Forgiveness unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hatred. Break the chains of bitterness and selfishness.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. Lewis B. Smedes

I watched a video on painting and the instructor was painting a face. He toned the canvas to the medium color and then added the darkest darks, followed by the next darkest and the next. He was leaving the lights to paint another day. The painting took shape as he added the darks, and would take even more shape as he added the lights.

If we live our lives in the middle it doesn’t take much to give us a full well-rounded rich life. If we are off too far in the highs or too far in the lows of life, it can be hard to bring our lives into balance.

One of the reasons to bring art into our life is to capture the meaning, the essence of what we are drawing or painting. Sometimes we add meaning by what we add and sometimes we add meaning by what we leave out. We might find we can draw when we can’t write, and sing when we can’t speak. When we find a way to give voice to what is inside of us it deepens our lives and helps us deal with what is going on in our lives.

These may become works of art that someone else enjoys. A song that gets played, art that gets hung, but it is just as useful if it is only for our own healing, for expressing our desires, feelings, emotions, and longings. We may pour our creativity into a garden and serve up love on a plate with the bounty from that garden. Cooking is creative and one of the most useful ways of using our creativity to nurture our bodies and the bodies of those around us.

Is there any more lovely way to spend time with others than over food lovingly prepared? The warm glow of family and friends around us. Happy families are not without their issues, and unhappy families are not without their joy. The best we can do is forgive others as we would like to be forgiven, know even when people hurt us often they didn’t mean to, they weren’t even thinking about us as they did whatever they did we take exception to.

A phone call may go unreturned; someone may say, well I won’t be at dinner if they are. Don’t sit me at the same table as them. We can get bitter and twisted and have a hard time even explaining what all the angst is about.

Wouldn’t it be better to put all that angst and bitterness on a canvas even if one slashes it a few times with a knife and get all the vitriol out of our soul onto the canvas? Carrying around vitriol and bitterness is not good for us; we need to let it go for our sake, not the other person.

Gratitude is the antidote to bitterness and resentment. M.J. Ryan

Instead, perhaps we can give thanks for what we have, for the moments today will present us with that will never come again. Those moments that hurt us, should be over, we should let them go, so we have room in our hearts to create new experiences, memories, and moments. Can we let moments of anger be like the thunder when it is over a bright new day dawns, or are we going to live our lives as if the thunder is forever crashing, and lightning forever ripping up our skies? It is of course our choice how we live our lives. Is our choice, forgiveness, and peace on one hand, or bitterness on the other?

Things happen to people that seem unforgivable, yet some people do forgive and go forward without bitterness. They could be bitter and twisted but they are not, they look for the good in people and situations and make the best of the hand they are dealt. What if becoming bitter and hard-hearted is the worst thing we do to ourselves? We put ourselves in a prison but we could let ourselves out of it any time we choose.

Holding a grudge doesn’t make you strong; it makes you bitter. Forgiving doesn’t make you weak; it sets you free. Unknown

They caused the first wound, but you are causing the rest; this is what not forgiving does. They got it started, but you keep it going. Forgive and let go, or it will eat you alive. You think they made you feel this way, but when you won’t forgive, you are the one inflicting pain on yourself. Bryant McGill

Though I was unaware of it at the time, that simple act of forgiveness was the beginning of an entirely new level of experiencing life for me. Wayne Dyer

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back again and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to those who read my books. A special thank you to those that leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If your click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Forgiving ourselves is that the antidote to shame? We will make mistakes we have to own them, forgive them, and move forward.

We will make mistakes we have to own them, forgive them, and move forward. Forgiving ourselves is that the antidote to shame?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Shame corrodes the very part of us that believe we are capable of change. Brene Brown

We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. Martin Luther King Jr.

What we focus on grows, is part of a comment left on my blog by my cousin. Her daughter just had a baby girl. She said, “I forgot how much I love babies.” It is a joyous event when a baby arrives. We don’t know the hope and promise that a new little being brings.

