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Is there a story we need to tell? If not now, when? Telling our stories.

Telling our stories. Is there a story we need to tell? If not now, when?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Stories have to be told or they die, and when they die, we can’t remember who we are or why we’re here. Sue Monk Kidd

Yesterday I received a gift in the mail. My cousin asked me to send her a copy of my novel. She said she would make notes as she read it. I was not expecting what I got back. She filled three notebooks full of edits. She’s a retired teacher and this is the kind of edit that costs money and takes a long time to do. I am so grateful for the work she put into this. My novel will be stronger for it.

I started working on her notes last night. I’m also going through scene by scene and using her notes as a guide for my own questions. Do I start each scene with a hook and end with a cliff hanger? She gave me some actionable feedback when she called me to tell me she was sending her notes. I didn’t answer the question she wanted to be answered. I’m fixing that.

Everyone who reads my novel has given me feedback. This is why we need early readers. We need people who look at it with fresh eyes and give us another perspective. They ask us questions we might not have answers to but we should figure out what those answers are. Do we understand our audience? Do we know what genre the novel we have written fits into?

Learning to write is a process. We can edit, edit, and edit some more, but at some point, we have to say it is finished and move onto the next project. My son has been prodding me to do that for a while now. I’m getting there. When I get through this round of edits I’ll be closer. Then I’m told I need to read it out loud.

After that, a professional edit and then I should be able to publish. The next novel I don’t think will take anywhere near as much time. I will write and edit in Microsoft Word. I know more about structure, plotting, and organizing my writing.

The purpose of a storyteller is not to tell you how to think, but to give you things to think upon. Brandon Sanderson

Yesterday I stopped by Indigo and another book on writing called to me. Save The Cat! Writes A Novel by Jessica Brody based on the books by Blake Snyder. The reason I bought the book is Blake Snyder has developed ten genres that any story falls into. I’ve found categorizing my novel difficult but voila there’s my category in this book. My category is Institutionalized so my characters will Join Em, Leave Em, or take Em down.

I have purchased many books on writing. I wouldn’t want to part with any of them. They have all helped me on my journey.

The author also talks about sequels and how they fit into story structure. The other book on story structure that has really helped me is My Story Can Beat Up Your Story by Jeffrey Alan Schechter. It doesn’t matter what we write, it is like building a house. We need the scaffolding to hang our story on. Without structure, we are wandering in the wilderness stringing words together that don’t build anything. Like we piled the lumber, cement, and windows into a pile, instead of placing them where they need to be to build the house. We are the architect and the builder of our stories.

It doesn’t matter if we plot it all out first, or we write as we go, we need to fit it into the structure. Just like building a house we can buy a window at a time, as long as we know where to put it.

We have walls in our house to hang artwork on; we need structure to hang our beautiful sentences on. Our readers need to want to know what happens next to keep turning the page. Some writers have us waiting for their next book because we have to know the answer to the questions they left hanging. We stay up long past our bedtime if the writer keeps us saying, just one more chapter.

If we want to write, we should write. There are lots of books, classes, courses, and writing groups to join. Is it true when we find our voice, we find ourselves?

Is there a story in us we need to tell? Have we already begun the journey? If not now, when? What are we waiting for?

We are all storytellers. We all live in a network of stories. There isn’t a stronger connection between people than storytelling. Jimmy Neil Smith

Storytelling is the most powerful way to put ideas into the world. Robert McKee

Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals, and moral compasses. Aleks Krotoski

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Save the Cat! Writes a Novel: The Last Book On Novel Writing You’ll Ever Need Paperback – Oct 9 2018

by Jessica Brody (Author) 4.8 out of 5 stars 473 ratings

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Cold showers. Getting out of our comfort zone, and building resilience.

Getting out of our comfort zone, and building resilience. Cold showers.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

We are the alchemists of our own bodies. Wim Hof

A cold shower a day keeps the doctor away. Yesterday I watched a video with Wim Hof (the Iceman).  You can find him on YouTube. Medical professionals are consulting with him to bring his methods to their patients. He is spreading the message that the cold is a hard but righteous teacher and that health, strength, and happiness for everyone may be found if we are willing to get out of our comfort zone and into the cold.

Today I found 12 reasons to take a cold shower and the health benefits associated with it.

Taken from a blog post by Michael Matthews who says he took a cold shower (almost) every day for a year.

