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The emptiness of winning and pursuing happiness. Finding purpose and meaning in our lives.

Finding purpose and meaning in our lives. The emptiness of winning and pursuing happiness.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away. Pablo Picasso

Yesterday in Toronto was a day of celebration and revelry celebrating the Raptors championship win. It was marred by gunshots. My husband had talked about going down there Sunday night but we have work to do, and the crowds, oh the crowds.

My son’s girlfriend went down with friends, and the friends were close to where the gunshots were fired. That no one was hurt in the inevitable stampede out of harm’s way is very fortuitous. People were knocked down and couldn’t get up but it seems the panic was not so great, and people helped up those who fell.

There are always idiots it seems. What is amazing is there weren’t more.

As a fair weather fan, I’ve enjoyed the win. Sports don’t mean that much to me. Winning is good for our morale as a city and as a country. We get a little excitement in our lives as we cheer for our team.

Will there be a bit of a letdown now? The high and hope are over. I found a quote on a blog “becomingminimalist” The emptiness of sports, is most felt in victory.

We pursue many things in our lives that lead to emptiness. We don’t notice the emptiness until we obtain our goals. Money it seems or at least we are told is an empty victory if all we get is money at the end of our pursuit. Zig Ziglar said, “Money won’t bring happiness, but everyone wants to find out for themselves.”

What are the pursuits in our life that bring the most meaning? Family and relationships are where we find most of our joy and happiness. Using our resources to do some kind of good is also a meaningful pursuit.

If we spend our time pursuing material possessions, public accolades, fame, or early retirement do we feel empty when we finally reach our goal? Is part of our problem focusing on the goal and not the journey?

Service is the rent we pay for being. It is the very purpose of life, and not something you do in your spare time. Marian Wright Edelman

Early retirement sounds like a laudable goal if one has plans after retirement that are as compelling and engaging as what we were doing before retirement.

A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness. Albert Einstein

What are the pursuits that lead to meaning and purpose? Meaning comes from belonging to and serving something beyond yourself and from developing the best within you. Martin Seligman

Even though life is getting objectively better by nearly every conceivable standard, more people feel hopeless, depressed and alone. Emily Esfahani Smith argued in a Ted Talk that despite our culture’s obsession with the pursuit of personal happiness, understanding the meaning in your life is the secret to your resilience and success.

Pursuing purpose and meaning what does that even mean? Can seeking happiness make people unhappy?

Finding purpose and meaning will be different for everyone but I think part of it is when we impact someone else’s life in a positive way. We do this in our families; we impact our spouse’s life, our children’s lives, our parent’s lives, our sibling’s lives. We can move out into a wider sphere and impact our communities and still wider and impact our society, countries, and the world.

Victor Frankly tells us we should find meaning by not caring about it, not pursuing it, let it happen. He suggests we embrace activities that connect with something greater. While having meaning present in our lives may be associated with greater happiness, searching for meaning may be associated with less happiness.  The most satisfying forms of meaning may blossom not when we pursue them but when we seek beauty, love, justice or a cause greater than ourselves. The secret to meaning may be to remind ourselves every day to do the right thing, love fully, pursue fascinating experiences, and undertake important tasks, not because we are trying to increase the meaning in life, but because these pursuits are worth pursuing in themselves.

Do we love fully, pursue fascinating experiences, and undertake important tasks? Are we giving our gift away, do we even know what our gift is?

The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning. Mitch Albom

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The Power of Meaning: Crafting a Life That Matters Hardcover – Jan 10 2017

by Emily Esfahani-Smith (Author) 3.9 out of 5 stars 8 customer reviews

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Is gratitude the key to happiness? Is the key to life living with a grateful heart?

Is the key to life living with a grateful heart? Is gratitude the key to happiness?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Gratitude turns what we have into enough. Anonymous

Is gratitude the key to happiness? Is this why we can go places where people have very little, and yet with broad smiles on their faces they seem in love with life. Can we become grateful for everything in our life? The smell of the coffee before we drink it, the pink of the sunrise as we walk in the morning, the dew on the grass, the profusion of flowers, the song of the birds, the smell of rain. Do we revel in the ability to inhale fresh air in large generous breaths and the rhythm of our footsteps as we walk enjoying the bounty and beauty of nature?

Can we enjoy all of our life? Enjoy the big moments and the small. When we were little we exuberantly enjoyed life, laughing, dancing, singing, running, everything was fun. Where did all that exuberance go?

We couldn’t wait to get out of our parent’s house and start living life. We wanted money to spend, and places to go. Life was an adventure, is it still? We need to somehow keep that zest for life, or get it back. Don’t we all love to be around people who are happy, fulfilled, joyful, adventurous, optimistic, and engaged? Are we one of the people others love to be around?