My husband showed me a YouTube video yesterday of young people on the streets of Philadelphia not looking so full of promise. Yet some of those young people, will turn their lives around, and make incredible contributions to our society. We don’t know who is who. We don’t even know what contributions will end up being great ones. What small invention makes a big invention possible? What small improvement is the catalyst for others?

Being a woman of a certain age I may be jaded, but I don’t think my adult children feel as much hope and promise as my husband and I did. Not only on a personal level, but the world has changed, the population more than doubled in my lifetime and some people in 1986 thought it was a problem.

Growing up on a farm was a wholesome experience, and moving to the city was the choice I made. I am happy I live in a society where I had the choice to move. I made choices; my life wasn’t prescribed for me because of where I was born or who I was. I believe in freedom but when I see those young people in Philadelphia or anywhere else I don’t see their freedom as a celebration of life. When I look at them I think, if your parents had a little more control, you had better judgment, maybe faith in yourself to live differently, or would this still be the choice if you got to choose again?

The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward. Dr. Steve Maraboli

Just because we don’t agree with the choices we see others make doesn’t mean our choice for them would be better, but sometimes it is hard to see how they could be worse.

Living a good life is about choices. How do we live our life so the choice ahead of us is between two good choices instead of two bad choices? We watched a video the other day about a hairdresser asking a woman living on the street if he could cut her hair. The transformation was amazing. The video has a huge number of views. There was an update; she came home one day and people told her, her grandson sold her house to them, and they showed her paperwork. She couldn’t get a hold of her grandson. Then she was robbed of her belongings, money, and cell phone. The hairdresser lived beside her when he was a kid and knew her grandson was looking for her, but couldn’t find her. The people were scammers who said her grandson sold her house. The grandson sued them and got the house back, but although he looked and looked couldn’t find her. She was too embarrassed to turn to people she knew and went to live on the streets, accepting her fate, and believing her grandson was the scumbag instead of the scammers. Through this hairdresser, she was restored to her former life.

This shame of letting people know the situation is part of how scammers get away with what they get away with. We are scared to look foolish, taken advantage of, and that we were preyed on by predators. We take our lumps and carry on as best we can. This is happening to older people who have people take a conservancy over them.

When I look at the young people on the streets, I wonder if shame isn’t part of what keeps them there. They made mistakes, got in with the wrong crowd, trusted a boyfriend, or a girlfriend. They took drugs, but if they would turn to family and friends many of them would not be turned away. They could redeem their lives, but they feel ashamed for getting into the situation they are in so they stay there. I could be wrong, but I imagine it is something like that. When people prey on our insecurities, when we are afraid to stand up because we worry we’ll look stupid we often end up being even more victimized, but we have the power to change it.

In the Tarot Deck, the devil card shows people with chains around their neck, but those chains can be taken off at any time. We think we don’t have the power to change our lives, but most of the time there is something we can do to make it better. There is someone we can turn to.

We can turn over a new leaf, and lead a different life. We have to forgive ourselves for the mistakes we’ve made. We have to learn from our mistakes not live in shame because of them. Everyone makes mistakes, and we have to deal with the fall out of those mistakes, but we can go forward better.

Do we have things we need to forgive ourselves for, mistakes we’ve made that still haunt us?

It’s not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place, because it frees you. Tyler Perry

There is no sense in punishing your future for the mistakes of your past. Forgive yourself, grow from it and then let it go. Melanie Koulouris

If you are looking to turn over a new leaf and be more kind and forgiving. I suggest starting with the person you see in the mirror each morning. Charles F. Glassman

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to everyone that reads my books. A special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link below I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Healing the hurts, is forgiveness and gratitude the way to go forward to peace and plenty for all?

Is forgiveness and gratitude the way to go forward to peace and plenty for all? Healing the hurts.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

To forgive is to set a prisoner free, and realize the prisoner was you. Unknown

Yesterday I watched a beautiful tribute to George Floyd put out by President Donald Trump. Because of some copyright infringement, it was taken down from twitter. I didn’t know it existed until my son brought it to my attention. Yesterday I wasn’t listening to the news so perhaps I missed it. I’m glad it was brought to my attention and I hope it is brought to everyone’s attention because it might move us toward healing.

