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Empathy and compassion. There is a downside to empathy. Is there a downside to compassion?

There is a downside to empathy. Is there a downside to compassion? Empathy and compassion.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself. Marcus Aurelius

We hear a lot about empathy and how we need more empathy. There is a downside to being too empathetic. If we are too empathetic we feel other people’s pain too much. Walt Whitman said, “I do not ask the wounded person how he feels. I myself become the wounded person.” This is great for artists who want to feel what someone else feels and express it in some way.

It is not so good if we need to help someone. We may be better to develop compassion instead of empathy if we are to help people. We need to know that even though something hurts we must get through the hurt to get better. Wallowing with others where they are is not moving anything forward.

Psychologists describe empathy in three ways: You can think it, feel it, or be moved by it.

With cognitive empathy, you understand what someone else is thinking and feeling, as when you relate to a character in a novel or take someone’s perspective during a business negotiation.

With emotional empathy, you actually put yourself in someone else’s shoes and feel their emotion. This is the type of response that, left unchecked, can lead to caretaker burnout.

And then there’s compassionate empathy, where you feel concerned about another’s suffering, but from more of a distance and with a desire to help the person in need.

The risk of getting too caught up in empathy about another person’s situation is we lose sight of ourselves or the bigger picture.

We risk being flooded with pain, fear, and uncertainty if we remain too often in a truly empathic state, unable to provide a potentially healing presence.  Sometimes we need to be at our most calm when our clients are at their most anxious, to be able to relay that we understand their plight and that they are heard. From the Downside of Empathy

One way to keep empathy in check is through compassionate meditation.

”Start by envisioning someone you know who may be in pain or may have gone through a stressful event,” he says, “and then envision them being relieved of that suffering.” It may be helpful to repeat a phrase silently in your mind, such as: May you be happy and be free of suffering.

”Encouraging the focus on the person’s well-being and happiness, instead of their distress, actually shifts our brain’s pathways from experiencing painful empathy to the more rewarding areas of compassion,” Davidson says. “It’s this process that helps us to detach from their suffering.”

”Research shows that these simple exercises actually affect your actions in the real world, making you more likely to be pro-social and helpful.”

We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more in imagination than in reality. Seneca

To be great leaders we need a combination of empathy, sympathy, and compassion. We often need to balance our emotions to be effective.  If we have too much empathy with one group we may not be fair to other groups.  Many leaders are said to favor business, but because we all get our jobs from a business of our own or someone else’s how else is an economy supported?

We are in a tough situation now where our empathy for those who contract a disease may be at the expense of those that keep body and soul together through work which produces an economy we all benefit from.

One of the main problems with empathy is it works like a spotlight, highlighting certain people in the here and now, making their plight known to us. This can sometimes be a good thing, but often they get support as a single person in some immediate distress. Empathy tends to favor one over the many.

Psychologists asked some subjects how much money they would give to develop a drug to save the life of one child and others were asked how much money they would give to save eight children. People would give roughly the same in both cases. Then a third group of subjects was told the child’s name and shown her picture and the amount went up. Now the donation to help one child was higher than the amount to help eight children.

This sets up a perverse situation in which the suffering of one can matter more than the suffering of a thousand. We need to make moral decisions based on reason and not sentiment.

Another problem with the spotlight is they are vulnerable to bias. Who do we want to shine the spotlight on? Neuroscience provides many examples of where empathy picks favorites.

There is considerable debate over whether western aid to developing countries is actually making a positive difference.  There is a growing consensus that a lot of it has a negative effect. What could be wrong with sending over a little food and clothes? Those donations interfere with the economy of people there who are providing food and clothes. Local farmers and manufacturers are put out of business.

In war zones we tend to pick a side and providing aid may prolong the situation. If we give because people are unfortunate and there are others benefitting from that, then their interest is to make more people unfortunate so the giving continues. This is the case with child beggars who are maimed for other’s empathy. The more that is given the more children are maimed and put on the streets to beg.

People who are highly empathetic tend to be more violent and punitive when they see someone who is suffering. The suffering of innocents may warrant military intervention, but that often causes more suffering of more innocents.