It’s a question we need to ask ourselves. Is our attitude affecting others in a positive way? Is our attitude affecting our own life in a negative way? Are we grateful for all we have, even if it isn’t what we thought it would be? Are we pursuing our dream for our self or someone else’s dream for us?

Did we somehow get locked into expectations that if we don’t meet we feel like a failure, even if those expectations don’t mesh with what we want out of life? Are we willing to ask ourselves what do we want? For ourselves, our future, our present, our family, our livelihood, our retirement? Are we scared to ask questions because the answers might require something of us we don’t feel prepared to give?

This is our life, the only one we have. If we don’t love it, what needs to change to love our life, our self, our livelihood, our present, our future? What is the change that would need to take place to make it so life could hardly be better than it is?

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude. Denis Waitley

To be able to have the capacity for gratitude Tomasz Fortuna, a psychoanalyst and psychotherapist at the Tavistock and Portman NHS trust said, “You must be able to receive and accept something helpful or good from another person. It helps if this is something you see happening around you from infancy, so you can learn how it works.”

Alex Wood a psychologist and the centennial professor at London School of Economics said, “If someone has grown up in an environment in which they cannot rely on the people who are meant to take care of them, in which their need for love is met with neglect and abuse. I think it would be very difficult for them to experience gratitude, with that particular lens through which to view the world.

Fortuna says in these situations, “What gets mobilized instead is a sense of threat, a fear of annihilation and the feeling of being persecuted, and deprived.”

We can develop gratitude Fortuna says, “Suddenly, the patient, who has felt for a long time that everyone is threatening and that they are being persecuted, discovers something friendly, in an interaction. That is a sign of gratitude where none was seen before and it can be a pivotal moment in therapy. You can see the emotional development of a person; their internal world becomes more enriched, more balanced. It gives us a sense that this work is worthwhile.”

It seems gratitude can be a learned behavior. Some people feel there is a downside to gratitude. That if people are grateful for their bad circumstances it will keep them in servitude, poverty, and abuse. Can’t we be grateful for what we have in our life that is positive even if we live in servitude, poverty, and abuse? Isn’t this where the power lies, to be grateful for what is good, even if it isn’t much. We can still be grateful for food to eat, a place to sleep, the beauty and bounty of nature, love in our lives, kind words. As we appreciate the good we do have, perhaps we can figure out how to bring about the changes our life calls out for. We can be grateful for the strength to bring those changes about.

Is developing an attitude of gratitude one of the most positive things we can do in our life?

Thankfulness is the beginning of gratitude. Gratitude is the completion of thankfulness. Thankfulness may consist merely of words. Gratitude is shown in acts. Henri Frederic Amiel

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Gratitude: Increase Happiness with the Simple Act of Giving Thanks Paperback – Dec 21 2017

by Joanne Hillyer (Author)5 out of 5 stars 14 reviews from Amazon.com | Be the first to review this item

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Father’s day is a day to think about and remember all the great things about our Dads, and men who were mentors and role models in our life. We all benefit from the heart of a father.

We all benefit from the heart of a father. Father's day is a day to think about and remember all the great things about our Dads, and men who were mentors and role models in our life.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Dads are most ordinary men turned by love into heroes, adventurers, story-tellers, and singers of song. Dan Brown

Father’s day is a bittersweet day for many of us. We’ve lost our Dad’s or worse yet they were never in our lives, or the relationship wasn’t good.

We all have a father; we couldn’t be here without one. He occupies a place in our heart or leaves a hole in it. We can’t ignore our father’s impact on our lives.

This morning I thought about the time the horse I bought kicked a hole in his new barn. He never said anything “that I can recall,” just patched the hole.

I drove the tines of the front end loader into the big rear tires of another tractor. He never said anything about that either, but I did have to help fix the tire.

He helped me break my horse Chinook. She’d never been ridden when I bought her. Looking back Mom and Dad had a lot of confidence and faith in us kids. We had the freedom to ride our horses, and Chinook and I traveled the trails around our home. It was an idyllic life growing up.

Having a dad who is there for us, a constant fixture, guiding and encouraging us is a blessing. We didn’t have a lot of expectations placed on us; we were encouraged to live our lives our way. We were given examples of how to deal with life.

Dad loved us, loved mom, and loved the farm. It is a great gift when you grow up where people are happy. You don’t even think about not being happy, it is not about everything going well. I came home for a visit one year, and six cows had gotten into the chop (ground grain) they died because they don’t know when to quit eating. It had just happened the carcasses were still lying where they died. If you are going to deal in livestock, you’ll have to deal with dead stock. It was just another fact of life. Dad was good at dealing with life.

Having parents who are good at dealing with life, is one of the great blessings I’ve had. They’d both been in other marriages and appreciated what they had, each other, and us kids. My mom said to me once, “the greatest gift you can give your children is to love their father.” I think she’s right. Growing up in a house filled with love shows you it can exist.

