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Parents with newborns are a joy to behold. A new baby is the beginning of all things.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one. Jill Churchill

As expected my grandson arrived at 10:30 am on Monday. Visitors are not allowed but he came home the next day and what a bundle of joy he is. He weighed 8 pounds 3 ounces so he is a substantial baby. I pulled out my son and daughter’s baby pictures from the hospital and he looks just like them. I haven’t seen a newborn baby picture of my son-in-law. It will be fun to watch him grow and change over the next little while.

He already has his own personality and if that little face isn’t smiling back at me I don’t know what that is. I’m pretty sure he has a dimple, he’s looking around taking everything in, and he’s very hungry, but is content most of the time. He’s getting enough to eat but he wants to eat often and with enthusiasm.

Our little dog is already concerned when he cries and wants to sit by mom and baby. It is a very special time and we are blessed to share it with my daughter and her husband.

New mothers are kept in the hospital for a very short time and I’m sure it must be overwhelming for some new mothers who haven’t been around many children to bring their newborn home and be totally responsible for this new being who seems so fragile in their newness. Breastfeeding is hard for many new mothers and one of the hardest parts is you can’t say I know he drank four ounces. They have to trust their body and their baby, and we don’t have a lot of trust in ourselves, we want evidence.

My daughter said to me yesterday, “Can you hold him while I have a shower?” Of course, I was happy too, when she came up baby and me, and Lulu the dog were sitting on the couch almost having a nap. One of the mothers at the hospital where they gave birth is probably not having such a serene experience. Her baby cried the whole time they were there.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one. Leo J. Burke

I remember when I had my son, he hardly made a peep. One afternoon the nurse came in and woke me, “Aren’t you going to feed your baby?” My son was crying but I’d been listening to a crying baby that wasn’t mine for so long I didn’t realize he was the one crying. All he wanted was food and he was happy again.

Do we put too much pressure on new mothers to breastfeed? I don’t know, I do know it isn’t easy for everyone but when it works it means you always have lunch ready at the right temperature. Breastfeeding is thought by some to statistically significantly lower the risk of postpartum depression. Researchers from Florida Atlantic University’s Christine E. Lynn College of Nursing and collaborators are the first to examine breastfeeding status and postpartum depression by studying a large national population-based database of 29,685 women living in 26 states in the US. Findings showed women who were currently breastfeeding at the time of the data collection had a statistically significant lower risk of postpartum depression. I’ve always thought about this and now there is a study.

My reasoning was, that our bodies control our thinking more than we might like with the hormones they produce, and a breastfeeding baby means a live baby. There is also the effect breastfeeding has on getting our body back to pre-pregnant status. The bond that breastfeeding creates between mother and baby can’t be duplicated with a bottle, and the superior nutrition it provides makes it the best way to feed the baby. Breastfeeding is linked to lower rates of autism. The studies trying to find the correlation between breastfeeding and lower rates of autism haven’t been able to isolate the factor, but they do see a relationship.

Not everyone will be successful in breastfeeding, but it might be so important that every baby should get the opportunity to breastfeed even for a short period of time if it is at all possible.  The colostrum produced before the milk comes in might be so important that every baby should have access to it.

I’m looking for the benefits of colostrum and what comes up is how important it is for a newborn calf. If it is so important for a newborn calf why would it not be equally important to a newborn infant?

Being a new parent is a minefield full of judgment. It is important to do our best but that is all we can do, and we have to be okay with our shortcomings as people and parents. Breastfeeding may be best but it isn’t always possible, hopefully, my daughter can breastfeed until her baby weans himself. We are fortunate to have access to formula to feed our babies if it is required. There are so many “expectations” placed on new parents. It is so easy to let society make you feel inadequate because you aren’t doing what they think you should do, or looking how they think you should look.

As I watch my daughter and her husband with their newborn son my heart is filled with gratitude and joy. How wonderful to see the next generation taking their place as parents. A baby loved and wanted comes into the world and a family is created. It doesn’t get better than this.

