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Giving and receiving in life and marriage create balance and abundance in our lives.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Giving and receiving are different expressions of the same flow of energy in the universe. Deepak Chopra

The wedding is over, and the marriage begins. A wonderful weekend of festivities is over. My feet are still sore – why do pretty shoes hurt our feet so much?

The DJ played the wrong song for the bride to walk down the aisle. I didn’t notice! She said to herself, pictures are being taken and she smiled and walked down the aisle and now they have a story to tell. One of the things to know in life is it isn’t life going along how we want it, but how we react when it doesn’t that makes the stories.

We went out for brunch with some of her family and had a barbecue with some of ours in the evening. It was a wonderful wrap-up to a beautiful wedding. Perhaps marriages are like birthing a child. They take a gestation period of planning and preparation culminating in a celebration. After going through the whole process we are changed in subtle ways.

After all this our families are joined, my daughter’s parents-in-law came to the wedding and we are going to our daughter-in-law’s sister’s wedding reception in a couple of weeks. The ties that bind are being woven.

Only by giving are you able to receive more than you already have. Jim Rohn

We may wish we could stay in a simpler time, a time we liked better, but we are here. Our children have created their own families, and life is progressing as it should. As I write this I am listening to someone talk on the radio about what is happening in Quebec. The French and English were never in an equal marriage even in the beginning. Taking draconian action against the English is not likely to make Quebec a better, stronger, or more equal society.

We are equal as individuals and that has to be good enough. I sometimes think it isn’t but I have to give myself a shake. What other kind of equality is there? My family, scattered across Canada hasn’t had the weight in my children’s life that my husband’s family has. We are more numerous but less present.

Two of my sisters were present at my son’s wedding. It is a blessing my oldest sister flew across Canada to be with us. It was a lot of effort to celebrate with us. My nephew that danced at our wedding, danced at our son’s.

These lovely moments build our lives. Sharing them with friends and family strengthens our bonds and we will share moments and memories over the years. Our little dog was cared for by my friend’s son, another deeper connection.  

The more we put into life the more we get out of life. The more people we love the more love it seems we have to give. The more we widen our circle, the more willing we are to widen it further. The more people’s lives we touch and who touch our lives the more fulfilling our lives are. The more we give, the more we get.

Blessed are those that can give without remembering and receive without forgetting. Unknown

A balance of giving and receiving is essential to keeping your energy, mood, and motivation at a consistently high level. Doreen Virtue

Giving is better than receiving because giving starts the receiving process. Jim Rohn

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to everyone that reads my books. A special thank you to those that leave a review on Amazon and Goodreads. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

When Can We Get A Puppy by Belynda Wilson Thomas
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We build a life by the choices we make, if we want a better life we need to make better choices.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you. John C. Maxwell

Advice to my son as he gets married.  The world needs strong, good men. It always has needed them and it may need them even more as we face the challenges ahead of us. It isn’t easy being strong in a time when “toxic masculinity” is tossed around. We wouldn’t have the society we have if it wasn’t for strong good men. In saying that I am not saying women have not done their part. Men and women built this society, they stood up to tyranny, they stood up for what was right, and they’ve made mistakes.

Courage is one of the most important virtues it might even be the most important one because without courage how do we stand up for ourselves, others, those we love, and those we want justice for.

Good strong men are not our problem in society they are what is needed to keep us going on an even keel. I grew up with a good strong father who wanted a good life for all his children. Good people want a good life for all their children even the children that don’t fit neatly into boxes.

The children who have it the worst in our society are the ones without good strong fathers in their lives. It isn’t too much masculinity that ruins a lot of lives it is the lack of masculinity in lives and what some people are calling masculinity. Good strong men don’t take advantage of people, they stand up for others. They work hard to elevate themselves and their families, some start businesses where they hire people, build society, and make life better for everyone.

Good strong men have stood up to tyranny. We forget that all men didn’t get the vote that much earlier than women. I believe in the man being the head of the home because women have a big enough job being the heart of the home. I also believe we don’t demand respect, we command respect. A man that commands respect is what all men should aspire to and the type of man all women should aspire to marry and build a family with. A woman that commands respect, is what all men should aspire to marry and build a family with. If we build our families with a man we respect then our children have a father they can respect. If a man respects his wife then his children have a mother they will respect. If we respect ourselves then we will conduct ourselves in ways that continue to garner respect throughout our lives.

