Posted on by BWThomas

Who do we think we are? We don’t get what we deserve in life, we get what we negotiate.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate. John F. Kennedy

Last night I was listening to Oprah while I painted. She said, if we accomplish anything at all we will be hit with, “Who do you think you are?” This might come from ourselves or from other people, but we have to deal with the fact that we want more out of life than what we have. We want to see, do, have, or accomplish more. Often, a still small voice inside of us is telling us we can do more, have more, and be more, but is it the same voice that makes us hesitate and fearful?

Or, do have two voices, the positive and the negative and they will continue to be at war our whole lives, but we can feed the negative or the positive, we can’t get rid of either of them, but one of them will rule us, and we get to choose which one it will be.

I picked up a book on Tuesday, “Seven Secrets to Profit From Adversity,” by Joe Roberts. In it he tells us we don’t have to be up, to look up. In 1989 he left the streets of Vancouver, B.C. Canada a broken, homeless drug addict. In 1989 all he could do was dream of a better life, but that dream led to overcoming the challenges and obstacles he faced. He learned life doesn’t give us what we deserve, it gives us what we negotiate. He has written a book to help others move toward the change they want to see in their lives.

Who was he to think he could get off the streets and build a better life and be a role model to others? He had a dream. It sounds like that dream came to him in an instant and it took ten years to realize it. Whether we believe it is God that speaks to us, a higher power, a still small voice, or the universe, does it matter what we call it, but haven’t we all heard the voice even when we didn’t heed it?

In business as in life – you don’t get what you deserve. You get what you negotiate. Chester L. Karrass

We negotiate what we want out of life every day, and one of the people we have to be willing to negotiate with the hardest is ourselves. If we don’t ask enough of ourselves, if we don’t face our fears to go after what we want, and if we don’t develop self-control so we are free from things that control us and destroy our lives, we won’t be happy.

Sometimes the things we want are harmless, but other times giving in to our wants leads us down a dark road. We have to be our own control board throughout our lives. Our challenge might be substances we have to stay away from, toxic people, dangerous situations, immoral acts, overspending, gambling, or taking advantage of people who seem willing to be taken advantage of. If we want to look ourselves in the mirror and feel good about ourselves we have to believe we did the best with what we had most of the time and forgive ourselves for our shortcomings.

Too much of the devil made me do it, does not build a good life. It does not create a life we are proud of. If we put ourselves first too often we may fracture relationships we can never fix. What if we get what we want but we’ve trampled on everyone to get it, our children feel unloved, our spouse is long gone, most of our family is not speaking to us, but when people meet us they are impressed? Isn’t it better to be loved and respected by those that know us than to impress those that don’t know us?

In the end, we are who we are, we can do what we can do, and we’ve made the choices we’ve made. If we are happy with the sum of that at the end of our lives then isn’t that a good life?

Are we winning our negotiations with ourselves?

What we know matters, but who we are matters more. Brene Brown

Don’t negotiate your value with anyone. You’re worth it. Been worth it. Will forever be worth it. Unknown

Let every eye negotiate for itself and trust no agent. William Shakespeare

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to those that read my books. A special thank you to those that leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Gratitude and learning lessons. Trying to control others often backfires. We can only control ourselves.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

If you wish to succeed in managing and controlling others – learn to manage and control yourself. William J. H. Boeteker

I am back from a beautiful vacation visiting Mom, a sister, and friends. My friend from long ago and her sister, and niece visited wineries. We laughed, sipped wine, bought a few bottles, cooked wonderful dinners, and laughed some more.

We went out to Karaoke where out of a party of five, three sang, and I wasn’t one of them. Some people know how to take lemons and make lemonade, and I am always heartened when I see someone accept the challenges they are dealing with and handle them with humor, optimism, and gratitude.

Last night my husband was setting up a TV in my art studio and he was playing Oprah talking about gratitude. She was talking about how a friend got through the loss of her husband with gratitude. It’s not that she was happy he was gone, but that she was grateful for what they had, and what she still had.

We are all grateful and so is Mom that at ninety-seven she can live in her own home, walk, read, live on her own schedule, and has access to the aids that make life easier. If she ever needs to go into a home we are grateful they are there to meet the needs of those who can no longer live independently.