A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for. Unknown

As new parents, the days may be long, but the years are short. You’ll never look back and wish you held your baby less. Unknown

A new baby is like the beginning of all things – wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities. Eda Leshan

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to those who read my books. A special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and make a purchase I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

When Can We Get A Puppy by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Sorrow by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Silence by Belynda Wilson Thomas
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Persevere and make your days count. Time marches on, waiting for no one.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

I may not be there yet but I’m closer than I was yesterday. Unknown

Time, we think we have lots until we have none. At the beginning of pregnancy, it seems a long time until the baby will be due, but here we are, my daughter is full term, and I expect to be a grandma within days.

If we look at our tasks like pregnancy and take every day to work toward our goals then we will slowly and steadily reach our goals. One of the mistakes we make is not breaking our goals into smaller and smaller goals until we break them down into what we must do each day to work toward them. If we break it down and do our daily tasks toward them we will get where we want to go.

If we are not working on our goals daily, how will they be accomplished? If our goal is to be healthy, what we eat daily, the exercise we do daily, and our daily thoughts will determine where we end up. Last night at Toastmasters we only had one speaker so the President of the club played the winning speech from the International Speech Contest from 2014. The speaker tells how he was not doing well at seventeen when his father got him a job with a man who said to him, “I see something in you, I don’t know what it is, but if you come and work for me we can figure it out.”

If we are lucky we have been that person to others and someone has been that person to us. “I see something in you.” What powerful words and on the cusp of being a grandma I know words are powerful. I hope that I will have the right words to encourage someone and especially my grandchildren. If we can live our life encouraging others to keep up the good fight, to keep going when they want to stop, to move in a new direction, or to find a direction when they don’t have one. Then we will be a blessing in the lives of others no matter how small a part we play in their lives.

Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did. Newt Gingrich

How many people have had someone say something to them that made them look at things differently? I had someone say something to me when things weren’t working out well for me when I first left home. “Mom said, “Why don’t you come home?” I was contemplating doing just that when he said, “If you run now, you will run the rest of your life.” I got a new job, found an apartment, and bought a car.

It wasn’t a big thing, but Brian Tracy tells us how we live our life becomes a habit. If we quit, then quitting can seem like the thing to do when the going gets tough. There will always be rough patches in life when we feel like the direction we are going in is not the right direction, sometimes it isn’t, but we have to know when we give up something it is for something better not just quitting because we lack perseverance.

Is there a tougher job than parenthood? Is there any part of life where a bigger price is paid than when we drop the ball as parents? Eighteen years at the very least of being there, setting an example, endless encouragement, finding the humor in situations that might not be funny, and putting your family’s wellbeing above your own. Being a grandma is one of the rewards of being a parent and I intend to enjoy it to the fullest.

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. Friedrich Nietzsche

If it’s endurable, then endure it. Stop complaining. Marcus Aurelius

The extent of the struggle determines the extent of the growth. The obstacle is an advantage, not adversity. The enemy is any perception that prevents us from seeing this. Ryan Holiday

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you for reading my books. A special thank you to everyone that leaves a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the purchase price.

Maximum Achievement by Brian Tracy
When Can We Get A Puppy by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Sorrow by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Silence by Belynda Wilson Thomas
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The strength of family is what binds us, and pushes us to make things better.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Family is one of nature’s masterpieces. Candace Cameron Blue

This is a year for weddings and family celebrations. Yesterday was the bridal shower of my daughter-in-law-to-be. This is one of four bridal showers her aunt will attend this year for her nieces.

It was a lovely event and so good to see people in person, laugh, and talk. When I see my daughter-in-law-to-be with her family a pang of guilt hits me as I realize by moving far away from family my son and daughter were deprived of that close connection to their grandmother, grandfather, cousins, aunts, and uncles they would have had.

Cross country visits aren’t the same but they have been wonderful and created great memories. Mom and Dad had already left the farm before my kids came along so they never had a chance to visit the farm I grew up on.  

I said to a friend yesterday, “When we were looking for a husband we didn’t consider the family we were marrying into and what an impact it would have on our lives.” My mother-in-law is wonderful, as was my father-in-law now passed, and my sister-in-law and I have a wonderful relationship. We are truly blessed when we get along with our family and extended families.

As I look at families I can see how the matriarch of the family brings everyone together. We owe a lot to the grandmothers who do so much to bring everyone together, preparing the food, hosting the dinners, being the bridge that binds the generations.

