Posted on by BWThomas

Volunteering, getting more out of life. When we do for others, we also do for ourselves. Is there a volunteer activity that is right for us?

When we do for others, we also do for ourselves. Volunteering, getting more out of life. Is there a volunteer activity that is right for us?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Volunteers are not paid – not because they are worthless, but because they are priceless. Unknown

Yesterday we went to a celebration of life service (funeral) for someone we don’t know very well. Everything that was said about him was what we knew him to be. He was quirky, geeky, and completely genuine. The Pastor said he would be tending the garden at the church during the church service.

He loved adventure and when his boys joined Boy Scouts so did he. It took him eight years after meeting his wife to ask her out. He supported her in her dreams and accomplishments.

Some people look like they enjoy life on a different level. He seemed to be one of those people. His smile was full of joy. He was the recipient of the Sovereign’s Medal for Volunteers (SMV) which is awarded to people who are dedicated and committed volunteers whose volunteer contributions are unpaid, sustained, and significant.

I was thinking of someone at Toastmasters who I could nominate but Toastmasters will not be eligible because volunteer activities that are too closely related to paid employment or done with the primary purpose of promoting one’s paid employment are not eligible. Toastmasters give awards for accomplishments, and we do benefit in our paid work.

The nominee for SMV must have sustained work defined as approximately ten years of volunteer service over the nominee’s lifetime. This can be with one or more organizations spread out over several years. The nominee must have at least one year of service since 2009 for the nomination to be considered. A nominee must contribute to the wider community as a volunteer with the organization and not just be a member of the organization.

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. Anne Frank

What does not qualify?

Service club membership without evidence of a contribution to the wider community, an example being a longtime member but not volunteering in the wider community.

Blood donations do not qualify.

Financial donations do not qualify.

Caring for a family member does not qualify.

Volunteers are not eligible for the SMV if they have already received an honour in recognition of the same volunteer efforts being considered. Canadian honours policy prohibits the awarding of more than one honour in recognition of the same achievement.

Someone who has received honours for volunteer work in one area can receive the SMV for different volunteer work.

Volunteer work in the community related to high school or other educational requirements does not qualify.

Someone who knew him put his name forward. He didn’t live long enough to receive the award, but his family was able to pick it up for him and have it on display at his funeral. What if that person hadn’t bothered to nominate him?

How many deserving volunteers are not nominated because people don’t know they can nominate someone, or they know but don’t bother?

If we know someone we think should be nominated we must be directly aware of the contributions made by the individual. We must know them well enough to be able to provide their contact information and details of their volunteer work. The nomination must be made while the person is still alive. We cannot nominate ourselves, and if made by a family member must have a supporting reference from a non-family member. Nominees are never told who nominated them. Nominators are asked not to notify the individual about the nomination in order to avoid disappointment if unsuccessful.

The medal is accompanied by a lapel pin for everyday wear and a certificate signed by the governor-general. Do we know someone who should receive this honour? Would we like to conduct our life so we deserve and are eligible for this honour?

Volunteering has many benefits:

Volunteering connects us to others.

Volunteering is good for our minds and our body.

Volunteering can advance our careers.

Volunteering brings fun and fulfillment to our lives.

Do we get out of life what we put into it? When we put more in, will we get more out? Is volunteering part of our life? If it isn’t, should it be?

Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves. James Matthew Barrie

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end. Please subscribe, comment, and share.

If you purchase an item through the Amazon.ca link I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon.ca affiliate program.

A Cup of Comfort for a Better World: Stories that celebrate those who give, care, and volunteer by [Sell, Colleen]
Kindle App Ad

Follow the Authors

See all

Beth Levine+ Follow

Anne McCrady+ Follow

A Cup of Comfort for a Better World: Stories that celebrate those who give, care, and volunteer Kindle Edition

by Colleen Sell (Author)

Posted on by BWThomas

Making decisions, improving our lives. We’ll never know where we can go if we don’t start.

We'll never know where we can go if we don't start. Making decisions, improving our lives.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Your attitude, not your aptitude will determine your altitude. Zig Ziggler

We can if we think we can. It is so true that what we believe we can do, determines what we will try to do, and what we try to do, determines what we can accomplish. How do we know we can, or can’t do something unless we try?

Why do we let fear rule our lives? What’s the worst that could happen? If it’s death maybe we should pass, but we are all going to die, and is dying doing something we love the worst way to go?