We need to heal the rifts between us. No matter if the rifts are in our societies because of unequal finances or unequal opportunities, perceived opportunity, and favoritism, or injustice, and inhumanity. We all have bias and we all look after ourselves first. Indeed we need to look after ourselves or we can’t help look after anyone else.

For all its failings we’ve built pretty good societies. Most people can build good lives in America and Canada. We are such similar societies problems in one are also problems in the other.

One of the things we don’t seem very good at is seeing opportunity in front of us. This is why people who come from somewhere else often do better than native-born citizens. They are looking for opportunity and they find it, embrace it, and develop it. We might wonder how they came here and so quickly built something we didn’t even know could be built.

We need to be careful of envy, fear, hate, and greed. If we let them rule our life we will not be happy and we will feel unjustly treated and that we are not getting enough. Can we develop an attitude of gratitude and turn what we have into enough and see what we can do to create more?

If we are to go on in a great society we will have to decide to forgive. We need to forgive ourselves and others for not being perfect, for missing the mark, and for being human.

“Decide to forgive
For resentment is negative
Resentment is poisonous
Resentment diminishes
and devours the self.
Be the first to forgive
To smile and take the first step
And you will see happiness bloom
On the face of your human
brother or sister
Be always the first
Do not wait for others to forgive
For by forgiving
You become the master of fate
The fashioner of life
A doer of miracles
To forgive is the highest
most beautiful form of love
In return, you will receive
untold peace and happiness.

Here is the recipe for achieving a truly forgiving heart:

Sunday: Forgive yourself.

Monday: Forgive your family.

Tuesday: Forgive your friends and associates.

Wednesday: Forgive across economic lines within your own nation.

Thursday: Forgive across cultural lines within your own nation.

Friday: Forgive across political lines within your own nation.

Saturday: Forgive other nations:”

Robert Muller, United Nations Assistant Secretary-General

Only the brave know how to forgive. A coward cannot forgive. It is not in their nature.  Mahatma Gandhi

If we can make the wise choice to forgive we can live our lives without anger. We need to forgive the wrongs so that we don’t ruin the things that are right in our lives. Do we need to get rid of the excuses we use to hold onto anger, bitterness, and resentment so we don’t end up with a nightmare life instead of the joyous, wonderful life it can be?

Staying angry at someone who has hurt you is like taking poison and hoping your enemy will die. Our un-forgiveness hurts us more than it does anyone else.  Joyce Meyer

When you forgive, you must cancel the debt. Do not spend your life paying and collecting debts. Joyce Meyer

Your power to choose the direction of your life allows you to reinvent yourself, to change your future, and to powerfully influence the rest of creation. Stephen Covey

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture, and scroll to the end. Please subscribe, comment, and share.

If you purchase an item through the Amazon link I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

See all 2 images

The Healing Reawakening: Reclaiming Our Lost Inheritance Paperback – Sept. 1 2006

by Francis MacNutt (Author)4.6 out of 5 stars 44 ratings

Developing a forgiving heart. Is forgiveness the path to peace, love, and happiness?

Is forgiveness the path to peace, love, and happiness?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. Mark Twain

Last night was a fabulously fun night of laughter, camaraderie, and food. Amidst the laughter are a lot of hurting souls and fractured relationships. Christmas is a good time to reach out to heal the breaches within our families, and friends.

In The Advocate Of Peace, Boston, December 1897 volume 11 The American Peace Society Published The Lesson of Christmas. This is a short excerpt.

One great idea possesses all sincere Christian minds at Christmas time, – the idea of love and goodwill. It was love and goodwill that gave us Christmas. Whatever is best in our civilization has been produced by love and goodwill. Once a year at least at Christmas time, this supreme idea comes back and presses powerfully upon all our minds and hearts. God loved the world. He sent his son to tell the story so; to make the world believe, by visible and tangible evidence in his exhaustless, ever active, never-ceasing interest in the inhabitants thereof. Jesus spoke and acted and died, and love was at the bottom of it all.