The most important thing is family. Career is not waiting for you to come home. Money won’t wipe your tears and glory won’t embrace you at night. Unknown

We don’t have to be grandmothers to be the matriarchs; we have to be the ones that host the events that bring people together. Nothing happens unless someone makes it happen. Yesterday was a lot of work for the bride-to-be and her family. It was a lot of fun, and although I’m sure they were tired at the end of it, pure joy shone on their faces.

It is a great joy to love the person our son or daughter is marrying and bringing into the family. Our relationship with our in-laws will impact our lives in big ways. Even the most harmonious family will have disagreements and not see all things the same. That is to be expected, we are individuals after all.

The turbulence under the placid look of a family makes for the best stories. Keeping that turbulence out of view is one of the problems we have in families. It is where people feel they can’t be themselves, they are expected to be, do, or behave in certain ways and this can lead to lies, deception, and secrets as they hide their real selves from view to be acceptable.

Fitting in and living life to the beat of our own drum is a fine line we walk. Families are not homogeneous and as we become a varied group of different hues, ideologies, and values, we find we can all get along because the important values, of love, respect, togetherness, and family belong to all of us.

Never sacrifice three things: Your family, your heart, or your dignity. Unknown

I think the most important thing is your integrity. Your family, your health. Rest of the things, you can experiment with. A. R. Rahman

Our family is a circle of strength of love with every birth and every union the circle grows. Unknown

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to everyone who reads my books. A special thank you to those that leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link below and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

When Can We Get A Puppy by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Sorrow by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Secrets and Silence by Belynda Wilson Thomas
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Focusing on the family is focusing on the building block of civilization. Strong families create strong societies.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Family is not an important thing. It’s everything. Michael J. Fox

As we are waiting for our grandson to be born I am questioning the ideas of equality and equity. Equality to me means when everyone has an equal opportunity as much as possible. Total equality can never be reached unless we reach it from the bottom and instead of equal opportunity, there is equally no opportunity.

We are born with talents, predispositions, and characteristics that help us make our way in the world. We have different statures, intelligence levels, drives, and determinations.  Different talents, dispositions, and characteristics may shine at different times. Leaders achieve greatness under different circumstances, some only shine during a war, others only shine during peace.

Through education, our society tries to equip our citizens with the tools needed to create a good life. A good life for everyone is not the same life. Equity recognizes that each person has different circumstances and allocates the exact resources and opportunities needed to reach an equal outcome.

This is where I think we are going down a dark road. I watched a competition for the strongest man yesterday. These men were huge and strong. How do you create equity in a competition like that? Women are not going to be able to compete in a strong person competition, very few men can compete.

Jordan Peterson tells us that young women lawyers are leaving the profession because they want a life that includes marriage and motherhood (especially motherhood) and being a partner in a law firm makes having a family very difficult. These very capable, smart women realize they don’t like the life they are living and choose a different one. Often they marry very successful men so they have that choice.

The family is one of nature’s masterpieces. George Santayana

A focus on equity, not equality is coming to Ontario Schools if Bill 67 passes and this alarms me a lot.  A focus on anti-racism is giving us more racism not less in my opinion. Just like the war on drugs did not give us what we wanted or might have expected. We get more of what we focus on, and even the best of intentions can have unexpected outcomes.

One of the outcomes of focusing on equality for women has meant fewer men are going to and staying in University. It doesn’t bode well for women when they are more highly educated and earning more money than the men they want to date and marry. Women entered the workforce and it was great for families for a short period of time. Are we better off with two people working than we were when one paycheck carried a family?

Even two wage earners have a hard time affording a home in Canada’s largest cities. Perhaps this tells us we should be moving to smaller centers and building them up. Families are the building block of every civilization; while big jobs, careers, and independence might be valued in the short term I think when the working years are over, the family will be what gives us joy, happiness, and contentment through our remaining years.

I can understand why people can’t see themselves in their later years when they are young. I couldn’t, I still don’t accept in my heart of hearts that as a woman of a certain age my best years are behind me. One of the greatest joys in my life is ahead of me as I become a grandmother for the first time. Over the next few years, I expect more grandchildren. I think about how empty my life would be if I was not married with children. My career/job would be ending and I would be alone.