It doesn’t matter what our challenge is, what fear strikes us to our core. After we’ve faced it, even if to no one but ourselves recognizes the accomplishment. We walk a little taller, smile a little broader, and know with one down we can take on the next challenge.

We look at people who accomplish great things and think of that as the challenge. That is not the challenge that is the accumulation of many challenges. Good speakers, writers, artists, dancers, and musicians do not become good artists, speakers, writers, artists, dancers, or musicians because of their talent alone. They practice and take chances, and at some point if anyone is to know they are speakers, writers, artists, dancers, or musicians they must put themselves out there.  It is the same in any endeavor.

One of the speakers at Toastmasters gave an analogy of how too many of us try to improve ourselves. We are like a monkey trying to gather corn. The monkey picks a cob of corn and puts it under his arm. He then picks another cob of corn and puts it under his arm but the first cob of corn falls out. He does this over and over but only has one cob of corn to show for it. The smart monkeys must learn how to add one cob of corn to the other cob of corn to profit from the effort being expended.

We could practice speaking to the mirror every day and it would not profit us much. At some point, we must step into the ring of life. Nothing happens until we make something happen. We need to make a move to get the girl or guy of our dreams. We must take the chance to build the life, buy the house, have the baby, start a business, write a book, or whatever it is we want to do and accomplish in life.

Everything we do has its risks, hard parts, challenges, and only with perseverance do we get the prize. Maybe we will do everything right and not get the prize. Maybe we will get the prize and realize we aren’t happy with the prize, or it isn’t a big enough prize.

Life is about moving forward. Our progress may be so slow we think we are standing still, but if we continue we will see progress. It is progress toward our goals not just achieving our goals that create a rewarding life.

Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 percent of all your happiness or misery. H. Jackson Brown Jr.

It is in building a family that more joy happens than in any other endeavor. In building a family boy meets a girl, they have a baby, the baby grows into an adult and creates their own family and we feel joy and love at every stage. If we do not create that family ourselves, we can be part of someone else’s family and enjoy the stages as a close friend, aunt, or uncle.

Henry Ford might have said it best, “If you think you can, or you think you can’t, you are right.”

Is there something in our life we are waiting to move forward on? Is it time to take a deep breath, make a decision to go for what we want? Is it time to make a decision that where we are headed is not what we want and we need to reverse, turn around, or chart a new course? Do we need to decide if the next step is one we don’t want to take, or we are scared to take? When we are at the crossroads in life the road we take makes all the difference. We will not know where the road not taken would have led. We need to make peace with only being able to take one of the roads before us.

Is it time to make a decision about where we want our life to go? No matter where we are in our life, there are always decisions to make. What is the decision in our life, that if we make it today, will improve our life?

The hardest decisions in life are not between good and bad or right and wrong, but between two goods or two rights. Joe Andrew

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end. Please subscribe, comment, and share.

If you purchase an item through the Amazon.ca link I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon.ca affiliate link.

Make Smart Choices: Learn How to Think Clearly, Beat Information Anxiety, Improve Decision Making Skills, and Solve Problems Faster (Power-Up Your Brain Series Book 4) by [Bathla, Som]
Posted on by BWThomas

Clutter speaks. Are there decisions we haven’t made that result in clutter?

Are there decisions we haven't made that result in clutter? Clutter speaks.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Clutter represents indecisions. Make a decision and clear the clutter. Unknown

Clutter is a decision we haven’t made yet. That sounds about right. If we’d made the decision about what to do with the paper, clothes, or item it would be put back where we got it, thrown out, or put somewhere for donation.

What is it about us that we don’t want to make a decision? Much of what doesn’t get looked after should be thrown out. Some of us keep magazines long after they are out of date. We get sent industry magazines we never look at. I never throw them out when we receive them? I always put them where we could look at them. We never do. A pile collects and then one of us throws them out. Wouldn’t it simplify our life if we didn’t have that pile sitting there?

I listen to people who appear to lead clutter-free lives. How do they do it? Books are my big thing and my collection is growing. I tell myself it’s for my blog, before the blog it was to gain knowledge about something, art, writing, cooking, self-help, or whatever caught my interest at the time. I love going to Value Village and peruse the used books. Buy four and the fifth is free, means I almost always can find four I want, and then I hunt for the fifth.