We can only build lives we can imagine and having an example makes imagining a happy marriage, with happy children easier. Shared accomplishments are a big part of a happy marriage I think. When lives are as intertwined as they are on a farm you need to be all in or it can’t work. Small businesses are the same.

One of the things that Dad and Mom always tried to be is fair. What they couldn’t do for all of us they didn’t do for one of us. When one of your biggest qualities is fairness I think that is pretty good.

What you teach your children, you also teach their children. Unknown

One regret I have is that I moved so far away, and then in retirement Mom and Dad moved to B.C. which made it even further. My children haven’t had the close experience of grandparents with Mom and Dad. They missed out on that. We drove out in 2007 to see Mom and Dad. Dad wasn’t doing well, but maybe we don’t see things we don’t want to see, he didn’t make it to the next Father’s day.

Dad had a good life, and he had a good death, he didn’t suffer, he didn’t end up hooked up to machines, he didn’t linger. He always said he wanted to die in his sleep; he had a massive heart attack at the breakfast table. He left Mom in a good financial position; he was a good husband, father, provider, example, and person. I was waiting to call him for Father’s Day, a call I never got to make.

We didn’t have anything left unsaid. There was no angst we needed to deal with. Miles and distance don’t have to mean we aren’t close to our families. That is a choice, many people live close but distant lives. We lived distant but close lives. Dad always had good advice, he was encouraging, he looked on the bright side, and he could see what was important. He was willing to give people a chance; he was willing to see the best in them instead of the worst. I don’t remember Dad ever not talking to someone because of his choice.

He made an effort to heal relationships that weren’t broken because of his actions. I’ve always been impressed by that. You can’t fix the hole in someone’s life, but you can do what you can do, and doing is better than not doing. When we help someone deal with an unfair hand they were dealt in life, we’ve done a good thing.

I miss you Dad. It is with a grateful heart I think about Dad this Father’s Day. I think he did his best; he built a good life for Mom and all of us. He was steady, strong, encouraging, and positive. He was an example of living a good life. When we would visit my Uncle who had calendars with semi-nude women on them, the pictures were turned to the wall because Dad didn’t like them. Our home was a place of equal opportunity. Dad loved us all equally, or so it seemed to me.

If on this Father’s day we can think back to the wonderful times we had with our father we have a lot to be grateful for. If there was no father in our life, maybe someone filled that role to some greater or lesser degree. Their presence was a gift. To all the men who have stepped up to father someone else’s children kudos to you. Being a stepfather is one of the hardest roles to fill. We all need to be grateful for men who step up and take on responsibilities that weren’t their responsibility.

To all the father’s, and step-father’s that do the best they can. Where would we be without you?

The heart of a father is the masterpiece of nature. Antoine-Francois Prevost

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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The Life of Dad: Reflections on Fatherhood from Today’s Leaders, Icons, and Legendary Dads Hardcover – May 7 2019

by Jon Finkel (Author), Art Eddy (Author)5 out of 5 stars 13 reviews from Amazon.com | Be the first to review this item

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Do too many laws infringe on our right to life, liberty, and happiness? Are we creating outlaws out of good citizens?

Are we creating outlaws out of good citizens? Do too many laws infringe on our right to life, liberty, and happiness?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Most bad government has grown out of too much government. Thomas Jefferson

Yesterday I saw a post on Facebook. The Philippines is bringing in a law that says to graduate, students must plant ten trees. Some are applauding this law. I am not. The idea of encouraging students to plant trees seems a good one. Making students who can’t, or don’t have access to land to plant trees on, or the resources to get the trees, or a way to get to the place the tree planting can take place makes criminals of good students. If every student plants ten trees it won’t take long and finding places to plant trees will be harder and harder, more students will be criminalized. Instead of building up the society which is the aim, it may get torn down by the unintended consequences of a bad law.

Was it a laudable goal to keep our kids from taking drugs? Did making them criminals help? Did putting kids in prison for nothing more than pot possession make sense?

We want to make society better, but are more laws the way to do it? Dueling was outlawed in France in 1626. There were still more than 10,000 duels resulting in more than 4,000 deaths from 1685 to the end of King Louis X1V’s reign in 1715. It is believed the law was ineffective because it went against established norms of the time. We would be shocked to be challenged to a duel; we wouldn’t even think we were compelled to show up.

How do we change our society for the better if we don’t bring in laws to make people behave the way we want them to? Who gets to decide what is acceptable, and what is not? The broken window theory says when we take a permissive attitude to small crimes more crime develops. When law enforcement cracks down on seemingly unimportant things, it criminalizes too many people. When the greater society doesn’t agree with the effects of what they feel are unjust laws, they no longer work with police to enforce them. We need to realize there are unintended consequences to laws that are brought in.

What are we to do in a society?

The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren’t enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws. Ayn Rand

Is it great when the privileged whose lives we think are made of simple choices put constraints on the poor whose lives are made of tough choices? Do rich women ever have to think of prostitution to feed themselves or their children? Do rich kids ever have to choose to sell drugs because that is the only option open to them to make money?