We may have a hard choice when we see the ills of the world. Do we want to feel good, or do we want to make things better? We may not know how to make things better; we may only know how to make ourselves feel good. This is something to ponder especially as we are in a tough situation and the choices made will make a difference going forward.

Can we turn empathy for one into compassion for all? Do we need to take a logical not impassioned view? Are we looking at the big picture?

He who fears death will never do anything worthy of a man who is alive. Seneca

Life is very short and anxious for those who forget the past, neglect the present, and fear the future. Seneca

I judge you unfortunate because you have never lived through misfortune. You have passed through life without an opponent – no one can ever know what you are capable of, not even you. Seneca

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Against Empathy: The Case for Rational Compassion

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Against Empathy: The Case for Rational Compassion  Audible Audiobook – Unabridged

Paul Bloom (Author), Karen Cass (Narrator), HarperAudio (Publisher)4.1 out of 5 stars 147 ratings

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Practicing our good habits especially in uncertain times. Being grateful for what we have.

Being grateful for what we have. Practicing our good habits especially in uncertain times.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

First forget about inspiration. Habit is more dependable. Habit will sustain you whether you’re inspired or not. Octavia Butler

It’s easy to let our good habits slip at times like these. It’s easy to let them slip at any time and any excuse will do if we want an excuse. There will always be something that comes up so we don’t do what we said we would do.

It is easy to not edit, write, or do what is to be done by looking at statistics for what is going on. When this is over there will be something else calling us. If we say we want to write, paint, sing, dance, create a business, cook dinner, or clean the house we have to actually do it.

Many of us have been saying we’d get to it when… Now is when, and we know it wasn’t enough time we were waiting for because we still don’t want to do it. We didn’t want to do it then and we don’t want to do it now.

We’ve done it in many areas of our lives. We would love to save and invest but now isn’t the right time. How many “now isn’t the right time” things do we have in our life? At some point, we have to look ourselves in the mirror and say “I don’t want to do it.” If it’s something we haven’t done and we are alive and our life works maybe it doesn’t really need to be done. If our life isn’t working, that’s another story.

Only we can determine if our life is working at a level we are happy with. Is there something we really want to do that we haven’t done yet? Or is there something we say we want to do because it sounds good to have something to say when everyone else is saying what they want to do with their lives. Maybe we are really happy with our lives. Isn’t that great?

Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity. James Clear

Maybe we want less in our lives, not more? What if we’ve been too busy doing this and that? So busy we don’t have time to stop and smell the roses. What if it’s a manure pile we smell that we’ve gotten so used to we don’t recognize what it is and do something about it. We have to recognize what we have in our life. All manure piles are not negative, manure can be composted down to enrich our soil. We may be able to do the same with the figurative ones in our lives. Are we comfortable with who we are, what we’ve done, what we’ve built, our relationships, and how we spend our time?

Life is never secure for any of us. We just don’t acknowledge it most of the time and feel we can take for granted putting things off until tomorrow, and tomorrow, and the tomorrow after that.

Many of us have a moment in time now when our lives are on pause and our senses are heightened. Most months fly by, but aren’t we aware of every day in March except for the first few? “When this is over,” isn’t that what we are all thinking?

What changes will we make? What things will we no longer take for granted? What will we be more grateful for?

If I must be a slave to habit let me be a slave to good habits. Og Mandino

Follow the three R’s respect for self, respect for others, and responsibility for all your actions. Buddha

Show respect even to people who don’t deserve it; not as a reflection of their character, but as a reflection of yours. Dave Willis

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Unshakeable: Your Financial Freedom Playbook

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Unshakeable: Your Financial Freedom Playbook  Audible Audiobook – Unabridged

Tony Robbins (Author, Narrator), Jeremy Bobb (Narrator), Simon & Schuster Audio (Publisher)4.5 out of 5 stars 1,331 ratings

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Faith like potatoes. Trusting in what is unseen.

