Posted on by BWThomas

Imagine who we could be and work hard to be that person. We can’t hit a target we don’t aim for.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

To achieve, you need thought. You have to know what you are doing and that’s real power. Ayn Rand

School is out, and summer is here. Two months of freedom, relaxed schedules, and plans to make to fill up days no longer filled. I remember those days. It may seem we have all the time in the world to make decisions about the direction our life will take. Some people can’t wait to get out into the real world and shoulder adult responsibilities, others take longer but finally take on a load, and some seem to falter throughout their life to find their way.

Hitting milestones in our life is important. We set a goal and work hard to achieve it. School is now out, goals have been met, and for two months the pressure is off before new goals need to be set again. It is nice to have a break between reaching a goal and setting a new one, but we have to be careful we don’t wait too long.

When I hit a goal with my writing I have a new project in the wings because I am afraid of losing momentum. One of the areas where I think I’ve fallen down in life is setting goals. Everywhere there is wisdom and instruction on how to live a good life, we think forty years is a long time until we watch them go by in a flash. We had plans and goals even if they were nebulous at best. We knew investing early was the answer, or at least most of us have been told this, those who listened are reaping an abundant harvest and those who didn’t listen are wondering how to manage in retirement.

Most of us are somewhere in the middle, we aren’t where we could have been if every good piece of advice that came our way was followed.

It is easy to beat ourselves up for decisions we didn’t make and paths we didn’t follow. We may think if only we’d had the guts to do whatever it is we think we should have done. We are looking at life from this point and we can never again look at it through the lens we saw it when we were making the decision. One of the good things about keeping a journal is we can go back and see what we were thinking about at certain points in our life. We get a glimpse of who we were at that point in time before we learned what we now know that would have made us make a different decision.

A little more persistence, a little more effort, and what seemed hopeless failure may turn to glorious success. Elbert Hubbard

Wherever we are we take ourselves with us. We may think it is too late to do things, change things, and accomplish things. Sometimes our biggest challenge is to decide what we want and make the changes to start working in the direction of our goals. It would have been great if instead of buying a car at eighteen I put that money into an investment that grew all these years. I can’t change that, but what can I do?

There may be things we wished we did over the course of our lives but if our life is not over how much is still possible? How much of it do we still want to do? What is holding us back?

Summer is here and it is a good time to ask ourselves some questions about what we want out of the rest of our life and let that percolate in our minds. We can’t hit a target we don’t aim for. Jordan Peterson tells us to imagine who we could become and then single-mindedly aim for that and don’t allow ourselves to become resentful, deceitful, or arrogant. We don’t know what is possible if we put our mind to something and work toward it.

This fall wouldn’t it be nice to have a new goal, or know how to work harder toward a present goal? Wouldn’t it be nice to find out what is possible if we put our mind, heart, and effort toward that purpose?

Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another. Walter Elliot

I accumulated small but consistent habits that ultimately led to results that were unimaginable when I started. James Clear

Being persistent may lead you to the door but constancy is the key which unlocks it. Kenny Dasinger

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love. 

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.  

Thank you to everyone that reads my books. A special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program. 

Posted on by BWThomas

Our attitude shapes our life, we must guard against developing a critical spirit.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Life is a garden our thoughts are the seeds, we can plant flowers or we can plant weeds. Unknown

My husband tells me he heard a woman say, “I love a lazy Sunday doing nothing, but I sure hate it when I see my husband doing nothing.” How many of us in our hearts think the same. It might not be the same situation but often we are looking at things in someone else’s life they should fix when if we put our attention on what we should fix in our own lives we can make things better for ourselves.

One of the worst things we develop in life is a critical spirit. A critical spirit is a negative attitude of the heart that seeks to condemn, tear down, and destroy with words. In contrast, constructive criticism involves opinions that are meant to build up. A critical spirit creates blind spots in our hearts and minds causing us to believe we are being constructive when we are condemning, tearing down, and destroying with words.