Source: Getty

12 Reasons to Take a Cold Shower and Health Benefits:

1. Promotes fat loss

– Pouring ice cold water to the body can help cut weight

2. Improves immunity

– Cold showers trigger an increase in the metabolic speed rate, as well as increases white blood cells, which help to fight infections

3. Gives better circulation

-Among the benefits of taking cold showers is a good blood flow

4. Drains lymphatic system

– Cold Showers reduces the waste of cells, which then reduces the risk of infections

5. Promotes emotional resilience

– Cold showers can help develop a nervous system that is resilient to stress

6. Lowers stress

– Cold showers could also help cut the levels of uric acid and boost glutathione in the blood

7. Lowers chances of depression

– Cold showers stimulate the blue spot on the mind, Noradrenaline, a chemical which plays a role in alleviating depression

8. Increases testosterone levels

– A small amount of heat can affect the DNA, RNA and protein synthesis in the testes

9. Improves fertility

– Cold Showers boost sperm count and increase fertility

10. Promotes faster muscle recovery

– If you are very athletic or workout a lot, you may experience muscle aches but ice-cold baths improve circulation and help remove some lactic acid

11. Enhances skin and hair

– Cold showers lessen the risks of losing too many natural oils on the skin and hair

12. Ensures better sleep at night

– 10 min ice bath helps you sleep better at night

If we always choose comfort, we never learn the deepest capabilities of our mind or body. Wim Hof

I’m tempted to try a cold shower at night to see if I sleep better. We hear better sleep is one of the ways to improve our health. Should March be a month of cold showers?

From what I glean out of Michael Matthew’s post he doesn’t think he saw the more beautiful skin, fat loss, or the rise in testosterone promised. If he didn’t get those things why is he still doing it? He says he’s doing it because it sucks, and it reminds him every day that to be successful we have to do things we don’t want to do. Having a cold shower toughens us up. I’ve heard some people like them, but I have a feeling if I start having them it will be a challenge every day and like Michael Matthew’s that may be part of why it is good. We challenge ourselves, and by meeting that challenge we know we can meet other challenges.

This may be where resilience comes in. We are building a can-do mindset and this may be part of why it helps us with our mental health. When we do things we feel good about, we feel good about doing more things. If we have discipline about what we eat, exercise, or taking cold showers we can build on those habits.

The more comfortable we get with being uncomfortable the more we can push ourselves in other areas. If we get comfortable being uncomfortable is that when life’s possibilities open up the most?

How does taking a cold shower sound to you? What if it is life-changing? Is it worth doing an experiment of cold showers for a month, a year, a lifetime?

Fear is a natural process, a natural signal. If you ignore fear, you’re not dealing with the situation as is. You need to have fear; respect of what is going to happen. If you don’t respect it, you can’t deal with it. Wim Hof

The breath knows how to go deeper than the mind. Wim Hof

My wife jumped from 8 stories… Nature healed me. Wim Hof

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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What Doesn’t Kill Us: How Freezing Water, Extreme Altitude, and Environmental Conditioning Will Renew Our Lost Evolutionary Strength Paperback – Dec 11 2018

by Scott Carney (Author), Wim Hof (Foreword) 4.6 out of 5 stars 479 ratings#1 Best Seller in Sports Sociology

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Living an abundant life. Is an abundant life available to all of us?

Is an abundant life available for all of us? Living an abundant life.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Not what we have but what we enjoy constitutes our abundance. Epicuras

If we believe in a higher power do we have access to something we wouldn’t have access to if we didn’t believe it? My answer is yes, we can do all things through him who strengthens us.

Do we need to hold on for one more day? Can we ask for strength in the face of adversity?  Is there strength we can access that doesn’t come only from ourselves?

Listening to Lisa Nichols on a podcast yesterday was inspiring. She is the author of several books one of which is Abundance Now. She says we want to make her extraordinary because it lets us off the hook.

Is one question we need to ask “What are we doing with the gift we are to share with the world?

We may feel that the most important jobs pay the most money but that isn’t true. What we need most in the world is food. Providing food for people does not pay all that well. As farmers Mom and Dad put food on people’s tables. It is a more important contribution than entertaining them. We pay more for entertainment than we do for the necessities of life. Only in a rich society can we afford entertainment. We pay for it out of our excess. We buy books out of our excess, and we buy tickets to sports events out of our excess.

