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The truth may hurt for a little while but a lie hurts forever. Anonymous

What is it that makes some marriages and relationships descend into the depths of despair? Why do some couples bring out the best in each other and some people the worst? We hear of a seemingly perfect marriage the husband distraught as police hunt for the killer of his wife and daughters. He is the killer, what brings this on? What are the signs we are to look for in our own marriage, friends, and relatives? How can we help?

A dark subject as the eve of my daughter’s wedding nears. Is part of the problem there is never a good time to address the dark side of relationships?

Is domestic violence an economic issue? One of the ways the abuser can keep the victim captive is to make them economically dependent. Money is the power in our society and if we can’t afford to live without the person providing the money we are captive.

Many women have lived financially dependent on their husbands without their marriages descending into the depths of despair. We need to ask the questions whether we are in these violent relationships or know someone who is. Do we know someone who is in a violet relationship but we don’t know about the abuse? We always seem to learn about it only after they leave or the worst happens.

Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed you the first time. Anonymous

I could be wrong but I think we shouldn’t keep secrets about the problems in our relationships, our home, and our family. These secrets can be toxic.

One of the things I love about being part of my book club is we talk about the important stuff. I do not mean we bash our husbands, because we don’t. We honestly talk about things that go on in our lives as we go through the stages of life. If we don’t talk about these things sometimes we think we are the only one in the situation we find our self in The only one having trouble with too much testosterone in the house as sons become men. The only one asking is this all there is? The only one wondering if we are doing the right thing, making the right choices, limiting  our selves when we should be bold and courageous.

We learn we aren’t the only one who doesn’t like the choices our children are making. We learn if we don’t give up on our children they will learn from their mistakes and go onto build a life. We have to learn to let go, give up control, and let others lead their own lives. We learn from others what works and what doesn’t work. It seems to me, we have been a group since 2000 the members who have been most open about the problems in their life have done the best relationship wise. Dealing with problems is part of the answer. Being too optimistic in relationships doesn’t help us deal with the problems. Nothing changes until something changes. If we have a problem, we need to deal with it, not pretend to everyone everything is okay.

Never get mad at someone for being who they’ve always been. Be upset with yourself for not coming to terms with it sooner. Anonymous

We know a lot of people who have experienced many things. If we don’t talk about our experiences we don’t know how we can profit from other’s knowledge. We don’t have to travel these roads alone.

We are not perfect, our relationships aren’t perfect, our children aren’t perfect, our financial situation isn’t perfect, our health isn’t perfect. If we embrace our imperfections can we make things better? If we don’t acknowledge what is going on, do we make things worse?

Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. J.K. Rowling

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