The lack of love and goodwill – absolute, unmixed, totally harmless, totally helpful love and goodwill – is the greatest breach which these evils continue to pour in upon us. That breach must be filled up before those wild bombs of wickedness will be slayed.

Could love possibly be at the bottom of our own lives? Could developing a forgiving heart be the answer?

Program for achieving a truly forgiving heart by Robert Muller

                  Decide To Forgive

Decide to forgive

For resentment is negative

Resentment is poisonous

Resentment diminishes and devours the self.

Be the first to forgive.

To smile and to take the first step.

And you will see happiness bloom

On the face of your human brother or sister.

Be always the first

Do not wait for others to forgive.

For by forgiving

You become master of fate

The fashioner of life

The doer of miracles.

To forgive is the highest,

Most beautiful form of love.

In return you will receive

Untold peace and happiness.

Here is the program for achieving

A truly forgiving heart.

Sunday: Forgive yourself.

Monday: Forgive your family.

Tuesday: Forgive your friends and associates.

Wednesday: Forgive across economic lines within your own nation.

Thursday:  Forgive across cultural lines within your own nation.

Friday: Forgive across political lines in your own nation.

Saturday: Forgive other nations.

Only the brave know how to forgive. A coward never forgives. It is not in his nature.

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, forgiveness, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end. Please subscribe, comment, and share.

If you purchase an item through the Amazon.ca link I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon.ca affiliate program.

See all 3 images

From Anger to Forgiveness: A Practical Guide to Breaking the Negative Power of Anger and Achieving Reconciliation Mass Market Paperback – Sep 23 1992

by Earnie Larsen (Author), Carol Larsen Hagerty (Author) 4.7 out of 5 stars 6 ratings


 See all 2 formats and editions

Can we at least be friends? Friendship, laughter, joy, and forgiveness. Can we heal the breach in our families, relationships, and friendships?

Friendship, laughter, joy, and forgiveness. Can we heal the breach in our families, relationships, and friendships? Can we at least be friends?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

The key to being happy is knowing you have the power to choose what to accept and what to let go. Unknown

Last night we ate and laughed at Toastmasters, played some games, sang Christmas Carols. Someone brought a bottle of wine, which quietly got put away as we didn’t have a liquor license. We always worry there won’t be enough food, but it is always too much.

One of my big decisions for the week was what to take for the Toastmaster potluck? I decided on chicken wings and they were all gone. One of our members brought her fifteen-year-old daughter who is too young but wishes she could join us. What a delightful young person she is.

Kids of all ages are so much fun. I love talking to friends of my kids. I love talking to teenagers. I love it when my son-in-law brings his nephew over, and when our nephew brings his daughter over.

For Christmas. we will not have the joy of spending it with any little kids. I talked to my brother yesterday and he was being grandpa taking his grandkids skidooing. Life is so much fun if we enjoy what there is to enjoy.

Being part of a group that laughs a lot is something I highly recommend. Being part of a family that laughs a lot, but especially where every member talks to every other member is what is most important.

To forgive means to release healing, peace, and joy. Forgiveness is the best form of love. It takes a strong person to say they are sorry and an even stronger person to forgive. Unknown

I am reminded once again of the fragility of life, and the stubbornness of people to repair the rifts while they are able to be repaired. Living with regrets is one of the things we can try to avoid. There will always be some regrets in life.

“I won’t open myself up to that kind of hurt again,” someone close to me says. We want to protect ourselves but we have to find the courage to be able to open ourselves up and be vulnerable if we are to love and be loved.

We want our sisters, brothers and other people to be better than they are, to consider our feelings more than they do, to understand where we are coming from, to see things from our perspective. We feel they are more wrong than we are, they must accept their wrongness.

What happened to “I’m sorry?”

“Me too, let’s be friends.”

Christmas and other holidays are some of the most awkward times of the year because family members are not speaking to other family members. If we are one of the ones that speak to everyone we can’t have them all together in one place. If we are one of the ones that don’t speak to everyone do we see how awkward we are making it for others? Can’t we let bygones be bygones? Who would we be without that fractured relationship? What would forgiveness cost us?

