Posted on by BWThomas

Enjoying the moments. Being there for people in their moments of need. We never know who we may help with a little kindness.

We never know who we may help with a little kindness. Being there for people in their moments of need. Happiness is enjoying the moments with gratitude.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Gratitude turns what we have into enough. Aesop

Gratitude starts a chain reaction. Unknown

We don’t laugh because we’re happy – we’re happy because we laugh. William James

We need to fill our fun tank and wringing all the joy out of the daily, weekly and monthly happenings is one way.

Walking and talking with my daughter. Going out with my husband, laughing over something we’ve shared. Admiring something we’ve completed or accomplished. A cup of tea in the afternoon, phoning mom, laughing over something sent on Face book, these all contribute to the happiness of the day. Little joys are the happy moments in our life, some of them may bring tears to our eyes when we look back on them over time. They didn’t mean much then, they mean everything now.

Nothing needs to happen before we can enjoy a laugh with someone. No accomplishment needs to be made before we feel the joy of a child’s smile, question, or hug. Time spent with our parents over coffee, phone or face time is precious. Laughing with our husband or wife over a joke, shared moments or memories are part of the ties that bind us together. We’ve shared so much with everyone that is in our life.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. Helen Keller

Everyone in our life has given us something, brought joy to our life in some way, or given us the gift of a growth opportunity. Either way, gratitude is in order. If the sun shines today that is something to be grateful for, if it doesn’t we probably need the rain. We can look on the bright side and sometimes by looking on the bright side we help others see there is a bright side.

We are told any random act of kindness boosts happiness. I was given a rose in the grocery store by two lovely girls one day as a random act of kindness. One of them had a blog and this was part of what she blogged about. This was a few years ago, it made an impression on me.

In order to be happy we have to take full responsibility for our life. By taking responsibility we take back control as we acknowledge the thoughts we think and the actions we take create the results in our life. We are not victims. We can make it better or we can make it worse. Even when we can’t control the circumstances we control our reaction to the circumstances.

One of the suggestions for more happiness is to avoid negative people and situations. We shouldn’t go looking for problems but is judging others as negative and not worth having in our life a good thing? If we are blessed by luck, chance, good timing, and management of our life are shunning those that weren’t so blessed the thing to do? We may be the only positive person in that negative person’s life, when we take our self out of their life we might have been the ray of hope, the beam of sunshine, the model of normalcy they saw.

Being there for people in their hour of need is important. Letting them drag us down is not good. We need to find the balance and we need to let them know they are not victims; they are in control of their life as we are in control of ours. If we cut them off who shows them how to live a better life? It may be easier to cut negative people out of our life, but is it the kind, compassionate, loving thing to do? We need to not get caught up in their drama. We need to be there to encourage them as they take the first tentative steps to a better life. What lessons they have to learn we don’t know, our job is not to judge them, our job is not to change them, our job is to love them. Everyone can love people who are easy to love. Giving up on the hard to love is easy; loving people through their tough times is a growth experience for both of us. Sometimes they don’t know how to receive love and learning to accept they can be loved may change their life. Learning to love them may change ours.

Are we enjoying the moments in our life with gratitude?

Happiness, not in another place but this place… not for another hour, but this hour. Walt Witman

We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. Unknown

If you want to find happiness, find gratitude. Steve Maraboli

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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On Kindness Paperback – Jun 22 2010

by Adam Phillips (Author), Barbara Taylor (Author) 4.0 out of 5 stars 3 ratings

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Be kind and good, instead of nice. Don’t go along to get along, find something to stand for. If we don’t stand for something, we’ll fall for anything.

If we don't stand for something, we'll fall for anything. Don't go along to get along, find something to stand for. Be kind and good, instead of nice.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Be present. Be kind. Compliment people. Magnify their strengths, not their weaknesses. This is how to make a difference. Unknown

Yesterday I was told I was nice, and it wasn’t a compliment. We always hear that “nice guys” finish last. Yesterday listening to a podcast the speaker put it in perspective. Nice is often a way of not being who we are, we don’t want to be the asshole which is what we think is the opposite of nice. So we are this manipulative nice where people don’t know where they stand with us.

We don’t like “nice” politicians because they don’t stand for anything except for what might get them elected. If they stand for something even if it is unpopular we can respect their belief and courage to stand for it even though it is not our belief.