We have so much to be grateful for, even if things are bad, they could be worse. We may want to live a life without challenges, but the challenges are where we learn things we may learn no other way. We may face a challenge and understand how relationships turn sour over seemingly small things, small things to us, not small things to someone else.

Power is not controlling other people. Power is controlling ourselves. Trying to control other people is the first sign that you are entirely out of control. Controlling others is what weak people think power looks like. Unknown

We can’t know how people will react to something until it happens, we may think we know how we will react but we won’t know for sure until we have to deal with it. Will we be optimistic and grateful when we are brought to our knees when our health takes a turn with a dire prognosis?

Will we be able to stand by our family if they make bad decisions and end up in situations we thought impossible? Will we be there for them in their time of need? What does being there for them in their time of need look like? Can we find a way to help but not enable, encourage but not control, and be with them in their pain even though we can’t carry their burden? Can we help someone get on the right track knowing it won’t be as quick as we’d like, and setbacks are likely? Can we believe in them when they might have a hard time believing in themselves?

If we only love someone when it is easy we have to ask ourselves if our love is as strong, deep, and enduring as we thought it would be. We all love easy love, loving our five-month-old grandson is easy, what if he disappoints us, or himself in the years to come? It is hard to live a life where we don’t make mistakes and disappoint ourselves and others.  We all make mistakes and missteps, we do things, and say things that hurt others, and they do things and say things that hurt us. This is all part of the human condition.

Can we be grateful we have people in our lives even if they hurt and disappoint us? Can we keep people in our lives when we hurt and disappoint them? One of our big problems in life is the unmet expectations of people we love, people we vote for, and people who make decisions that affect our lives. Are we expecting them to be better than they can possibly be? We live in a country where peace and plenty are all around us, and we can still make decisions that mess up our lives, but we also have enough resources that most people can rise above bad circumstances.

It seems to me, we can’t help someone else do something they haven’t made up their mind to do, and they can’t help us. We hear about people who turned their life around with the help of… the key is they turned their life around. We can’t turn their life around for them, and they can’t turn our life around for us. We have to be okay with their decisions to go forward even if it isn’t the way we want them to go forward. The freedom we all have is to choose even when we aren’t making the best choice. We might not understand the lesson someone else has to learn, or even the lesson we have to learn.

What if we need to be grateful we are capable of learning the lesson we are to learn?

You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you. Brian Tracy

He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still. Lao Tzu

Control is an element of weakness and insecurity. You truly cannot control anyone or anything other than your effort and attitude. Sylvester McNutt

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to those that read my books, and a special thank you to those that leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you purchase an item through the Amazon link I do receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Self-control is how to build a great life. With self-control we build self-respect.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

The only discipline that lasts is self-discipline. Burn Philips

How big of a role does self-control play in our lives? We need to control our actions, thoughts, money, the words we say, and how we say them. We are watching the celebration of a woman’s life that was all about self-control. I am reading that Prime Ministers that met with her weekly had no idea what her politics were.

Queen Elizabeth was above petty politics because she was the Queen and met with each Prime Minister no matter what party was in. To have lived a scandal-free life reigning for seventy years she must have had immense self-control. She was an example of someone exercising great self-control throughout her life as she performed the duties of a monarch.

We may not be kings and queens of a realm but we are kings and queens of our lives and households. The more self-control we exercise the better our lives will be. We may use other words to describe self-control such as willpower, discipline, and determination. The true definition of self-control is to control one’s emotions and desires, especially in difficult situations. We subdue our impulses in order to achieve longer-term goals.

There are signs that our self-control is slipping. We become agitated, irritable, and impatient, have difficulty concentrating, and unwanted thoughts come into our minds.

Self-control is an area where practice makes perfect. The more we practice self-control the better we get at it. We can replace bad habits with rewarding or positive behaviors. We need to take care of ourselves by eating well, sleeping well, and getting enough exercise to have the energy to practice self-control.

We can look back on our lives and see where self-control or a lack of it changed the direction of our lives. If we use self-control when it comes to money when opportunities arise we will have the means to take advantage of them. Our relationships will be better if we don’t say the first thing that pops into our minds. If we are careful what we say about other people we will not be embarrassed when it comes around to the person we were gossiping about.

We were brought up with, “If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.” This is very hard to live by, especially with the vitriol that is being put out in the media. But, what if we practice not saying anything about anybody that is not positive? Maybe we can acknowledge, “I don’t think that’s the best way to do things,” and leave it at that. As I write this I wonder if I could actually do this, even for a day.

