Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas
The chances you take, the people you meet, the people you love, the faith that you have. That’s what’s going to define you. Denzel Washington
Having somewhere to go is home. Having someone to love is family. Having both is a blessing. Unknown
A good father is a source of inspiration and self-restraint. A good mother is the root of kindness and humbleness. Dr. T.P. Chia
Last night we had a simple dinner for my son’s birthday. He went to the Raptor’s game for his birthday. The cake didn’t seem any worse for wear for spending an extra day in the fridge. A simple dinner, we are so blessed when we can have a simple dinner with those we love.
So many people can’t have that simple dinner because a member of the family is no longer here, because of death, distance, or estrangement. To be able to hold hands and our circle be unbroken is a bigger blessing than we realize until one day our circle, is also broken.
When our circle is broken because of death we must accept it, when it is because of distance we may have choices to make, but when it is because of estrangement that seems the saddest reason of all. It seems like it should be as easy as saying, just get over it. Maybe it should, but it isn’t. The estrangement may have nothing to do with us, and we may have no power to fix it.
It is sad when we have opportunities to be with family and the chance to share a meal, laugh, and enjoy each other’s company is marred by drama. Is there drama that has never been addressed? It might be misunderstandings and hurt feelings over what was perceived as preferential treatment from parents, it can be anything but it can ruin special moments and hurt people we didn’t want to hurt.
Do we see slights where there are none? Are we somehow being disrespectful when we aren’t thinking about someone else? Is it possible to be thoughtful and respectful enough if people are looking to be offended? We might be accused of looking at someone the wrong way. We may wonder what was the right way, or if we should have looked at them at all?
Middle children are often the peacemakers, the make peace between their older and younger siblings and sometimes between their siblings and parents. There are many roles we may have had as children and theses roles don’t go away as we move into adulthood.
Life is a balance between what we can control and what we cannot. I am learning to live between effort and surrender. Danielle Orner
Families are often a minefield we have to navigate, and we bring the roles we played in our birth family into our marriages and relationships. If we were the peacemaker there are strengths to the role but also weaknesses, we may not want to deal with things that need to be dealt with, we want peace at any cost.
This is the role I think I have in a blended family with four older sisters from my parent’s first marriages, and four younger siblings from theirs. I am also the oldest of their children.
We are different people with everyone we meet. We are different children, with different parents. We are the type of spouse we are to the spouse we have, but with a different partner, we would also be different.
We are told the oldest child is programmed for excellence and achievement, the middle child is raised to be understanding and conciliatory and the baby seeks attention. As a result, birth order is a powerful variable that affects our personality not just in our original family but throughout our lives.
Can we enjoy the moments we get to spend with each other and not take our time together for granted, because something can happen that changes things forever? If the last words we said to someone were in anger, we may regret those words the rest of our life. When we are offended by the simplest things people may learn to not bother with us, we aren’t worth the effort.
It’s sad that many families don’t enjoy the time they could have together. It makes it difficult for everyone when some members can’t let bygones be bygones. If we aren’t warm and fuzzy can’t we at least be civil so others can enjoy the family circle? The family circle will be broken. Sometimes we can mend it, sometimes we cannot.
Sometimes we need to ask ourselves what is really going on, why are we so offended by something or someone? Is forgiveness what is needed to bring the family circle back together, before it is finally broken for good?
I know that no two children have the same set of parents, even though they live in the same family. Why? Because parents are different with each of their children, and no two children every take the same role. Dr. Gail Cross
All happy families are alike: each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Leo Tolstoy
When you assume negative intent, you’re angry. If you take away that anger and assume positive intent, you will be amazed. Indra Nooyi
Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.
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