There is a law on the books that it is illegal to drag your dead horse down Toronto’s Yonge Street on Sundays. A strange law but why only Yonge Street, and why only on Sundays, or why such a crazy law at all?

Using profane and abusive language in publicly owned green spaces can get you a fine of over $200.00.

It’s illegal to climb trees in Oshawa. How would I pick my cherries?

It’s illegal to build snowmen taller than 30 inches in Souris, PEI. Who gets the job of measuring the snowmen?

Until 2009 it was illegal In Petrolia, Ontario to yell, hoot, whistle, and sing at all times. What a good thing they repealed that law before the Raptor’s won the basketball championship. The 2009 bylaw which replaces the old one in Petrolia sets a $250 fine for anyone who yells, shouts, whistles or makes another noise for the purpose of selling or advertising.

Many towns try to outlaw spitting, cursing, and other “Unseemly behavior.” Tabor, Alberta is one such town, as well as Whistler, B.C. Has it worked? Is it developing social norms that work? What do we do if we want to live with a certain degree of civility and our neighbors don’t? Whose rules do we enforce? Whose culture takes precedence, the quiet folk, or the ones who want to have a good time and party?

I love that I can eat in a restaurant without being assaulted by someone else’s smoke. It is good that most of us do not drink alcohol and drive. It makes sense that our rights stop when they infringe on someone else’s rights, but how much can they infringe on their rights? Smoke which may eventually kill us and driving drunk which may also kill us makes sense. Is hearing a curse word too offensive, what constitutes a curse word, and what is “too” loud?

If we bring in enough laws aren’t we all outlaws? Is creating outlaws the goal?

I often wonder whether we do not rest our hopes too much upon constitutions, upon laws and upon courts. These are false hopes, believe me, these are false hopes. Liberty lies in the hearts of men and women; when it dies there, no constitution, no law, no court cans save it; no law, no court can even do much to help it. While it lies there it needs no constitution, no law, no court to save it. Billings Learned Hand

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Stand-up comedy. Take the opportunities that present themselves. Confidence grows when we accept the call to adventure.

Confidence grows when we accept the call to adventure. Stand-up comedy. Take the opportunities that present themselves.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Everyone needs a friend that will call and say, “Get dressed, we’re going on an adventure. Unknown

We can take a chance and grow or we can hang back. That’s our choice in life. Last night was comedy night, and I did my first attempt at stand-up comedy in a bar. It was a friendly Toastmaster event, it wasn’t that big of a leap, but it was a leap.

Comedy is hard, some people are naturally funny, and I’m not one of them. My strengths, I’m told is I’m insightful and inspiring, implied with that is, I’m not funny. The people who can get up there and talk without being too scripted I envy. If one gets up on stage often enough a stage presence gets developed. A lot of it is practice, practice, practice. It was a fun night, and if laughter is the best medicine we laughed a lot.

Our crowd was smaller than it would have been if the Raptors weren’t playing their sixth game against the Golden State Warriors. The woman who put on the events parents were in the audience, her father had his phone on so he could keep track of the score. We were losing when I left the event but by the time I got home, we were up by one point, for about a minute.

I couldn’t stay awake and went to bed. My family might have been relieved to see me go as I didn’t stay up for most of the games, and staying up for game five they might have thought I jinxed it. That any of us have that kind of power is ridiculous? It seems silly we think we might affect something we have no control over, but we don’t think we have that kind of power in our own lives.

When we get the chance to dance, we should dance. We never know when new opportunities will come our way. We grow when we grab onto the ones that do, we stagnate if we don’t look for new ones.

That is will never come again is what makes life so sweet. Emily Dickinson

Once we’ve tried to write a comedy routine, we’ll never look at a comic quite the same way again. There is the material which might be great, the delivery which might be great, great delivery, or great material. It really works when the delivery and the material resonates with the audience.

A drink was included in the evening. My drink ticket was left on the table; I drank lemon and water. This morning my daughter and husband said I should have had the drink, “It would have loosened you up.” I don’t want to be that kind of speaker, performer, comic, the one who needs a few drinks. What if I had that drink and put on the best performance of my life. Would I always be trying to recreate that? Could it become a problem? One drink worked once, but then you try two, and then three, and then… Am I worried about a slippery slope I don’t need to? Then, of course, there is driving home. I’m always comfortable if I can truthfully say, “Officer, I had nothing to drink.”

If the opportunity presents itself I would do a standup routine again. Will I seek one out, probably not? If you receive a call to adventure will you take it?

Without new experiences, something inside of us sleeps. The sleeper must awaken. Frank Herbert

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, adventure, and love.