There are four different ways we can be critical spirits, we can be gossipers, slanderers, judgmental, and complainers. Why do we develop critical spirits? We may be jealous, envious, angry, or hold grudges. We may be full of fear and develop a critical spirit as a way of self-protection. We may feel we are not in control of situations and we use manipulation and shaming in order to gain control.

The only true disability in life is a bad attitude. Scott Hamilton

How can we get rid of this problem that colors everything in our life and can ruin all the good things we have in our lives? It may be horrible to live with someone who is critical but if that someone is us how do we get rid of a critical spirit?

We can focus on what we control in our own lives, we can be grateful for what we have, we can make an effort to build others up, and we can look on the bright side of life.

This is what we can do. We can’t make other people act better, think better, or be better. We can only make ourselves act better, think better, and be better.

It seems to me there is a lot to complain about, but most of what we are hearing being complained about is not anything we have any control over. What if we put our energy into our lives, our families, and what we have direct influence over?

We can notice the small blessings in our lives and be grateful for what we have instead of what we feel is missing. We should think about what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and praiseworthy. This doesn’t mean we should ignore falsehood, injustice, ugliness, or imperfection. But, we should not dwell on the negative.

How do we deal with the realities in life without becoming bitter and critical?

Ask yourself: Have you been kind today? Make kindness your daily modus operandi and change your world. Annie Lennox

Respect a man, and he will do all the more. John Wooden

Always give your best, never get discouraged, never be petty; always remember, others may hate you. Those who hate you don’t win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself. Richard M. Nixon

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love,

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to those who read my books. A special thank you to those who leave a review on Amazon and Goodreads. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

We shape our lives by the thoughts we think and the actions we take. If life isn’t progressing in the direction we want something needs to change.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted fifty years of his life. Muhammad Ali

I’ve been thinking about culture lately, we may think we aren’t affected by what others think but I think we are affected in ways we don’t readily recognize. We create a culture in our own family and we are around other people who influence us in different ways. There are cultures of excellence and there are cultures that don’t work as well to help people learn how to develop happy productive lives.

I love books and I think I have bought books at times in my life when instead of taking action I bought a book. This is why I have amassed such a collection of books on writing, art, and self-help. It was as if I thought by buying the books I would automatically move forward in my pursuit of being a better writer, artist, and person without actually doing the work. Instead of taking the afternoon to write or create art I would go to the bookstore and buy a book. These books have helped me in innumerable ways but they were also a way of putting off doing the practice of writing and art.

We become what we habitually do. We get better at what we practice, and the ideas we read about and listen to will form our worldview. We may wonder where some of the hopeless views are coming from but as Jordan Peterson says, the wonder isn’t why so many people are negative, or that not all societies work well, the wonder is that we aren’t all negative and living in societies that don’t work well.

To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society. Theodore Roosevelt

What can we do to make our culture, and I mean the very smallest culture, our own daily practices better? We may wait our whole lives for other people to change, but we can make changes in how we act, how we treat others, what we hope for, work toward, and how we encourage others. We can be grateful for the beauty and bounty in our lives.

Individuals can choose to look on the bright side and even those who consider themselves perennial optimists may have trouble seeing the positive some days. I’ll say something to my husband and he’ll say, “You think you’re a positive person?” That is a question I’m not sure about. I want to be positive, I believe our attitude shapes our life and a better attitude leads to a better life.

A better attitude is, thinking the best about others and believing we can deal with and in many cases can overcome the obstacles we have to face in life. History is filled with challenges that have been faced and overcome. We have overcome things that generations before they were overcome, didn’t think it was possible to overcome. Things like slavery, disease, and abject poverty.

We have challenges to overcome in our time that may seem hopeless but won’t a good attitude, ingenuity, and the belief tomorrow can be better take us further than believing nothing can be done?

Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it. David Starr Jordan

A noble man compares and estimates himself by an idea which is higher than himself; and a mean man, by one lower than himself. The one produces aspiration; the other ambition, which is the way in which a vulgar man aspires. Marcus Aurelius

Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude. Thomas Jefferson

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture.