Trusting in what is unseen. Faith like potatoes.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Faith, it’s all about believing, you don’t know how it will happen, but you know it will. Unknown

Last night lying in bed I thought about a movie called Faith Like Potatoes. It is a 2005 South African biographical drama based on the 1998 book written by Angus Buchan.

Faith like potatoes is what we need now. Faith like potatoes is believing without seeing, knowing that something is happening on a level we cannot perceive. Any of us who grow a garden has to have faith that we are not wasting our effort and resources when we plant our seeds.

There have been times when seeds were needed for food. People were going hungry to save seed for the future crop but they saved the seed and they died rather than use up their seed because they knew with no seeds they had no future.

Our society is built on faith. Everything works because we have faith that what we plant will grow, what we build will be needed and what we deliver will be accepted and paid for. Our society goes round and round on little more than faith in each other. We produce the product before we are paid for it.

We have access to credit because of agreements to pay for what we are already using. Many services are provided on the basis of an agreement to pay. Without faith in each other, our society grinds to a halt.

Faith like potatoes isn’t just about faith in God but about trust in each other and humanity. Our leaders are doing their best to instill faith in us that together we will get through this. We will work together to keep our society working.

Faith is trusting each other to do our part even when our part is standing and waiting until it is time to do what we do. Faith is trusting that others are making the sacrifice as well which makes our sacrifice worthwhile.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best. Unknown

Easter is coming and Passover is exactly what we want. We want this to pass-over us, our society, our country, and the world. We are living in interesting and challenging times, but this isn’t the kind of excitement we wanted.

We might never look at a mundane trip to the mall or coffee shop the same again. Will it be as small or mundane after we’ve lived without it for however long we live without it? Now a coffee date is sitting in different chairs in different rooms if we are lucky enough to have different chairs and different rooms.

We may feel generous because we let someone else have the toilet paper we could add to our stash. Going for a walk and filling our lungs with fresh air and feeling the sun on our face is one of the highlights of our day. We have to be careful we don’t all want to go for a walk at the same time or in the same place.

If we’ve never thought we had time for a hobby we probably do now. This may help us in the long run as we face retirement. We may have been wishing we could press pause in our lives. This isn’t how we wanted it. But this is how it is. Are we making the best of it?

We need to be grateful for those who are not pressing pause. Some people are working harder than ever to keep toilet paper and other necessities in the store. Hospital staff is working beyond their capacity. Truckers, sanitation workers, grocery store employees, health care workers, people keeping the lights on and all necessary services are working harder than ever. We are grateful for all of them.

Having faith like potatoes will get us through this. We always need faith in our life. We are always counting on others to do what they need to do so we can do what we need to do. Our lives work on faith. We have faith in ourselves, others, our institutions, and faith in what makes our world run. We may call that faith by different names.

If we didn’t have faith we would never plant a potato or anything else. We would not go to school. We would not start a relationship and raise a family. We would not work together and build a society.

Do we have faith like potatoes? Are we giving thanks for everything in our lives?

Life is full of give and take. Give thanks and take nothing for granted. Unknown

You can’t control everything. Sometimes you just need to relax and have faith that things will work out. Let go a little and just let life happen. Unknown

Today be thankful and think how rich you are. Your family is priceless, your time is gold, and your health is wealth. Zig Ziglar

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Faith Like Potatoes: The Story of a Farmer Who Risked Everything for God by Angus Buchan (2009-05-01) Paperback – 1745

by Angus Buchan (Author) 

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Covidiots. Don’t be one. Can we find the funny and share the funny in a phone call, virtual meeting, or social media?

Can we find the funny and share the funny in a phone call, virtual meeting, or social media? Covidiots. Don't be one.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Any man can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error. Marcus Tullius Cicero

Today is a good day to find something to laugh about. Last night at our virtual Toastmaster meeting we had some laughs. One of our speakers spoke about covidiots those who don’t do what needs to be done, who horde toilet paper, and buy up all the meat when others need those supplies.

Covidiots are people who have come in from another country and don’t self isolate themselves or they are driving through in Winnebagos and may need supplies but they shouldn’t be the ones going into the stores to buy them. The stores are offering to get them their supplies and bring them to their vehicle.