I tend to buy books by topic. If someone looked at my bookshelves they would see the phases I’ve gone through. One year when the Canadian dollar was higher than the US dollar art books were a bargain. I collected a bookshelf full of them; these are not books I’ve found for sale in used book stores.

Clutter is the physical manifestation of unmade decisions fueled by procrastination. Christina Scalise

When I learned that some authors use Tarot cards to help build their plot lines I bought Tarot books and Tarot cards. I’ve bought writing books over the years. My son talked to an author in Indigo last weekend. The author told him the writing book that impacted him the most was On Writing by Stephen King. My son picked up the author’s debut novel The Actor by Douglas Gardham and Stephen King’s book for me.

I started reading The Actor it seems worth the read, maybe even a book club pick. I didn’t have the heart to tell my son I already own a pocket-size copy of Stephen King’s book but the copy he got me is so much nicer, larger, with a bigger font, and easier to read.

Finding a home for my books is not yet a problem. I may have to start editing and return some of them back to Value Village for someone else’s enjoyment. I have books I’ve moved down to my art studio that I should go through. Many of them are candidates for Value Village. Something I should do before New Year’s.

I love having books at my fingertips that help me in my art, writing, and life. If there is something we need to know there is likely a book that will help us figure it out. Will e-books replace physical libraries? I think it will be hard to find the information we want in e-books. That might be prejudice on my part; it might be easier to find what we want in books accessed by a computer.

Our computers can become as cluttered as other parts of our lives, but we don’t notice it at first glance. For those of us who have a clutter problem, we will likely always have a tendency to not make the decision that would lead to no clutter.

It is my experience that once we allow one piece of clutter it attracts more, and more, and more. It’s like trying to eat one potato chip, or one peanut. If we don’t eat any, we can be successful, but if we allow ourselves to eat one, we allow ourselves to eat more.

Is our life filled with unmade decisions? Are they showing up as clutter?

Clutter isn’t just the stuff on the floor. It’s anything that gets between you and the life you want to be living. Peter Walsh

Self-reflection is the first step to decluttering because it’s not about the stuff. Unknown

Out of clutter, find simplicity. From discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. Albert Einstein

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end. please subscribe, comment, and share.

If you purchase an item through the Amazon.ca link I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon.ca affiliate program.

See all 2 images

It’s All Too Much: An Easy Plan for Living a Richer Life with Less Stuff Paperback – Nov 6 2007

by Peter Walsh (Author) 4.6 out of 5 stars 13 ratings

 See all 19 formats and editions

Posted on by BWThomas

Cheap forgiveness, do we sometimes say we forgive someone instead of dealing with the truth of our lives?

Cheap forgiveness, instead of dealing with the truth of our lives.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Forgiveness simply means loving someone enough to pursue healing instead of punishment when they have wronged you. Unknown

Yesterday I ran across the phrase “cheap forgiveness” in a book called How Can I Forgive You by Janis Abrahms Spring. In it, she talks about cheap forgiveness and says: Cheap forgiveness may preserve our relationships, but quash any opportunity to develop a more intimate bond.

She says there are advantages to cheap forgiveness.

It may help us connect to the offender. We can keep up the appearance of harmony. We may want this when we think people who won’t talk to each other should be able to be in the same room and talk to who they do talk to, so it’s easy for the rest of the family to be together.

It may make us feel good about our self, even righteous and superior. Ben Franklin said. “Doing an injury puts you below your enemy; revenge makes you but even with him, forgiving sets you above him.

It may protect us from confronting our own complicity in the conflict, and wipe our slate clean too. Self-awareness can be painful. Cheap forgiveness keeps us blissfully in the dark.

It may nudge the transgressor toward repentance. We may get treated in a conciliatory way as well, and they may make amends. Our pardon may exploit their sense of guilt and indebtedness so that they become more friendly and indebted.

We believe that forgiveness is good for our health. We may believe it will release us from obsession and depression, lower our blood pressure and heart rate.

Janis Abrahms Spring tells us to be careful not to forgive too fast. The reason is there is a reason that whatever happened, happened. If we forgive too fast we may not deal with the underlying issues.