If someone doesn’t let you know what they stand for or what they want except they want what you want, they seem wishy-washy and nice but… The definition of nice is pleasant, agreeable, and satisfactory. Nice people don’t want to rock the boat and they avoid conflict like the plague. Good people are willing to stand up for what they believe in and know how to communicate their ideas and beliefs. Nice people accept win/lose or lose/win situations. This is why nice people say yes when they want to say no. Good people only accept win/win situations.

This sounds great but even if we are only consumed with our self jerks, we have to accept win/lose situations, sometimes.

Being too optimistic may come off as nice. I’m not sure what to do about that? Being good is the opposite of nice, be the “good guy” or the “good girl.” Sometimes “nice” people are too busy doing what they think others want, to do anything for themselves. This isn’t good.

Listening to a man telling men how to get out of the friend zone was basically never allow yourself to get in it. Never settle for being a friend. I like you, you like me, or I’ll find someone else. Never, ever hang around being the friend watching the girl you want, date other men. Good advice, and not just for men.

Maybe when we are nice we should really be kind. That is probably what we are after anyway. Being kind and being good go hand in hand. We might be nice and let someone live with illusions, but being good and kind may tell them the truth in a way that lets them go forward, better.

In a blog called Project Happiness, the author says she was having lunch with her cousin when he said. “You are a really nice person, but it comes off very fake.” She was taken aback by his statement but it gave her something to work with. That may be a question to ask ourselves. Do we come off as genuine, the real deal, or are we just being nice?

If we do things for others we don’t want to do, why are we doing them other than because we are trying to be nice?

Jordan Peterson tells us women are more agreeable than men. Less agreeable people make more money and are generally more successful than agreeable ones. Agreeableness seems to be a trait we are born with.

If we have an agreeable nature we may not be able to change that, but we can probably change whether we focus on being nice, or focus on being kind and good.

Who wants to be nice? Pleasant and forgettable; as it certainly was a nice party. Inoffensive and unremarkable: as he sure is a nice guy. Sweet and unattractive: as she’s a really nice girl.

We should work hard to be kind instead or nice, or good instead of nice, and when we are told we are nice we need to really roll that around in our head and figure out what was really meant.

Maybe part of our problem is quotes like this:

Some kids are smarter than you. Some kids have cooler clothes than you. Some kids are better at sports than you. It doesn’t matter. You have your things too. Be the kid who can get along. Be the kid who is generous. Be the kid who is happy for other people. Be the kid who does the right thing. Be the nice kid.

The last line ruins it. Maybe it should read, be the strong, good, and kind kid. Nice kids are not taught to stand up for themselves and this is part of the problem. Nice kids are not taught to go after what they want. We don’t have to have a “nice kid” or an “asshole”, we can have a “good kid” who has enough self-esteem to go after what they want, stand up for themselves, and treat others with respect and kindness.

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. Dalai Lama

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos Hardcover – Jan 23 2018

by Jordan B. Peterson (Author) 4.7 out of 5 stars 1,223 ratingsAmazon Charts #5 this week

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Love and acceptance. Making the most of our choices.

Making the most of our choices. Love and acceptance.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Acceptance is one important manifestation of love. Unknown

I’m trying too hard to come up with a good speech. I wrote one quickly but I don’t know if I like it. It’s a five to seven-minute speech; it’s supposed to be funny. There is so much in life that is funny, so why when I am deliberately trying to come up with funny, does nothing seem funny?

Should I talk about men and women being different but equal? According to Susan Jeffers in Opening Our Hearts to Men, she says as women enter the workforce they are realizing they can manage without men, and men are realizing they do worse without women.

What are we to do when psychologically married men and single women fare better? What is it about marriage that works for men, and doesn’t work for women? Is this true, or is this like saying that unmarried women without children are the happiest people?

It was a carefree and fun time to be single without children. I enjoyed it immensely, but the meaning and joy brought into my life by children, and also the work, hard slogging and making ends meet of both time and resources has made me a better person.

Men used to provide the resources that let us raise our children. Now we women can provide our own resources and sometimes quite handsomely. Some men are left wondering what their role is.

My husband and I have worked together for years, we are interdependent. When there are two jobs it probably makes splitting up easier. If both can afford their own place it might not take much to be up and out, and not look back. When money is tight, many couples may stay together when if they were more affluent they would not.