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The Comedy Bible: From Stand-up to Sitcom–The Comedy Writer’s Ultimate “How To” Guide Paperback – Sep 5 2001

by Judy Carter (Author) 4.2 out of 5 stars 34 customer reviews#1 Best Sellerin Theatre

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We all contribute to the garden of life. Bloom where we are planted. Our season is short.

Our season is short. We all contribute to the garden of life. Bloom where we are planted.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Life is a garden our thoughts are the seeds, we can plant flowers, or we can plant weeds. Unknown

Last night I tackled the weeds in my garden. They were like a green carpet in my garden patch. As I pulled them I thought how quickly weeds take over. Are our thoughts the seeds that build our life? Can we plant flowers or plant weeds? Do we consciously plant weeds, or like my garden patch do they just spring up; we don’t even know where they come from.

Do we need to consciously prune our thoughts and consciously think better thoughts? Are our thoughts like plants, if we plant a big enough thought will it outgrow the weeds? If our thoughts are too small, unformed, and our convictions not strong enough can they easily be overtaken by weeds?

Carrots are one such seed that needs to be weeded when it is small but they can hold their own against the weeds as they get bigger. If we plant trees and shrubs we don’t worry about the weeds so much. It might be some people’s dream, even their reality to have a weed free garden. It is too daunting a project to be mine.

It is not my dream or aspiration to weed my mind to such a degree that unkind thoughts don’t come to the forefront sometimes. That I don’t voice them is my aspiration. I hope I can find the words to build someone up instead of tearing them down. That I am a positive force more often than a negative one.

Don’t wait for someone to bring you flowers. Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul. Luther Burbank

When we look at our garden we may think if we were to liken ourselves to a plant, what plant would we pick? I love roses but they have thorns. Sometimes I think I do too. A rose isn’t as useful as a potato or cabbage. The useful plants aren’t as ornamental as the not so useful ones, is that the same in our lives?

What if we can’t choose if we are a sunflower, magnolia, carrot, potato, rose or day lily? Should we learn to bloom where we are planted, and become the best we can be? How great would it be if all we had is roses?

Can we be happy with who we are, our gifts, talents, and aspirations? The sun shines and the rain falls on all of us, we bloom in our season, we give our gifts to the world. If we do the best we can with what we have, enjoy our life, help who we can help, encourage who we can encourage, and be an example of a life well lived isn’t that what we want?

If we have round firm leaves instead of thin ones can we accept there is beauty in all shapes? Tall thin shrubs aren’t better than round full shrubs. White flowers aren’t better than other shades of flowers. We love ornamental plants but we live because of the plain useful ones. All gardens are different, our minds are different, and every life is different. We have different gifts, different roles, and different lives but we all contribute to the garden of life. Viva la difference.

Too many people overvalue what they are not, and undervalue what they are. Malcolm Forbes

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, laughter, and love.

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The Blooming of a Lotus: Revised Edition of the Classic Guided Meditation for Achieving the Miracle of Mindfulness Paperback – Apr 1 2009

by Thich Nhat Hanh (Author) 4.5 out of 5 stars 3 customer reviews

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Being part of a group. Finding balance in our lives. Moments of truth.

Moments of truth. Being part of a group. Finding balance in our lives.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. Carl Sandburg

Last night I went to the Horticultural Society meeting. I learned that one of the local Horticultural Societies has closed down because they couldn’t get enough board members. Our society needs board members as well. It might be time to step up. Volunteer groups can’t do much without volunteers.

When I first joined the society twenty years ago I jumped into the Secretary role, moved up to Vice President and then life got busier and I dropped off my volunteering. I attend with a friend, but we are just seat warmers. We need seat warmers but we also need volunteers that make volunteer organizations work. In all organizations, there are a few souls who do most of the heavy lifting. They are so good at it, so committed, so capable we let them, but they can and will only do it for so long. We need new blood; new volunteers or these organizations falter and fail.

Some roles are heavy but some are not very demanding at all, but these roles still need to be filled or organizations can be lost to us. It is harder to get something restarted than if we can keep it going. If we’ve become a group that just shows up to hear a speaker, and eat cookies we aren’t a very strong club. I left the meeting wondering what happened. I know what happened, too many of us are sitting on the sidelines, only showing up to hear a speaker, eat cookies, and warm a seat. As much as I hate to admit it, I have become that member too.

The Horticultural Society was the first group I joined. I needed to get involved, meet more people because we were working from home and my circle was getting too small. The camaraderie of fellow workers was gone, as it was just my husband and me in our small business. From the Horticultural Society, I was asked to join a book club which is still thriving. Then in 2016, I joined Toastmasters and last year I joined a Writers Group. As I’ve joined other groups more aligned with my interests my involvement with the Horticultural Society diminished.

The Horticultural Society needs more than a board member but it really needs board members and since it isn’t too big of a commitment, I think I’ll put my name forward. To get heavily involved in the Horticultural Society when it isn’t aligned with my bigger goals, and there is only so much time and energy, doesn’t make sense.