We have to be our own control boards, we have to decide how we will conduct ourselves, what choices we will make, and what principles we will stand behind and build our lives on.

If we have faith in ourselves, other people, and faith in a power greater than ourselves we can face the challenges that we will undoubtedly face in life. We don’t know when we may be brought to our knees, dealt an unfair hand, deal with malevolence, or unfairness.

The consequences of the choices you make can change your life in the blink of an eye, be sure of what you do before you do it, sometimes it can’t be undone. Unknown

Life isn’t fair, we don’t all start at the same starting line, we don’t have the same talents, but we have a life to live and make the best of. If we can live a life grateful for what we have, the opportunities that present themselves, the people we love, challenges that will help us grow and become better then hopefully we will get to the end of our lives surrounded by people we love who will know we did our best most of the time, and they will be grateful we were in their lives.

To be a blessing in the lives of our children, grandchildren, and on down the generations is what we should aspire to, and if we aren’t blessed with our own children we can still be a blessing to the generations that follow us.

We weren’t perfect parents; we tried to do the best we knew how to do. It is your turn to take on the mantle of husband and hopefully father. Doing your best is all anyone can ask. It isn’t easy to look in the mirror and ask if you really did your best, but it is an exercise that will help you know if you are building the life you want or if you need to make some changes. If you make the changes that make things better you will feel better about your life, and your life will have a positive trajectory. Keep control of the little things and the big things take care of themselves.

We don’t notice the impact of little choices in the short term that have a big impact on our life over the long term, but over time those choices add up. Unknown

Every choice comes with a consequence. Once you make a choice, you must accept responsibility. You cannot escape the consequences of your choices, whether you like them or not. Roy T. Bennett

One of the most important things that I have learned… is that life is all about choices. On every journey you take, you face choices. At every fork in the road, you make a choice. And it is those decisions that shape our lives. Mike DeWine

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to everyone that reads my books. A special thank you to those that leave a review on Goodreads or Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

When Can We Get A Puppy by Belynda Wilson Thomas
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Building a good marriage is one of the highest goals we can aspire to which will reap rewards for ourselves, our families, and society down the generations.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Mignon McLaughlin

It is less than a week before our son’s wedding. It’s taken so long, and it is here so fast. For our daughter’s wedding, we went to Jamaica and it was hectic before we left getting flowers, centerpieces, etc. ready. This time it is a local event so we are not as involved in preparations. We are hosting the rehearsal party at our house and we discussed who would be here and what to serve last evening,

On Saturday two friends and I got our eyebrows threaded and today we are getting manicures and pedicures. I wasn’t going to give a speech, but now I will say grace. My daughter laughs and tells me Grace (my middle name) give a good grace.

It isn’t that I didn’t want to give a speech at my son’s wedding (I’m a Toastmaster after all) but they are not having a lot of speeches and the bride’s mother isn’t giving a speech. My son-in-law said, “I would have lost that bet, I thought for sure you would give a speech.” Now I am saying grace because our dear friend whom we all knew without question would be the one to grace the table, can’t attend.

Marriage is a fundamental institution that brings stability to our lives. I don’t mean you have to get the license and have the party although I think making a statement to yourselves and the community has power. My uncle said, “I don’t need a paper pinned to my bum to know I am married.” I believe that is true, we make the commitment to someone because we’ve made the commitment, and it is making the commitment to live through the highs and lows of life together that is important. My uncle’s wife was with him to the end, sitting by his bedside in a nursing home until he took his last breath. We don’t know what challenges are in front of us but if we have a partner to go through life with I think it is easier and more fun.

Marriages, like a garden, take time to grow. But the harvest is rich unto those who patiently and tenderly care for the ground. Darlene Schacht

Statistics show marriage is an economic win for people. One of the biggest drivers of poverty is people not marrying and staying together. I watch my daughter and son-in-law with their new baby. It warms my heart to see my grandson in his father’s arms. He loves to be held by my husband. Even at this very young age, masculine energy calms him.

We build our lives by the decisions we make and a good life isn’t built all at once with one big decision and nor dare I say is a not-so-good life. If we are making decisions that move us closer to the good, our life will be quite different than if the decisions we make always make things a little worse. We won’t always make the right decision, we will have to do relationship repair, and make u-turns. It may be tempting to think sometimes it can’t get any worse than this, but that is rarely true and a few stupid decisions might show us just how bad it can get.