With self-discipline, most anything is possible. Theodore Roosevelt

We have lost a great example of how to conduct ourselves in the world. This might mean we need to find other examples of good conduct, and even aspire to be good examples ourselves.

Now that I am a grandma I can see that not saying anything is a virtue. People need to figure out their own lives, make their own decisions, and chart their own course. They have their own thoughts and opinions that differ from ours and that has to be okay. Arguing with them will not change their mind; in fact, it may make their position become more rigid as they feel they must defend it. If we can be an example of living with dignity and grace, choosing the right thing over the easy, exhibiting self-control, and even though we will not do it perfectly we will be an example to our children and grandchildren.

We will show our children and grandchildren it is possible to live with dignity and grace, it is possible to see the best in people, and it is possible to take a longer view and subdue our impulses to make the future better. We often regret words said in haste, actions we take without thinking, and habits that don’t help us get what we want. The more we develop self-control the better our lives will be and we will be more of an example to others.

Telling others to control themselves doesn’t work, but controlling ourselves is where our power lies.

Self-control is the chief element in self-respect, and self-respect is the chief element in courage. Thucydides

A disciplined mind leads to happiness, and an undisciplined mind leads to suffering. Dalai Lama

You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength. Marcus Aurelius

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to those who read my books. A special thank you to those that leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

We are a reflection of all the choices we have made. If we want better results, we need to make better choices.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you. John C. Maxwell

I started reading The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday at the beginning of the year. What a great idea to read one uplifting message every day, except I haven’t read it every day, but I still enjoy it even though I am not doing it right.

Does it matter if I read the July 8th message on September 12th, does it change the message? No, it does not. What matters is that we bring good ideas into our lives and that we act on them. If we could follow everything in The Daily Stoic we would be better people. Joan Didion wrote, “The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life – is the source from which self-respect springs.”

We will never take advantage of every opportunity and make the best decision every day of our lives. That is probably an expectation that cannot be met. But we can try to live our lives in such a way that we are proud of ourselves most of the time and we make the best decision most of the time and can look ourselves in the eye when we look in the mirror, most of the time.

We were having a conversation about commitment last night and our son-in-law was relating a conversation he’d had with one of his friend’s mothers who said she didn’t think living together is the same commitment that marriage is. Getting the male view now that I have a married son, and son-in-law is different now these young men are feeling the weight of being the head of the family. If you don’t follow, how can I lead? This is one of the questions they are asking not just of their relationships but of relationships and society in general.

Everything in your life is a reflection of a choice you have made. If you want a different result, make a different choice. Unknown

Commitment is getting through the tough stuff and persevering when we want to give up. Marriage is a partnership and it works best with mutual love and respect but also when one is the head, and one is the heart in the relationship. We don’t like the word obey; it makes us feel like children. When I watched an episode of The Crown, Princess Elizabeth insisted that the word obey was in her marriage vows. It didn’t go into why this was important to her.

My son-in-law said to our daughter, if we are in a burning building I need you to follow my direction, you have to trust me, we can’t be arguing about the best way forward, just do as I say. If we can’t trust our husbands to make the best decisions for our family, why were we interested in marrying them?

Do we want someone that tells us to do the dishes instead of writing our blog, of course not. Most of marriage is a conversation about how we want to proceed, and what is the best course to take, but sometimes we need a decision made, and that is when the leadership of the husband comes into play. There is security in knowing that we don’t have to look after everything, we have a partner that is looking out for the well-being of the family.

When women can afford to stay home with their children and still have a good standard of living I think a lot of us will take that option. I may be wrong, but I do believe that most women want to have children, that it fulfills us in a way nothing else can.

Life is not perfect, children are orphaned, and women are widowed. Even though it may not be popular, I believe traditional marriage gives most people the best chance at happiness, success, and security. We need to develop our character, no matter what other choices we make in life if we are to be happy with what we have done with our lives at the end of it.

Some day we will reach the end of our lives. It will be over, no more choices; will we be happy with the ones we made? The more we are happy with the choices we make, the more we will feel it was a life well-lived. I think this is the goal, to get to the end of our lives and feel we did the best with what we had. To feel we lived a life with few regrets.