When you doubt your power. You give power to your doubt. Unknown

If we want groups to belong to, we’ll have to be more than seat warmers. If we all do our part we can have wonderful organizations that enrich our lives. Without volunteers, we don’t. We can’t always look at someone else to do it; sometimes we have to put up our hand. I enjoyed the Horticultural Society more when I was involved.

We enjoy our life more when we are involved, and engaged. What does being involved and engaged mean? The more we put into all areas of life, the more we get out of it. We can go too far, we can get so involved in the community we become less engaged at home. This is not good, we always need to put family, fitness, health, and work first, but there is still a place for community involvement. We can have achievements in community groups, and sports organizations that we don’t get in any other area of our life. Being involved in groups leads to fuller, richer lives.

My mother once said she didn’t want to belong to groups that wanted all of her. She has a point; we have to be our own control board. We have to develop boundaries so our involvement doesn’t take over our life.

When we are involved in groups we have stories to tell, things to discuss, and more to bring to our relationships. We need to be careful our significant other doesn’t feel they are on the periphery of our life, that everything else is more important than them.

If we are too much just the two of us, we may feel our life is too small, our interests too insular, our view too narrow. We may need to evaluate our life, do we need more outside interaction or more time with our significant other and family? Life is a dance, dancing is about balance and rhythm. What worked in one stage of our life, may not work in another. We must adapt to the changes, and stages of our life.

Do we have enough balance in our life? Do we need to take a good hard look at our life, is it time for “Moments of Truth”? Where are we out of alignment with our goals?  What is the tweak we need to make in our lives that would make us healthier, happier, improve our relationships, develop our interests, reach our goals, and leave a legacy?

I’m always tweaking, always trying to make it better, constantly moving the levers and dials. Steve Ellis

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Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead Paperback – Apr 4 2017

by Brené Brown (Author) 4.5 out of 5 stars 86 customer reviews

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Every choice we make has consequences. Not choosing is still a choice. Choices create our destiny.

Choices create our destiny. Every choice we make has consequences. Not choosing is still a choice.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Sometimes it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life forever. Keri Russell

An early morning walk with a canine friend is one of the great joys of the day.  I was missing out on this because I wasn’t bothering. I wasn’t bothering to get up, and I wasn’t bothering to take the time when I did get up to go for a little walk that starts my whole day better, and my dog’s day better.

We walk past lovely homes, with lovely trees and flowers. The display of lilacs is incredible. One homes Iris’s are so big and beautiful they can hardly stand up. Some homes have no plantings, some are profusely planted, and I wonder what will this look like in ten years?

I’m late this year getting my garden in. I don’t plant much, tomatoes, basil, and parsley. I may pick up some other plants. Roses caught my attention. I had a Bonica rose I loved that died a few years ago. There they were potted roses for $5.99 each. I bought two and then when I figured out where I would plant them I went back and bought the last two Bonica roses. A profusion of roses in my back yard is what I envision later on.

If we wonder if abundance is the expectation we should have for our lives, when we look at nature, it is exuberantly abundant. Nothing in nature grows for itself alone. Everything serves a greater purpose. We need to be careful in our own lives we don’t try and create things for ourselves alone. We all have something to give and when we give it freely someone will be helped, inspired, have something to purchase, eat, look at, read, listen to, or be transported somewhere. All of our gifts, talents, work, industry, ideas, build all that we have.

Money is how we exchange our ideas, goods, creations, and labor. Instead of having to find the farmer that needs our services we can pay him money so he can buy what services he wants. Would we want to have to search for a Doctor that needs the product we produce before we could enlist their services?

When we provide a lot of services to a lot of people we amass a lot of money. If we provide a service to a few people we will have less money. If we can’t figure out how to provide any service to anyone we will have no money.

Life is about choices. Some we regret some we’re proud of. Some will haunt us forever. The message: We are what we chose to be. Graham Brown

When we look at some of the people we think are overpaid like professional athletes. They provide something we are willing to pay for. They provide entertainment, and because that entertainment can be so widely viewed each person paying a little for the entertainment means it is highly remunerated.

Abundance is all around us, we all have the same abundant 24 hours to do with what we please, what is required, and necessary. In those 24 hours, there is some choice, and it is those choices where we develop our lives. Some choose to exercise their bodies, minds, creativity, problem-solving, some choose to be entertained, some choose to build relationships, some choose to have new and different experiences. Is there a right choice, probably not, it’s our life, our choice, but shouldn’t we be happy with the choices we make?

Our life is our choice in many ways; after we do what we need to do to keep body and soul together we have choices in how we spend the rest of our day. Those choices add up, one choice upon another. This is our life, looking back it is the sum of the choices we made, going forward it will be the sum of the choices we make. If we think it doesn’t look exactly how we would like it to look, what different choices do we need to make?