I wish I had thought of the word but I’ll pass it on to those who haven’t heard it. Now we can say, “don’t be a covidiot” to people who don’t consider their own or someone else’s safety.

We may have to say to ourselves “that was a covidiot thing to do.” Hopefully when we realize we’ve done a covidiot thing we won’t do it again. We will not be perfect and nor will other people but we don’t need to be too covidiotic.

Another speaker adopted a rescue dog and she’s a foster-failure. This is when the plan is to foster a pet but you fall in love with and end up keeping it. She is thankful for her dog at this time as are any of us fortunate to have a pet to cuddle and talk to. We can say things to our pets we don’t say to other people and they don’t look at us like we’re crazy.

Give me a smart idiot over a stupid genius any day. Samuel Goldwyn

They look at us as if an irrational fear is the most sensible thing we’ve ever voiced.  They love us unconditionally. There are even speculations that dogs trained to detect cancer may be able to detect coronavirus.

My dog has a funny habit of sniffing our breath as if she is doing a health check. I’ve noticed this for a long time. I’ve thought she would make a good dog for someone that has health problems. We don’t know how to train her to develop this. We can’t even manage to train her to not bark when someone comes into the house.  She has seizures and when she had the last one she was in a place she never lays. She loves to lie on the stair, but she was lying in the little protected area where the stair curves.

It was as if she knew a seizure was coming and put herself in as safe of a place as she could. We don’t know what animals know or understand. It is probably more than we think.

If we have an animal in our life at this time it is another thing to be grateful for. Sometimes we have to face our fears and remain strong but we have to accept that we aren’t strong every moment of every day.

Mom told me a story about a lady she knew whose husband wanted to ride through the mountains on motorcycles. She was terrified but a good sport. At every rest stop, she had a good cry and then got on her motorcycle and carried on. She lived through it, faced her fears, and was probably stronger because of it.

We may have to put on a more brave face than we feel. We’ll get through this and if we can find the funny in situations, share laughter with others over the phone, through virtual meetings, and social media it’ll be easier.

Do we have something funny we can share with someone? Have we had a good laugh lately? Do we know someone who’s a covidiot?

If I decide to be an idiot, then I’ll be an idiot of my own accord. Johann Sebastian Bach

It’s daunting doing something you haven’t done before – you feel silly; you feel like a bit of an idiot. Stacey Dooley

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. Ronnie Corbett

Thank you for reading his post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Laughter Still Is the Best Medicine: Our Most Hilarious Jokes, Gags, and Cartoons Paperback – Jan 2 2014

by Editors of Reader’s Digest (Author) 4.3 out of 5 stars 66 ratings


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The Wheel of Fortune is spinning in our lives. Where it stops nobody knows. We still have a lot to be grateful for.

We still have a lot to be grateful for. The Wheel of Fortune is spinning in our lives. Where it stops nobody knows.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

The wheel goes round and round, some are up and some are on the down, and still the wheel goes round. Josephine Pollard

The wheel of fortune spins and our daily routine might be getting out of control. How are our daily habits? Are they declining? It is hard to stick to a daily routine when nothing about our day is routine. We’ve worked hard to implement habits that work in our lives. We need to keep them as much as possible.

Working from home is our routine. We show up at our desk for nine o’clock. It brings order to our lives. My blog needs to be finished before nine o’clock and usually, it is.

Now is not the time to get out of regular bedtimes. We need to stay as healthy as we can and good sleep is part of that. I’m not as vigilant about the time I get up but I do want to keep the time I go to bed the same. We may have time for a nap in the afternoon but can we still go to bed at our regular bedtime if we do?

When we are worried, bored, anxious, we end up looking in the cupboard and the fridge for something to eat. One goal is to still be able to wear the same jeans at the end of this.

It is easy to snap at people in our house at times like these. We are worried about how we will pay for everything. A holiday is fine but we’ve always planned for it. The truth is a lot of us are more worried about finances than we are about anything else.