My husband and I were talking last night as we watched a TV show about a couple looking to find themselves again, that we should go on some new adventures, see what there is to see and do what there is to do. Our son’s wedding will start a new chapter for us as well. Having a husband to share life with has been a great joy, and I think will become even more important as the years go by. Some day, he may have to go forward without me or me go forward without him because that is how life is, but In the meantime, we have each other, and life for two people is much more exciting than for one.

When that time comes, if we lived through all life threw at us and got through it together, made the best of the life we had, then that seems like it should lead to a life of few regrets even if we have to make our way through the rest of it alone. I think of my newly widowed aunt and mom as I write this.

Family sustains us in our times of loss, celebrates with us, and holds us up when times are hard. Being part of and building a family is one of the great joys and responsibilities of life.

Stick to the basics, hold on to your family and friends – they will never go out of fashion. Niki Taylor

Having somewhere to go is home. Having someone to love is family, and having both is a blessing. Unknown

The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works, is the family. Lee Iacocca

Thank you to everyone that reads this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to everyone that reads my books. A special thank you to those who leave a review on Amazon and Goodreads. If you click on the Amazon link below and make a purchase I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program

A link to Jordan Peterson’s podcast on Bill 67 https://youtu.be/fogGeB8YmnQ

12 More Rules For Life by Jordan Peterson
When Can We Get A Puppy by belynda wilson thomas
Secrets and Sorrow by belynda wilson thomas
Secrets and Silence by belynda wilson thomas

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Rejoice in the togetherness, the bonds of family are always there.

The bonds of family are always there, rejoice in the togetherness.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Rejoice with your family in the beautiful land of life. Albert Einstein

As I flew home on the red-eye from a wonderful trip of seeing family I realized I’d been too optimistic thinking I would get my Monday post out. I’d done three in advance while I was away but I thought I would do my Monday post that day.

British Columbia is still beautiful even with smoke and fires in the Okanagan Valley. A friend, her daughter, and I were to have met for a day of wine tasting and touring, but a bump in covid cases and the fires extinguished that adventure. When we do meet up it will be a different adventure.

My sister was not on evacuation orders but close to where she lives was on evacuation alert and the fire burnt out a small community not far from her. The excessive heat from earlier this summer devastated her garden. Berries were dried up on the bushes before they had a chance to mature.

Many of the fires are started by lightning strikes and when everything is burnt and dry fires start easily and get out of control fast. Tempers flared as people were told to evacuate that wanted to fight the fire that threatened their homes and property. Many stayed and fought the fire and saved homes and property.

Mom tells me she fought a fire at nine years old. They couldn’t put out the wild fire, but they had a line they didn’t want it to cross and they kept it at bay. Her oldest sister was in the house with her baby brother and if the fire got away from them her oldest sister was to take the baby and climb into the well. How do you leave everything you’ve built if you think you have a chance to save it?

One resident said, “We just saved a house over here. Everything that I have is invested here. And I don’t have a big fat paycheck every month or a big fat pension when I’m finished. If I don’t save it, I’m too old to start over again.”

The fire service is doing their best to keep the fires away from communities but at some point as one fire service official said, “Mother Nature is just too much for humans.”

My brother who was only home a couple of days while I was there, was readying his place in case the fire came through. He had someone looking after it and was getting his trailer ready in case his livestock needed to be evacuated.  He took time out to come to dinner at Moms. Four of us kids, Mom, two spouses, and my youngest niece had dinner together. The last time we all ate together my 12-year-old niece wasn’t yet born.

It was a special time of being together. It is harder and harder to get us all together at the same time and as time marches on we all know our circle will not remain unbroken.

It was good to get home. It is fun to go, but lovely to return to my busy home which as we prepare for my son’s wedding next year will see changes as my children build their lives.

Time waits for no one. We have to take advantage of the opportunities that are presented to us. We have to adapt to changes that might be forced upon us by circumstances beyond our control. We may have to take a stand when something threatens everything we have and everything we’ve built. We may have to accept no matter how hard we try we can’t beat the odds we are against. Or we may be lucky when others weren’t. Whatever life throws at us we have to find a way to be resilient and of good cheer as much as possible.

Everyone has a story, everyone goes through challenges, and everyone has something to overcome, accept, and deal with. What some are going through would bring us to our knees. Getting through the day may be all we can do, and all we have to do to get to the other side of what we face.