Thank you to everyone that reads my books. A special thanks to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Taking first steps, having faith in ourselves, and faith in life no matter what stage we are in.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Make the rest of your life the best of your life. Unknown

We are told we are never too old to start something new. I found a book, “You Can Draw in 30 Days by Mark Kistler at Indigo a while ago. I started doing the exercises in the book and it has taken me more than thirty days to get through it. The first lesson is the sphere. The lessons build on each other and the last three lessons are drawing a face, the human eye, and hands.

I’m watching my two-month-old grandson as he lies on his stomach. His movements are still ineffective at moving him very far, but we can no longer leave him somewhere like a bed and think he will stay where he is put. It’s been so many years since I’ve watched a baby learn and develop on a daily basis. It is fascinating to look at what holds his attention, to see his movements change in little ways that will lead to big changes like crawling and then walking. His babbling will turn into speech.

Watching him makes me wonder if I am curious enough, and learning enough. I have friends that are learning new languages. Some people are pushing themselves physically and mentally, and ask big questions about life. When do we quit pushing ourselves to learn and do more? Do we lose our curiosity about how things work, do we lose our creativity or can we continue to develop?

The answer is probably different for each of us. At a bridal shower on Saturday my daughter and I sat at a table with another mother and daughter, a mother whose daughter is getting married in two weeks, and a woman who never became a mother. We talked about children getting married, traveling, and retiring. The consensus by everyone is that upon retirement one must replace work with something.  Drinks on the beach will only be fun for a couple of days and then we’ll be looking at each other, “What do you want to do?”

Your best retirement plan for retiring happy and prosperous – don’t be a burden on others. Ernie Zelinski

There are big questions looming as retirement is the next step for ourselves, friends, and family. My two quilting sisters are busier than ever with their quilting, shops, and retreats. They are a model for what to do after sixty-five. Find something you love, pour your heart and soul into it, and help others find their passion.  At our table, on Saturday one of the lady’s husbands has taken up woodworking. He has solved the challenge of what to do with all the time that used to be taken up with gainful employment. The challenge each one of us will face is how to fill the hours that used to be filled.

We have many young people who are working very hard to attain financial independence and retiring early (FIRE). It is a great goal but many of them don’t really want retirement so much as they want to be able to do what they want to do without considering how much it will pay. I think it is a worthy goal to figure out how to live life on our terms, still contributing to society, and challenging ourselves to grow and develop. We’ll see how the movement unfolds in the years to come.

Those of us who are reaching retirement age can look at the FIRE movement for inspiration on how to make this next leg of our journey the best it can be.   

As in all successful ventures, the foundation of a good retirement is planning. Earl Nightingale

Don’t simply retire from something: have something to retire to. Harry Emmerson

Rules for happiness: something to do, someone to love, something to hope for. Emmanuel Kant

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to those that read my books, and a special thank you to those that leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Dreams are powerful and we are never too old to dream new dreams. Everything starts with a dream.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. C.S. Lewis

 

We may not know how, but wanting something is powerful. We didn’t know how we would get a house back in the day, the price was low but the interest rates were high. We didn’t know how we would get into business or what that business would be. We didn’t know how we would build our family, how we would overcome challenges that had to be overcome. Setting a goal and believing that somehow we will find a way to build a family, buy a house, get our children into university, and see them married with children, houses, and futures of their own is powerful. It takes faith to have a dream and it takes perseverance to pursue it. Those who dream and pursue their dreams are who we admire and would like to emulate. Too often if we are asked what we want we don’t have an answer. How can we get something if we don’t know what it is?

We see people and wonder how did they do that? How did they help their children to believe they could achieve their dreams and goals? Our parent’s dreams for us are powerful and our parent’s belief in us is often a big step to believing in ourselves. In many cases, they had a dream they didn’t know how would come to fruition, but many parts of life, and I think often the better parts come with having a dream. One of the things I’ve heard over the years is if we talk about our dreams we can get the same feelings from talking about them as we get from accomplishing them and perhaps that is why we see some people talk about things they never accomplish and others accomplish things they never talk about.