She gives an example of a woman who had an affair. The reason Mary had the affair was that she was lonely and felt cut off from her husband. Forgiveness was the cheapest gift her husband could give her. What Mary needed was conversations – plain and honest about who she was, what she needed from him so they could develop an intimate bond. His offer of cheap forgiveness was to make sure they didn’t have those conversations, expose those vulnerabilities, work on the relationship and perhaps develop the closeness she desired. With cheap forgiveness, he could believe she was just morally weak, and he could forgive her lapse because he’s such a good person.

Peace at all costs is not good. Peace and reconciliation happen when the relationship is stronger in the broken places, and this will not likely come from cheap forgiveness. The author talks of a “Type C” person, those of us chronically unaware of our feelings, and exhibit compulsive, unyielding niceness in any situation – no matter how stressful, insulting, or dangerous – with type-A people who are hostile, and less forgiving. The type A’s are more susceptible to heart disease than others, while the “Type C” is more prone to cancer. They let things eat them up inside instead of dealing directly with conflict.

Acceptance, tolerance, and forgiveness. Those are life-altering lessons. Jessica Lange

Since none of us are perfect, we will make mistakes, we will hurt people we love, we will need to forgive, and make amends. If we are willing to be as honest as we can be, whether we are the transgressor, or the transgressed upon, understand as much as we can about what led up to what happened and our part in it, perhaps we can repair the breach, and become stronger in the broken places.

It might be quicker to ask for, or offer cheap forgiveness. It might be better to work through the messiness of understanding what went on and why, or why we perceive things in a way that the other person does not. Working through the situation may be the gift, the silver lining that leads to a closer relationship. It won’t be quick, or easy, but maybe wanting things to be quick and easy is what led to the problem in the first place.

An organizing expert said in a Ted Talk that our clutter speaks to her. It tells a story, it’s there for a reason. She also says that we all have different ways of dealing with our pain and she, being a neat freak admits clutter is not the way she deals with issues. Do we need to deal with the issues in our life, honestly? Can we face our demons, and our unmet expectations of ourselves self and others? We may need to forgive and accept but first, we may need to excavate and discover what is our situation trying to tell us that we need to face up to and fix?

Do we settle for cheap forgiveness when acceptance and real forgiveness seem too messy, because if we look too close and too hard we may find things out about our self we don’t want to acknowledge?  We are told the truth will set us free. Finding, acknowledging, and dealing with the truth may be the hardest thing we do.

Are we willing to find and deal with the things in our life we don’t acknowledge? Are we willing to face our fears?

Relationships get stronger when both are willing to understand mistakes and forgive each other. Unknown

Even forgiveness, if weak and passive, is not true; fight is better. Forgive when you could bring legions of angels to the victory. Swami Vivekananda

It’s not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place because it frees you. Tyler Perry

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end. Please subscribe, comment, and share.

If you purchase an item through the Amazon.ca link I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon.ca affiliate program.

See all 3 images

How Can I Forgive You?: The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To Paperback – Feb 1 2005

by Janis A. Spring (Author) 4.4 out of 5 stars 11 ratings

 See all 12 formats and editions

Posted on by BWThomas

Hard decisions. Sometimes we have to make hard decisions. Our life doesn’t go anywhere without a decision. What are we waiting for?

Our life doesn't go anywhere without a decision. What are we waiting for? Sometimes we have to make a hard decision.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Who we marry is one of the most important decisions in life. Nathan Workman

How many of us put the cart before the horse. We want something but we don’t logically think out the steps it takes to get what we want.  Marriage is for many people one of the steps it takes to start building a life. We think we are focused on goals before we get married. Somehow for many of us getting married focused us on the path we wanted to take.

I could be wrong, it might only look like that because of the stages we go through, but when we get married we stand up as an adult. We are going forward as a new couple forging our way into the wilderness. We have pledged our troth and go forward to build a life.

It looks to me that many relationships get to a point where we either get married or go our separate ways. If having children is important, and to a lot of girls it is, and being married when we have them, and to a lot that is as well. Then we have to be okay with the institution of marriage and all it entails.

To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with. Mark Twain

If couples are ambitious and want to build something together, not just have separate jobs but build a business even if it is only a side hustle at first, getting married may be the first step. Do we want to tie our resources and credit rating to someone without a serious commitment?

It’s a bit of a problem for many of us that having children has a best before date, and building a life takes longer than we’d like. The dream of getting everything ready to have children has probably always been a pipe dream. We’ve probably always had to have faith in our relationship, selves, and life to bring forth a new person with all that entails.