Most people need love and acceptance a lot more than they need advice. Unknown

They tell us it is the rich who are getting married and staying together because they understand the cost of divorce, and the poor don’t seem to. What if we are still better together than we are apart, most of the time? Does it matter who brings in the bacon, or who cooks it, as long as there is cooked bacon? What if he brings home the bread, and she brings home the bacon and they can have a bacon sandwich. This, of course, is part of the growing divide between rich and poor. As some families have bread and bacon, some have only bread, some have only bacon, and some hardly get any bread or bacon on a consistent basis.

It seems there is a men’s revolution going on now as men try and figure out where they fit. Some men have given up on even attempting having a life with a woman in it. Some women have given up attempting to have a life with a man in it. Most men and women still feel a pull toward the opposite sex and want a life of love and family.

We’ve been told we can have it all. We may even understand that doesn’t mean we get it all at one time. As I watch my children take their place in the world I see especially my son figuring out how to go after what he wants, and how to make sure he wants what he goes after.

Some of us have worked very hard to climb a mountain and found at some point in our life it was the wrong mountain. Now that men and women both work it makes it easier to move to a different mountain. If we do it right having two incomes or at least two potential incomes may give us choices we wouldn’t have with strict gender roles.

We are told choice doesn’t necessarily make us happier. When we can go back and choose another option we are less satisfied with the option we have. This may be true, but I for one like options.

Serial marriages may not be the path to happiness, but what if the third marriage is the one that finally brings out the best in both partners? What if some of us are slow learners or poor pickers?

What if we live our lives, we make mistakes and we just have to accept the hand that is dealt and the choices we made along the way. Hopefully, at some point looking back, it all makes sense.

Is it possible to give anyone the gift of unconditional love and acceptance?

Loving and being loved unconditionally means taking a leap of faith. It means feeling safe in your relationship and making room for vulnerability so that you can both be truly seen for who you are. Andrea Miller

Acceptance. It is the true thing, everyone, longs for. The one thing everyone craves. To walk in a room and to be greeted by everyone with hugs and smiles. And in that small passing moment, you truly know you’re loved, needed, and accepted. Rena Harmon

It’s more than just the days, holding hands and kissing. It’s about accepting each other’s weirdness and flaws. It’s about being yourself and finding happiness together. It’s about seeing an imperfect person perfectly. Unknown

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Opening Our Hearts to Men: Learn to Let Go of Anger, Pain, and Loneliness and Create a Love That Works Paperback – Apr 14 1990

by Susan Jeffers (Author) 4.5 out of 5 stars 5 ratings

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Take a chance on love. Our hearts may be broken but that is part of living. Isn’t not taking a chance the worse option?

Our hearts may be broken but that is part of living. Isn't not taking a chance a worse option? Take a chance on love.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

It is a risk to love. What if it doesn’t work out? Ah, but what if it does. Peter McWilliams

If you are afraid to take a chance. Take one anyway. What you don’t do can create the same regrets as the mistakes you make. Unknown

In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take, relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make. Unknown

No matter what we set out to do in life, in our day, in our family, or in our occupation. We have to find the time to do it. There are things in our life that everything else fits around. Many of us may not have known how children would fit into our lives but everything else fits around our children. Our jobs are the same.

For many years it seemed we had work and kids, and everything revolved around them. We have to carve out time for other things if we want a rounder life. Sometimes all we can do is manage the three things on our plate, and if that is where we are we have to know, this too shall pass. If we enjoy each of the seasons of our life and know that what is central in our life now, may not be at the forefront in a few years we can plan and live our lives with grace.

My daughter and I had a conversation yesterday. As all young couples do they would like their own house, and they are talking about starting a family. I told her only one of those has a best before date.

Having children for some is hard, and affording children is hard for many. How did we get here? We didn’t use to have a choice. When we got married children came or did not come, there wasn’t much we could do about it. Now we have control of when we want to have children, and how many but that means we have to make a decision. Decision making isn’t our strong suit all the time.

You can’t go through life protecting yourself from everything. You have to take chances. Because if you don’t, then you might as well not be living. Unknown

Time flies by fast, and if we are waiting for better economic times before we start a family we may wait a long time. If we wait too long we may need help, but that doesn’t work out very well for many.