With gratitude for all the blessings in our lives, we see our son enter the state of matrimony with all the promise that brings. Wouldn’t it be nice if at this wedding some of the single people find a partner? Marriage is not a fairy tale, but having a partner to go through the ups and downs of life with is one of the great blessings we can aspire to.

Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry. Tom Mullen

Marriage is the highest state of friendship. If happy, it lessens our cares by dividing them, at the same time that it doubles our pleasures by mutual participation. Samuel Richardson

There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage. Martin Luther

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to everyone that reads my books. A special thank you to those that leave a review on Amazon and Goodreads. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon Affiliate program.

When Can We Get A Puppy by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Sorrow by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Silence by Belynda Wilson Thomas
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What is the truth, and who is speaking it? Is Anglo-Saxon now a racist term?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Anyone who believes exponential growth can go on forever in a finite world is either a madman or an economist. Kenneth E. Boulding

It takes courage to speak the truth, but what is truth? This is the question I keep asking myself. Is it true that the powers that be in Canada want to increase our population to 100 million by 2100? Is it true they expect the greater Toronto area to go from a population of 8.8 million to 33.5 million? If you are one of the people who can’t find a house or think your children or grandchildren can’t get a house, what do you think their chances will be when the population is 33.5 million and growing?

Why do we want the population to increase quickly? Who does it benefit? Will this give Canadians cleaner air, a better standard of living per capita, lower greenhouse emissions, better access to healthy food, great education, and opportunity? Will other species we share this great land with be better off?

I don’t ask this only as a White-Anglo-Saxon-Protestant, which I am, but also for immigrant families, I know who came here for a better life but whose children had to go outside of Canada to become doctors and a dentist.

Now I know, (heard yesterday on the radio) that Anglo-Saxon is considered a dog-whistle to white supremacy. Have we gone completely mad?

Canada has the highest immigration rate of the G7 countries and people come from around the world to make Canada their home to live in peace and plenty. I have a bombshell to drop. If we want to live beside someone who speaks our language and shares our religion that doesn’t make us racist, or am I racist for thinking we get to choose our friends, neighbors, and what religion to follow even if that is no religion at all. We get to choose who we date, marry and create families with. Self-interest is not racism but we are being made to believe it is. In an article, I found on the internet by Eric Kaufmann from March 2017 titled “Racial Self-Interest Is Not Racism Ethno-demographic interests and the immigration debate.

In his article, he states, “Only a minority of American and British respondents consider it racist for people to want immigration reduced or selectively increased to give their group a demographic advantage. A majority of all racial backgrounds consider this a racially self-interested rather than racist preference.”

“White Americans are somewhat more likely to consider white majority own-group immigration preference racist (32%) than white British people (24%). Liberals, especially white American liberals, are more inconsistent in their view of which immigration preferences are racist rather than conservatives. Liberals are also more likely than conservatives to call ethnic preferences racist despite the fact the questions explicitly state people’s immigration preferences are driven by ethno-demographic interests, not an irrational fear or hatred of the other.”

“73% of white liberals say a white American who wants to reduce immigration to maintain their group’s share of the population is being racist, but just 11% of conservatives agree.”

We are creating a problem we don’t need to create. Canada does not need to increase its population so quickly that the people here feel the effects negatively as a housing shortage, lack of educational opportunities for their children and grandchildren, and higher taxes to mitigate our carbon footprint that can’t help but grow with a higher population. We also risk paving over our best farmland if we are to provide the housing that is needed.

Overconsumption and overpopulation underlie every environmental problem we face today. Jacques Yves Cousteau

What is the end goal, why do we have to grow so rapidly that we can’t accommodate who is here or who is coming adequately? I could be wrong, I am not an advocate for bigger is always better. Canada was and still is, for the most part, a great country with opportunity.  But, when people can’t own a home, they don’t have the security a home brings, their happiness quotient goes down, and with that comes a host of problems we are already seeing in homelessness, drug and alcohol addiction, suicide, and crime. Happy counties are for the most part safe countries. I don’t want Canada to have been a safe and happy country to grow up in. I want it to remain a safe and happy country to grow up in. I want this for my grandchildren, great grandchildren, and on down the line. I wish the same for every person in Canada.