How should we handle the fracture of family, relationships, and friendships? How can we heal the breach? Is there an olive branch that can be offered? What would it take to have goodwill toward all?

The road of life is full of hardships and blessings. You have to gather the little joys and treasures you see. You must learn from the misfortunes you meet and do not let sorrow get the best of you. Unknown

No one in this world is pure and perfect. If you avoid people for their mistakes, you will be alone in this world. So judge less and love more. Unknown

We all make mistakes. Don’t let that be the reason you give up on somebody. Unknown

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end. Please subscribe, comment, and share.

If you purchase an item through the Amazon.ca link I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon.ca affiliate program.

See all 3 images

Radical Forgiveness: A Revolutionary Five-Stage Process to Heal Relationships, Let Go of Anger and Blame, and Find Peace in Any Situation Paperback – Unabridged, Jan 1 2010

by Colin Tipping (Author) 4.1 out of 5 stars 27 ratings


 See all 16 formats and editions

Loving and forgiveness. Forgiveness sets us free.

Forgiveness sets us free. Loving and forgiveness.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

It is the loving, not the loved woman who feels loveable. Jessamyn West

Last night I was a judge at a speech contest for Toastmasters. It was a small contest, there were two contest speeches and one test speech. The speeches were fabulous.

One speaker spoke about adopting an orphaned kitten that was raised by a schnauzer. The cat curled up at his and his wife’s feet and played fetch. A second speaker told of his trip from Russia to Italy. He didn’t speak Italian, on the way to his hotel three hours from the airport he got left behind when he went to the bathroom. With no money, passport, or language skills, he stood looking in the direction the bus went, wondering what he was to do.

Two men came out of the coffee shop and asked if he needed help. One of them spoke some English so they could converse. They took him to the Police Station where an officer figured out what hotel he was staying at even though the speaker only knew part of the name. The Police officer put him on a train and asked the porter to tell him when it was his stop. He arrived at the hotel at about the same time as the bus.

The tour guide had set up bus trips but after a few days of hours on a bus both ways he and some other vacationers decided to use the train to go to Rome. He met someone who knew someone with an island he and others spent three days at. It was his most memorable trip and if he hadn’t had to take the train to the hotel he wouldn’t have realized that the train was the way to see what there was to see. Many people on the trip complained, but he and the group using the train had the trip of their lives.

The third speaker told of his realization he’d had a stroke. He didn’t have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or smoke but he had a stroke. He said his fingers were like useless sausages, on his useless sausage hand, attached to his useless sausage arm. Through therapy, washing tables, folding laundry, and a month to relearn to button his shirt he made a full recovery. Enjoy the simple things he tells us.

Listening to speeches is a great joy. We hear stories, real stories, about real people, what they’ve accomplished, overcome, and enjoyed. Stories inspire us and it isn’t the competence of the speaker but the power of the story that touches us.

Last night after I got home it was too late to do anything so I read Men are from Mars Women are from Venus Book of Days by John Gray. November 12 is titled The Power of Forgiveness. He tells us, ”To open our hearts to each other and enjoy a lifetime of love, the most important skill of all is forgiveness. Forgiving your partner for their mistakes allows you to forgive yourself for not being perfect.”

When we don’t forgive in one relationship, our love is to various degrees restricted in all our relationships. We can still love others, but not as much. When a heart is blocked in one relationship, it beats more weakly in them all. When we forgive it means letting go of the hurt. The more we love someone the more we suffer when we don’t forgive them.

The greatest pain we can ever feel is the pain of not being loving to someone we love. John Gray

We may stubbornly hold onto bitterness and resentment, not because we are not a loving person, but because we do not know how to forgive. We need to learn to forgive if we are to enjoy the benefits of being a loving person. If we were not a loving person, ceasing to love someone would not be painful at all. The more loving we are the more painful it is not to forgive.