If there is a more wonderful time in life than when we start a family I don’t know when that would be. All the stages of life are to be savored, but that stage was really great. When I see young families out together I smile and remember how great it was when our children were young. It is great now too, but children bring energy to life and hearing children’s laughter is a joy.

Children walk past our door on the way to school laughing and playing. I love that the street we live on is a street where children walk to school and we can hear them playing in the schoolyard.

Life with a family is not neat and tidy. If it is our lot in life to have a family we are blessed. If it is our lot in life to have grandchildren we are doubly blessed and if we have great-grandchildren triply blessed. Children are our future and whatever sacrifices we make for them are worth it.

If we take a chance on love, any kind of love our hearts may be broken. Not choosing love is missing out on life. We may feel we are protecting ourselves by not letting others in, and then we can’t be hurt. But isn’t not feeling so much worse than opening ourselves up to love and the possibility of being hurt?

If you take a chance, good things might happen or bad things might happen. But if you don’t take a chance, nothing happens. Prakhar Sahay

Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tiptoe is you must but take the step. Unknown

It is a risk to love. What if it doesn’t work out? Ah, but what if it does. Peter McWilliams

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Only Love Today: Reminders to Breathe More, Stress Less, and Choose Love by [Stafford, Rachel Macy]
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Only Love Today: Reminders to Breathe More, Stress Less, and Choose Love Kindle Edition

by Rachel Macy Stafford (Author)

4.0 out of 5 stars    13 ratings

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Self-expression and feeding our soul. Connecting with others, and getting ready to put our work out into the world.

Connecting with others, and getting ready to put our work out in to the world. Self-expression and feeding our soul.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

No amount of self-improvement can make up for any lack of self-acceptance. Robert Holden

Yesterday I didn’t get a post out. I got up late and my daughter seemed to want to talk. We live in the same house but there doesn’t seem to be much time to sit together and talk. She didn’t want to talk about anything, in particular, we just sat with coffees and discussed anything and everything. It was a lovely way to spend a morning.

We need to give the gift of time to people, to spend time with them not when there is an important problem to discuss, but when there is an opportune moment.

My son spent some time in the den with me in the afternoon and we again didn’t discuss anything important. He helped me download a free book from a writer offering help on creating hooks for our books. The price of admission was my email address. I spent the evening reading the eBook and he had helpful and useful information in it. He’s an “Indie” author and quite a successful one named Adam Cross.

I thought the ebook was saved to my desktop but the file is empty. I read it and made some notes, I’ll talk to my son about it today.

Last night I got a call from “the kid up the road” we are facebook friends and even though the news he called about wasn’t good we had a lovely chat. He told me to make sure he gets a copy of my novel.

This is what I wanted when I started the blog and went on facebook, to create an audience. It’s up to me to deliver on my promise of a book. My next step is a professional editor. A cousin is reading my novel now and promises feedback. Another cousin hasn’t given me any feedback yet, and I may have to prod her. Maybe she hates it and doesn’t know how to tell me. Maybe she has a life and reading my book hasn’t fit into it yet.

When you’ve spent your whole life listening to others, it takes courage to pay attention to the sound of your own voice. Unknown

My question is, is it good enough to pay for editing or do I have way more work to do before it gets to that point? I keep having conflicts with my Writers Group and Toastmasters but this time my Writers Group is going to win. I’m getting up the nerve to ask the head of my writer’s group if she will read my novel and give me feedback. The worst she could say is she doesn’t have time. Why have I waited so long to ask her?

The easiest thing in the world is to second guess ourselves. Everyone tells us, just do it, we’ll regret the things we don’t do more than the things we do.

In one of my facebook groups, someone posted a picture of a hand with a fork on the lifeline they call a writer’s fork. I think I have it although it looks more like an X at the end of the lifeline. We look for any sign that we are on the right path. This is probably really bad if we are on a bad path. The thunder told me I must do this thing… could be very, very, bad. There’s a story idea!

Whatever it is we want to do, feel we must do, and are compelled to do unless it is illegal or immoral we should get on with it  One of the reasons I started posting pictures of my paintings is to get over my fear of not being good enough. Public speaking is a way to get over that same fear. Expressing ourselves isn’t about being perfect or profound, but about doing. We don’t know what is in us until we express it and that may be in words, pictures, carvings, plantings, singing, dancing, playing an instrument, sewing, beadwork, building something, or cooking.