Living the abundant life is different than knowing about it. It’s time to begin practicing the life we were made for. Mark Beeson

We have found ways to make many people pay for the same entertainment; this makes the producers of entertainment rich. It doesn’t make entertainment more important, just more lucrative. We haven’t found a way to do the same with the necessities of life. They are produced and consumed one at a time.

When we think of an abundant life the first thing that comes to mind is lots of money. Abundance is more than enough. We can live an abundant life without a lot of money if what we have is more than what we need. We are not living an abundant life even if it looks like it if it isn’t more than what we need. This is why rich people can go bankrupt. They weren’t living in abundance.

Many people think they will start living an abundant life when they bring in more money. An abundant life is not only about finances, and abundance is being grateful for having enough. If we never feel we have enough, we will probably spend our life thinking we don’t have enough. We need to be grateful for the abundance in our life, now. We can be so focused on money it can consume our lives, our energy, most of our time, and we can be bankrupt in all other areas.

There are four areas that lead to an abundant life. Do we have an abundant spiritual life? Do we live with an attitude of gratitude for all that’s been bestowed on us? Do we feel we can access strength, power, and inspiration outside of ourselves? Is there a higher power at work in our lives? Do we have an abundance of good relationships? Do we have angst we have to deal with or are our relationships loving, peaceful, and supportive? Is our career and finances on track? Do we have more than enough to meet our needs? This does not mean we can only be happy if we have enough to meet our most wild desires. Do we live with abundant health? Are we maintaining our temple? Are we strong, healthy, and vibrantly alive?

I watched a video yesterday of three octogenarians, at over 100 years old they appear to be living until they die, not waiting to die. They all seemed to have had happy marriages, not necessarily perfect ones. They didn’t bail when the going got tough. They all said they’d had an easy life, even though they all lived through a war.

Are we living an abundant life? Are all four sectors balanced or do we need to work on some of the sectors?

One of the greatest challenges in creating a joyful, peaceful, and abundant life is taking responsibility for what you do and how you do it. As long as you can blame someone else, be angry with someone else, point the finger at someone else, you are not taking responsibility for your life. Iyanla Vanzant

The more you learn what to do with yourself, and the more you do for others, the more you will learn to enjoy the abundant life. William J.H. Boetcker

Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance. Eckhart Tolle

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Abundance Now: Amplify Your Life & Achieve Prosperity Today Hardcover – Jan 5 2016

by Lisa Nichols (Author), Janet Switzer (Author) 4.7 out of 5 stars 420 ratings


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Connection to our pets may be a bigger connection than we think.

Connection to our pets may be a bigger connection than we think.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

An animal’s eyes have the power to speak a great language. Martin Buber

We have a connection to our pets that impacts our lives in deep and powerful ways. Yesterday my husband and I watched in horror as our Cockapoo Lulu had a seizure. My husband recorded it. She’s six years old; she’s had them off and on. She had one in January and now one in February. Where I buy her dog food they tell me one of their clients has his dog on CBD oil and has taken it off anti-seizure drugs.

We haven’t put Lulu on drugs; we haven’t investigated with a vet the cause. It has always seemed to me to be something to do with food. Last night instead of writing I researched seizures in dogs. I went to a site about Cockapoos and seizures, and I found what I think might be some answers.

Number one Cockapoos are prone to seizures. A group in England believes as I do some of it is food-related. They say we should not give our seizure prone dogs poultry. The funny thing is I have her on a Canadian brand of dog food and what she’s been eating the most is Australian Lamb, but last time I bought a bag of chicken and blueberries according to the clerk.

I was holding chicken with blueberries but put it back on the shelf and bought Australian Lamb. I’d been racking my brain for what had changed in her diet. I threw the last of the chicken and blueberries out this morning and fed her Australian Lamb.

Some people believe our pets are mirrors of ourselves, and when they have health problems we should look to our lives to see if they could be reflecting something from us.

Animals are such agreeable friends – they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms. George Elliot

We can bring other people up or down with our energy. They bring us up or down with theirs. Why would we think it is different from our pets? Our pets may be more sensitive to energy than we are. Lulu gets excited when people are coming over especially my son’s girlfriend. It is like Lulu knows long before his girlfriend is in the driveway that she is on her way. She was with us when we picked Lulu up, and they have a special connection.

Caesar Milan talks about calm-assertive energy and how it affects our dogs. I don’t think I’ve mastered this yet.

