Posted on by BWThomas

Can we harness hate and anger?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Let no man pull you low enough to hate him. Martin Luther King Jr.

Dick Van Dyke turned one hundred years old, and he said, “Avoid hate and anger to live a long life.”

If you listen to podcasts, hate and anger seem to be the order of the day. Everyone is ranting about something, and they look at the worst someone says as being all they stand for.

By most standards, we live better than most of our ancestors; we have more options, but we demoralize everyone, telling them and ourselves we are victims. We are a victim because of the inequality between the rich and the poor, clashes of cultures, religion, and class.

We look at our history and put the worst possible spin on everything that was done, tearing down heroes and turning them into villains. I’ve had a much easier life than my parents. I didn’t recognize opportunities. I have opinions on decisions made, I think should have been different, but I don’t know for sure what the outcome would have been.

What builds a good life? What builds a strong country are questions we should all ask ourselves. But what happens when my ideologies don’t mesh with yours? When what someone wants to protect interferes with what someone wants to build, and when historical issues rear their head, threatens society as we know it. What does a fair and good society look like?

Anger and hatred are the materials from which hell is made. Unknown

Many have bought into the Robin Hood idea of taking from the rich and giving to the poor, but that only works until the rich don’t find it worth their while to build something someone can take. What if the builders quit building, inventers quit inventing, and progress stops? It might be okay for a while, but if it’s true a society either evolves or devolves, we have to be careful where we end up.

Does hating change or people who change things help? Does it make us feel powerful without doing anything?

I’m interrupted in my writing by my three-year-old grandson. He wants toast, when I make the toast and butter it, he wants it with peanut butter, then he wants chocolate milk, and when I make that, he wants more milk (the cup is full enough if it’s filled more he’ll spill it). He cries; I leave the kitchen because no matter what I do, he wants more. This seems like the society we live in; appeasement does not help. Trying to make people happy doesn’t seem to work. We give until we feel there is nothing more to give, expecting gratitude, but finding none.

When we do things for ourselves, we often satisfy ourselves with results that, if someone else did them, wouldn’t be satisfactory. Is building a life or a society different?

Could it be, the more we do for others, the worse it gets? Can we teach everyone to do for themselves? When we raise children, it takes longer to accept their help than to do it ourselves, but if we don’t let them do things when they are no help at all, they don’t learn. Is building a society different?

Can anger and hate be used as powerful motivators for positive change? But who decides what change is positive? How can we keep everything we love and change everything we hate?

A new year is before us; can we harness hate and anger? Happy New Year!

Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from the inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves. Mitch Albom

Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time; what we really want is for things to remain the same but get better. Sydney J. Harris

Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy. Aristotle

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read more and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Do expectations make us unhappy? Is gratitude the path to happiness?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Most folks are as happy as they make their minds to be. Abraham Lincoln

Are our expectations a hurdle to happiness? Dennis Prager, in one of his podcasts, says they are. He said he was in university when one of his professors told him goals and expectations were killers of happiness. He decided to eliminate expectations but not goals from his life. He also says gratitude is the secret to happiness.

I’m thinking of Christmas Day as I write this, and the many expectations we often have; our expectations are so lofty that the reality of how wonderful getting together is gets lost because everyone isn’t acting how we hoped.

What if Dennis Prager is onto something, and our expectations do cause many of our problems, especially the expectations we set for others? If we set a goal for ourselves to not get drawn into a contentious argument, that is a different thing than if we set that expectation for someone else. We do have control over our own actions, but wanting to control other people might be where the problem is.

The fewer expectations we put on other people, the better our lives might be. Even with my books, I’ve tried not to have expectations as to who would buy or read them. I wrote them and put them out into the world, which is as much control as I have. Being content with what is, and being willing to deal with what will be, might be the path to happiness.

Letting go of expectations might be one of the hardest things we try to do. Does it seem like we are giving up, and maybe we are, giving up trying to control others, which will be a good thing.

We can control some aspects of our lives, and other things in our lives we have no control over. We can fight against what we can’t control, but does acceptance of what we can’t change lead to a better life?

Happiness is a choice, you cannot choose what happens, but you can choose your reaction to it and be happy. Unknown

We might think we can’t be happy after certain things happen in our lives. How can we be happy if we lose a spouse? Won’t that seem like a sign we didn’t love them enough? I don’t think so. If we did the best we could while someone is alive, that’s the best we can do. Life is for the living. Mom lived fifteen years after Dad died, and although she missed him, she built a life, much of it centered on quilting. Quilting gave her an artistic outlet and something she could accomplish. She’d always loved fabric and sewing and had the time to create as much as she wanted. Sometimes when I’d call her, she’d be so immersed in her quilting she’d forget what time it was, and would miss lunch.