Oprah said women’s greatest fear is ending up as a bag lady on the street. The thing with fear is we need to own our fear. We need to dig deep and really look at what we fear and figure out how we will manage if the worst happens. We will manage and even if we have to take things day by day we will get through it.

The wheel of fortune tells us that we all only want victory. We all want to triumph. But we all have to learn to endure what comes. We have to learn to treat misfortune and great fortune with indifference. That is wisdom. Philippa Gregory

Some of us have lived cushy lives, some people have actually experienced hard times not just read about them. We will have our own stories to tell after this. Many of them will be funny. We might be brought to our knees but we will also be expanded with love, generosity, kindness, and compassion.

We have been told we should be less materialistic. Well, here we are. We may find out things about ourselves we didn’t know. We may find we are capable of things we didn’t know we were capable of. We may be called to be people we didn’t know we could be.

In tough times people stick together. We worry that society will become worse but often in hard times the best of people come out. We will probably become more grateful for what we have because we feel we could lose it.

Tomorrow has never been something we could take for granted. Now we see it’s really true, our perspective may have changed. Everything changes when we look at things differently.

We may get through this and find it was the gift, the wakeup call, or the call to action that started us on a new path, catapulted us further, or halted us completely.

The wheel of fortune is working in our lives. Where it stops nobody knows. We need to enjoy this wild ride. The funny thing is we’ve probably never enjoyed going out and getting a good fresh breath of air more. We are having phone calls and appreciating that we can have them on a deeper level.

We might have been sleepwalking through life but we’ve now woken up. Some of us will now know what we want to do with the rest of our lives, where a few weeks ago we drew a blank.

There are silver linings in this. Children are home with their parents and this may be a time they look back on as the best spring they remember. Some people will feel more loved now than they’ve ever felt before. Other people will feel they need to get more love in their lives. They might feel the need for meaningful relationships, not just entertaining ones.

It’s our spin on the wheel of fortune. Where it stops nobody knows. It is up to us to enjoy the moments, days, weeks, and years of our lives. If we are okay right now at this moment we have lots to be grateful for. Are we giving thanks that we got up this morning?

The wheel of fortune turns round incessantly, and who can say to himself, I shalt today be uppermost. Confucius

The wheel of fortune lifts us up and brings us down. You must free your happiness from its vagaries. Expect nothing, and everything is a gift. Phil Tucker

There are many spokes on the wheel of life. First, we’re here to explore new possibilities. Ray Charles.

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connection, and Courage

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The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connection, and Courage  Audible Audiobook – Original recording

Brené Brown PhD (Author), Brené Brown (Narrator), Sounds True (Publisher)4.7 out of 5 stars 189 ratings

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Staying out of the way of those who are doing what needs to be done.

Staying out of the way of those who are doing what needs to be done.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

There are plenty of difficult obstacles in your path. Don’t allow yourself to become one of them. Ralph Marston

We may wish we could do something. Isn’t staying out of the way and not making things worse doing something?

The store was well stocked yesterday. Everyone was keeping their distance and there were only two packages of toilet paper in anyone’s cart.

The list of essential industries and services came out yesterday and this is what we need – a sense of direction. We need to know someone is at the helm steering us through this.

Governor Cuomo came out yesterday and outlined how things are in New York State. He needs thirty thousand ventilators for the crisis that is coming. They are setting up temporary hospitals. They have a plan.

We can quibble when this is over whether it was too much, too little, too soon, or too late, but now we have leaders that are making plans to get us through this. We must do our part.

People who are at highest risk should be taking care of themselves. Staying put and away from other people, social distancing is most important for the elderly and those with preexisting conditions. We need to be our own control board. We need to stay away from the vulnerable. We need to call instead.

You are far to smart to be the only thing standing in your way. Unknown

If we do the best we can maybe we can get through this quickly and with fewer cases than if we half-heartedly listen and continue doing what we want.

My husband invited me for coffee last night. We were going to go through a drive-through and sit in our vehicle and watch others doing the same. In the end, we sat in his studio in the basement and watched Governor Cuomo’s speech. He’s looking like a presidential candidate to me.