We often have the mistaken belief that when we forgive someone we are saying it is okay that they did what they did, that we are doing something for them. We forgive for ourselves, so we can go forward. If we can learn that forgiveness is for ourselves, so we can go forward with a light heart, the other person doesn’t even need to know if we forgave them or not.

We are all capable of forgiveness, but it is a skill we need to learn, we must practice forgiveness, and it will take time to master forgiveness as it takes time to master any skill. When we work at forgiving our partner we may think we have mastered it, and then we are blaming them the next day. Maybe we will have to forgive them every day until it becomes a more natural response.

Growth isn’t easy, but it is necessary for our own peace of mind and well being. If we look at it right, forgiveness is in our self -interest not someone else’s. Forgiveness sets us free. If we can become forgiving people we show others how to forgive and go forward lighter, happier, and more loving.

Is forgiveness a skill we need to learn and apply to our lives?

Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness. Forgive them because you deserve peace. Unknown

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end. Please subscribe, comment, and share.

If you purchase an item through the Amazon.ca link I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon.ca affiliate program.

See this image

[Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus Book of Days: Book of Days: 365 Inspirations to Enrich Your Relationships] (By: John Gray) [published: July, 1999] Paperback – Jul 1 1999

by John Gray; (Author) 3.7 out of 5 stars 5 ratings


 See all 6 formats and editions

Missing the mark. Living with gratitude and forgiveness for ourselves and others.

Living with gratitude and forgiveness for ourselves and others. Missing the mark.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. Steve Jobs

I’ve finished reading The Having The Secret Art of Feeling and Growing Rich by Suh Yoon Lee and Jooyun Hong. In it she tells us one of the problems we have is fixed ideas. We think that certain things are always bad, but many people who succeeded greatly in life and had failures that pushed them to higher success.

I was told I was just like someone I don’t admire.  As I thought about some of the attributes the person has, I thought maybe we do share some of the same attributes. The person is thoughtful, kind, caring, and creative but never built a good life for themselves, never put their own self-interest to the forefront enough. Perhaps they weren’t narcissistic enough, selfish enough, or strong enough to stand up for themselves and those they were responsible for.

Perhaps there, but for the grace of God go I? If we aren’t lucky enough to get strong families who can protect us from people who take advantage of us, perhaps we learn to accept being taken advantage of, perhaps we are even drawn to those types of people? Or maybe the opposite is sometimes true, we decide no one will ever take advantage of us again, so we take advantage first and seek out those we can take advantage of. We decided if the only choice is to take advantage of someone or be taken advantage of by someone we knew which one we’d rather be. That may be why the bullied grow up to be bullies.

When we have a loving, supportive, strong family we take it for granted. We look at others thinking they should be strong, but without a strong foundation where is that strength to come from?

Often something sweet given at a critical time becomes poisonous later, or something typically considered a misfortune gives the person a chance to be reborn. Suh Yoon Lee

In the book, we are told to listen to our intuition, to that still voice within.  Are we being the best person we can be, are our actions aligned with our values? Are we authentic? Are we okay with who we are, are we comfortable in our own skin, are we strong enough to accept what is, and be grateful? Are we willing to find the hidden gifts? Do we realize that there are seasons in our life and we can’t be reaping during planting time? Do we recognize things are too good to be true but go after them anyway?

Are we willing to live with what we need, so we are free to go after what we want? There will be bitter and there will be sweet, no one only gets sweet. Do we appreciate and respect people in our lives, even if they are not perfect? They have their struggles and we have ours.

When we love others, do we love them in a way they understand as love? Do we respect them in ways they understand as respect? Many of the problems in our relationships are caused by our inability to understand each other. In truth, it can be like men and women speak a different language, and what is most important to him, is not what is most important to her.

I was looking at a forum yesterday a young man said his long term girlfriend told him she got a text from an ex-boyfriend saying he achieved his big goal. She congratulated him over a text. The boyfriend looked at her phone and sure enough, he saw the text from the ex-boyfriend and his girlfriend’s congratulatory texts. They went back and forth about ten texts with nothing in it but congratulatory stuff. He broke up with her because it was more than one text. He felt she was lying. Some on the forum told him he did the right thing because anything less than perfection from a girlfriend is not acceptable.