Families are like branches on a tree. We grow in different directions yet our roots remain as one. Unknown

I am so grateful I had the chance to see some of my brothers and sisters, their husbands and wives, nieces and nephews and even great-nieces and nephews, an aunt and uncle, and a cousin this trip. My oldest sister celebrated her 60th wedding anniversary but I wasn’t there with her to celebrate this milestone. My three oldest sisters were together to celebrate.

It is hard to get big families all together in one place but it is a joy to get together in smaller groups even when we can’t all be together. We need to talk to, laugh with, and hug people while we can because there comes a day when it will no longer be possible.

A family doesn’t need to be perfect; it just needs to be united. Unknown

The strength of a family, like the strength of an army, is in its loyalty to each other. Mario Puzo

No family is perfect, we argue, we fight. We even stop talking to each other at times, but in the end, family is family. The love will always be there. Unknown

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end. Please subscribe, comment, and share.

Thank you to those who read my book, and a special thanks to those who leave a review on Amazon and Goodreads. If you click on the picture below and purchase an item through the Amazon link I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

International Women’s Day. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

The more things change, the more things stay the same. International Women's Day.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

I believe in love at first sight. I am a mother. Unknown

Next Monday is International Women’s Day and yes there is an International Men’s Day on November 19th.

On Sunday I’m on a panel and the theme is, what does International Women’s Day mean to me. I am very happy that women are taking the opportunities that are out there for them in education, building businesses, and excelling in life.

Where men and women need to excel and the hardest place to excel is in the family. The next generation pays the price for our failures. One of the things we get wrong in life is we think more choice equals more happiness.

There was a time when we were considered spinsters if we weren’t married at twenty-one. This meant women had a short window to choose a husband or have one chosen for them. The best choice was made and then they got on with making the best out of life.

We now have women who have taken advantage of the choices they have. They have gotten the education. They have great jobs and some have started businesses. They have political careers. But, what some of them are finding after all of their achievements is they now want a husband, and he is hard to find. The man that successful women want isn’t that interested in her success. He wants a woman in her younger more fertile years. He may want one that is not hardened by life. He may want one he can wow with his exploits, not one expecting to wow him with hers.

Life is a crazy ride. It’s a privilege to go through it with a partner. Kristen Bell

Men have always married younger women and women looked to marry older successful men so they could have a good life. This leaves the successful, accomplished single women feeling like they were told something that wasn’t true. They were told to do the “Important things in life”, like get an education and be successful, and then they could become wives and mothers.

Being a wife and mother, and husband and father is the most important thing in life. This is what we’ve gotten wrong. Men and women still need to work together to accomplish the most important things in life. That we can fulfill our dreams in other areas is great. We need to not lose sight of what is important and what brings us joy and happiness.

Women are not happier than previous generations with all of our choice. We are not warmer, sweeter, more encouraging, more optimistic, more generous, more open, more giving, or more grateful. We also are not less of these. We are who we choose to be in the circumstances we find ourselves in. We always have. Finding joy where we are is how we stumble on happiness.

We will not be happier when we get, “That.” Whatever that is, in about six months we will be as happy as before something great or disastrous happens in our lives. If this is true and I believe it is, we can be as happy as we set our minds to be regardless of outside circumstances in our lives.

This should give us the courage to change the things in our lives we should change and stay the course when we need to persevere. We need to quit telling our girls that marriage and motherhood can wait. Building a family is our greatest achievement. The family is what moves on in the next generation. The family is what we still have when we’ve retired from our career, and it is the legacy we leave when we die. There is a window that closes for motherhood, but many of the other things we chase like education and success can come at any stage in life.

Women can accomplish what they set out to accomplish in their lives. Just because we are accomplishing new things does not mean that being the heart of the family is not our most important role. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

There is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood. Elder M. Russell Ballard

It is not about how much you do, but how much love you put into what you do that counts. Mother Theresa

Giving the utmost of herself to three absorbing interests, marriage, motherhood, career… was a problem for a superwoman, and a job for a superwoman, and only some fabled being could have accomplished it all with success. Storm Jameson

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end. Please subscribe, comment, and share.

Thank you for reading my novel Secrets and Silence and a special thank you to those that leave a review on Amazon and Goodreads. If you click on the picture below and purchase an item through the Amazon link I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

S

D

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Family is the most important thing. We all come from a family. What are we passing on to the next generation? Is it blessings or curses?