The big problem with this pandemic is our hospitals don’t have surge capacity and we need to build it in a short period of time. Most people will not need to go to the hospital according to experts. Most people will not die.

We have a normal death rate. In Canada. it was 7.758 per 1000 people in 2019. We need to keep things in perspective and cooperate to minimize the magnitude of this. It will pass and we will have some things to deal with on the other side.

We are getting called to an adventure we didn’t want. We may face the dark night of the soul. This is all part of the hero’s journey and it is the journey we are all on in our lives.

Our choice is how we handle what is before us. Do we handle it with grace, understanding, fortitude, kindness, and grace? Are we going to be proud of ourselves when this is finished? Will we do the best we can to make it as easy for others as we can? Are we going to be leaders in our families, workplaces, and society?

Do we know our place in this? Are we leaders, followers or do we just need to stand and wait? We may not be able to help in this situation, isn’t it then our part to get out of the way of those who can?

The best way to cope with trouble is to stay out of it as much as possible. Jack Nicklaus

It is not enough to be busy. The question is: what are you busy about? Henry David Thoreau

If you’re not the one cooking, stay out of the way and compliment the chef. Michael Strahan

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Boundaries for Your Soul: How to Turn Your Overwhelming Thoughts and Feelings into Your Greatest Allies by [Cook PhD, Alison, Miller MTh LMFT, Kimberly]

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Boundaries for Your Soul: How to Turn Your Overwhelming Thoughts and Feelings into Your Greatest Allies Kindle Edition

by Alison Cook PhD (Author), Kimberly Miller MTh LMFT (Author)

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Phone calls and journaling. Something to do while we stand and wait.

Something to do while we stand and wait. Phone calls and journaling.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

What a comfort is this journal I tell myself to myself and throw the burden on my book and feel relieved. Anne Lister

Unlimited calling across our country is such a blessing at a time like this. We can pick up the phone and let someone know we are thinking about them. This is a blessing.

When I first moved out here my parents didn’t have a phone. They refused to pay more to have the phone connected than the people in town and so until they moved off the farm they never connected the phone, even though it was run right up to the house.

One April Fools when I hadn’t been out here too long I phoned Mom at her work and told her I got married. That night she went to my sister’s and I told her it was an April fool’s joke. We’ve never discussed it, I don’t know if she thought it was funny.

Now is a good time to talk about the funny and not so funny things we’ve experienced in our lives. People at any time can need a listening ear, a funny story, and a good laugh. Now they need it more than ever. It is especially hard for people who live alone and are stuck in their houses when they are free spirits who are out and about on a daily basis.

My Writer’s Group is asking for an article in May on how this has affected us, our feelings about it or anything else connected to it. On the weekend I was reading an article that said what we think now will not be what we think when this is all over. We will think we saw beforehand whatever the outcome is. This is how our minds work. The only way looking back we can know what we were thinking as things unfold is if we write our thoughts down as things are happening.

In the end, we will think we knew what will be the stocks that rise after this. We will think we knew how serious or how controlled it would be. We will think we knew things we only know looking back.

I believe this to be true because I read my journals and it doesn’t seem I wrote what I am reading. Some of the things that seem important now didn’t even make it into my journals. Some of the things I read I can’t remember.

I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn. Anne Frank

Keeping a journal is a snapshot of what we were thinking at that time. Not what we think we were thinking when we look back and know how it played out.

As an experiment, I urge people to write down their thoughts now and see how they compare with what happens. Hindsight is twenty-twenty but we then credit ourselves with having the foresight to have seen it.

It might be a good idea to write about what we hear other people say and they probably won’t believe it is what they were thinking. When we look back we will think decisions should have been different or it was the obvious decision because we will think people had knowledge they didn’t have.

If you’ve ever thought of keeping a journal now might be a great time to start. If you already keep one you know how much fun it is to read about your own life. What you were thinking when you were in the middle of situations.

Making phone calls, writing in a journal, and exercising are all things we can do when we are waiting to exhale. We feel like our lives are on pause. We are standing and waiting but there are some things we can do for our own and other people’s peace of mind.