We have problems we need to look after because we are not perfect. Focusing on growth instead of the quality of life for all of our citizens doesn’t seem like what we should focus on. This doesn’t mean I am right. We won’t know if we went in the best direction, we will only know what we did and look back. I hope we don’t look back with regret.

Unless things go better for Canadians in the next eighty-eight years as we grow rapidly toward 100 million people I don’t see more equality, opportunity, life satisfaction, or harmony among people as more people compete for scarce resources.

A finite world can support only a finite population; therefore, population growth must eventually equal zero. Garrett Hardin

The negative impact of population growth on all of our planetary ecosystems is becoming appallingly evident. David Rockefeller

If we do not voluntarily bring population growth under control in the next one or two decades, then nature will do it for us in the most brutal way, whether we like it or not. Henry W. Kendall

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, or see archives and categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to those who read my books. A special thank you to those who leave a review on Amazon and Goodreads. if you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

When Can We Get A Puppy by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Sorrow by Belynda Wilson Thomas
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Envy is one of the deadly sins. How does envy play out in our lives?

Photo by Belynda Wilson Thomas

The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves. William Penn

Is envy at the root of many of the ills of our society? Was it envy that made Cain kill Abel?

There is a big difference between jealousy and envy. We are jealous if we think a girl is after our guy or worse yet he is showing some interest in her. In our mind our husband is ours and we feel threatened that we might lose something we have.

Envy is a reaction to something we think we lack. We may be envious of someone and their husband, their career, new car, fame, fortune, or opportunity. Envy harms us in a negative way if it takes up our time, consumes our thoughts, ruins our professional or personal relationships, warps our personality, and creates negativity in our lives.

Can it be a good thing if it spurs us to take action to better our lives and if it makes us move past the fear of failure by taking action to prove we can do it too?

God told Cain it was up to him what happened with his envy. If he changes, he will be able to control his anger and not sin. If on the other hand he does not, his anger will overcome him and he will commit a terrible crime. Cain slew Able because he didn’t control his anger.

Is this same scenario being acted out in our society over and over again by people who cannot control their envy and become bitter and resentful? What we also have going on is the media attention this garners which might make some people feel powerful for the moment, “Ignore this,” as they spray bullets.

Gratitude for what we have is one of the antidotes to envy. We can stop judging ourselves and comparing ourselves to others. We need to forgive ourselves for not being or having what we envy. We may need to forgive the person we envy for making us envious because of their good fortune, hard work, or genetic lottery. We can turn our envy into an appreciation of others’ good fortune. We can use our envy to generate goals for ourselves.

Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own. Harold Coffin

If we can live by our own definition of success, and realize no matter what we see in someone else’s life we don’t know the whole story. We need to remember that other people’s success doesn’t impact our own; we need to do what we need to do to feel successful in our own lives. Can we quit comparing ourselves to other people and focus on our talents, assets, and goals? Can we be thankful for the people in our lives? Can we accept the things we can’t change, and change the things we can to create our best life?

There may be things we can’t change that are the cause of our envy. We will need to come to a place of acceptance before our envy turns into a negative force. We may need to look for a group of positive and grateful people. People who are nonjudgmental, generous, and kind may help us begin to feel that way too.

Maybe we can start a gratitude journal, focus on one positive thing per day, stay away from negative input, remind ourselves of what we can control, and give other people compliments. Research tells us that complimenting people we envy can help us overcome our feelings of resentment. Can we find a way to help others and will this help us see how much good we have going for us, in our own life?

Envy is one of the seven deadly sins. When it shows up in our lives we need to find ways to deal with it positively because if we don’t it may overcome us.

What role does envy play in our life?

Blessed is he who has learned to admire but not envy, to follow but not imitate, to praise but not flatter, and to lead but not manipulate. William Arthur Ward

A person is born with feelings of envy and hate. If he gives way to them, they will lead him to violence and crime, and any sense of loyalty and good faith will be abandoned. Xun Kuang

Jealousy is both reasonable and belongs to reasonable men, while envy is base and belongs to the base, for the one makes himself get good things by jealousy, while the other does not allow his neighbor to have them through envy. Aristotle

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, or see archives and categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end. Please subscribe and comment.