Judith Orloff M.D. has a blog post Can Our Pets Absorb Our Illnesses? I cried as I read it about a young woman with a rare type of kidney disease that wanted a baby. She was advised it was too risky, and that pregnancy would make her situation worse. She wanted a baby so badly she risked it. The pregnancy went well, she remained healthy, but her young Golden Retriever was diagnosed with kidney failure. Soon after the birth of her daughter the dog died, as if it held on long enough to see her through.

There are many stories of connections to animals that we don’t understand. We may have a connection to animals we don’t understand, but we understand we have a connection.

Is there a special animal in our life? Do we have a connection to our pets we find hard to explain? Do our health problems and theirs mirror each other? Is this something to think about?

Some people talk to animals. Not many listen though. That’s the problem. A.A. Milne

Clearly, animals know more than we think and think a great deal more than we know. Irene M. Pepperberg

Animals are born who they are, accept it, and that is that. They live with greater peace than people do. Gregory Maguire

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life Paperback – Dec 28 2010

by Judith Orloff (Author) 4.5 out of 5 stars 331 ratings

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The paradox of life. Finding the balance between stability, predictability, challenge, and excitement

Finding the balance between stability, predictability, challenge, and excitement. The paradox of life.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach. Tony Robbins

Life is a paradox. We find things in our lives that are contradictory and true at the same time. Haven’t we all heard the more we give away the more we’ll have? The more we learn the less we’ll think we know. The more we care for others, the more we care for ourselves.

The more choices we have the less satisfied we are. The only constant is change. The more we argue with someone the less likely we will change their point of view.

Failure is not fatal, but fear of failure can immobilize us and make us miss the opportunities in our lives. The most successful are those who risked failure and in doing so risked success.

We need to learn to be okay with the paradoxes in life. When we were single we dreamed of being a couple. Is it true many marriages end because members of couples think it will be more fun, exciting, and rewarding being single again? Do they regret leaving good enough spouses and good enough marriages? 

We longed to have children but the twenty-four hour a day nature of parenthood can suck the life out of us. It takes up so much time all we have time for is work and kids. I loved being the mother of small children, but I revel in the freedom of having grown-up children.

Passion in a relationship is commesurate with the amount of uncertainty you can tolerate. Anthony Robbins

We long for stability and predictability and want excitement and danger at the same time. Can we have both? How many people leave their stable, predictable lives for an adventure and find themselves in a worse situation in the end? They have a fling with someone who only wants their money and when the money runs out they are alone and broke?

Can we find new experiences in our life without chucking everything? We see people changing their lives and we call it a mid-life crisis. They get a motorcycle, tattoos, new hairstyle, take up some new interests, sometimes they get out of marriages, change careers, or go live on a beach somewhere.

At some point when the dust settles, we are still left with ourselves. Could we bring some excitement into our lives without destroying everything?

This is one of the reasons I love Toastmasters. It brings excitement into my life by standing up in front of a crowd giving a speech, putting on a contest, entering a contest, and meeting new people. Without throwing out all the stability and predictability built into my life.

Creative pursuits bring challenges to our lives. Do we ever know how a creative pursuit will turn out? We can get into the flow of creativity, we will feel at times, wow. It’s amazing how good this is going. Just as quickly we can lose our vision. If we keep working we can bring it back to life again, or sometimes we never do. The unpredictability of it keeps us going, and adds excitement and interest to our lives.

Are we destined to waffle between wanting challenge and stability? Can we find challenges without giving up our own and our family’s stability? Can we keep the foundation of our life strong, and find excitement in ways that don’t undermine our family, community, and betray our values?

It’s our imagination that’s responsible for love, not the other person. Esther Perel

Marriage… Today we come to one person, and we basically are asking them to give us what once an entire village used to provide. Esther Perel

Love is about having: Desire is about wanting. Esther Perel

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone by [Brown, Brené]

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Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone Kindle Edition

by Brené Brown (Author)

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Persistence and perseverance are more important than talent.

Persistence and perseverance are more important than talent.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. Franklin D. Roosevelt

Last night my husband and I started watching Hacksaw Ridge an hour into it. During World War ll a conscientious objector joined the army as a medic. He made a vow he would never touch another gun after he almost shot his father for beating his mother. Even though he didn’t kill his father he felt in his heart he did.

