Posted on by BWThomas

Building on our strengths, while we work on our weaknesses is this the secret to success?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Building your talents into real strengths also requires practice and hard work, much like it does to build physical strengths. Tom Rath

Do we focus on our strengths or our weaknesses? Tonight, I am giving a speech to Speechcrafters; this group is taking a six-week course in public speaking with Toastmasters. My speech will be about putting humor in speeches.

I’m one of the least funny speakers, and I’ve found there is nothing as unfunny as trying hard to be funny. As I’ve put this speech together I’ve come across some things that make sense to me about humor.

A female comic says no one comes up to her after her routine and asks for her number, but the male comics have throngs of women wanting to date them. It seems men like women who laugh at their jokes, and women like men who make them laugh. Over the years the humor in a relationship changes, but sharing a laugh is no less important. Whereas during courtship men were the humor producers and women the appreciators, in long-term relationships it can be harmful for men to use humor. When women are the humorous partner it seems relationships thrive.

One of the reasons is men often use disparaging humor directed at others, whereas women use self-deprecating humor, which might bring relief to a tense situation. Women who use humor report greater marital satisfaction. According to Dr. John Gottman, one of the best ways for wives to lower their husband’s heart rate is to crack a joke to relieve tension, and couples who deescalate the conflict in this way are more likely to have a stable marriage.

As relationships progress a man’s humor becomes less important and a woman’s sense of humor becomes a blessing. In the beginning, it was about attracting a mate but after marriage, it is about sympathy and attunement to the other person’s feelings and perspectives. A genuine laugh is one of the best and most honest ways to convey, I’m with you, and we are in this together.

Build upon strengths, and weaknesses will gradually take care of themselves. Joyce C. Lock

A few years ago I volunteered to be part of a comedy night. I’d always wanted to try it and when the opportunity presented itself I took it. I worked hard putting together material, and bought a couple of books like, “The Comedy Bible.” I prepared, knew my material, and didn’t get one laugh. But, I did get compliments on my material, along with a few pointers from funny men who got a lot of laughs.

Tonight I’m going to tell new Toastmasters to focus on putting together a good speech, not to focus on telling jokes, but to tell true stories that the audience can relate to. They might get a laugh, they might not, but either way, it is okay.

If humor is not our strength and we work hard to give humorous speeches we might sacrifice what we are good at. If we work hard to give speeches that focus on our strengths and we get a laugh that’s a win for everyone.

We should do this in our lives; focus on our strengths and not our weaknesses. When we focus on our weaknesses we often forget to work on our strengths and we try to become someone we are not. We become the proverbial square peg in a round hole.

We only have so much time and energy, and how we spend it will determine our results. If we spend our time trying to become better at what we will never be best at, is that as good as focusing on what we are already good at and improving that?  If we focus on our strengths I think we will have a better life than if we focus on our weaknesses, and we shouldn’t discount small improvements that add up to significant improvements over time.

Build on your strengths, work on your weaknesses. Minh Tan

You cannot build performance on weaknesses. You can build only on strengths. Peter Drucker

Sometimes we’re tested not to show our weaknesses, but to discover our strengths. Sasha Gollish

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read some more, and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to everyone who reads my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

To be a writer we must write, to become a best-selling author, take a spin on the Wheel of Fortune, and see where it goes.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

To gain your own voice, you have to forget about having it heard. Allen Ginsberg

So you want to be a writer. The question is, are you writing, actually getting words on paper that will become something? Wanting to do is not the same as doing, and I wanted to write for years, but now I am finally doing, and life rolls along about the same as it did before, except there is now an added dimension to my life.

The more we add to our lives the more we will get out of it. A big part of what we need to add is what takes care of our body and feeds our soul. This is our life we only get one shot at it. Are we enjoying our relationships, or are outside pursuits taking too much time away so those important relationships are being hurt?

What does a successful life look like? When we look at our lives are we proud of the choices we’ve made?

Yesterday, I chose to spend my day at the “Breakthrough to Writer’ Success” – Writers Industry Day put on by the Mississauga Arts Council. It was a lovely day spent with fellow writers. Two writers’ groups had tables on topics of interest to writers and I was at the self-publishing and journaling table. The tables were so busy I didn’t get much of a chance to mix and mingle; I spent my time talking to people interested in self-publishing and journaling.