Thank you to those who read my books. A special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

When Can We Get A Puppy by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Sorrow by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Silence by Belynda Wilson Thomas
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Making things better. If we can say at the end of our lives, “I made things better than I found them,” what a life that will be.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

If we’re not actively making things better, chances are we’re making them worse. William Westney

We create our life by the things we do daily. If we don’t eat well for a day that is okay, we can splurge for a day or a week on vacation, but if we keep doing it day after day we will notice it in a year.

Even if we start with one pushup per day if we do it for a year we will notice a difference. Just as if we’ve been doing some exercise, going for a walk, doing our pushups, doing yoga, and then we quit we will notice it over time. This is how we can have an event come up and we know what we’ll wear until we try it on.

My daughter is part of the bridal party for my son’s wedding. Her son will be not quite two months old. She’s going to see the seamstress next Friday because she worried if she went too quick the weight she’s losing would make her newly altered dress still too big. Breastfeeding is wonderful for slimming us down after having a baby. It’s feeding him every day that is doing the trick.

A friend asked me about setting up an RESP for my grandson. Get that compound interest to work she advised. She is right. Small amounts of money that are saved regularly and allowed to grow become something.

Writing a small amount every day becomes a book. All the years I spent thinking about writing didn’t get me anywhere but making it a habit has created three books.

Mom has walked almost daily for years, she is slowing down at 97 and lost her walking partner, but had she not been walking over these years she wouldn’t be as good as she is.

This isn’t about living a life of perfection, but we can make better choices over worse ones. Sometimes we make choices that make other choices necessary we don’t want to make. This is in part why I think we are having a housing crisis. We haven’t built the houses to house the people as our cities grow. There are lots of reasons for this. We want protected green spaces. We want to limit sprawl. We don’t want to build on the best farmland in Canada. Yet, we want to grow our cities and increase our population.

Population growth is happening and I do think we could encourage density by encouraging basement apartments, and low-rise multi-family buildings. Landlords are being made out to be the bad guy and they are providing what rental housing there is.

The purpose of life is to contribute in some way to making things better. Robert F. Kennedy

My husband was doing a job for a landlord of a rental building. He and the landlord went for coffee, “They think I’m getting rich but I’m just holding on,” he lamented to my husband.  Many small businesses are just holding on and a lot of big ones too, I’ll bet. Where will we be if the people who make things happen quit and many of them could? They could throw their hands in the air and retire to the beach on some small island and leave us to figure it out.

Rent controls were brought in while or before I was renting, but I never lived in the older buildings that were rent-controlled. Landlords are made to be monsters to want tenants who don’t pay enough rent for the utilities they use to move out. The idea that we can have things we don’t pay for is a strange idea. As we don’t have enough housing for everyone, those that can’t pay will be the ones left out as even marginal housing will get even more expensive. We think we can get past the law of supply and demand but of course, we can’t.

In many ways, I fear the last fifty or more years of living have not been sustainable in too many ways to mention. It doesn’t happen all at once it happens, one small decision at a time until here we are. That doesn’t mean I think things are hopeless, but we have things we have to deal with, and the decisions made will reverberate down the generations like they always do.

We will have to wrestle between conservation and growth. We have to do it in our individual lives, our communities, cities, and countries. We build our lives by what we do daily and we have created a habit of wastefulness. In our abundance, we didn’t think we had to be good stewards. Maybe we each need to ask ourselves what daily habits can we create to make things better in our own lives, and the lives of future generations. Is it still possible to leave things better than we found them?

Nobody has the ability to make things perfect, but we are given chances to make them better. Unknown

Every challenge is nothing more than a chance to make things better. Robin Sharma

Wanting less is probably a better blessing than having more. Mary Ellen Edmunds

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to those who read my books. A special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

When Can We Get A Puppy by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Sorrow by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Silence by Belynda Wilson Thomas
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Mother’s Day and motherhood. We are blessed if we have experienced a mother’s love.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Nothing in life will ever make you as happy, sad, exhausted, or proud as motherhood. Unknown

Yesterday was my daughter’s first Mother’s Day as a mother and my first Mother’s Day as a grandmother. It was a lovely day with our Cherry tree blooming in the backyard, and the Star Magnolia ablaze in blossoms. We made a pancake breakfast and my Mother-In-Law joined us for the day.