The younger generation laments that we had it so easy when we were their age. It didn’t seem like it at the time. Looking back I wonder if we could have taken advantage of low house prices, but the interest rates were high. Hindsight is twenty-twenty and we’d all be rich if we could go back and do it over. Knowing what to do going forward is the trick. Having faith in oneself is a big thing. We can’t do big things if we don’t take big risks, one of the biggest risks we take is who we marry and have children with.

The marriage might not last twenty years, but child raising does if we have more than one child. If we aren’t willing to take a chance on life, on love, and on the future, we stay stuck. At some point, the potential partner will get sick of waiting to start their life, or stay and be resentful for the wasted potential of their life.

As a mother of marriage age children, I see their friends taking the plunge. It seems to me from what I see, marriage still makes a huge difference in the way life unfolds for young couples. Saying yes to marriage seems like saying yes to life, and the start of an adventure. Not saying yes to marriage seems like waiting for life to begin, and wondering when the adventure starts.

Do we need to say yes to life, love, and adventure?

Success in marriage is more than finding the right person; it is being the right person. Unknown

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Lao Tzu

How will you know if it’s the right decision if you never make it? Unknown

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end. Please subscribe, comment, and share.

If you purchase an item through the Amazon.ca link I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon.ca affiliate program.

See all 3 images

The Charge: Activating the 10 Human Drives That Make You Feel Alive Hardcover – May 15 2012

by Brendon Burchard (Author) 4.5 out of 5 stars 13 ratings

 See all 6 formats and editions

Posted on by BWThomas

Smile more, laugh more, live fully, and love deeply. You never know when it’s the last time you can tell someone “I love you.”

You never know when it's the last time you could tell someone I love you. Smile more, laugh more, live fully, and love deeply.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Take time to do what makes your soul happy. Unknown      

Do we have enough lightness and fun in our lives? Are we too serious? Does everything someone says feel wrong and hit a sore spot? Would we all be better off if we said “Ouch” when someone says something that hurts, or comes out wrong?

Maybe that would be a good way to acknowledge their awkwardness, ignorance, bias, or put down without getting into an argument. Maybe “Ouch” is the way to handle criticism instead of getting defensive.

Laura Doyle is the author of several books including The Empowered Wife and Things Will Get As Good As You Can Stand. She has a few ideas I think are worth thinking about.

One of them which at first glance may make our feminist soul wince is to surrender, which means to give up trying to control everything, and speak only for our self. Ask for what we want. Focus on ourselves, and don’t belittle, criticize, or dismiss our partner. Realize the only person we can change is our self. Quit trying to teach our partner, and instead trust he is smart, capable, and motivated.

There is a Christian minister who gives talks on “Treating him like a dog, and her like a car.” His idea is that women often treat their dogs better than their men, have more patience with their dog’s mistakes than their husband’s human foibles. Men polish their car; take care of their car, and lavish attention on their car.

If you’re going to quit anything, quit being lazy, quit making excuses and quit waiting for the right time. Unknown

We need to give more to get more in relationships. We need to be willing to receive what are partner gives with grace and gratitude. Are we still making an effort to be fun, entertaining, good company, and loving?

If it is true that 70% of divorces are initiated by women? That means we women have a lot of power to make our marriages better. It might mean instead of giving up because the fire has gone out, we could choose to rekindle instead of throwing everything away we’ve built.

Laura Doyle tells us men want a happy wife, and they feel like failures when their wife is not happy. What would it take for us women to be happy? If the biggest improvement we can make in our marriage is to become happy, what is the change we could make? Laura Doyle says we should do three things every day that make us happy.

What are three things we could do that would make us happy? Go for a walk. Pet a dog, cat, bunny, or horse? Meet a girlfriend for coffee, or lunch? Meet our husband for coffee, or lunch? Call someone we haven’t spoken to in a while. Spend time with grandchildren if we are lucky enough to have some. Get time away from our children if we are lucky enough to have them. Spend an hour browsing in a store we love. Read a book. Write a poem. Write in a journal. Spend time with inspiring people at a group, event, or meeting. Spend time getting in tune with our body through exercise. Create something. Get our hair done. Do something for someone less fortunate.

If we are not happy, it is unlikely it is only because of our marriage. We may think our life needs a huge overhaul when what it really needs is some maintenance. Are we taking time to smell the flowers, enjoying everything there is to enjoy and grateful for the bounty in our lives? Have we checked our partner’s and our love tanks are they low, are they running on empty? What can we do to fill them up?