When I look back over my life I’ve gotten everything I asked for, some things I didn’t dare ask for and I don’t have them. Who told me I shouldn’t ask for them? Where do we get the idea that some things are for other people? When we set goals we know we have to work to make them happen. Perhaps that is why I didn’t set certain goals.

Without dreams, there can be no courage, and without courage, there can be no action. Wim Wenders

Without vision, the people perish. Many of us I think, live without a vision. We plod along doing what we have to and get by, but with a little more foresight and determination we could have a whole different life.

Sometimes our view is skewed; we think people are trying to hold us back from fun when what they want is to give us an opportunity to live a good life without making big mistakes that impact that life in ways we can’t see.  We sometimes think the successful path is the boring path. Do we all pay the price in life, but is it our choice to choose what price to pay? Sometimes we are sucked in by what we think is fun and exciting that doesn’t lead to substance and a good life.

We may think we can’t dream about things we don’t know how to make happen. The secret may be to dream about what we want, and how to make it happen will present itself as we go along. The failure to dream may be a big failure in our lives. What if dreaming dreams that may seem impossible at the moment brings big things into our lives over time.

What if one of the mistakes we make in life is thinking we can only have dreams when we are young?

Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born. Dale Turner

No one has ever achieved anything from the smallest to the greatest unless the dream was dreamed first. Laura Ingalls Wilder

Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it, the time will pass anyway. Earl Nightingale

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it, I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to everyone that reads my books. A special thank you to those that leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Our choices define our lives. When we make better choices we live better lives. Choose wisely.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

The choices we make dictate the life we lead. Unknown

How many times have we quit when we should have kept going, and kept going when we should have quit? I’d be surprised if we can’t all think of times we should have kept going and other times we kept trying to make something happen that was never going to happen. Knowing which situation we are in can be the difficult part.

My son-in-law tells me of someone he knows who got a friend a job. It sounds like a good job, he was sick for a few days and when the guy who got him the job called him he said he wasn’t going back to work. This sounds like a situation where perseverance was needed, maybe the job and he wasn’t well suited. What he probably should have done is keep the job until he found something else so he could do the other things young men his age should be doing, finding a partner, and building a future.

Sometimes we have things we prefer to do, but they don’t always pay the bills and help us build a life. Writing is one of those things. There are people who make a lot of money off of the books they write, but most authors do not. This doesn’t mean we should give up writing, it might mean we should keep our day job.

Writing feeds my soul but the fact it can be a pastime, interest, and hobby instead of giving me my daily bread is freeing. It’s a side hustle that I enjoy, my life is better for doing it, and my life is opening up in ways it wouldn’t without it.

My life would be so much poorer without writing and art. I am blessed to have time for these pursuits.

Life is about choices. Some we regret, some we’re proud of. Some will haunt us forever. The message: We are what we choose to be. Graham Brown

Some people can pursue artistic careers without a day job to pay the bills. Some may say the day job as insurance will keep you from reaching your full potential because you have a backup plan which means you aren’t all in. I do think I’ve found my niche, something that feeds my soul, something that is part of my life but not my whole life.

We all have to decide what “The Good Life” is to us. Last night sitting outside with my husband, daughter, son-in-law and new grandson it felt like we are living the good life. A long conversation with Mom and one of my sisters over the weekend, planting my garden, trying a new coffee my son-in-law found, and listening to my son’s seminar as I made breakfast, and coffee out with my husband. All of these add up to a wonderful weekend.

Is everything perfect? Define perfection. We can’t have everything; we often have to choose between two goods, and sometimes between the best of not-so-goods. Life is a choice and we come to forks in the road where we can only choose one path, the worst thing to do is not choose and stagnate where we are. We made those kinds of choices when we got married, had children, started a business, or changed jobs. Everything we do in life changes us and those we don’t do change us too. Life is about growth, change, and the decisions we make each day create our life. Those decisions might not seem big at the moment but over time going for a walk over not going for a walk, eating an apple instead of a chocolate bar, drinking water instead of soda, and not reacting to everything that irks us adds up.