My grandson had his great-grandma, grandma, grandpa, mommy, daddy, and later his aunt and uncle enjoying the day. My son’s wedding is less than three weeks away. We went over seating arrangements, who will be giving speeches, and last-minute details.

I gave my grandson a bottle of breast milk while his mom cooked the pancakes. Next Saturday I will be looking after him while she goes to my future daughter-in-law’s bachelorette party. This will be my daughter’s first outing without her son.

My son-in-law holds his son still with a look of awe at this addition to his life. The bonding that is done at this stage in an infant’s life might lay the foundation for future relationships. If our children don’t form strong attachments this can cause severe problems throughout their life. One of the joys of holding my grandson is how intently he gazes back as if we are in a mind-meld.

Motherhood is romanticized but the early bond between mother and child is important and not to be dismissed lightly. We might not have a lot of time to create the bonds that shape our lives.

Being part of a close-knit family is one of the joys in life. They are often messy, raucous, and perfectly imperfect families, but they are ours. No matter how long we are apart when we get together it is fun and filled with laughter, sometimes some angst and tears. We go through life with our families, especially the bond we have with our mother and father color all parts of our life. We never escape the influence of our early years. If we are lucky they set us up for life, love, and future relationships.

Succeeding as a mother is one of the joys of life. We get to see our children take their place in the world. They are ready to create families of their own and the chain continues. Having great parents is one of the biggest blessings in my life as it is in anyone’s life so blessed. If we get the love we need early it sustains us and helps us find relationships that work.

Love is the tie that binds. The redeeming power of love in our lives can be what makes the difference in our lives. We don’t understand why some babies don’t develop a secure attachment to their mothers?

Attachment is a relationship in the service of a baby’s emotion regulation and exploration. It is the deep, abiding confidence a baby has in the availability and responsiveness of the caregiver. Alan Sroufe

A secure attachment has at least three functions. It provides a sense of safety and security. It Regulates emotions, by soothing distress, creating joy, and supporting calm and it offers a secure base from which to explore.

In spite of the long scientific history of attachment, psychologists have done a poor job of communicating what a secure attachment is, and how to create one. There is a difference between a “tight” connection and a secure attachment. A tight attachment – together all the time – might actually be an anxious attachment,” Alan Sroufe explains. He says it isn’t what we do exactly, it is also the caregiver’s orientation and attunement: is the caregiver stressed or calm, checked out or engaged, and are they reading the baby’s signals.

Of course, it isn’t as easy as breastfeeding over the bottle, it is how one feels breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, and the interaction with the baby. What are important researchers tell us is that the baby develops a generalized trust that their caregiver will respond and meet their needs, or that when mismatches occur, the caregiver will repair them (and babies, themselves, will go a long way toward soliciting that repair).

Nothing in life it seems is easy, or simple, and parenting is certainly not. The more we worry about it the worse it might be. We may have to trust ourselves and our babies, enjoy the experience and do the best we can. Enjoying being a parent may be more important than we think. When we can find joy in life, and we are around people who are enjoying life don’t we all feel better?

Motherhood is a forever love story… Enjoy every minute and treasure it. Isa

A mother’s love is more beautiful than any fresh flower. Debasish Mridha

Mother, the ribbons of your love are woven around my heart. Anonymous

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When Can We Get A Puppy by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Sorrow by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Silence by Belynda Wilson Thomas
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Making the best of bad choices. Sometimes we have to choose between the best of two evils.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Hard times are sometimes blessings in disguise. We do have to suffer but in the end it makes us strong, better and wise. Anurag Prakash Ray

The abortion issue in the U.S. rears its head again, or has it never stopped rearing its head? Abortion, although a simple medical procedure, is not just a simple medical procedure. There is nothing simple about the angst one must feel to even have to consider needing the procedure done.

There is also the angst felt by those who feel abortion is absolutely under all circumstances wrong. They believe any support for abortion taints their lives. All people should live their lives by their moral code, but does that mean they should force that moral code on everyone else?

Some people believe if Roe Versus Wade is struck down and it looks like it will be that an abortion law can’t be brought in. People are worried about losing what they have even though a better way forward for abortion in the U.S. could be found. Indeed it may have to be found.

Abortion may indeed be evil, but how much more evil happens when it is made illegal? A good society has to balance the harm done by making things legal, and the harm caused when making things illegal. Does a good society choose the option that does the least harm?

