Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Seeing the mud around a lotus is pessimism, see a lotus in the mud is optimism. Amit Kalantri
Yesterday Instead of writing a post I accepted a breakfast invitation. It was lovely. Then we went downtown and spent the day looking at the sights and doing a bit of shopping. I dropped my husband’s coffee and it splashed on my white top. When I went to buy another coffee the one I dropped was replaced for free. “We treat our customer’s right,” the server said.
When we got home I had three things I wanted to get done. I have an Area Success Plan for Toastmasters, and two submissions for the Writer’s group due. I pulled up a fillable success plan and diligently filled it out. Then I saved it to my desktop, emailed it to my Division Director and moved onto the Writer’s Group submissions. They were already written. I went through them a few times, saved them to my desktop and emailed them. Then I patted myself on the back for such a productive evening.
I hadn’t printed the Area Success Plan so I pulled it up and my fillable form was empty. It was saved to my desktop but it was empty. I went to the email I sent my Division Director and it was empty. I emailed her explaining I would get it to her today but the feeling of accomplishment for my very productive evening evaporated.
Is there a trick to fillable forms I don’t know about? I’m not so anxious to try this twice and end up with the same result. It’s a seven-page report! “Oh well,” might work the first time, but do I use the fillable form again, or do I write it out? Writing out is messier, but at least I’ll have it. It seems I am not the first person to have sent out their fillable form and they be blank. I’ll try again with the first page and print it and see if it works. Otherwise, my Director will get a handwritten form.
Somehow I’m not even shocked that my fantastically productive evening didn’t end up to be so. Why? Don’t we all have the feeling sometimes things are going too well? We can hardly believe we got so much done. There has to be a catch, and when there is our world feels right again. What is it about us that thinks if things are too good for too long something bad has to happen?
Is this normal, or a form of self-sabotage? In many books, I’ve read the authors have said we create chaos in our life because we aren’t comfortable without whatever degree of chaos, difficulties, rejection, that we feel is our due.
There is a story behind every person. There is a reason why they are the way they are. Think about that, and respect them for who they are. Unknown
Excerpt from Never Get Angry Again by David J. Lieberman. Renowned psychologist Dr. Nathaniel Branden wrote about a woman he once treated who grew up thinking she was “bad” and undeserving of kindness, respect, or happiness. Predictably, she married a man who “knew” he was unlovable and felt consumed by self-hatred. He protected himself by acting cruelly toward others before they could be cruel to him. She didn’t complain about his abuse because she “knew” that abuse was her destiny. He wasn’t surprised by her increasing withdrawal and remoteness from him, because he “knew” no one could ever love him. They endured twenty years of torture together, proving how right they were about themselves and about life.
When we suffer from low self-esteem, we’re often afraid that something bad will happen to us after something good occurs in our lives. When fortune unexpectedly smiles on us, we feel anxious because of our sense of unworthiness. To alleviate our emotional tension, we might even sabotage our success so that we can fulfill our personal prophecy. The world is as we predicted. We feel secure because our beliefs – no matter how damaging and distorted – have been reaffirmed. We will be right, even if it kills us.
I remember buying a book years ago that said: “Would you rather be right or happy?” Distorted thinking was what it was talking about. When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change. This quote seems to be popping up all the time. The unexamined life is not worth living. As I am examining things on this journey of self-discovery it is a longer journey than I anticipated. Looking at one thing leads to looking at another thing which leads to still another thing.
Is this why writing is so powerful? When we write things down we can go deeper, deeper, and deeper still? After writing this blog for almost a year I thought there wouldn’t be much left to say. It seems there is more and more and more to say, to look at, and to learn. Excavating our authentic self is not for the faint of heart, nor is it quick or easy. We may not like everything we learn about ourselves, but we can’t change what we don’t acknowledge. We may not believe “we are our own worst enemy,” but it seems like the truth to me. Then when we begin to believe it, we don’t know what to do about it, and the journey continues.
It is so much easier to see what other people should change in their lives, than what we should change in our own. The only power we have is within ourselves. If we can learn to accept and love ourselves warts and all, and as we know better, do better, are we mastering the school of life? Are we kind to ourselves and others when we and they falter and fail?
This is the precept by which I have lived: Prepare for the worst; expect the best; and take what comes. Hannah Arendt
Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, self-esteem, and love.
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