Did every quilt meet her expectations, or did she not have expectations about how the quilt would look, because you don’t really know how it will look until it is complete? Wondering what the finished product would be was part of the journey, and might be what motivated her to get up and sew every day.

If we can curb our expectations and watch life unfold, dealing with what is, and work toward what might be, without getting disillusioned because it isn’t that thing yet. This might be one of the keys to happiness. Can we Learn to live with progress, not perfection, and find satisfaction and happiness in the small and big things in life without trying to control everything? 

Is being happy a gift to ourselves and others? What can we do to create a happier life, a happier countenance, and a happier family? Is gratitude the antidote we are looking for?

There is no path to happiness: happiness is the path. Buddha

Happiness is a choice. Choose to be happy and you will always find something to be happy about. Sandra Cooze

Happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy… until you choose to be happy. No person will make you happy… unless you decide to be happy. Your happiness will not come to you. It can only come from you. Ralph Marston

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read more, and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Is a drama-free Christmas possible?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Drama is for fools. The wise stay calm. Maxime Lagace

Years ago, on a whiteboard I printed a quote by Thomas Jefferson, “I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend.” Opinions have continued to become increasingly polarized over the years. But the fact he made that quote means they were polarized then. Perhaps we need to learn how to navigate dealing with differing opinions without withdrawing from friends or loved ones. What if this is the lesson we need to learn?

Who knows how to build a fair and just society? Does fairness and justness look the same to everyone?

Conversations at Christmas can get heated, loved ones leave in a huff, or worse yet, aren’t invited because of contentious views.  I’m reminded of a quote by Lynn Robinson, “Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?” The quote has stuck, but the book I read it in escapes me.

Many of us would answer, “Of course, we’d rather be happy.” But I wonder if the reverse is true, we think we can only be happy if we are right, and whoever we are talking to must agree we are right.

Tolerance implies no lack of commitment to one’s own beliefs. Rather it condemns the oppression or persecution of others. John F. Kennedy

There are many contentious issues; the issues don’t stand alone, and we have to pick a side. It seems I can only talk about issues with people whose side I align with. People on the other side don’t see the context of the discussion in the same way. We don’t see the history of things the same; we aren’t on the same page, and we aren’t even in the same book.

We like the idea of getting together for Christmas, holidays, and big events, but the reality can be messy and contentious. “Pass the potatoes,” comes with contempt, as people look at someone who voted differently from them as the enemy.

When we know we shouldn’t bring up certain subjects, conversation can seem stilted. What used to be easy camaraderie is uneasy. Am I thinking of a time that didn’t exist? Maybe many of us were never aligned on the same side; we were in the middle of different sides, which almost seemed like the same side until something tipped us to one side or the other.

Becoming a person of fewer words, thinking before speaking, and not commenting on everything, might be the way forward. Are we comfortable with silence, not allowing ourselves to be drawn into a confrontation, and ignoring the jabs coming our way?

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. Aristotle

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness. Ralph Waldo Emerson

We don’t need to share the same opinions as others, but we need to be respectful. Taylor Swift

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read some more, and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Christmas traditions, building strong families, and making treasured memories.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving. Mother Teresa

Christmas is coming with all that entails. Santa gets the credit for the presents, Jesus is the reason for the season, but moms do most of the work to make it happen.

I’m not part of the over-the-top Christmas crowd. My daughter, the grandkids, and I put up the Christmas tree last week. On Christmas Day, we have a big breakfast, open the gifts, and then late afternoon, the kids and grandkids go off to Christmas dinner at their spouse’s families.

A big Christmas breakfast has been our tradition; we still get our Christmas morning, and the kid’s spouse’s families get them for dinner. Making Christmas work for everyone can be a huge challenge. I feel blessed, and it’s working out for everyone.

On Saturday, I removed a wallpaper border we put up thirty years ago. It was slow going, and my three-year-old grandson, watching me, said, “Grandma, my Dad always says, don’t give up.” He helped me take off wallpaper in the hall. He’s a big helper, and he would have helped on Saturday if I’d let him go up the ladder.

In a movie we watched last night, the overworked Mom mentions three little words she loves to hear. Another character nodded and said, “I love you.”

“No,” the character laughed, “Can I help?” Don’t we always need help and encouragement, but sometimes we don’t get the question, “Can I help?” Because we are so particular, the person asking knows they can’t do things to our standard, and so they don’t offer to do anything at all.