It is easy to think the grass is greener over there, someone else’s life is so much better than our own. If only our partner would become, do, change, improve, but of course, if we want a better life we must be the one that does, changes, and improves.

What three things could we do today to make ourselves happy? What can we do today to make life better for our partners? Can we at least smile more, and brighten everyone’s day including our own?

Life is really simple but we insist on making it complicated. Confucius

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end. Please subscribe, comment, and share.

If you purchase an item through the Amazon.ca link I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon.ca affiliate program.

See all 2 images

Things Will Get as Good as You Can Stand: (. . . When you learn that it is better to receive than to give) The Superwoman’s Practical Guide to Getting as Much as She Gives Paperback – Apr 6 2004

by Laura Doyle (Author) 4.7 out of 5 stars 4 ratings

 See all 7 formats and editions

Posted on by BWThomas

Accepting life how it is. Can we get rid of unmet expectations which only leave us disappointed even when the best things are happening in our lives?

Can we get rid of unmet expectations which only leave us disappointed even when the best things are happening in our lives? Accepting life how it is.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Sometimes we create our own heartbreaks through expectation. Unknown

Yesterday I was in the bank; the machine won’t take bills if they are crinkled so I went to the teller. “What’s it like outside?” he asks.

“It’s not snowing, blowing or raining, so a beautiful November day,” I say.

A beautiful November day is not like a beautiful July, August, or September day. If the only beautiful days in our life are sunny and warm, we will be disappointed. Many of us go through life disappointed. Our frame of reference is skewed.

We go on a trip and expect romance when we haven’t had romance in our relationship for years. We expect to be limber and strong but we aren’t doing anything to remain limber and strong. We can’t live up to the expectations we can create in our minds. We don’t look as good in the dress as we’d hoped. We forget bugs come with a day at the beach. We are disappointed when there is seaweed in the ocean.

Does the man or women in relationships have the most unmet expectations? I understand men want women to remain the girl they met and fell in love with. Women want men to grow into the man they knew he could be when they fell in love.

Women can’t remain the girl they were. But, we can remain happy, giving, appreciating, respectful, kind, generous, and loving. What if we think we have remained all those things but our partner thinks we haven’t?

Men fear disappointing us because disappointment opens the path to irrelevance and ultimately rejection. We will be disappointed and we will disappoint. Don’t we need to accept that it is impossible to be what someone else or even what we want every moment of the day?

Don’t expect too much. It’s always better to feel surprised than to feel disappointed. Unknown

This is where unmet expectations come in. We need to cut our partners and ourselves some slack. Our hormones affect how we feel about ourselves and others, our hunger can affect how we react, and life can be disappointing in many ways. We aren’t where we thought we’d be in life, and retirement looms. Even if we did achieve what we wanted, that is part of the glorious past, and what of the future?

Can we make peace with what is, who we are, who our partner is, what our life is, not what we think it should be because of romantic lies in books, movies, and songs?

Every time I see a picture of myself posted on the Toastmasters club page I am disappointed. What do I think I look like? In ten years I will look back at those pictures and they will look pretty good to me. Pictures I see from ten years ago look great.

If we don’t enjoy today for what it is, looking back in ten years we will think we were so young, why didn’t we enjoy it more? There was so much we could do, enjoy, and experience. Why didn’t we do, enjoy, and experience it?

My daughter keeps telling me, “You and Dad shouldn’t wait too long to go to England.”

She’s right. That trip to England is also fraught with unmet expectations. Can it possibly be what we want it to be? Is that one of the reasons we put it off?

Is the secret to a great life under-promising and over-delivering, instead of over-promising and underdelivering?

When you release expectations, you are free to enjoy things for what they are instead of what you think they should be Mandy Hale

When you learn to accept instead of expecting, you’ll have fewer disappointments. Unknown

Let go of your expectations. Let go of your attachment to outcomes. Unknown

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end. Please subscribe, comment, and share.

If you buy an item through the Amazon.ca link I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon.ca affiliate program.

See all 4 images

Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life Paperback – Dec 23 2003

by Byron Katie (Author), Stephen Mitchell (Author) 4.4 out of 5 stars 91 ratings

 See all 11 formats and editions

Posted on by BWThomas

Is our attitude a choice? Do we choose to be happy, grateful, loving, and kind?