We can’t get perfection from our partners. They will have flaws and they will make mistakes, and they will talk to people or text people we would rather they didn’t talk to or text. If we don’t love people enough to work through the challenges that will crop up in relationships we won’t have relationships. We may expect more from someone than they can give. We may think our lives together should have unfolded differently. Whatever the challenges we have in our life, they are our challenges; we must meet them, overcome them, or live with them.

When we believe the worst of people instead of the best in people. When we think their motives are bad instead of good, do we get more of what we fear? If we are afraid to take chances in life or love because we might fail, be hurt, or look ridiculous, where will this get us? The worst may happen and we need to be strong enough to deal with whatever life throws at us. Sometimes the worst can and does happen. If we are willing to deal with what is, the good, the bad, the happy, the sad, and ride the roller coaster of life, living each day with gratitude we can have a good life. This is our life, enjoy it, savor it, and be willing to give the people in our lives a chance to redeem themselves. Other people are neither their best nor their worst, and neither are we.

Do we need more forgiveness in our lives? Do we need to forgive ourselves and others for missing the mark?

Words are seeds they do more than blow around; they land in our hearts, and not on the ground. Be careful what you plant and be careful what you say. You might have to eat what you planted one day. Unknown

Never judge someone without knowing the whole story. You may think you understand but you don’t. Unknown

Why is it that we can be so quick to judge others and not so quick to take a look at ourselves? Unknown

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, forgiveness, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end. Please subscribe, comment, and share.

If you purchase an item through the Amazon.ca link I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon.ca affiliate link.

See this image

The Having: The Secret Art of Feeling and Growing Rich Hardcover – Feb 5 2019

by Suh Yoon Lee (Author), Jooyun Hong (Author) 4.0 out of 5 stars 1 rating


 See all 3 formats and editions

Forgiving ourselves and others. Let’s celebrate a day of atonement and be set free of our burdens and resentments.

Let's celebrate a day of atonement and be set free of our burdens and resentments. Forgiving ourselves and others.

Our Father forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

Mathew 6:9

Wouldn’t we all benefit if we celebrated a day of atonement? We’ve all made mistakes, said things that hurt others, misinterpreted things, acted perversely, even wickedly, framed lies and been violent.

The prayer of atonement:

We have sinned, we have acted treacherously. We have robbed, we have spoken slander. We have acted perversely, we have acted wickedly. have acted presumptuously, we have been violent, we have framed lies.

What if we were to seek out each person we have frustrated, angered, misused, mistreated, misunderstood, slandered, misled, or many other ways we have mistreated others, in thoughtless or mean ways.

How many relationships could be healed if every year we asked for forgiveness, and every year we forgave those who wronged us?

Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Unknown

We may feel we are not strong enough to forgive because what was done seems unforgivable. What is the cost of carrying that weight around? Forgiveness is not for the offender, it is for the offended to release the burden they are carrying

Everett Worthington, a pioneer clinical psychologist in the field of forgiveness, proposes a method for forgiveness he calls the REACH method.

R is for RECALL of the hurt.

Visualize the event while taking deep breaths to steady ourselves emotionally. We are to acknowledge our inner pain but make an effort to overcome it by recalling the incident as objectively as possible. We need to separate our anger, from ourselves. We need to find a way to express this anger in a non-hurtful way without yelling or attacking. We need to do our best to avoid judgment and focus on letting the resentment go.

E is for EMPATHISE with the person who hurt us.

We need to remember we are all capable of hurtful behavior. Can we see what happened from the offender’s point of view? Can we replace anger with compassion?

A is for the ALTRUISTIC gift of forgiveness.

Can we give the gift of forgiveness freely, not grudgingly? If we are forgiven as we forgive perhaps we can focus on the positive results of freeing ourselves from pain and bitterness.

C is for the COMMITMENT to forgive.

First, we must forgive ourselves for our part in the situation. Sometimes this is the hardest part. If we can put our forgiveness into words by writing them out we will be more committed to the action of forgiveness.