The army court marshaled him because he wouldn’t handle a gun. He was a medic, he was there to save not kill. They called him a coward but in the field of battle when everyone retreated he stayed behind and brought wounded soldiers to safety. He had to lower them down a steep cliff by rope. As he lowered each one, he asked God to help him save one more. By the end of the night, he had lowered 75 soldiers so they could receive medical help. He won the Medal of Honor without firing a shot.

Perseverance is what we need in life. No matter what we are facing perseverance is usually called for.  We need it on the job, we need it in our families, we need to know we can hang on one more time, one more, and then one more, and always just one more. Until it is morning, or we are through the crisis, project, or challenge.

We might not be saving anyone’s life. It might be one more resume that gets the job that changes everything. One more date that leads to the marriage of our dreams, one more moment of empathy, understanding and forgiveness, one more course toward the credentials we need. Whatever we are doing in our lives perseverance will be important. Often perseverance is more important than anything else. No matter what our goal is at some point perseverance becomes an essential element. Will we persist and persevere?

When the world says, “Give up,” Hope whispers, “Try it one more time.” Unknown

When we practice perseverance we are more trustworthy, we gain a reputation with ourselves and others for hanging on when the going gets tough. Success is usually not achieved overnight. It is a long sometimes tedious process.

The excitement of starting something new will fade. Novelty is great for inspiring us, but we will have to dig deep when it starts getting to be the same old, same old of every day. This is where perseverance comes in.

Just when we start to feel our enthusiasm wane the haters seem to arrive. They tell us we are wasting our time, but worst of all we often tell ourselves these things. It will never work what were we thinking, we aren’t cut out for this, and people we are in this with aren’t as committed. Sometimes all it takes to continue is for everyone involved to not give up. If I don’t call it quits, and you don’t call it quits, we continue on. If one of us calls it quits whether it is a marriage, business, or turning our life’s dream into a reality it is harder for our partners to hold on. Sometimes it is impossible.

Progress is often slow. It takes fifteen years to be an overnight success. We start listening to other success stories and we don’t see how their so successful so quickly and we are barely keeping our head above water. We start thinking shouldn’t we be successful already?

We need to keep on keeping on. We need to continue, we need to be persistent and persevere through our doubts, hardships, failures, setbacks, and feelings of inadequacy. We may not end as victorious as we hoped we would be, but if we persevere and see things through to the end we will have a measure of peace of mind and knowing we did the best we could. Our journey will be worthwhile.

There are roadblocks in life. Sometimes we need to start over. We may need to take a look at the direction our life is taking, the business we started. We may need to move in a new direction if the technology is making that business obsolete. There may be new ways we need to try. We need to adapt, grow, regroup, recharge, change directions, and look at things differently as we persevere through life.

Do we persevere when we’d rather quit? Are there times in our lives when it would have been the biggest mistake to quit? Have we given up on things we wished we’d persevered with?

Age wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. Douglas MacArthur

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. Dale Carnegie

With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable. Thomas Fowell Buxton

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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The Art of Persistence: Stop Quitting, Ignore Shiny Objects and Climb Your Way to Success Paperback – Mar 31 2015

by Michal Stawicki (Author) 4.2 out of 5 stars 72 ratings

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Is criticism helpful? Can we learn to accept criticism with humility, change the things we can change, live with the things we can’t, and have the wisdom to know the difference?

Can we learn to accept criticism with humility, change the things we can change, live with the things we can't and have the wisdom to know the difference? Is criticism helpful?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing. Aristotle

Should we look at what is going right or should we criticize what is going wrong? When our spouse gets critical should we welcome it as a suggestion of something we can improve?

When we accept criticism without defensiveness and look at it as constructive can we become better people? Can we see things that have flown under our radar? Maybe we have been too busy to dust the piano, and maybe by dusting it, we will think when was the last time we played it.

We can’t control what other people say to us, but we can control how we react. Being defensive is not helpful. Is there truth in what they’ve pointed out? Have we neglected our home? Are we getting too involved in outside activities and our homes, families, and spouses feel neglected?

If we are willing to see the truth in criticism will we develop humility? We can only do so much, and what doesn’t get done didn’t end up on the important end of our to-do list. We shouldn’t be defensive about this, but can we review our list? Are there things that should be making the cut that isn’t? Can we organize our life in a way that makes everyone, even ourselves happier?

How we interpret someone else’s feedback is an opportunity for rational thinking – despite the negative tone, is the criticism helpful? Are they trying to tell us something that will improve our lives and make things better for us?