This gets to be a tricky question, what causes the most harm? We have places where harm reduction regarding drugs is making parts of cities almost unlivable. The death rate caused by drugs has gone up because the harm reduction appears to increase drug use.

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared by scars. Khalil Gibran

Many of us, probably most of us want our societal problems pushed away so we are not confronted by them. I ask myself often what makes a good society. What makes a not-so-good society become a better society, and what causes a once good society to not be so good anymore? I also ask myself where we are on this scale.

It takes courage to deal with problems in our own lives and in society. One of the things we need is the courage to face what has to be faced and not pretend it doesn’t have to be faced. The more courage we have in our own lives to face our challenges and see what we do that is likely to present challenges, the better our life will be.

Abortion laws have been changed before, and they may be changed again. We have to deal with these tricky issues because life is messy. Even here in Canada where I think how we handle abortion at this time is reasonable and rationale. It is still an issue that divides us and perhaps it always will.

I do think more women probably regret their abortion than regret the baby in the end. You can’t think about the baby that would have been at ten, twenty, thirty, or forty, and not think about what they would have done in life, who they would have been, and how the world would have benefitted from their contribution. That doesn’t mean, I think someone making that desperate choice should have to have a back alley or self-induced abortion when that is the choice they feel compelled to make.

We must meet the challenge rather than wish it were not before us. William J. Brennan

You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice. Bob Marley

She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails. Elizabeth Edwards

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you for reading my books. A special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

When Can We Get A Puppy by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Sorrow by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Silence by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Posted on by BWThomas

Learning to have self-control, means learning to let others have self-control. We suffer when we want to control others.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

When we learn that we cannot truly control others, circumstances, or things, we will begin to let go, We will begin to find freedom. Unknown

Once we are parents and grandparents we get joy, not just from the steps we take, but from the steps we see our children and grandchildren take. Yesterday, my daughter, her almost one-month-old son, and I went to see my son and his fiancé’s new place. When people are moving there is always something to help out with. It is lovely to see our children take their place in the world.

We may think they are too fast or too slow about moving out, getting married, having children, starting a business, quitting jobs, sometimes quitting relationships, but they need to live their lives, and we are only bystanders. It can be hard remembering that our children’s business isn’t our business. We only should offer the input they ask for. We have to respect their choices and their decisions. Many children don’t think their parents are making the right decisions and they have to respect those as well. We need to respect people’s choices big and small even if we don’t agree with them. Honor their choices of stocks, socks, mates, friends, and life decisions.

The more we let other people live their lives on their own terms the better it is for our relationships. This applies to our marriages as well which can be even harder because in marriage our partner’s choices affect us greatly. I laugh as I write this. One of my father’s sisters wanted him to dress better and so when she came over he always dressed worse. One day he asked Mom to help him sew a patch on a shirt that didn’t need a patch so he could wear it for his sister’s visit.

One day Mom took his sister to Dad’s closet filled with beautiful shirts he refused to wear when she was over because he was making a point. I’m not sure my aunt ever got the point but Mom did. I’m sure Mom would have preferred a well-dressed husband when her in-laws came over instead of the poor-poor farmer outfit he put on for his sister.

Power is not controlling other people. Power is controlling yourself. Trying to control other people is the first sign that you are entirely out of control. Controlling others is what weak people think power looks like. Kalen Dion

We have to accept people how they are and not how we wish they were. This hits home from time to time and I have to relinquish my controlling ways. It might be better if people did things my way but they need to do things their way, and if I leave them alone they may even see the wisdom in doing things another way if they have a choice. When they don’t feel they have a choice often they dig in their heels refusing to change even if it is for their own good. Keeping my mouth zipped is difficult and when I don’t succeed in keeping it zipped often things get worse instead of better.

There is enough to manage if I can manage my own business well. Is it easier to try and manage what others do than what we should do?

You can never control or change how others think, feel, or act. You can only change how you think, feel, and act, and lead by example. Celestine Chau

A powerful personality is not about being in control or controlling others, it is about staying rooted in your own core values, integrity and authenticity. Unknown

Being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections. Unknown

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end. Please subscribe, please comment,

Thank you for reading my books. A special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the purchase through the Amazon affiliate program.

The Confident Woman by Joyce Meyer
When Can We Get A Puppy by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Sorrow by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Silence by Belynda Wilson Thomas