H is for HOLDING onto that forgiveness.

We have forgiven but we have to remember we forgave them when the memories come flooding back into our mind. We need to focus on the good things the offender has brought into our lives and not the offense we have forgiven.

When we control our thoughts we control our life. We can live our lives harboring resentment, becoming bitter and twisted, or we can forgive. It’s our choice; no one will force us to forgive someone for large or small offenses. We can go forward free of our burdens, or continue to carry them. When we forgive someone it doesn’t make as big a difference in their life as it does in ours.

It is in our own self-interest to forgive. It is in our own self-interest to acknowledge the wrongs we have done to others and make amends, to atone for our mistakes.

Is there a way we can bring forgiveness of ourselves and others into our life?

A Buddhist prayer of forgiveness:

If I have harmed anyone in any way either knowingly or unknowingly through my own confusions I ask their forgiveness. If anyone has harmed me in any way either knowingly or unknowingly through their own confusions I forgive them. And if there is a situation I am not yet ready to forgive I forgive myself for that. For all the ways that I harm myself, negate, doubt, belittle myself through my own confusions I forgive myself.

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end. Please subscribe, comment, and share.

If you purchase an item through the Amazon.ca link I may receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon.ca affiliate program.

See all 3 images

Ho’oponopono: The Hawaiian Forgiveness Ritual as the Key to Your Life’s Fulfillment Paperback – Sep 1 2012

by Ulrich E. Duprée (Author) 4.8 out of 5 stars 22 ratings


 See all 3 formats and editions

Forgiveness sets us free. We can have peace, or we can be bitter.

We can have peace or we can be bitter. Forgiveness sets us free.

Forgiveness – painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Mahatma Gandhi

This is our life we have to make the most of it. At funerals and visitations, the point is brought home more fully. At some point, it’s all over. Whatever we didn’t do, fix, make amends to, make right, forgive, build, learn, achieve, see, or experience, the opportunity is gone.

The splits in families are evident if you are watching from the sidelines as I was. The woman who died is who I knew. She was one of the funniest, fun loving, full of life people I’ve met. She had a hard life with two marriages ending in divorce, raising six sons and losing one to cancer in his twenties.

At the funeral home, I was watching interactions between the attendees. A small group chatting and laughing was approached by a woman and immediately one of the members left. The one that left was I believe the deceased’s sister. At least there wasn’t a scene but differences can’t be put aside even in death?

It makes one wonder about one’s own family and how things will be handled? It is my belief that when we don’t handle things while someone was alive we have more to regret after their death.

When we got home we watched “The Shack” on Netflix. This was a book pick for the book club years ago. I didn’t realize it was made into a movie. If anyone is looking for a movie or book whose central theme is forgiveness this is the book or movie for you.

Holding a grudge doesn’t make you strong; it makes you bitter. Forgiving doesn’t make you weak; it sets you free. Dave Willis

The author’s wife encouraged him to write a book for his children, and that is who the original audience was intended to be. It was self-published and through word of mouth became a best seller on the New York Times bestseller list.

There is a part in the book where the protagonist Mackenzie meets Wisdom. Wisdom tells Mackenzie he is here for judgment. He asks, “What am I being judged for.” He is told he is not being judged, he is to be the judge. “Which of his two children does he send to heaven and which to hell?”

“I can’t choose”, he says.

“You must,” Wisdom says.

“Take me,” he finally says.

God has told Mackenzie earlier that she has seen what each person went through before they did whatever they did. She says that she does not condone what is done, but wherever there is evil the results will be felt. We all have free will and our choices lead us where they do. Forgiveness is what severs the chains that bind us to the hurt, betrayal, and loss that ruin the good that is left in our lives when something horrible happens.

We don’t choose what happens in our lives, we do choose how we react to what happens. Forgiveness can help us move forward better, instead of bitter.

Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoy it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, peace, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end. Please subscribe, comment, and share.

If you purchase an item through the Amazon.ca link I do receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon.ca affiliate program.

See all 3 images