Comparison is the thief of joy. Theordore Roosevelt
Everyone has a story. Yesterday my daughter and her husband got home from a friend’s destination wedding. They are full of stories comparing the Dominican Republic wedding to their Jamaican wedding.
It is hard not to compare things, vacations, cars, homes, friends, bosses, jobs, children, lives, accomplishments, and ourselves.
We hear comparisons are odious, and I believe they are, but we do it or at least I do all the time. I compare my lovely Lulu who barks too much who is a submissive dog, to my late dominant dog. Having a dominant and a submissive dog puts a whole new spin on dominance and submission. They both want their own way, they just go about it differently. One way isn’t necessarily more effective than the other.
It reminds me of the joke in My Big Fat Greek Wedding the mother of the bride says “the husband is the head of the home, and the wife is the neck, and the neck can make the head do anything it wants.” She was submission in action.
My husband tells me women are not straight forward. I watch my Lulu basically give a bow by stretching out in front of you paws out, belly on the ground looking up. “I want what you want”, she seems to say. As she proceeds to do exactly what she wants. She is harder to train than our dominant dog was. This could also be because we took him and ourselves to puppy school, and we had the hubris to think we could train her without puppy school.
I’ve been reading about submission and marriage. I’m beginning to believe it isn’t what I thought. Good leaders lead because followers agree to their leadership.
I was listening to John Cleese yesterday on W5 and he was saying Democracy is overtaken by Dictators because Dictators in the short run get things done.
I was listening to some speeches on authoritarian leadership styles and the speakers seemed surprised that they came up as authoritarian. They were both very funny guys, with seemingly easy personalities, who in their own words have been put in challenging positions where they got things done. They bring energy; they motivate, inspire, and turn things around.
If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader. John Quincy Adams
The problem with authoritarian leadership over time is that it can seem the leader is no longer part of the team. The other members of the team or family may begin to fear the leader. A benevolent autocratic leader manages the needs of the team so it is better for all. This type of leadership allows information to go both up and down the chain of command.
Autocratic leaders are who we look to in a disaster, they take charge, they get things done, and they get us through the challenges.
I am reading a blog: Tim’s Blog – Just One Train Wreck after Another. He says there is a common way marriages work: In marriage, the husband and wife both have a say in family decisions but the one with the veto power is the husband.
He says marriage should not be a lopsided democracy. It should actually be “the two became one.” We shouldn’t be a leader and a follower. We should be a unit that works together and discusses, endlessly even, to arrive at a decision. When we talk and talk, and talk, and still cannot agree, maybe the decision isn’t ready to be made yet.
It’s easier to give one person veto power. Is it better?
The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The leader adjusts the sails. John Maxwell
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