Self-publishing works for some of us and others feel without being published by a traditional publisher their work is diminished. My thoughts on the subject are to go after what you want, do the best work you can, and put it out into the world. Then write your next best book. Building a writing platform so people get to know who you are might be something you can do or it might not be, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong. Joseph Chilton Pearce

We need to be okay with the turn our lives take, and writing is no different. When we write and self-publish or are traditionally published, we are taking a turn on the wheel of fortune. Will that spin take us to fame and fortune – not likely, but for some, it does. Do we want the feeling of accomplishment from setting a goal, making it happen, and moving on to the next step? This is what it is for me.

I’ve written and self-published four books and am working on two more. I love the process of being a writer, the reality of holding my books in my hand, and hearing that others enjoyed them. Writing is a solitary pursuit, it feeds our soul, and sometimes, it feeds our bank account.

Writing is especially good for those of us as we enter our later years. We’ve lived a life, we have something to say, and our self-worth shouldn’t depend on how many sales we get on Amazon or through a traditional publisher. Taking up writing is more like a pastime than an economic endeavor, some people feel writers should be paid for their time, some are paid handsomely for theirs, and others not so much.

I’m okay with that and taking my spin on the writing wheel of fortune, and where it stops, no one knows. Some writers reach acclaim in their lifetime and are then forgotten and some are still being read years after their death. Some writers entertain us, some make us think, and some will change how we look at life forever.

We all impact people in our lives and some of us will only impact people we know, but who knows what impact the people they impact will have. We don’t know what the impact of our life will be, but if we live in such a way that those we meet, and those who live with us are impacted in a good way, then we should find contentment in a life well-lived.

Is it better to be known and loved by those who never meet us or to be loved by those who do know us?

If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all other; read a lot and write a lot. Stephen King

For better or worse, most of my writing life has been about people that work behind the scenes. I’m interested in finding extraordinary moments in otherwise normal people. Mark Boal

Just write every day of your life. Read intensely. Then see what happens. Most of my friends who are put on that diet have very pleasant careers. Ray Bradbury

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to everyone who reads my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads or Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Is money the root of all evil, or what we will do for money that makes it evil?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it. Henry David Thoreau

One of the things we learn in life is there is a price for everything. There is a price for doing and a price for not doing. What we do for others we do for ourselves, which means when we treat others well we feel good about ourselves and when we don’t treat others well it will come back to bite us. Jordan Peterson tells us we don’t get away with anything.

When we look around we think people are getting away with things, and if we watch social media some of the most outrageous people get the most views. We need to be careful who we emulate, who we hold up as role models, and who we follow. I have always believed pimps are the lowest form of life, because they take innocent people (mostly girls) with a life in front of them and turn them into prostitutes and now cam girls, and one of the ways they do it is the lover boy technique.

If anyone says they want to make someone fall in love with them so they will do anything they want them to do, we know it isn’t something good, and certainly isn’t something that will be good for the young woman’s life.

One of the antidotes to men exploiting young women is strong fathers. One of the things our fathers teach us is to be self-reliant, to be able to look after ourselves and be willing to work to better our situation, and not to let people make you feel you owe them anything.

 When we think things are too good to be true they usually are, and if someone isolates someone from their family, makes someone dependent on them, and then asks them to do the unthinkable, and introduces them to women already doing it who tell them it’s good or at least not that bad and they’ll make a lot of money, they won’t be told he will be getting most of the money, and they are now basically slaves.

Slavery still exists, but now it applies only to women and its name is prostitution. Victor Hugo

The sex trade seems to be bigger than ever, and Romeo pimps are roaming the streets and online looking for our daughters and granddaughters. What can we do? It seems it is mostly older guys going after young girls, some of these girls are in group homes and when they run away with their wonderful boyfriends is when the pimp has them in their clutches.

The breakdown of the family is our biggest problem and where children become vulnerable. If we can’t build strong families how will we lessen the victimization of our children? We might not be able to do anything about huge societal problems but we can perhaps do something in our own families. If we can keep the lines of communication open, let our children and grandchildren know that even if they make a mistake, trust the wrong person, or go down a path they are ashamed of they can always come home.

If we let them know they can turn over a new leaf in life, turn their lives around, and build a better future we give those that prey on our children and grandchildren less of a hold on them. If someone can make our children or grandchildren feel so bad about themselves they can never be forgiven for the choices they’ve made or been forced into, they are putty in the hands of those wanting to exploit them.