It is unlikely we will be proud of every choice we make. Sometimes we can go back and make a different choice, sometimes we can’t. The more wisely we choose the better our tomorrow will be.

We are a product of the choices we make, not the circumstances we face. Roger Crawford

Life is all about making choices. Always do your best to make the right ones, and always do your best to learn from the wrong ones. Unknown

Every choice that we make creates consequences, consequences in the lives of others and we experience them in ourselves, those same consequences, every choice that we make.  And by the way the choices that you might think are the most important are not always the most important. Gary Zukav

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.  

To subscribe, comment, or see archives and categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to everyone that reads my books. A special thank you to those that leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you purchase an item through the Amazon link I receive a small percentage through the Amazon Affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Are we proud of the legacy we are leaving our children and grandchildren?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

There is no greater legacy that we can leave our children and grandchildren than a peaceful and safer world. Ted Turner

Rain starts to fall last night as I plant some flowers. It doesn’t continue, so I do and get the border planted. Will it become the border I envision with purple spikes of salvia? I didn’t go to the store looking for salvia, but salvia and marigolds were on sale, four plants for ninety-nine cents. How could I pass up that deal?

Tonight I will chair the second Toastmasters meeting I’ve attended in person since March 2020. It will be a night of humorous speeches and lighthearted fun. We need nights like this where laughter is the order of the day. I will try and keep my comments and introductions light and funny. Humor isn’t my strong suit, but one thing I’ve found over this past couple of years as I’ve worked on humorous speeches (they were supposed to be funny, but often weren’t). When we are in person it is easier to give a funny speech than on zoom. When we give a speech on zoom if we look into the camera we don’t see any audience reaction at all.

My husband gave a great and funny speech at our son’s wedding. If I could pull off speeches that are that funny I would love it. If I could make my blog posts funny that would be great. To be funny and thought-provoking is a great combination but I hope I am at least thought-provoking.

The more we read and the more we write the more we develop our thoughts and the more we develop and examine our thoughts the more we grow as a person. My husband tells me I think differently (he doesn’t mean it as a compliment, but I take it as one). He could think I don’t think at all. Some of my thinking doesn’t make a better more harmonious relationship as my thoughts and his don’t always align. Sometimes we have interesting conversations but sometimes we are too far apart for good conversation.

We owe it to each other – and to our children and grandchildren – to leave our planet in a better state than when we found it. Christopher Dodd

We have to be willing to have difficult conversations, about difficult subjects. Sometimes I feel I should just be quiet, after all, silence can’t be miss-quoted. It can however be misinterpreted as if we don’t want to talk and we are the only people we have to talk to a lot of the time. We don’t work in an office with colleagues, it’s just us.

Our little grandson provides a lot of joy, conversation, and levity. We are blessed to see him each day; he has already changed so much in two months. It’s like we’ve never watched a baby develop even though we raised two to adulthood. One of his smiles makes us smile, how he looks so intently at things makes us wonder what he sees and thinks about, and we watch that smiling face become a pout in an instant.

Babies really do bring joy, and not having to do the caring for them makes us enjoy them all the more. We are already looking ahead to seeing him on the soccer field. We tell ourselves he will be an early reader. We have expectations for him that may never be met. We will have to temper these over the years. Our lives have opened up by becoming grandparents in ways we didn’t know would happen. We can now have dreams for this new life, we share our great expectations, and we bask in the glow of our growing family.

We now have a stake in not just the next generation but the one after that, and the one after that. We question the stewardship of what we were given and what has been done with it. How can we make the world but especially our part in it better for our grandchildren and great-grandchildren? What is the inheritance we will be passing down? Are we planting trees whose shade we will never sit under? Will our grandchildren and great-grandchildren say, “Thanks gramps and gran?” or will they say, “Why did you use up everything and leave nothing for us?”