This doesn’t mean we get to tell people how to live their lives. Everyone gets to make their own choices; we only get to control ourselves. It also doesn’t mean that there aren’t better choices and encouraging people to make better choices is wrong.

You are free to make whatever choice you want, but you are not free from the consequences of the choice. Unknown

Life is about choices. Some we regret, some we’re proud of. Some will haunt us forever. The message: We are what we chose to be. Graham Brown

Your life changes the moment you make a new, congruent, and committed decision. Tony Robbins

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or comments click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to everyone that reads my books. A special thank you to those that leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

We live with the decisions we make. Not making a decision is still a decision, but we lose the power to change our lives.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Sometimes it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life forever. Keri Russell

As I look at my five-month-old grandson I am looking at a unique human being. We are all unique; the only one of us there will ever be with our distinct characteristics, experiences, and gift to give to the world.

Is it true we each have a gift to give to the world or is this just something we’ve told ourselves? What if we act like it’s true? What if we try to be the best us we can be and do the most good, for the most people? What would our scorecard be so far, and what would we like it to be? Death is closer today than it was yesterday for all of us. In two hundred years no one will know who we were, but we are here, we can make our mark here, and if we have a family we have a legacy we will leave behind.

How do we want to be remembered by the generations that will remember us? Will my grandson remember the grandma that could get him to break out into a big smile? Maybe it is more important that I’ll be able to remember how he smiled and welcomed every experience with enthusiasm. I hope he never loses the joy even as he grows up and becomes a man. I hope I can still make him laugh when he’s twenty-five.

Maybe he’ll read one of my books and say, “Grandma you made me think, or maybe he’ll say, “Things must have been really different when you wrote that book.” I hope they aren’t too different, they’ll be different, but maybe they will be different in good ways. I’ve had opportunities my grandmother’s never had; they lived through tough times I’ve never seen. Their children lived through the prosperity they hoped for, and I hope my children and grandchildren continue to live in peace and plenty.

I am not a product of my circumstances, I am a product of my decisions. Stephen Covey

Do we owe a lot of what we have to the good governance which we have in Canada? We may not approve of all our government does, and the decisions that have to be made, but we aren’t embroiled in civil war, and we could be. We aren’t facing famine, and we could be. Our children get an education most of us couldn’t give them if we had to do it all on our own. We have access to health care that we pay for collectively when we need it.

We live in an unfair society but do we know how to create a fairer society? We are fortunate to live in one of the best countries in the world and I know some people rail against it and say it’s not that good, you are deluding yourself. But I think we live in Camelot, it isn’t perfect but in the future, we may look back and wish we could get back to what we didn’t think was good enough, or maybe we will look back and say things are still better for most people in Canada than many other parts of the world, and we are continuing to strive to make things better for even more.

Every country is a collection of the people in it; we get to elect our leaders. No matter who leads us we will not be happy with every decision they make. Sometimes leaders have to make hard decisions and good leaders make the decision they think is best to move the country forward. They may not always make the best decision but perhaps having someone who can make decisions is better than not having a direction at all. We are fortunate we don’t need a revolution to change things. Do we need to be careful about the changes we think will be good for ourselves, our country, and the world? Does trying to be too careful lead to indecision?

Unsuccessful people make decisions based on their current situations. Successful people make decisions based on where they want to be. Unknown

When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier. Roy E. Disney

It doesn’t matter which side of the fence you get off on sometimes. What matters most is getting off. You cannot make progress without making decisions. Jim Rohn

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to those that read my books, and a special thank you to those that leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Living a life of joy and wonder. Is living the good life seeing the joy and wonder around us while we deal with what is?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

There is joy and wonder everywhere when you see the world through the eyes of a child. Unknown

Last night on the news they featured a seventy-one-year-old woman at her art show. She’s been painting for thirty years and her paintings are beautiful intricate florals and the longer you look the more depth there is to see.

Many artists got started late and became well-known artists, but it isn’t about becoming well-known artists. It’s about building a life that works for us. Finding our voice as a person, artist, gardener, singer, and living with passion and purpose. In two hundred years no one will know who most of us were. We will be remembered by our children, grandchildren, and if we are lucky great-grandchildren.

If we live fully by developing our talents and interests so we live a more creative and interesting life isn’t that the goal? Painting is a way to say things we may not know how to put into words. We can paint our worries, passion, hopes, fears, and dreams. No one may know the significance of the painting and may wonder what is behind it, but they may still find something that moves them. No passion in the artist, no passion in the viewer.