We all come from a family. What are we passing on to the next generation? Is it a blessing or a curse? Family is the most important thing.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

A happy family is but an earlier heaven. George Bernard Shaw

Today is Family Day, a day to celebrate our families, or is it just a paid vacation day? I doubt if we took a poll that families are any better with Family Day than they were without it. Just like Valentine’s Day doesn’t strengthen our relationships. We are no more in or out of love on Valentine’s Day than any other day. It puts pressure on people to be romantic. What is being romantic? Haven’t you noticed how high the prices for flowers get on Valentine’s Day? If you love me you’ll pay $50.00 for flowers that usually cost $20.00. Is that love? Our relationships are as good or as bad as they are. Relationships ebb and flow. Does how romantic Valentine’s Day was indicate anything.?

Nor will what we have planned for Family Day be an indication of how our family is.  Days that cause us to reflect on our lives and the people in them may be a good thing. We should be grateful every day for the people who share our lives. If our relationships work we make our family feel loved every day. We share warm, loud, and wonderful dinners full of laughter.

Not being able to get together is one of the hardships right now. Long phone calls full of laughter take the place of in-person meetings. We can have telephone calls where we might talk about things we wouldn’t talk about in person.

One of the things that days like Family Day and Valentine’s Day remind us of is the importance of people in our lives. While they are still part of our life we can enjoy their presence. We don’t know from day to day or year to year who will be able to come to the next family gathering, or even if we will. We can live life fully while we live. We can love our family as fiercely as we can and encourage them to forge their own family.

The leader of my writer’s group says she knows she did a good job when she sees her grandchildren with their children. Societies that work are based on strong families.

There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues… are created, strengthened and maintained. Winston Churchill

My son tells me one of his friends is now working in a Youth Detention Centre. Has every one of those kids been failed by their family? A few years ago I met a woman in my writing group, she wrote a book, “Young Lives on the Line.” She spent years working in Youth Detention Centers. What is the difference between kids who get into trouble, and troubled kids? We all did things we shouldn’t have, didn’t we? But, we didn’t all end up in trouble. Resilience was built into our families and our lives, so we could have second and third chances. If one job didn’t work out we had people we could turn to while we regrouped and went in a different direction.

Some of the Youth in that detention facility will have strong families that will be able to help that errant youth get on the right path. They aren’t all hopeless cases in there. Some of them will do the time, get out, then go on to lead happy and productive lives. Some of them won’t. What is the difference between the one’s that will go on to better lives, and the ones that will go on to worse ones? It might be simplistic to say that the family is a big part of the equation, but I believe the family is the main part of the equation.

If it is true that we pass blessings or curses to our families then we must choose which of these we’ll pass down. It means we must deal with our demons so our families don’t have to deal with them further down the line. My Grandfather didn’t allow strong drink in the house because his stepfather was mean when he drank. Did he stop a curse that would have gone down the generations?

This gives me pause as I think about what behaviors, mindsets, or actions could be negative and passed down to the generations to come. What do I need to work on that will be a blessing to the rest of my family? What inheritance do I want my grandchildren and great-grandchildren to get from me? How will their lives be easier or harder because of the decisions I’ve made and actions I’ve taken?

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Romans 12:9

Family and friendships are two of the greatest facilitators of happiness. John C. Maxwell

Families are the compass that guides us. They are the inspiration to reach great heights, and our comfort when we occasionally falter. Brad Henry

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Posted on by BWThomas

Being ready for winter, in our lives and relationships means open conversations about money, if we don’t want money to destroy our families.

Being ready for winter, means open conversations about money in our lives and relationships, if we don't want money to destroy our families.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Most stress is caused by three things: family, money, and family with no money.

Another beautiful week spreads before us. The leaves are turning. Nature in all her splendor is here to be enjoyed before the trees are bare. Unripe tomatoes are still on the vine. How much longer can I leave them there? The squirrels are busy getting ready for winter. There is always winter coming and we must prepare for it. Winter comes not just as a yearly season, but also comes in our lives, hearts, and relationships.