What would we like our life to look like in ten years? We are going there anyway if we are lucky, we can put some time into designing it. If there are things we think, wouldn’t it be nice if we could? Whatever that is, chances are we can bring it into our lives in some way.

Can we become a professional athlete, probably not? Can we find sports to play, and enjoy being part of a team with the thrill of winning and losing, probably? Our life is what we make it; can we bring more of what we love into our lives? Can we live more, laugh more, experience more, dream more, create more, and enjoy more? The choice is ours, and we make these choices every day.

In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility. Eleanor Roosevelt

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Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom Paperback – Jan 6 1999

by William Glasser M.D. (Author) 4.3 out of 5 stars 28 customer reviews

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Do we have more power than we think we have? When we work within our circle of influence do we have the most impact?

When we work within our circle of influence do we have the most impact? Do we have more power than we think?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Be a light, not a judge, be a model, not a critic. Little by little your circle of influence will explode and you will avoid the emotional metastasizing cancers of complaining, criticizing, competing, comparing and cynicism, all which reflect victimization, all of which are the opposite of being proactive. Stephen Covey

Why is it that we think we are so powerful we won’t change our seating when our team is in the playoffs? What if we jinx them? Why don’t we feel so powerful in other areas of our life? What if we put that kind of belief and focus into areas of our life where we want to excel, where we want to manifest abundance, health, prosperity?

Some of us feel we have built the lives we have, some of us feel circumstances we can’t overcome have given us the life we have. Who is right? Probably both, we can’t overcome all of our circumstances and we aren’t bound by all our circumstances. We have a degree of self-determination, and life can seem to work for us or against us.

We see people who succeed against all odds, and we also see people who fail against all odds. There are things at work in our life we don’t understand. It is why we shouldn’t be too full of hubris when we succeed, and we shouldn’t be too down on ourselves when we fail.

We see people who ride the crest of waves and prosper while those who were too early or too late don’t get such gains. Timing is a good part of life, and that seems like luck. If we are at the right place at the right time, with the right idea and the right amount of resources, acumen, skills, etc. we look brilliant.

Some people start something and in a few years, they are head of multimillion dollar companies. Others are owners of a small Mom & Pop operation, still, others have closed shop.

Wherever you are, that’s your stage, your circle of influence. That’s your talk show, that’s where your power lies… You have the power to change somebody’s life. Everyone has a calling, and your real job in life is to figure out what that is and get about the business of doing it. Oprah Winfrey

At my writing group Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James came up, no one thinks it is written particularly well. But, one person says the author is a multi-millionaire because she got the masses to buy her book. She offered them something they wanted. and brilliant writing wasn’t necessarily part of it. I’ve read the series, I enjoyed them. Do you think the author knew where her writing would take her, I don’t. Fifty Shades of Grey started out as stories on Fanfiction.net.

When she self-published her novel she had 30,000 copies sold in e-book downloads in one year. This is when literary agents started to take notice. Had she not self-published and built up a readership would literary agents and publishers be beating down her door? I doubt it, once she had done the work of proving she had an audience, they were happy to help her reach a larger audience.

I’m reading supporters of fan fiction have mixed feelings about E.L. James and her overwhelming success. Some feel that fan fiction is not supposed to be profitable and that E.L. James betrayed the community and its values by signing a book deal with such a major publisher. We can’t set out to become the kind of success E.L. James became; we can put our work out into the world. There are things we can do to promote it, we might even fear it could become a big success, but we can’t control where it goes once it is put out into the world.

Where will our journeys take us? We start something, we set something in motion, and it takes on a life of its own, or it does not. Our ideas may resonate with many, or few. We may become an influential voice, or not. We may not make much money, or we may make a lot of money but be considered fluff. Some people are nobodies in their own time, but legends after their death.

A lot of life we can’t control, we need to be okay with that. If we do the thing we feel called to do, then we’ve done our part. We don’t know how our life will touch someone else’s? How, who we encourage, motivate, raise, or teach, will impact the world. If we do the best we can to impact people positively, our ripple will spread out into the world.

We each have a circle of influence, when we work within that circle of influence we have an impact. Our circle of influence can grow. Do too many of us waste our energy worrying about what is beyond our circle of influence?

There is so much we can do to render service, to make a difference in the world – no matter how large or small our circle of influence. Stephen Covey

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The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change Paperback – Special Edition, Nov 19 2013

by Stephen R. Covey (Author) 4.6 out of 5 stars 626 customer reviewsAmazon Charts#10 this week

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Telling our stories. We need to hear other people’s stories. Don’t we all love a story?

Don't we all love a story? Telling our stories. We need to hear other people's stories.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Story as it turns out, was crucial to our evolution – more so than our opposable thumbs. Opposable thumbs let us hang on; story told us what to hang on to. Lisa Cron

Last night I pulled out a sketchbook that I had written a story about our beloved dog in. I’m going to read it at my Writer’s Group today and see if it can be included in a Children’s anthology put out by The Writer’s Group.