Are we making phone calls, exercising and writing in our journal?

As there are a thousand thoughts lying within a man that he does not know till he takes up the pen to write. William Makepeace Thackeray

A journal is your completely unaltered voice. Lucy Dacus

I started writing a journal, and I was learning so much along the way. Jay Leno

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Opening Up by Writing It Down, Third Edition: How Expressive Writing Improves Health and Eases Emotional Pain by [Pennebaker, James W., Smyth, Joshua M.]

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Opening Up by Writing It Down, Third Edition: How Expressive Writing 

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Standing and waiting. We also serve who only stand and wait.

We also serve who only stand and wait. Standing and waiting.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

They also serve who only stand and wait. John Milton

If there has ever been a time to be unselfish it is now. We need to think of others and we need to think of more than what we want at this moment.

Yesterday my husband and I went for a walk and many others were walking as well but everyone was keeping their distance as we are asked to do. We need to make the heroic efforts and the sacrifices being made to count.

We have to be able to trust each other. We need to be able to know that we have done the best we can and when we do the best we can we feel good about ourselves. When we believe others are doing the best they can we feel good about them.

A crisis can bring out the best in people and don’t we want to be one of the ones that do their best? Can we think of someone who needs a pick me up and phone them and find something to laugh about?

It is easy to worry about what the future will bring. We are in the present and it is okay. The future will be what it is. We will build it by our actions today. If we make today the best it can be, the future will also be the best it can be.

Worrying won’t get us anywhere. We have something to deal with and it is our job to do our part. For some of us may be most of us, it is to stand and wait. We would rather do anything than stand and wait. We want to have control. We like to be in control. It is why we buy up all the toilet paper and other items. It gives us a sense of control by doing something.

Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves – regret for the past and fear of the future. Fulton Oursler

We are not in control and trying to be in control often makes things worse. We try to control our spouses and children but that does not make better marriages and families. One of the most toxic family dynamics from what I understand is the controlling mother. We need to learn to let go and let our families take charge of their own lives.  

We need to work from our sphere of influence and let others work from theirs. We need to cooperate and do our part. We need to support instead of discouraging those who are doing their best.

This may be one of the hardest chapters in our lives. We feel we can do nothing and helplessness is hard. We need to have faith. It is a good time to lean on our spiritual beliefs, stoicism, positive thinking, affirmations and asking questions.

It is a good time to dig deep to read books and keep a journal; have long conversations in person or by phone. It is time to encourage others to see the light at the end of the tunnel. There is light and the tunnel is not as long as we fear if we work together.

We all have a part to play in this. We may wish we had a different part but we must do what we must do. We also serve who only stand and wait. If we want something to do we can think of those who need a kind word, a listening ear, a compliment or some small act of caring. Reach out by phone. We are only a phone call away.

Are we doing our part?

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. Leo Buscaglia

It’s a courageous act to just be with whatever is happening at the moment – all of it, the difficult as well as the wonderful. Eileen Fisher

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like. Lao Tzu

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Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone by [Brown, Brené]

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Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone Kindle Edition

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Learning to live in the moment. Being grateful for what we have today.

Being grateful for what we have today. Learning to live in the moment. Learning to live in the moment.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Acknowledge the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance. Eckhart Tolle

Last night my husband and I watched Contagion and it was oddly reassuring. So is reading about the Spanish Flu epidemic or even the black plague, we can look at history and see how society overcame the worst life threw at it.

We didn’t all overcome and that will always be true. To me, if society continues on after me and thrives and my children and the generations to follow have a society that thrives, how can I ask for more?

We need to be willing to face what life throws at us. We need to be willing to face what we don’t want to face. We also need to accept that it might not come to someone else it may actually come to us.

I’m trying to learn to be okay with uncertainty. We don’t know what will happen to our cushy lives. We hope they remain cushy. Some of us, many of us have never suffered any kind of privation in our lives. For many of us our parents and grandparents grew up in hard times and they became wonderful strong people. The trials and tribulations in their lives did not diminish them instead it made them strong and resilient.

