themselves, and love them warts and all, like we hope they love us.

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. Friedrich Nietzsche

It is wonderful having a friend come back into my life; we met at work when we were about twenty-four, and attended each other’s weddings. Life gets in the way, and in the busyness of raising kids and keeping a household together, we lost touch.

Sometimes our childhood friends live far away; time and distance are a challenge, and we might not be able to do more than loosely stay in touch, but that adds to our lives.

We meet people as we go through life; we might never become close friends, but we see their accomplishments grow and applaud them. Life is what we make it, and making friends is one way to build a great life. Whether we like to meet our friends face to face or shoulder to shoulder, they are important in our lives.

We need to keep reaching out to old friends, new friends, and people who can become friends. A friend tells me about the famous Girl Guide song, “Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other’s gold.”

There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship. Thomas Aquinas

Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget. G. Randolf

You can’t stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes. A.A. Milne

Thank you for reading this post. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives, or categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to those who read my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale.

Posted on by BWThomas

Giving advice, taking advice, and being an example.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

We may give advice, but cannot give conduct. Benjamin Franklin

The journey continues; today is my third twenty-four-hour fast since I quit them last November. I didn’t consciously quit; I got sick and never got back to it. We have to watch giving up our good habits; the walk we used to take doesn’t happen. The water we used to drink doesn’t get drunk. The books we used to read don’t get read. Book club is tomorrow, and I haven’t read the book.

I’ve been asked if I can give a speech at Toastmasters in August. I’m going to say yes, and if I wasn’t asked it probably wouldn’t happen. Why do we let some of the good things we have in our lives slide? It’s one thing trying to change bad habits, but when we let our good habits slide, it seems even worse.

It is easier to keep doing what we’ve been doing than to change. If we no longer take the time to exercise, read, walk, make a phone call, write in our journal, or do something creative, it might become a good habit we used to have, instead of one we currently have.

I find the things I let slide are the things that benefit me. I don’t let getting dinner ready slide, because my husband would be affected, but when it only affects me, I’m letting things slide.

What would my life look like if I didn’t let anything slide? Too many carbs seem to affect the pain I was feeling in my foot. When my foot was sore, I couldn’t go for a walk. Now my foot is no longer sore; is it a result of changed eating? It seems so to me, and it might not work for everyone, but if we each figure out what works for us, we might be able to tweak our health. My husband has lowered his carbs, and I think he’s feeling better as well. He’s willing to continue into the second week, and I think that speaks volumes.

I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself. Oscar Wilde

Is being willing to experiment in our lives a way we can make our lives the best they can be? We can’t control someone else’s life, and sometimes that’s the life we’d like to control the most. We know what they should do or change even when we might not know what we should do in our own lives. Funny how we can see the changes someone else needs but not the changes our own life is crying out for.

Trying to change others doesn’t work; we can tell them what works for us, and if they decide to try it, we have to be okay if they say it doesn’t work for them, or they no longer want to continue. Everyone is their own control board, and one of the ways people don’t change is when they feel if they do, they’ve given up autonomy.

Do you know how much better you’d feel if you did everything I’m telling you to do? It’s not likely to work. Sometimes I wonder how many people might change their lives if we quit telling them they need to change their lives, and the change would be their choice.

Does this mean we have to support them in their bad choices? Is it manipulative to say, “You can’t live in our house and do drugs?” How do we handle it when we see people we love destroying their lives?

Is doing the things that work and being an example better than trying to tell people what works? Is giving advice one of the things we love most, but also one of the most destructive things we do?

We hate those who will not take our advice, and despise them who do. Josh Billings

Never give advice unless asked. The wise won’t need it, the fool won’t heed it. German Proverb

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. Henri Nouwen

Thank you for reading this post. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.