Last night we watched the movie Ode to Joy, the protagonist cannot feel strong emotions or he passes out, and joy is the emotion that causes him the most problems. This condition is called cataplexy and brings on brief bouts of muscle weakness or paralysis when experiencing strong emotions. He devises all sorts of ways to keep from experiencing joy, and it isn’t just his joy, but seeing the joy of parents with their children is especially challenging for him.

He thinks he has to live a boring life, but in the end, his brother tells him he doesn’t have to live a boring life devoid of joy and love; he just has to be willing to deal with the consequences this brings him.

Fainting at the sight of a baby, a beautiful painting, or at your sister’s wedding, or perhaps at your own would be unbelievably challenging. Life is much more challenging for some people than it is for others, but we each must find a way to deal with the challenges that come into our lives.  

Love is the joy of the good, the wonder of the wise, the amazement of the Gods. Plato

Are we choosing a life of joy? Do we see the joy on the faces of parents and feel a swell of happiness? Are we touched by works of art, movies, books, sunsets, and sunrises? When we walk in the woods does it feed our soul? When we hold our children or grandchildren does our heart swell with joy?

Being a grandma is one of the great joys in life. It is a double joy because we see the joy of our children with their children. The circle of life continues and our legacy is in the flesh.

Even if we don’t experience the joy of parenthood or grandparenthood we can experience a small part of the joy when we see the joy and wonder babies and children bring with them.

She found joy and wonder in every little thing. And joy and wonder always found her. Katrina Mayer

Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. Joseph Campbell

The special life is where the ordinary becomes extraordinary, the natural becomes miraculous, the every day becomes unique. Finding the magic and wonder within nature is the most assured means by which children rediscover the joy of life. Shmuley Boteach

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to those that read my books, and a special thank you to those that leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

It’s easy to be a critic, but if we can be thinkers and doers we can have an impact in our sphere of influence.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

It’s easy to be a critic, but being a doer requires effort, risk, and change. Wayne Dyer

It is so easy to be a critic and I find myself being critical of what is being done to correct problems even though I don’t have a clue how to solve the problem.

I was listening to Wayne Dyer on YouTube last night, he said he had eight theories about raising children but then he had eight children and no theories. Our theories may help us to go forward thinking we know what should be done, but we may find as we tackle whatever issues we have, environment, climate change, population growth, foreign relations, poverty, water scarcity, etc. that our theories fall by the wayside as we move toward one solution and then another. Why do some of us believe we can’t face the challenges ahead of us when we have faced challenges in the past?

Do we think we aren’t as strong as people in the past? Do we think we aren’t as smart as people in the past? Do we think we aren’t as committed as people in the past? Do we think enough people can’t see what is important as they did in the past? Do we think we are the only ones with the right answer? Do we not even agree on what the problems we need to address are?

I think virtue signaling makes us think we’ve done something when we haven’t done anything at all. Nodding our heads or liking something isn’t taking action. We have to take action to make things happen.

Be an encourager. The world has plenty of critics already. Dave Willis

My son talked me into taking action. I joined the Conservative party so I can be one of the people who decide on who our next Conservative leader will be. It’s better than shaking my fist, and railing against the decisions others make. I might join the Liberal party when it is time for them to choose their next leader as well. I don’t think it is a small thing to stand for election. Most are making a sacrifice to become our leaders; it is a thankless job because everyone thinks they know how to do it better than the leader. No matter what decisions are made, or directions are taken critics are telling them they are wrong.

Yesterday, I railed against the carbon credit system. I don’t think it is a good system. Some people will get rich selling carbon credits and I don’t think they will have done a thing for the environment, but the long view may be that these credits will be a catalyst for real change down the road. It’s so easy to be a critic but coming up with real solutions is not so easy.

If we have to let the critics criticize and the doers do, which one do we want to be? If we can be thinkers that do and doers that think we can better deal with the challenges ahead.

The doers are the major thinkers. The people that really create the things that change this industry are both the thinker and doers in one person. Steve Jobs

A leader is always first in line during times of criticism and last in line during times of recognition. Orrin Woodward

If you can’t tolerate critics, don’t do anything new or interesting. Jeff Bezos

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to everyone that reads my books, and a special thank you to those that leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.