Self-expression is a way to say things we don’t know how to say, and that is why some of the most powerful forms of self-expression are not verbal. It is why if words are our way of self-expressing we may choose fiction because it is in fiction we can tell the truth of life how we see it. Fiction is the lie that tells a truth. In fiction, we choose what to leave out and what to put in. We do the same when we say we are writing about events that happened. Is it possible to tell the truth about past events, or current events? We can tell a viewpoint, but that isn’t necessarily the truth.

Are we finding ways to express ourselves? Are we doing things that feed our souls?

Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still. Chinese proverb

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Lie That Tells a Truth Paperback – Aug 10 2004

by John Dufresne (Author) 4.4 out of 5 stars 6 ratings

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Life management. Will how we spend our time, and the decisions we make matter in ten minutes, ten months, or ten years?

Will how we spend our time, and the decisions we make matter in ten minutes, ten months, or ten years?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Life management is not about busyness; it is about productiveness and effectiveness – major on the major things in life, not the minor. Farshad Asl

Last night was another wonderful Toastmasters evening. We did early Halloween and some of the costumes were great. I didn’t bother to get a costume but someone had a panda mask I borrowed.

Our Area Director was at the meeting and I was discussing with him my decision to not take on an optional duty request from head office. My husband already feels too much of my time is going to Toastmasters. The Area Director says his family does too, but this is his last year and then he’s giving up Toastmasters. He’s putting in much more effort than I am as Area Director but if it is to the detriment of his family is it a wise decision? In my opinion, he’s setting himself up, now he does more than expected for Toastmasters, and his family resents it, next year he will give up Toastmaster’s for his family, and he will probably resent it.

We need balance. I do not want to give up Toastmasters. I get so much from it. It’s a night out with positive people, inspiration, laughs, stories, and socializing. My husband has a point, and one week almost every night and Saturday was Toastmasters. That is not reasonable by any standard.

When Mom came out in 2010 she said to me, “I don’t like groups that want all of me.” She spent about a month visiting each one of us and of course, she went with us to our various groups. I wasn’t part of Toastmasters then. She’s right; we seem to have a problem with balance.

Finding balance in our lives is always a challenge. Our lives can be taken over by the sports our children participate in, the Church’s we attend, community groups, volunteer organizations, and work. If we aren’t careful our families and spouses are shifted to the sidelines of our life.

My son-in-law leaves early and gets home late. His company is taking advantage of a young hard-working newly married man who wants to get ahead. He’s taking advantage of the chance to work overtime.  It’s working, for now, there are no children he has to look after and now is the time to do it. He will have to find balance in his life.

Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life. Dolly Parton

A friend tells me she thinks she needs to go away so she can think about the direction she wants her life to take. Her time is easily filled with work and social activities.

Are we spending time on the priorities of our life? Have we figured out what our priorities are, and should be? Are we living our life deliberately? Have we figured out what is important from what is urgent? If we only deal with the urgent, do we get to the important?

There is so much busywork that is always urgent. We need a system and there are many out there to follow. One of them is 10-10-10 by Suzy Welch. In it we are asked will this matter in ten minutes, ten months, or ten years. Too often we don’t get to the things that will matter in ten years because we are too busy looking after the things that demand our attention now.

I’ve taken this attitude with dishes. If I do the dishes and clean the kitchen every night, that is my gym time. I don’t love a messy kitchen, but when I clean it up it looks just as good as if it was always that way. If I only show up at the gym occasionally it doesn’t work the same way.

The time I put into my Toastmaster Area Director role I try to make effective. More time could be spent but would it really accomplish more?

If we have decisions to make, even tough ones, if we look at how they will affect us in ten minutes, ten months, and ten years we can become unstuck. Even if we haven’t formulated a plan for what we want in ten years we have an idea. We want life to be better.

One of the speakers last night ended his speech with a quote. Today is hard, tomorrow will be worse, but the day after tomorrow that will be sunshine. Sometimes we have to make our decisions based on what we want the day after tomorrow, not just today and tomorrow. If we do the thing we know we need to do today it might not make much of a difference, it might not even make that much difference in ten months, but if we persevere where will it take us in ten years?

Saving for retirement, exercise, eating right, managing relationships, career moves, and lifestyle changes are all like that. Will what we are doing today give us more or less of what we want in ten years?