Even pimps can turn over a new leaf, and forgiveness is open to everyone. But a pimp that pretends to reform or makes it seem like being a pimp is empowering might be the most dangerous one of all. There are men teaching other men how to become pimps online.

When we become enamored with people with money we need to ask how they made it. What did they do to get it, and what are they asking us to do to get ours? Some people want to make the sex trade acceptable, if it were respectable it would already be acceptable. If we have to sell our soul to do something the price is too high, no matter how much money we make or the lifestyle we acquire. Is it money that’s the root of all evil, or the willingness to do anything for money, to sell our soul for money, or to make someone else sell their soul for money, that makes it evil?

In reality, victims of human trafficking are often left voiceless and completely unseen by society. Elise Stefanik

Children are the most vulnerable and susceptible to become victims of human trafficking. Asa Don Brown

During the grooming process, a sex trafficking situation can start out looking a lot like a romantic relationship before the exploitation begins. Aura Freedom

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to those who read my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Gratitude is the spark igniting a fire of joy in our souls. It is the catalyst for a better life.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance. Eckhart Tolle

Are we grateful for what we have, or are we feeling one more something is what we need? We might think that if we get to… or accomplish… then we’ll feel grateful. Oprah tells us, “If we aren’t grateful for what we have, we will never have enough.” That doesn’t mean it’s wrong to want more, to strive, to build, or to grow, but we need to be grateful for the blessings we already have in our lives.

One of the things said in an Illustrated Journal workshop Saturday, is that members in the audience who kept a journal said they couldn’t believe what a bad state they had been in at specific points in their lives. Looking back over concerns they had they could see those that were resolved, those that didn’t matter anymore, and those they still had to deal with.

Journaling gives us clarity about our lives I don’t see how we can get any other way. Adding illustrations to our journal gives us a creative outlet, creativity feeds our soul, and sometimes we may feel something is missing in our lives and it might be creativity. We get so busy doing this and that, we may look back on a time that was filled with joy and find where the joy came from was some creative outlet that we’ve given up as life got busier.

Listening to the radio not long ago a singer (I can’t remember his name) was talking about how he put out a new album and thought it would sell a couple thousand copies but it became a big success and his life spun out of control. Years later he listened to a speaker who said something that hit him profoundly, “Creativity is beautiful.” He realized he’d gotten away from being creative, and that realization made a significant impact on his life. By bringing creativity back into his life he brought back balance, joy, and gratitude.

Gratitude is a powerful catalyst for happiness. It’s the spark that lights a fire of joy in your soul. Amy Collette

It isn’t always easy to be grateful for the changes we see. We think things should be better, but what if we have to be grateful they aren’t worse? What if we aren’t built for a life of ease? What if a life of ease makes us weak? Who gets to decide who is living a life of ease?

Of course, I say all this as one who lives in relative ease, safety, and abundance. Yesterday my husband was watching a YouTube video on people living in their vehicles in Calgary. They’ve created a community that like turtles, takes their home with them, and as long as their vehicles can move it seems to be a workable solution. They help each other out as a community and share information on how to handle the winters.

Living in a van might not sound great but it is giving a community of people dignity, and freedom without infringing on the rights of others. We might be surprised how happy a simple life can be. I didn’t watch the video enough to understand how they look after some of the simple things in life like bathing and using the bathroom.

If it isn’t happiness that brings us gratitude, but gratitude that brings us happiness can we be grateful for the life we have?

The struggle ends when gratitude begins. Nicole Donald Walsh

As with all commandments, gratitude is a description of a successful mode of living. The thankful heart opens our eyes to a multitude of blessings that continually surround us. James E. Faust

When we focus on our gratitude, the tide of disappointment goes out and the tide of love rushes in. Kristin Armstrong

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the pictures and scroll to the end.

Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to everyone who leaves a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Small changes lead to big changes, be willing to start small, and be willing to persevere.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee. Marian Wright Edelman

Tonight I’m reflecting on my path at Toastmasters. It’s taken me 37 years but I am close to achieving my Distinguished Toastmasters designation. Someone said, “If you get everything out of Toastmasters you can get out of Toastmasters, you will never get out of Toastmasters.” I was out of Toastmasters for 27 years while my husband and I raised a family and built a business.

We can only juggle so many balls at once and Toastmasters was the ball I could put down and pick back up. We have to be careful when juggling the balls of life we know which balls are the important balls. The balls we must guard and protect, the balls which if they fall we will not be able to pick back up, or even be able to put the pieces back together again.