Do we choose to be happy, grateful, loving, and kind? Is our attitude a choice?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

If you don’t like something change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Maya Angelou

Yesterday I called Mom to wish her a happy 95th birthday. She went for her walk by herself and felt happy and joyful being able to do so.

Mom was happy to be able to go for a walk and enjoy the scenery, fresh air, and the fact that at ninety-five everything still works. She lives beside a nursing home and is reminded every day how lucky she is to have good health.

What makes happy people happy? Is it a decision some people make and others do not? Have happy people won the happiness lottery? Could we spend half of our life unhappy and decide to change and become a happy person? How much control do we have over our attitudes?

Last night my daughter, husband and I sat talking. We were talking about attitudes and how our attitude is the most important thing in our life. What we will do, how we will treat people and ourselves will be because of our attitude. How we see life, what we will strive for, the habits we develop, the choices we make will depend on our attitude. Attitude is what helps us deal with problems without losing our sense of balance, and allows us to face difficulties without losing hope.

Where did we get our attitudes from? Some attitudes are determined by circumstances we’ve experienced, behavior, cognition, feelings, beliefs, and social norms. Our attitudes are judgments we use.

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. Winston Churchill

Some of our attitudes are strong attitudes, in the sense, we find them important, hold them with confidence, do not change them very much, and use them frequently to guide our actions.

After people think about their attitudes, talk about them, or just say them out loud, the attitudes they expressed become stronger. This may be why we are told to be careful of the company we keep because we will develop the same attitudes. If we believe we can, or we believe we can’t, we are right. If we believe something is positive or negative is it our attitudes that make us look at the positive or negative attributes?

Is anything in life positive or negative or do we look at the side of it that fits with our world view? Does this happen in our families, dreams, goals, choices, habits, political views, social views, religious, and spiritual views?

Do we have attitudes we express around some people and repress around others? For instance, our parents may see us as dutiful, morally conscious, and our friends may see us as impulsive and susceptible to peer pressure. Our attitudes may look like whatever group we are trying to fit in with. We may think we are above peer pressure and social pressure but we probably are not.

Are our attitudes, values, character, and ultimately our actions determined by the circumstances we are in? If we change our circumstances, the people we surround ourselves with, the books we read, the shows we watch,  the ideas we listen to, and the thoughts we think, can we create a better attitude towards our self, others, and life?

Is our attitude a choice?

A great attitude to have in life is to learn how to be prepared for the worst, but also know how to expect the best in life. Dylan J. Cameron

It is very important to generate a good attitude, a good heart, as much as possible. From this happiness in both the short term and the long term for both, yourself and others will come. Dalai Lama

Negativity is a very nasty and contagious disease. Remove yourself from all negative people, situations, and things. Choosing to be positive will help you maintain a better attitude, better health, and mindset. Jefroy Hanson

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end. Please subscribe, comment, and share.

If you purchase an item through the Amazon.ca link I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon.ca affiliate program.

by Michal Stawicki (Author) 3.9 out of 5 stars 7 ratings

 See all 3 formats and editions

Posted on by BWThomas

Living fully, richly, in gratitude for all the blessings flowing our way.

Living richly, fully, grateful for the blessings flowing our way.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Gratitude turns what we have into enough. Aesop

Do we say we want to be healthy, wealthy, and wise but sabotage ourselves from becoming healthy, wealthy and wise, by what we say, do, and think? Are we our own worst enemy?

If we were to make it our motto in life to be healthy, wealthy, and wise, haven’t we given ourselves a job? How many of us have thought I’d do anything to look like her or him? But we aren’t willing to do the diet and exercise that makes him or her look like that? We’d love to be smart and well-read, but then we’d actually have to read and choose the books that the wise read.

There are many, many books on how to get rich slowly, inevitably. The stock market has made untold numbers of people rich. What if buying stock in any of our Canadian Banks instead of putting money in the bank would be better financially? Is being an owner instead of a lender better?

I read a book called The Mulberry Tree by Jude Deveraux in it a wealthy self-made man marries a poor woman. She loves to can fruit, and he tells her that the peel is like money, it is what we have left after we’ve created something. Too many of us want money, but we haven’t created anything yet. When the wealthy man dies he leaves his wife no money, just an old house. He knows if he leaves her his money she will be hounded by the people after his estate. He leaves her an old house where she can build a life; it is where he grew up.

