Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas
The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart. Helen Keller
What an honor it is when we celebrate with happy couples declaring their vows to each other. When it’s a couple that finds each other after many years and completes what seems the circle of their lives with I Do it seems more special. Now as they start out as Mr. & Mrs. to the delight of all who have known them through the trials and tribulations of life our hearts are gladdened, and we believe more strongly in the power of love.
Such was our day, yesterday. The officiate said his view of love is we have “natural love” with the families we are born into. We have “unnatural love” with those we chose to love. It is a selfish love when we chose to love someone because it is about how they make us feel. This is the love we have to tend to, we have to continue to do what makes them feel drawn to us, and they will hopefully keep doing what drew us to them.
This is the love that goes through the cycles of marriage. As a speaker on a Ted Talk said, some of us have many marriages; some of us have these marriages with the same person. As we go through the cycles in marriage we fall in love again, and again, hopefully with the same person.
Yesterday speaking to a friend she said a friend’s parents were in ill health. They didn’t want to live without each other, they couldn’t take care of each other, and they didn’t want to be cared for by others. One had cancer, one had heart problems, they chose to petition for euthanasia. They had a family celebration where everyone came together, said their goodbyes, and a doctor injected them and they peacefully said goodbye to the world lying in their bed, holding hands.
Our love stories must end, it seems like a good ending to me. When we go as far as we can with our love story and both are ready to exit this life, exiting together seems better. An aunt and uncle of mine exited about two weeks apart. Would they have preferred the choice to leave together?
Love always cures people – both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it. Karl Menninger
If we can love each other in the beauty of youth, the challenges that come with raising children or just building a life, the challenges of getting old, the ups and downs life inevitably brings, and the push and pull of romantic attraction. If we enjoy the deeper beauty of our partner as surface beauty fades, we will have lived with all that marriage brings.
Rekindling love after years apart or in a marriage means focusing on each other. Sometimes we need to recognize love is a verb, and actively love each other every day, not just love each other when we feel like it.
If we can respect each other, love each other, and treat each other with kindness and appreciation every day. We may need to learn what respect looks like to each other, we may need to learn each other’s love languages so when we are trying to give them love we do it in a way they respond to. We need to accept and appreciate our partners how they are, not how we may wish they were. We may need to appreciate and accept ourselves. We are good enough to deserve love, our partner is good enough to deserve love, and if we once had a wonderful loving relationship we can probably, if we really want to, have that again.
Are we living in the fullness of love?
The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in. Morrie Schwartz
If you keep giving up on people so quickly, you’re gonna miss out on something great. Robin, from How I Met Your Mother
Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time. Maya Angelou
Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.
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The 5 Love Languages Paperback – Jan 1 2015
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