Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas
We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone. Ronald Reagan
My son asked me to go for a walk the other evening. One of the questions he asked me was, “How do I help and encourage the people I want to help and encourage?”
Didn’t we all grow up hearing, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink?” There are examples all around us of people trying to motivate those that can’t seem to be motivated. We are sure their lives could be so much better if?
The first thing we all need to do is deal with the person in the mirror. That is the person we need to work on, that is the person we need to fix. By fixing ourselves we can become an example of someone that went from here to there. We become an example of an action that can be taken and results that can come from that action.
If we really want to try and help people we need to listen to them and understand them. When we listen to people we may learn that our dream for them isn’t anything like their dream for themselves. Maybe part of the problem is they don’t feel accepted for who they are. Maybe all our encouragement to be someone or something they are not is making them feel less accepted instead of more accepted.
We might find people don’t want to be our fixer-upper project. One of the easiest ways to turn a friend into an enemy is by offering them advice they don’t want to hear. Sometimes even though people need help we are not the help that they need and we are getting in the way of them getting the help that would benefit them.
One of the hardest things we may do is accept people how they are. It is what we need to do if we want to be friends. If they ask for advice we should give it but we shouldn’t be giving unsolicited advice, it is rarely appreciated. We need to take the attitude, I’m okay and you are okay. I will work on what I think I need to work on and you will work on what you think you need to work on. If you want my help you will ask for it, and if I can I will give you that help. If I can’t give you the help you need it is best if you find someone that can.
Help others achieve their dreams and you will achieve yours. Les Brown
If we really want to help people we need to find a way to encourage them to help themselves. I’m looking at a blog on helping the poor and the author says, “Charities can accept an apple from one man, and give it to another, Capitalism plants apple trees.”
Is teaching people to fish how we can help people? How do we do this in our families, communities, cities, countries, and world? If we start trying to help people to do something the person we most wanted to help may say, “Can you teach me how to do that?” All the cajoling in the world wouldn’t get them to that place but seeing other people accomplish something and believing they can accomplish it too, might be what lights a fire under them.
When we see other people doing things we want to do it makes us believe we also can accomplish it. When opportunities present themselves we can avail ourselves of, we may step up. If we take advantage of opportunities and turn those opportunities into something tangible, someone else will see they too can turn something, into something more.
Is being the best person we can be, and helping others to help themselves, the best way to impact the people around us?
Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you’ll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others. Unknown
There is no use whatever trying to help people who do not help themselves. You cannot push anyone up a ladder unless he be willing to climb himself. Andrew Carnegie
It is no kindness to treat unhappy people as helpless, hopeless, or inadequate, no matter what has happened to them. Kindness is having faith in the truth and that people can handle it and use it for their benefit. True compassion is helping people help themselves. William Glasser
Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.
To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture, and scroll to the end.
If you purchase an item through the Amazon link I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.
Unhealthy Helping: A Psychological Guide to Overcoming Codependence, Enabling, and Other Dysfunctional Giving Paperback – May 16 2016
by Shawn Meghan Burn PhD (Author)