What if we can have anything we choose in life? What if that is exactly what we have and our choices have brought us to where we are? What if we want things to be different we have to make different choices? As they say, if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.

The idea behind the book The Having is we get wanting from wanting something, and we get having through having. We need to be grateful for what we have to get more of it. Living in the moment is the first step toward having.

Having begins when you can focus on the thought that right now. I have money, ‘even if you only have a single dollar.’ Suh Yoon Lee

According to Suh Yoon Lee, we can be ‘real rich, or fake rich.’ Real rich live for today in gratitude and believe they have enough. Fake rich live for tomorrow, and they never have enough.

One of the ideas behind living simply is that with simplicity we can enjoy our lives more because we have less. If we have fewer things to care for, pay for, and worry about we have more time to enjoy what is important, meaningful, and fleeting.

Is downsizing the answer? Is it something we should consider? Is it something to look at as a choice, or only when it becomes the only alternative? How do we maximize the enjoyment of our lives?

Are we living fully, richly, and grateful for all the blessings in our life?

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. Melanie Beattie

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end. Please subscribe, comment, and share.

If you purchase an item through the Amazon.ca link I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon.ca affiliate program.

See this image

What Money Can’t Buy: Family Income and Children’s Life Chances Paperback – Sep 15 1998

by Susan E. Mayer (Author) 

 See all 3 formats and editions

Posted on by BWThomas

Living a good life, finding meaning and purpose. Reading good books.

Reading good books. Living a good life, finding meaning and purpose.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Reading is a basic tool in the living of a good life. Mortimer J. Adler

Another phone call with news we can’t believe. These calls will become more common. He was just fifty-seven, a heart attack, tall and slim. I don’t know him well; he wanted to write a book. Did he get it done?

We don’t know how long we will have in life. Will we be like mom turning ninety-five, or gone too soon? The first thing that comes to my mind when I hear news like this is, will the family be financially okay?

I read a book called Dr. Hudson’s Secret Journal by Lloyd C. Douglas. In it, Dr. Hudson says that the young women whose husbands die do better when they are not quite financially okay. If the woman is required to find some type of work to augment her income she does better than if she doesn’t need to.

By needing to build a life to support herself or her children, she builds a life. Many of us dream of a life of leisure but work is a gift. Work gives us financial sufficiency, opportunity, choice, camaraderie, skills, discipline, and pride in our abilities. Many of us don’t know what to do with ourselves if we don’t work. When we retire we often do unpaid work because we need something to do.

Jordan Peterson tells us one of the things young men especially need to do is pick up a load, carry it, make something of themselves so they have some self-respect, become good at something, so they have something to offer a potential spouse.

And it is a good thing to receive wealth from God and the good health to enjoy it. To enjoy your work and accept your lot in life – this is indeed a gift from God. Ecclesiates 5:19

In The Rational Bible author Dennis Prager tells us he wrote this book for people of every faith and no faith. He believes the Torah (the first five books of the bible) has something to say to everyone, or they have something to say to no one. He says thinking the bible is only for believers is like saying Shakespeare is only for the English, or Beethoven is only for Germans.

The principles to build a better life for ourselves don’t depend on our faith, they depend on our actions. We can use the principles in all religious texts even if we aren’t part of that religion.

Perhaps this is where we have gone wrong in religion. We’ve gotten away from the practical application of the truths contained in the bible and turned it into a religious experience, instead of the practice of living a good life according to good principles.

Goodness and wisdom are important in our lives, and the largest repository of goodness and wisdom is the Torah. It gave birth to the rest of the bible.

We don’t have to belong to the same church, or any church or religion to benefit from the wisdom contained in its texts. Following the principles of a good life, create a good life, regardless of what we believe the foundation of those principles is.

Are we reading enough good books?

The good life consists in deriving happiness by using your signature strengths every day in the main realms of living. The meaningful life adds one more component: using these same strengths to forward knowledge, power or goodness. Martin Seligman

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end. Please subscribe, comment, and share.

If you purchase an item through the Amazon.ca link I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon.ca affiliate program.

See all 2 images

Doctor Hudson’s Secret Journal Paperback – Jul 3 2018

by Lloyd C. Douglas (Author) 2.8 out of 5 stars 3 ratings

 See all 14 formats and editions