Criticism may give us chances to problem solve. Isn’t it better when someone tells us about something when it is still small and correctable? What if our spouse never criticizes us, ever, but one day they say I want out? They have a whole list of things they never told us about, we could have dealt with, but they thought being critical was negative, and they didn’t want to be negative.

Take criticism gracefully, even when you disagree with it. If nothing else, you’re learning something valuable about how someone else sees you. Alison Green

Criticism is a form of communication, and if we are willing to really look at our lives critically can we make better choices? If the problem is not the actual criticism but the tone, or way it is given, can we tell people we would receive their feedback better if they didn’t raise their voice? If they parsed out their criticisms with some things we do well or they like about us.

We need to use discernment, does it really matter which way the toilet roll winds? For some people this is a big deal, if it isn’t a big deal for us can we do it the way someone else wants? We may need to agree to disagree on certain things; our level of tidiness may not meet theirs. The speed at which they get things done may not meet ours. We need to learn to compromise, we need to deal with each other’s strengths and minimize our weaknesses. We need to learn to work together to build a life that works for both of us.

If we want to accomplish anything in life we will face criticism. The more we accomplish the more criticism we will get. Criticism shines a light on our insecurities. We need to dig deep and figure out why things that are said bother us so much. Can we separate what is useful and leave the rest? We need to decide what we are willing to change, what we can change, and what is worth the effort to change.

We are not perfect, we will never be perfect but we can choose what areas of ourselves or our lives to improve. One way to improve our lives is to receive feedback well, it’s okay to have flaws, we all do, its’ part of being human. If we can admit our weaknesses and work on them without getting defensive or down on ourselves we will experience more gratitude, happiness, joy, and success.

Can we thank someone for their input without getting defensive? Are we okay with our own level of imperfection, or are some of the criticisms valid, and we would like ourselves more if we worked on improving in a few areas? Is the other person’s criticism not about what they are criticizing at all? Do they want us to spend more time with them? Do they not feel important enough in our life? Do they think everything comes before them? Are our priorities out of whack? Is that what they are really trying to tell us?

Can we accept criticism with grace and humility? If we look at what was said and figure out what was meant, can we use it to better ourselves, and our relationships?

Between what is said, and not meant, and meant and not said, most of love is lost. Khalil Gibran

Be open to criticism but don’t be affected by it. Criticism is meant to help you be a better person. Learn from it. Unknown

If you have no critics you’ll likely have no success. Malcolm X

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Verbal Judo, Second Edition: The Gentle Art of Persuasion Paperback – Dec 17 2013

by George J. Thompson PhD (Author) 4.5 out of 5 stars 794 ratings

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Good stress, bad stress. Finding the balance for achieving and living a more fulfilled life.

Finding the balance for achieving and living a more fulfilled life. Good stress bad stress.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

It’s not the load that breaks you down: It’s the way you carry it. Lou Holtz

We hear all the time we are stressed. There is good stress and we need it in our life to keep us healthy. Most of us at one time or another feel overwhelmed by stress. There are benefits to having enough stress but not too much stress in our lives. Immunization is stress put on our body to give us enough antibodies to not succumb to a disease. Individuals who experience moderate stress before surgery are able to recover easier than people with high or really low levels of stress. Some stress fortifies our immune system and keeps us sharp.

Our flight or fight response is meant to help us, not hurt us says Richard Shelton MD, from the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Alabama Birmingham. It is when stress becomes chronic, or when we are no longer in control of a situation that it negatively affects our health and wellbeing.

Animal studies show response to stress can temporarily boost memory and learning scores.

A 2012 Stanford study showed that subjecting rats to mild stress produced a “massive mobilization” of several types of immune cells in their bloodstream.

It can make us more resilient. As we deal with stressful situations we can deal with the next one more easily. Dr. Shelton says the idea behind Navy Seal training is to give the Seals the chance to develop both a physical and psychological sense of control so when they are actually in combat they don’t shut down.

A 2013 University of California San Francisco study found that while chronic stress promotes oxidative damage to our DNA and RNA, moderate levels of perceived daily stress actually seem to protect against it and enhance resilience.