We may have to become people we never thought we needed to be. The people who are heroes and looked up to in good times are not the same people who are heroes in bad times.

If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily. Gerald Good

Life might get distilled down to what is really important. Celebrity won’t mean a thing if we can’t get our garbage picked up, our lights kept on, our homes heated, and our children educated.

Many of us have always thought that the heavy lifters in life. The ones that make everything work don’t get enough credit. We take them for granted because we don’t acknowledge it is someone’s life’s work to produce the food we eat each day. We are in awe of someone who shoots a ball through a hoop.

We might become satisfied with shooting our own balls in our own hoops, singing our own songs, playing our own instruments, creating our own creations.

The real heroes in life make life work. They make it work for all of us. Our society is working well when we take those people for granted because it is almost like magic that the farmer produces their product and their product is put on a shelf or in a basket for us to buy.

If we ate today we need to thank a farmer, and probably many farmers. If we can read today we need to thank many teachers. If we have a roof over our heads someone built it. Someone built our roads and our sanitation system.

We sometimes berate ourselves for just being cogs in a wheel. Those cogs and that wheel are our society and when we all work together we create a society that works. We need to be proud of the part we play in society. It is no small thing to have a society that works. It is something to be proud of.

We may lament we don’t like some decisions that are made, we think things are done to fast, or too slow, too much, or too little. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but no one has it until they are on the other side of whatever is being faced.

It is a great time to learn to live in the now. Today is good, today is what we have and what we should enjoy. Tomorrow will never come. When tomorrow becomes today it will be okay too. It will be what it is. We may have to look at life with a limited view for awhile. Looking too far ahead may scare us. If we have enough today if we have our loved ones today.

We can make a phone call, hug those in our household, and count our blessings. Are we savoring the moments? Can we take life one day at a time and be grateful for what we have? If we are doing the best we can today. We will have the strength, courage, and fortitude to face tomorrow when it becomes today.

Today is all we have can we enjoy it, savor it, and be grateful for it?

The world had enough beautiful mountains and meadows, spectacular skies and serene lakes. It has enough lush forests, flowered fields, and sandy beaches. It has plenty of stars and the promise of a new sunrise and sunset every day. What the world needs more of is people to appreciate and enjoy it. Michael Josephson

Gratitude is a currency that we can mint for ourselves, and spend without fear of bankruptcy. Fred De Witt Van Amburgh

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has. Epictetus

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The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment Paperback – Aug 29 2004

by Eckhart Tolle (Author) 4.6 out of 5 stars 8,687 ratingsAmazon Charts #16 this week

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Perspective on our lives. Are we counting our blessings of which there are many?

Are we counting our blessing of which there are many? Perspective on our lives.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

It’s a good time to do some spring cleaning.

Sometimes being a packrat has its advantages. I found this perspective on our lives in a bunch of papers I’d saved. It was written on the back of a letter from a Real Estate Agent.

A Perspective on Our Lives

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million who will not survive the week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 500 million people around the world.

If you attend a religious meeting without fear of harassment, arrest or torture or death, you have more freedom than almost one billion people in the world.

If sufficient for today, you have food in your refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof over your head and a place to sleep, you are richer than 25% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, and in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace, you are among the top 20% of the world’s wealthy.

If your parents are trustworthy, loving and alive, you are rare, even in Canada.

If you hold your head up with a smile on your face and are optimistic and grateful for your blessings, count them, because the majority can, but most do not.

If you can hold someone’s hand, hug them or even touch them on the shoulder, you are more blessed than you know, take advantage.

If you can read this message, you are more fortunate in literacy than one billion people in the world that can read nothing at all.

Author Unknown

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Chicken Soup for the Soul: Think Positive: 101 Inspirational Stories about Counting Your Blessings and Having a Positive Attitude Paperback – Sep 28 2010

by Jack Canfield (Author), Mark Victor Hansen (Author), Amy Newmark (Author), Deborah Norville (Foreword) 4.5 out of 5 stars 240 ratings