If we take this attitude we can weed out a lot of what is not important and maybe see what is. The time we don’t spend with our children will be gone, and they won’t still be children. If we don’t make our spouse a priority they may not still be our spouse. If we haven’t made time for friends when we are no longer working we may be lonely without them. If we haven’t pursued our dreams they will not become a reality.

As we go through today, maybe we can ask ourselves will this matter in ten minutes, ten months, or ten years?

Balance is not better time management, but better boundary management. Balance means making choices and enjoying those choices. Unknown

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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10-10-10: A Fast and Powerful Way to Get Unstuck in Love, at Work, and with Your Family Paperback – Apr 6 2010

by Suzy Welch (Author), Jack Welch (Foreword) 3.3 out of 5 stars 7 ratings

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Small changes make a big difference. Progress is taking the next step, and the next, and the next. Building a better us builds a better world.

Progress is taking the next step, and the next, and the next. Building a better us builds a better world. Small changes make a big difference.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Being positive isn’t pretending that everything is good; it’s seeing the good in everything. Unknown

Is it possible to see the good in everything? Is there good in everything or is there making the best of the bad, or is that actually the same thing?

It is easy to say look on the bright side from here. Mostly everything in my life has a bright side, but what of those in war-torn countries? What is their bright side? Desperate people will take desperate measures and who can blame them? We would all take desperate measures in desperate situations.

When we live in a peaceful country we are blessed. When we have good government, even if they aren’t doing everything how we think they should we are blessed. If we don’t have armed guards on our streets with military rifles we are blessed. If our children can walk to school, or even have a school we are blessed.

If we have work that gives us the lifestyle we’ve become accustomed to, and we can see our way to a healthy, happy, retirement we are blessed. If we flip the switch and the lights come on, we are blessed. If the water is clean and drinkable coming from the tap we are blessed.

If we know if something happens and we need medical care and it will be there, we are blessed. If we go to the store with money in our pocket and the shelves are full, we are blessed. If we have a vehicle and when we turn the key or push a button and it starts, we are blessed.

If we can see, hear, think, smell, touch, feel, move, we are blessed. If we have clean air to breathe, we are blessed. If we have someone to talk to we are blessed. This morning my daughter had twelve minutes to sit and have a cup of coffee, usually, she hurries and scurries out of here without time to sit. I was blessed to sit with her and chat.

Last night my husband, son and I sat and chatted while they channel surfed between sports games. When we sit and listen to what our kids have to say they can surprise us with their insights and their take on the world.

I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. Edward Everett Hale

We have so much to be grateful for. Even as we worry about climate change, fossil fuels, population growth, genocide, ethnic cleansing, and refugees looking for somewhere to call home, life has rarely been better for many of us.

Now that we have windows on the world through the internet we feel everyone has more than us. Everyone is doing more, enjoying more, spending more, traveling more, having more fun, excitement, adventure, and success. They have better relationships, better jobs, more successful children, and cuter pets.

We compare the worst of our lives to the best of someone else’s and we always come up short.  Comparisons are odious and putting ourselves down because we don’t meet standards that can’t be met is a form of abuse towards ourselves.

We are blessed to be who we are. We have things to learn, gifts to give, and people to love. Our cup runneth over until we start comparing our cup to someone else’s cup. Can we be grateful for all the good in our lives, and be happy for all the good in someone else’s life without envy, lust, or spite?

There are things to complain about, but what does complaining do? There are things to fix, and we will have to work in our sphere of influence to fix them. There will be unintended consequences to some of our fixes, there always are. If we can get our own life in order, and that isn’t necessarily a small thing, it will reverberate throughout our families, communities, and country. When we are grateful for all we have in our lives and focus on the things we can do, we can make a difference.

Is there some small thing we can do today to make life better for ourselves, our family, our community, our country, and the world?

You cannot hope to build a better world without improving the individual. To that end each of us must work for his or her own improvement and at the same time share a general responsibility for all humanity, our particular duty being to aid those to whom we think we can be most useful. Marie Curie

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The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage by [Robbins, Mel]
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Words matter. Telling the truth to ourselves in a positive way. Is it better to use the negative of the positive than the positive of a negative?