Let us not be blind to our differences – but let us also direct attention to our common interests and to the means by which those differences can be resolved. And if we cannot end our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity. For, in the final analysis our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children’s future. And we are all mortal. John F. Kennedy

The greatest legacy one can pass on to one’s children and grandchildren is not money – but rather a legacy of character and faith. Billy Graham

The most precious jewels you’ll ever have around your neck are the arms of your grandchildren. Unknown

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.  

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to everyone that reads my books. A special thank you to those that leave a review on Amazon and Goodreads. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the purchase price through the Amazon Affiliate program.

When Can We Get A Puppy by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Sorrow by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Silence by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Posted on by BWThomas

A library and a garden are two things that help us build a great life. To read and not apply it to our life is like planting but not harvesting our garden.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in. Greek proverb

My garden is late this year. The excuse I’m using is, that I got my nails done for my son’s wedding and I didn’t want to spoil them. Yesterday my husband and I went to a garden center. I looked at the tomatoes and I wasn’t impressed, $9.00 for three tomato plants was the sale price. But, they had Sweet 100 so I bought some and another cutting tomato. I haven’t been happy with my little vegetable garden, not because it doesn’t grow well, but because I don’t tend it well.

A good companion plant for tomatoes is sweet potatoes I am told. I’ve never grown them before but in my cupboard, I had two types of sweet potatoes beginning to sprout. I haven’t planted regular potatoes either so I dug through my bag of Yukon Gold potatoes and found a couple with the tiniest sprouts and cut up my potatoes and sweet potatoes. On YouTube, I watched a video on how to make slips of sweet potato to plant. It is very cost-effective and gives many slips from one potato but I don’t have the time, nor is there much room in my little garden.

I’ve never got into square foot gardening which is what I should do to make the most of my small space. We don’t need a large space to grow food. I would not like to depend on my garden for our food but if every inch we have was put under cultivation we could grow an abundance of food. The front lawn could grow vegetables instead of grass. In fact, it would make a great potato patch, not that I want to get into intense cultivation of our food.

I love going to the grocery store and picking what I want to eat. I also love the fact that I could create a garden that would feed us. If I ever need to we have more problems than just being able to afford our grocery bill.

If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need. Marcus Aurelius Cicero

One of the things I love about listening to Jordan Peterson is he puts in perspective, taking things for granted.  We take our freedom, our access to water, food, and freedom as a right and we complain if we think things could and should be better. His question often is why aren’t things worse? How have we managed to build a society where we respect the rights of others, we educate children that are not our own, and we try and help people who have a rough go of it.

We could live in armed family clans even if we were only armed with sticks but we don’t. It is safe to travel, alone, and as a woman. Everything about our society is not perfect, and being part of it we may minimize the mistakes of the past while those impacted by them have been impacted greatly in negative ways. We may be tempted to say, but look at what you gained instead of what you lost.

We need to be careful because all of us are capable of seeing the glass half empty instead of half full. Our society was built from the ideas in a book. It is a book that changed the world. People who follow the teachings of that book never do it perfectly and it isn’t evident to a lot of people that the source of their good society is because of that book. This wasn’t evident to me but after listening to a Jordan Peterson interview with Vishal Mangalwadi author of “The Book That Made Your World” and “This Book Changed Everything” I am seeing life and society differently. As I listen to Jordan Peterson’s podcasts and read his books I am grateful that even though our society is not perfect it is better than it could be.

I am becoming more grateful for people who tried to build a better society and more empathetic towards their failings. I wonder if we would have the strength of character needed to challenge the ills of slavery, as England did in the early 1800s? It was effective and no other country was standing up to do it. Indeed Adam Smith believed or so it seems from his writings that slavery was a societal ill, but he didn’t have faith that it would be ended.

What if England didn’t outlaw the slave trade and finally slavery? Would we still have it today? We do still have slavery in parts of the world.