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it. Lou Holtz

Good stress motivates us to succeed. Some of us do better when we have a deadline. We know what we need to do, and we do it. Is the key being able to view our stressful situations as challenges we can meet, instead of overwhelming? Can we keep our stress in that balance of pushing ourselves a little above our comfort level, but not above what we can actually achieve? When we find the sweet spot of stress for ourselves we may feel the most motivated, excited, and alive.

We hear about achieving a state of flow, ‘a heightened sense of awareness’ this is when we are completely absorbed in what we are doing. It may be in the workplace, hobbies, sports, playing music, dance, or creative pursuits. Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi believes this is largely driven by our desire to succeed.

A 2006 John Hopkins study found the children of women with mild to moderate stress levels during pregnancy showed greater motor and developmental skills by age 2 than those of unstressed mothers. The exception is the children of mothers who viewed their pregnancy as more negative than positive had slightly lower attention capacity.

The goldilocks principle seems to apply to stress. We need enough, but not too much to operate at our best. This is why some people do well in retirement and some people feel they have no purpose. If we feel we can deal with this, whatever this is we do better in life. When we can find the silver lining in adversity and challenges we do better? When we persevere through the hard times we feel a sense of accomplishment. When we challenge ourselves a little past our comfort level we feel we are accomplishing something.

When we push ourselves to do more than we are capable of we begin to believe we can’t achieve anything and quit trying. Is this what is called learned helplessness? Instead of thinking I think I can, I think I can. We learned to think, I know I can’t, I know I can’t so why try. We need to find the balance between knowing the things we can change and the things we can’t, and instead of worrying about what we can’t change, work on what we can.

Can we find the balance between too little and too much stress in our life? Are we making the changes that would improve our life, or have we given up?

Just keep taking a tiny step of courage, one step at a time. Karen Salmansohn

Learned helplessness, in psychology, a mental state in which when an organism (human or animal) has endured enough adverse stimuli which it was unable to escape or avoid, it gives up and becomes unable to learn to escape in the future, even in situations where such behavior would be effective.

Learned helplessness is the giving-up reaction, the quitting response that follows from the belief that whatever you do doesn’t matter. Arnold Schwarzenegger

Failure exhibits itself as learned helplessness. This is conveyed to generations and becomes a generational “curse” of your life’s blueprint. You can only break it if you positively permute your mental attitude. Murungi Nathaniel Muthomi

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10% Happier Revised Edition: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works--A True Story by [Harris, Dan]

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Do we worry too much? We can do the best we can and worrying won’t change anything.

We can do the best we can and worrying won't change anything. Do we worry too much?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy. Leo F. Buscaglia

Why do we spend so much time worrying? I couldn’t sleep two nights ago worrying about an event I was hosting. What good did worrying about something I couldn’t change at that moment do?

It makes me wonder how event planners function. When their daily life is putting together someone else’s biggest moment the pressure must be immense. At some point we have to trust we’ve made the arrangements, delegated responsibilities, issued invites, and sent out directions. It is as they say out of our hands but often our mind still goes on churning about what if this happens, or that goes wrong.

Then the event happens and people show up, and everything doesn’t go as planned but we make adjustments. We laugh and enjoy ourselves, and everyone else enjoys themselves, and we wonder why were we so worried?

If we do this often enough we will worry less. We will relish the excitement and adrenalin that putting on an event gives us. We will develop camaraderie with those we chose to help us. We will build a network.

The more we put into life the more we get out of it. Standing on the sidelines thinking other people are having more fun is no way to live. When we get involved, take on responsibilities, and help other people achieve their goals we enjoy life more.

My husband keeps asking, how much does Toastmaster’s pay? It pays a lot, but not in spendable money. We get opportunities to grow and develop to be more than we were, to become the best we can be, to stretch ourselves. It pays in building a network of like-minded people. Our confidence grows with self-development and by helping others develop.

Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow. Swedish Proverb

I was speaking to a lady at my Toastmaster’s group and her husband like mine thought the amount of time and energy spent on Toastmasters was too much. Sometimes, for short periods of time, it is, and it could continually be, but I will limit it to what is reasonable. We have to find balance; we don’t want to ruin our home life being too busy outside of it. We don’t want to cause our partners to worry that all of the excitement in our life happens without them.

Don’t worry, be happy can be good or bad. If we don’t worry and think things will take care of themselves we should have looked after – things won’t go well. Hope is not a plan. If we’ve done everything we can, and we are still worrying – we need to let go and trust it will unfold as it will, we’ve done what we could, and we’ll adjust.