Is it better to use the negative of a positive than the positive of a negative? Telling the truth in a positive way. Words matter.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Train your mind to see the good in everything. Positivity is a choice. The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts. Unknown

Words matter, we say things to people they remember for a lifetime. Sometimes words reverberate throughout our life they color our choices, our outlook and our reach. Sometimes the words are said by someone to us, sometimes they are said by us to someone, and sometimes we say them to ourselves.

I picked up a book yesterday The Having by Suh Yoon Lee with Jooyun Hong. It is the story of a journalist and her search to be rich and her relationship with a guru destined to make others rich.

In it, she discusses our language, and the power it has. If we say we are not something our mind does not recognize the “not.” This means we could say we are “not comfortable” and our mind would think we want to be comfortable. We could say we are “not rich” and our mind would think we want to be rich. If we say we are “not poor” then our mind will think we want to be poor, and if we say we are “not sick” then our mind will think we want to be sick.

Can changing the words we say out loud and to ourselves make a big difference? If we use the negative of a positive instead of the positive of a negative word, does this change things? Does it make a difference if we say I am not fat, or I am not thin?

When we use the negative of the positive we are not yet the positive, but at least it seems to be what we are aiming for. When we are not the negative what are we aiming for?

Many of us have heard about using affirmations but they often seem like lies. We are told to look in the mirror and tell ourselves we are beautiful, rich, and happy, when we don’t feel like any of those things. What if we don’t need to tell ourselves we are beautiful, rich or happy? What if we just have to not tell ourselves we are poor, sad, and ugly?

Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results. Willie Nelson

In the book an example is comfortable, we may say we are not comfortable but what that means is we would like to be comfortable but at the present time we are not.

What if the power in life is to identify what we are not in a positive sense to find out what we want to be?

Instead of:

I am stupid.                                      I am not smart.

I am poor.                                        I am not rich.

I am depressed.                              I am not happy.

I am lazy.                                         I am not motivated.

She talks of a business person who was having a hard time getting through the tough times to success. She taught him to be grateful just for today, to ask himself, ”Do you have enough today?” Quit worrying about tomorrow, and he got through to the other side, and the business did take off.

Much of getting through situations and life is getting through them without throwing all the good out with the bad. There is a lot of getting through life without giving up. We may be tempted to give up on our self, our marriage, our kids, our business, our dream, and some go so far as to give up on life.

What we tell ourselves as we go through the trials and tribulations of life may color our outlook more than we think. What if it is exactly like Wayne Dyer says, “When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.” What if the biggest thing we need in our life is an attitude adjustment?

When we are grateful for what we have we will get more, when we look on the positive instead of the negative we will feel better. We’ve been told this our whole lives, but have we listened and followed the advice? Are we waiting for seeds to grow we didn’t plant, a ship to come in, we never sent out, our creative works to be discovered we haven’t sent out into the world?

Can we change the words we use so if we get what we are saying, it is what we want? If we want to be healthy, wealthy, and wise, should we be talking about being sick, poor, and stupid?

People deal too much with the negative, with what is wrong… Why not try and see positive things, to just touch those things and make them bloom. Thich Nhat Hanh

Being positive isn’t pretending that everything is good; it’s seeing the good in everything. Unknown

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The Having: The Secret Art of Feeling and Growing Rich Hardcover – Feb 5 2019

by Suh Yoon Lee (Author), Jooyun Hong (Author) 4.0 out of 5 stars 1 rating

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Serving the public. Casting our votes, and having our say.

Casting our votes, and having our say. Serving the public.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

There are no limits to the majestic future; which lies before the mighty expanse of Canada with its virile, aspiring, cultured, and generous-hearted people. Winston Churchill

If we are Canadian did we exercise our vote yesterday? Are we happy with the results? It sounds like many of us won’t be because the Liberals lost the popular vote but got a minority win.

Should the popular vote count for something? How can we make elections fairer in a large country with pockets of low population, and pockets with high populations? If the popular vote was what counted, much of Canada’s vote wouldn’t count at all.

No matter what the system there would be grumbling somewhere. There are no perfect systems, there are no perfect candidates, and there are no perfect countries. Only the parties not in power could do things perfectly because actually governing a large country of competing interests is not easy.

That anyone is willing to step up to be a leader when they get more criticism than acclaim is a wonder to me. Not being above criticizing, and not being good with being criticized, it takes a lot of courage to stand up and have every decision judged as not being good enough.

