Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas
My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my love to marry me. Sir Winston Churchill
Thirty years ago today I became a mother. The other day on the radio the announcer was saying he never understood why when women get together after the birth of their babies they talk about it as if it was a war story. Birth, is our war story. Having a baby is a much bigger thing to women than to men and men of course realize and appreciate this. Having a husband when going through pregnancy and childbirth makes everything much easier.
When someone else can look after the logistics and we can just be, it is such a blessing. We can look after the baby and someone looks after everything else. Our circle of love grows as our family grows.
Not long ago a young healthy woman died in childbirth with her third child. A relative on my husband’s side came very close to dying giving birth. Having children is not without risk and if it wasn’t for safe cesareans how would my two have fared?
Natural birth was what I wanted. I saw a woman in the hospital who had a natural birth. She was euphoric and only stayed in my room for about an hour before she took her “newborn” home only hours old. It was not her first baby.
We are blessed to have safe childbirth. Some people think it is so safe they have home births and most of the time it works out well. Birth is not a medical procedure but one can quickly become necessary.
When I think of my husband’s and my families we don’t have any war heroes even though some have served in the military. On both sides, we have women who died in childbirth, on his side one grandmother died in childbirth, and the other one died of complications after childbirth. A cousin’s wife died in childbirth.
We mostly put the risks out of our mind as we contemplate starting a family, or think of the joy we’ll feel when our children start one. We do the same when we put our key into the ignition of our car, or when we do anything else in life. If we thought of everything that could happen, we would be paralyzed and do nothing.
Marriage is about becoming a team. You’re going to spend the rest of your life learning about each other, and every now and then, things blow up. But the beauty of marriage is that if you picked the right person and you both love each other, you’ll always figure out a way to get through it. Unknown
Life is an adventure, and on an adventure, you never know what is around the next corner. If we knew what life had in store for us would it be an adventure? It is a blessing for most of us when we become mothers and fathers. We are lucky when we find out we are pregnant and that is the best news we could possibly get. It isn’t easy for everyone to have a family. It doesn’t always happen at opportune times, pregnancy is not always convenient, maybe it’s never convenient but it can happen at good times in our life when it is the best thing that can happen in our lives.
Yesterday a minister was on YouTube talking about how “The Church” is failing young people. Telling them to wait to get married, wait until they have their education, a great job, etc. He said he has many newly married women who tell him their husbands don’t want to have sex. They spent their twenties not having sex because they were busy going to school, working hard to get ahead so they could get married. Now they are married but they aren’t that interested in sex.
I was one who thought getting married young wasn’t the best thing. I’m revisiting that thought. Why, if we’ve found the right person would we want to wait to start building a life? When is a better time? There is no better time. There won’t be a better time. Waiting for a better time is what makes many afraid to take the step. Now, it isn’t as good as the last time they didn’t do it, so they don’t take the step.
Wanting our children to not struggle is part of the problem. Life is about struggle, and if we aren’t willing to struggle, we aren’t willing to live. It is getting through the struggle, stronger together that builds marriages and families. We give up the things that have worked in our society at our peril.
We’ve been worshipping at the altar of education, job satisfaction, and worldly success, instead of family and life satisfaction. It seems to me the longer we wait to get married the less special it will be. What happened to the optimism of youth and going on an adventure together?
If I had to do it over again I would get married younger (to the same person). Waiting to afford a wedding is the worst decision a couple makes. Get married, in the Church, back yard, or park, but quit waiting and start living.
We are being told that buying a home is not the best financial decision. So many feel they need to buy a home before they can get married or start a family. If buying a home is important to us it can happen at any time in our lives, marriage and family is not the same. We need to quit waiting, waiting for better finances, stability, and success. Get married and start building stability, family, and success. That’s what marriage is for.
Are there decisions in our life that we need to make, would it be better if we quit waiting and made them today?
Yes, I’m getting married at 20 years old. No, I’m not pregnant. No, I’m not young and stupid. Go ahead and judge me while I’m here getting ready to marry the many of my dreams. Unknown
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