When we write our stories, even if only for ourselves is it worth it? Sometimes we express things in stories we don’t know how else to express. If these thoughts and emotions never get expressed they can lead to problems in our lives. All creative projects may be this way; we can express things that are left unexpressed any other way.

Everyone has a story, every story is different, and every life is different.  We have been telling stories through the ages. Sometimes it seems we are only consumers of other people’s stories in song, film, TV. We leave out our own stories at our peril. Families need to know our stories, so we can understand and appreciate each other more. So we can pass on knowledge so hard won.

When we give voice to what is inside of us, it is good for us, it is good for our families and wider communities.

This is my children’s story about our dog.

There Was a Dog Named Krypto

                                                                                    By Belynda Wilson Thomas @

“Can we get a puppy?” three-year-old Alanna asked her mother.

“When you are older,” her mother replied.

“Am I old enough this year?” four-year-old Alanna asked.

“Not yet,” her mother replied.

“When will I be old enough so we can get a puppy?” Alanna asked Mommy and Daddy.

“Six years old,” they said.

Before her sixth birthday Mommy and Daddy said, “Let’s go look at a puppy.”

Alanna, Aaron, Mommy, and Daddy got in the car. They drove and they drove, and they drove, and they drove.

Alanna didn’t say, “Are we there yet?”

Aaron didn’t say, “Are we there yet?”

Daddy said, “Aren’t we there, yet?”

Mommy called the breeder, “Oh, you’re almost here.”

So they drove and drove.

Finally, Daddy said, “We get the puppy, or we don’t get the puppy, but we are not coming back.”

It was dark by the time they pulled into the yard. A lady and three black puppies were walking on the lawn.

The fattest one walked up to Mommy. He had a big head and little short legs, a wagedy tail, two little sharp ears, and round black eyes.

They held each one of the puppies, but they held the biggest, fattest one the longest.

“His name is bear,” the breeder said. “He’s the pick of the litter.”

Mommy looked at Daddy. Daddy looked at Mommy.

Aaron and Alanna held their breath.

Mommy and Daddy nodded and said, “We’ll take him.”

Mommy held Bear all the way home, he didn’t make a sound, but when he was put in a box by himself, he cried.

The next day Daddy said, “His name should be Krypto.”

Mommy said, “His name should be Angus.”

Aaron said, “His name should be King.

Alanna said, “His name should be Scottie.”

One day they were all sitting in the den with Krypto at their feet when they saw he’d chewed a hole in the carpet.

“Bad boy,” Mommy said.

“Bad boy,” Daddy said.

“Bad boy,” Aaron said.

“Bad boy,” Alanna said.

Krypto hung his little head as if he knew he’d been naughty.

When the neighbors came over to see the new puppy, Aaron said. “He’s really cute now, but he grows up to be ugly.

He grew up to be handsome with his pointy ears, his beard, and his shaggy eyebrows over his little round black eyes.

He cocked his head with one ear up and one ear down looking like he understood every word that was said.

One day Aaron hugged Krypto, and said, “No one understands me but you Krypto.

When Mommy tucked Aaron and Alanna into bed after story time and gave them each a kiss, sometimes she would see Krypto snuggled in under the covers. He knew he wasn’t supposed to be there so he was quiet as a mouse.

Alanna got hit by a car while riding her bike. When Mommy and Daddy went running out to see if she was okay so did Krypto. When he saw she was okay, he kept running all the way to the park.

Every Halloween Krypto would go out with Mommy, Aaron, and Alanna until Aaron and Alanna were too old for Halloween.

Alanna and Aaron grew big and strong. They finished grade school, they finished middle school, and they finished high school.

Krypto was always at the door to meet them when they got home.

Krypto could hardly walk, hardly see, and his hearing wasn’t very good. But, he would still sit with one ear cocked looking like he understood everything that was being said.

Daddy started thinking it’s time to say goodbye.

Aaron started thinking it’s time to say goodbye.

Alanna started thinking it’s time to say goodbye.

Mommy started thinking it’s time to say goodbye.

Until one day they all agreed Krypto looked like it was time to say goodbye.

The vet was as nice as she could be. “I’m glad we can offer this service, so they don’t have to suffer,” she said.

“Krypto we love you,” Daddy said.

Krypto we love you,” Aaron said.

Krypto we love you,” Alanna said.

Krypto we love you,” Mommy said.

Krypto looked at them with his round black eyes. Then he closed them for the last time.

We miss you, Krypto.

After nourishment, shelter, and companionship stories are the thing we need most in the world. Philip Pullman

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A Dog’s Purpose: A Novel for Humans Paperback – Dec 6 2016

by W. Bruce Cameron (Author) 4.7 out of 5 stars 144 customer reviewsBook 1 of 3 in the A Dog’s Purpose Series

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