I believe in judging people and governments by results, not myths. Brian Mulroney

There is a difference between what we want and what we need. Hopefully, our elected officials can figure out the fine balance between the two.

It is with gratitude that I cast my vote. It is also with gratitude that I leave the big decisions to someone else. Some days I don’t know what to cook for dinner let alone what direction the country should take. Lettuce or kale salad can seem like a debilitating choice. No one gets hurt if we choose lettuce or kale. Bigger decisions have consequences and often there is not a clear choice of what is right or will be good in the long run.

This election will be hashed and rehashed, but it is done. We’ve made our choice and we will have to live with it. Serving the public is a mostly thankless job; thankfully there are people who are still willing to do it.

I am a Canadian, free to speak without fear, free to worship in my own way, free to stand for what I think right, free to oppose what I believe wrong, or free to choose those who shall govern my country. John Diefenbaker

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What Is Government Good At?: A Canadian Answer by [Savoie, Donald J.]
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Loving our full and messy life, or figuring out what to do to change it. This is our life, the only one we have.

This is our life, the only one we have. Loving our full and messy life, or figuring out what to do to change it.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Life is messy. Love is messier. Unknown  

How do we know if we are on the path our unique life should take? Is there a single path that we are either on or off? There are paths that cross paths and we choose to go down a path or continue on the one we are on. We take a job and it leads somewhere, we meet new people who introduce us to new people. We join groups and organizations. We learn a new skill, hobby, develop an interest and we don’t know where it will lead.

We see choices others have made and they may make us follow in their footsteps or stay far from their choices. Are we moving away from something or toward something? We are always moving.

Are we listening to the still small voice within, or do we wonder if we have a still small voice? Where is this voice when we need it? Does our life look like it is headed for what we want, or toward what we don’t want? Is our cup half-full or half-empty?

Are we happy with the choices we’ve made or does our life need a renovation, overhaul, reboot, restart, or u-turn? Are there things about our life we love, and other things we want to change but we worry if we change what we want to change we’ll lose what we love?

Do we worry if people knew what we hoped and dreamed they would laugh at our aspirations? Do we worry if we did what we want to do we could never make the amount of money we make doing what we hate? Is our plate so full we couldn’t fit another thing in?

People make decisions all the time to change their life in drastic ways. Some prepare for years; some people get a wake-up call and change their lives seemingly overnight.

Don’t surrender all your joy for an idea you used to have about yourself that isn’t true anymore. Cheryl Strayed

This is our life, the only one we have. If we aren’t living it how we want, whose permission are we waiting for? We are told we will regret what we didn’t do more than what we do.

We may take the chance and fall flat on our faces. Is it better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all? Failing at something rarely ruins our life unless we quit trying. We learned something, even if all we learned is that’s not for us. Many of the most successful people are some of the biggest failures because they failed often, failed better. We miss one hundred percent of the shots we don’t take. Opportunities present themselves but if we don’t take advantage of them they are gone. We will all have what if’s in our life, we couldn’t do everything.

Did we leave a career for marriage and motherhood? We may have given up a more care-free adventurous life to build a life and family with someone.  If we have love, joy, happiness, meaning, and purpose in our life then we’ve probably made some good choices.

We can’t have it all, all at the same time. We can plan for those times when the load lightens and we can add new things to our lives. Maybe we have time to bring creativity back into our lives; maybe we have time for a new interest or hobby. Maybe it’s time to travel. Is it time to knuckle down to build a life? Maybe it’s time to enjoy what we’ve built. Is it time to think about what we want to do when we quit building?

Whatever stage of life we are in there is another stage coming. We need to enjoy where we are, and we need to think ahead to what we want. There are adventures to be had, and decisions to be made in every stage of life.

Are we fully living today, and planning for tomorrow? Do we love our full, messy, complicated lives? If we don’t love our life, what do we need to do to change it?

There is something wonderfully bold and liberating about saying yes to our entire imperfect and messy life. Tara Brach

The secret to living well and longer is: eat half, walk double, laugh triple and love without measure. Unknown

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This Messy Magnificent Life: A Field Guide Hardcover – Mar 6 2018

by Geneen Roth (Author), Anne Lamott (Foreword) 5.0 out of 5 stars 6 ratings

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