Do we worry too much? Do we spend too much time worrying instead of living in the moment?

Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration, and resentment. Dale Carnegie

If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today. E. Joseph Cossman

When I look back on all these worries. I remember the story of an old man who said on his deathbed that he had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which never happened. Winston Churchill

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Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead Paperback – Apr 7 2015

by Brené Brown (Author) 4.7 out of 5 stars 4,774 ratings

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Responsible pet ownership. If you want more love in your life and get a dog, make sure it works for you and the dog.

If you want more love in your life and get a dog, make sure it works for you and the dog. Responsible pet ownership.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

The greatest fear dogs know is the fear that you will not come back when you go out the door without them. Stanley Coren

Last night was another great night with the girls at our book club meeting. We hardly mentioned the book. We caught up with each other, talked, laughed, and supported each other.

The book club buddy who lost her dog last year now has two pups. The second one came because a young woman could not look after the puppy she was given as a gift. She didn’t really want a puppy but her boyfriend gave her one as a present. She grew to love the puppy but the relationship ended. She was not able to care for the dog adequately because she works long hours. After deep soul searching she found a new home for the puppy she’d grown to love.

It sounds like the most wonderful thing in the world to give someone a basket and a little head pops out and immediately there’s puppy love. Who doesn’t love a puppy? They grow into dogs and responsibility. They don’t fit into everyone’s life.

Buying a kitten or puppy on impulse, or accepting one as a gift is not the best way to acquire a pet. It should be the result of a long conversation. When we were kids on the farm someone came by and played with a litter of kittens, could they have one? The next day my sister found the kitten crawling in the grass beside her school. She scooped up the kitten and brought it back home.

Dad brought home two pups someone left at the side of the road. My son brought home a little black kitten when he was quite young; we said he couldn’t keep it. I still feel guilty because no one else wanted that kitten.

When we take on the responsibility of a pet it is a big responsibility. I’m not one that feels we need to be willing to incur enormous vet bills and do cancer treatments. But, we need to be willing to the best of our ability to provide a home for the long term when we decide to bring pets into our life.

The fidelity of a dog is a precious gift demanding no less binding moral responsibilities than the friendship of a human being. Konrad Lorenz

A friend and her husband take in feral cats. Somehow the cats seem to know they can show up at her door and she will help them.

We don’t know what our life will look like in a few years. We can’t be certain we can look after a dog or cat for its whole life. We should consider how a pet fits into our life, how long they will be left alone, what will become of babies if they have them. What will happen if they have health problems?

My dog Lulu has seizures. She doesn’t have them often. I think it is because of certain foods. She eats Canadian made dog food and there doesn’t seem to be a problem. Recently I bought her some treats and she had another seizure. Am I sure the seizure is because of the food or treats? No, but when I watch what she eats, and stick to the brands that don’t bother her, she’s fine.

What will this mean as she ages, who knows? When we are thinking of getting a pet, we need to think about all the ramifications of having a pet. If a pet doesn’t fit into our lives and we want a doggy fix maybe we can go to the humane society and walk a dog. Maybe we could walk a neighbor’s dog.

Another book club buddy takes in dogs when people go on vacation, or out for the day and don’t want to leave the dog alone. She gets a doggy fix and doesn’t have the responsibility all the time. I’ve left Lulu with her. It’s a great arrangement that works for everyone.

It is true if we want more love in our life we can get a dog. But, we have to be fair to the dog. We have to know how it will fit into our life. It’s a big decision and we need to take the time to make a good one. If we decide we want a dog, we need to do research and pick a breed that fits our lifestyle. We will live with our choice for a long time; maybe we shouldn’t rush the process. Can we make sure we love the adult we will live with, and not just the puppy we bring home?

During the depression, my dad made radios to sell to make extra money. Nobody had any money to buy the radios, so he would trade them for dogs. He built kennels in the backyard, and he cared for the dogs. Bette White

The world would be a nicer place if everyone had the ability to love as unconditionally as a dog. M.K. Clinton

A dog is not a thing. A thing is replaceable. A dog is not. A thing is disposable. A dog is not. A thing doesn’t have a heart. A dog’s heart is bigger than any “thing” you can ever own. Elizabeth Parker

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Ever By My Side: A Memoir in Eight [Acts] Pets by [Trout, Nick]

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Ever By My Side: A Memoir in Eight [Acts] Pets Kindle Edition

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