What does this have to do with a garden? I have a garden because I live in peace and plenty. I live in peace and plenty because of the ideals Canada is built on. We aren’t perfect, and life is not fair, some of us have life easy and some of us have life hard, but in a country like Canada, I believe we can, for the most part, build a life we can be proud of.

Therefore whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you do ye even so unto them. The golden rule Mathew 7:12

We’re blaming society, yet we are society. So to make it a better place, we must change ourselves first. Unknown

A society can only be rich with good thoughts and intentions. Unknown

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.  

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The Book the Made Your World by Vishal Mangalwadi
When Can We Get A Puppy by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Sorrow by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Silence by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Posted on by BWThomas

When is standing up for ourselves defensiveness? Why do we feel the need to defend ourselves if we are right?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

When someone is rude, keep a smile on your face. When you stay on the high road and keep your joy, you take away their power. Joel Osteen

Sometimes we do things and then because we did them we get pushed to do them again. What is the point when we are being pushed unfairly and we are unreasonable in not wanting to be pushed at all?

Sometimes I wonder whose interests are paramount. When do we give in to get along and it’s okay, and when do we need to stand firm? I’m not sure it matters what the issue is. No matter the issue we always wrestle with how much compromise is okay and how much is too much. When are we giving in to someone else’s demands at the danger of betraying our own beliefs, values, and good judgment? When does standing up for what we feel is unfair or defaming our character, go too far? When does standing up cause the problem we were hoping to avoid?

One of the things I’ve learned is that getting defensive doesn’t work. It is really hard not to want to defend ourselves when we feel unjustly accused. Being honest is not the same as being defensive and conflict allows for reconnection but it can be very messy as we connect, rupture, protest, repair, and reconnect over and over again. The two most important steps of an “ideal conflict” are protest and repair. It is during the moments of protest and repair that we build faith in the resiliency of the relationship. We need to work through our conflicts openly but not publicly.

If we don’t work through our conflicts they don’t go away, we deal with them indirectly and we have just seen one dealt with through the courts. We are wired to defend ourselves, and to connect with someone we need to remain generous and understanding of the other person throughout our relationship or we may end up in a very bitter situation. We may be tempted to withdraw but this is not helpful and leads to disconnection which harms the relationship further. Experts tell us sometimes when we least feel like reaching out to our loved ones to reconnect is when we should take the risk, and the result will pay off much more than isolating ourselves.

Ten percent of conflict is due to differences in opinion and ninety percent is due to delivery and tone of voice. Unknown

None of us are perfect we will do and say things that will cause problems in our relationships. We need to be okay with our own imperfections and the imperfections of others. How do we learn to listen to our partner lament about our shortcomings without getting defensive so we don’t seem emotionally unavailable or untrustworthy?

I don’t think I respond well to criticism. But, I don’t think I perceive every situation as an attack like some people who are too sensitive. What is the perfect degree of sensitivity? We carry a lot of baggage with us from childhood and the feeling we have to defend ourselves is hardwired into us. This impulse causes a lot of damage to our relationships. We need to be willing to talk about our issues openly so they can be dealt with because if we don’t talk about what bothers us we smolder with resentment and that doesn’t get us anywhere.

We are told to learn to hear our partner’s complaints about us with curiosity and openness. We can if we are brave enough take a good look at their complaints and see if we can become a better version of ourselves. Life is a growth opportunity and there will be room for growth throughout our lives. We will never reach perfection and perhaps we shouldn’t feel the need to defend ourselves that we aren’t perfect yet, if we can honestly say we think most of the time we do our best.  

Good luck with this; it’s a hard one for me to be curious about.

There is never a reason to be defensive. If you are wrong you have no defense. If you are right you need no defense. Unknown

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure that you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. Unknown

Sometimes, not saying anything is the best answer. You see, silence can never be misquoted. Unknown

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you for reading my books, a special thank you to those who leave a review on Amazon and Goodreads. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

When Can We Get A Puppy by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Sorrow by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Silence by Belynda Wilson Thomas