Mom always said, “You have to let kids help, when they are more of a hindrance than a help, or they won’t help when they are capable. Maybe they won’t become capable if we don’t let them learn to do something badly before they can do it well.

What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. Agnes M. Pharo

My daughter-in-law helps her Grandma bake. There was a time she would have been more of a hindrance than a help. Now these baking times are a great way for her and her Grandmother to spend precious time together. We are the recipients of the delicious things they bake.

Christmas traditions get started; we might not even remember the origin. I can’t remember when we started having a big Christmas breakfast, but it has become the centre of our Christmas, and more important than Christmas dinner for years.

Once our children grow up and start their own families, we aren’t in control anymore. Our children need to create their own traditions, and if we are lucky, we can be part of them. Such is the tapestry of life, we weave in and out of people’s lives, and we might feel sidelined at times while our children build their own lives.  Our thread will end, and we want our children to carry on with traditions we started or carried on that fit into their lives, and they can pass on to their children. This is how we leave a legacy impacting generations. We don’t know how long our thread will be; what’s important is being a strong thread in the tapestry, helping our children and grandchildren to be strong threads.

Is there a Christmas tradition you hope your children and grandchildren will remember fondly?

 Christmas magic is silent. You don’t hear it – you feel it. You know it. You believe it. Kevin Alan Milne

Winter, a lingering season, is a time to gather golden moments, embark upon a sentimental journey, and enjoy every idle hour. John Boswell

Christmas can’t be bought from a store. Maybe Christmas means a little bit more. Dr. Seuss 

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read more, and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.     

Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Amazon and Goodreads. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.    

   

Posted on by BWThomas

Courage is standing up for what we believe – but whose beliefs trump?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. William Churchill

I found a book at Value Village, and I trust the author when I read that in 1555, a fifteen-year-old boy named William Hunter was burned at the stake for reading the bible. In 1555, it was illegal for commoners to read the bible. The story goes that he was offered a chance to go free if he would recant his “deed of evil” and promise to never again attempt to read the bible. The bishop of the church offered him forty pounds and the funds to start his own business in exchange for never again reading the bible. He refused and was burned at the stake on March 27, 1555. The only bible in the village was chained to the church altar.

The AI version is, “William Hunter was burned at the stake in 1555 at the age of 19 for his Protestant beliefs, which included the refusal to attend Catholic Mass and his act of reading the bible for himself. His execution was part of the Marian persecutions, and his story is remembered as a testament to his refusal to recant his faith even after being offered bribes and facing threats.”

Looking online, I came across an entry, “There was no consistent punishment for reading the Bible in the 16th century.” Another entry says, “It became legal for commoners to read the Bible in English, in a limited capacity, in 1539 with the publication of the ‘Great Bible’, which was authorized by King Henry VIII and ordered placed in every parish church.

Will AI give us more or less clarity about our history? Can AI be a tool, like any tool, we can use for good or ill, and how we use it will be our choice? Are we as a society strong enough and good enough to wield the tools we have to continue building a good society? One of the problems is, do we agree on what a good society looks like?

Trust your own instincts, go inside, follow your heart. Right from the start, go ahead and stand up for what you believe in. As I’ve learned, that’s the path to happiness. Lesley Ann Warren

This becomes a problem when some want to bring far-reaching changes to build society. My husband is listening to something about promoting a tax on unmarried men after thirty. Someone must be thinking this would push them toward marriage, but what a club to wield, and who wants to live in a society run by some of the people with crazy ideas to improve it?

Improving society seems like a noble goal, but what does improvement look like, and who gets to make the decisions? Aren’t we all afraid of people who want to enforce their ideas on us? It’s always for our own good, and we are told that if we don’t want their ideas forced on us, we aren’t acting in our own best interests.

It is my belief, society is improved by individuals making better decisions to improve their lives and the lives of their families, not by imposing their ideas on others. Wanting to change others instead of changing ourselves doesn’t appear to work, but standing up and even dying for what we believe in has changed the world for the better.

The question begs to be asked: Is there anything I would lay my life down for? This is, of course, a different question than what I would kill for. We build a different society when we die for what we believe than when we kill for what we believe.

What type of society do we want to build and stand up for?

It’s very hard in life, to determine where to draw a line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings, and standing up for what you believe in. Unknown

Standing up for what you believe in comes at a price but backing down exacts a toll that your soul never stops paying. Lee Goldberg

Don’t be afraid to stand for what you believe in, even if it means standing alone. Unknown

Thanks for reading this post. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you for reading my books—a special thank you to those who take the time to leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.