Life can be forgiving and not forgiving when we make mistakes, and some people will seem to get away with more mistakes than others, but Jordan Peterson tells us we never get away with anything. We always have to pay a price. I think this is true, then we must decide what price we are willing to pay. There are prices for opportunity and lost opportunity. There is a price for speaking up and a price for not speaking up about things that are important and even those that aren’t so important.

If we are asked what we want for breakfast, perhaps we could have eggs, sausages, and a delicious omelet with a side of toast and apricot jam (not bought but homemade). If we shrug our shoulders and say, “whatever” a bowl of porridge may be put in front of us, or a piece of burnt dry toast.

I think in life I’ve been a bit of a “Whatever” person and perhaps that works in marriage when the husband leads and the wife follows. Life is built on shared goals and values, and the workload is divided.

I’m becoming less of a “Whatever” person as I get older. Being a parent is such a heavy and wonderful load that it takes over our life and we don’t have a lot of time for pursuits of our own. When the heavy lifting is over we have time but often have no idea what we want to pursue with the time that is unfolding before us. We need to be careful especially as retirement nears we don’t just accept the idea that we are old and life is over, or almost over so why bother learning new things, or setting new goals? We think a drink on a beach sounds like paradise, and it probably is for a week. But then what?

Men trip not on mountains, they stumble on stones. Proverbs

There comes a time in our life when there will be few choices left to make and we might not like any we get to choose from. But if we are not at that point yet, we should think long and hard about how we want to spend our time before we get there.

We have many opportunities to do many things, learn, develop, grow, and make the best of the life ahead of us. The more decisions we make for ourselves the fewer will be made for us. Sometimes it is okay to say, “Whatever you’re having.” It might be better to develop our choosing muscles and design our days for maximum satisfaction.

I like to start my day by writing with a cup of coffee beside me and my little dog keeping me company. How do you like to start yours? There are days when the alarm rings and I turn it off and go back to sleep. I still get a bit of writing in but not the long uninterrupted time I need to get into it. On blog days I’m up at five, it’s the rest of the week I need to work on.

How we spend our days is how we spend our life, we can make better decisions to have a better life. No one will do for us the things we must do for ourselves and some of the little things we can change will make the biggest difference because it is the things we do daily that have a huge impact on our lives.

Is there a little thing we can change that will pay huge dividends in our lives?

Small changes can produce big results – but the areas of highest leverage are often the least obvious. Peter Serge

You will never change your life until you change something you do daily, the secret of your success is found in your daily routine. John C. Maxwell

The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones. Confucius

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to everyone who reads my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

If knowledge is power, what is a lack of knowledge? Are we taking advantage of our access to knowledge?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Reading is essential for those who seek to rise above the ordinary. Jim Rohn

If Knowledge is power, what is a lack of knowledge? This week is back-to-school week, and we are blessed to live in a time when most people have access to education. Some people are still out of their homes because of fires, and people have lost their homes to fires. It is a time of challenge for many, and our thoughts and prayers are with them as they navigate this difficult time.

Tomorrow, children and their parents will walk by our door to school. I remember excitedly waiting for the first day of school. Seeing friends I hadn’t seen over the summer and finding out who my teacher would be. It was an exciting time, and fall still fills me with a feeling that a new adventure should be around the corner.

Last week at Toastmasters, I became a mentor for a new member, and she told me her favorite author is Leo Tolstoy. I have to admit I’ve never read his novels. I bought Anna Karenina and will read it, and I’m on the lookout for a copy of War and Peace.

Reading furnishes the mind only with the materials of knowledge: It is thinking that makes what we read ours. John Locke

One of the ways we gather knowledge is the books we read. It is lovely to go to a bookstore or library with an array of books to choose from. The world’s knowledge is at our fingertips, all those authors’ stories to read and to ponder. What would we do if we faced what the character faced?

If we read books that cause us to think our lives become rich. We can’t experience everything in life. Reading is a way of experiencing more of life, and through exploring ideas we will have more questions to ask. Dr. Seuss sums it up, “The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.”

What would it be like to live in a time when most people were illiterate? How barren would our life be if we couldn’t read?

Reading maketh a full man; conference a ready man; and writing an exact man. Francis Bacon

The book to read is not the one that thinks for you but the one which makes you think. Harper Lee

When I think of all the books still left for me to read, I am certain of further happiness. Jules Renard

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to everyone who reads my books and a special thank you to those who leave a review on GoodReads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the price.