Will we be ready when winter comes should always be top of mind. Does anyone escape winter in their lives even if they escape it in their climate? When you grow up on a farm winter is a bigger thing than it is in the city. Winter in the city is annoying with icy roads but we go to the grocery store and almost the same array of vegetables and fruits are there for the buying. The farmer has to be ready for winter not just for the family, but for all the animals that live on the farm. An unprepared farmer will wreak havoc on the livestock and most might not make it to spring.

They say you can take the girl out of the country but you can’t take the country out of the girl. This is true, we are who we are and where we grew up plays a huge role in that. Some of us may hate that our origins follow us, some of us love it. We are who we are and we need to embrace it, all of it. Whatever trials and tribulations we endured have colored our lives. Some of us have had relatively few trials and tribulations but our life is what it is.  It is ours to make the best of, to grow into the best people we can be. Can we live our lives as a blessing to ourselves and others?

You never suffer from a money problem, you always suffer from an idea problem. Robert H. Schuller

We are all contributing to the tapestry of life and we have choices going forward, we can’t change what is behind us. If we are proud of our past or not, it cannot be changed. There is dignity in going forward a better person regardless of the mistakes we’ve made in the past. There is dignity in being innocent of things we’ve been accused of. There is dignity in addressing wrongs we’ve done, making amends, and going forward better. There is no dignity in being guilty of doing wrong even if we are thought innocent.

We hear stories of people who were power of attorney for someone whose money seems to have disappeared. Upon closer inspection, it may be shown that the power of attorney did not squander the money or use it in any nefarious ways. It might have been invested at a lower rate than it was being spent at and the money was spent on who it should be spent on. If the books are opened the power of attorney may be exonerated, or maybe not.

Money causes a lot of problems in families. Dishonesty causes more. We can be dishonest in many ways. We can be dishonest by not dealing with the finances realistically and expecting they will outlast the person whose finances they are. Many of us put on a good show but if we revealed our finances to each other we might not be as proud of the cold hard facts. As parents age, these cold hard facts have to be faced. If one sibling thinks there is lots of money and another knows there is not, fingers might be unfairly pointed.

It might be best when a power of attorney has to be appointed to look after a parent’s affairs that everyone knows exactly what the situation is at that time. If we are open about the situation there will be fewer problems in the future. Inheritance, the expectation of an inheritance, and being disinherited cause real problems in families. Open, honest discussions and disclosure about money before someone dies sounds like the best way forward. Since we never know when we or anyone else will die we should be open about our finances with those who will be impacted. We should look after what needs to be looked after. We should be, but are we ready for winter?

Money is a tool. Used properly it makes something beautiful; used wrong, it makes a mess. Bradley Vinson

The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence. Denis Waitley

A man can’t make a place for himself in the sun if he keeps taking refuge under the family tree. Helen Keller

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Cold Hard Truth on Family, Kids and Money by [Kevin O'Leary]

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Secrets and Silence: What if your biggest secret became public? by [Belynda Wilson Thomas]

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Living the good life. Advice to my daughter.

Advice to my daughter. Living the good life.

All of life is peaks and valleys. Don’t let the peaks get too high and the valleys too low. John Wooden

Living the “good life” isn’t that what we all want? Twenty-nine years ago today my wonderful daughter was born and our family was complete. When we bring children into the world we have to be optimistic about the future. We want them to have a great life, opportunity, and experiences. What happens in the world matters more because it matters to our children, grandchildren, and greatgrandchildren.

We may not agree on what better looks like in the short term, what political stripe gets into office, and what laws get passed. In the long term. however, I think we all agree we want our children, grandchildren, and greatgrandchildren to live in peace, prosperity, and a natural world alive with wildlife, fish, trees, and wild places.

When we look at our children and grandchildren (still waiting for that joyous, momentous event) we want so much for them. We want so much for them but we are afraid to watch them go out and take their place in the world. It seems so much less safe than when we went out there. We worry about them getting into the wrong crowd, getting involved with drugs, and depression.

When did we start thinking life should be easy? When I listen to Mom talk about the early days, life was hard. She said she and her first husband had their budget down to the penny. To get her a Christmas present when they agreed not to give each other Christmas presents, he quit smoking for a week to afford the gift.

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give. Sir Winston Churchill

Housing is a big deal and we are all wringing our hands over how our kids will be able to afford a house. Has it really been that easy for most people to prosper over the decades and centuries? There is a lot of talk about money in the bible. Shakespeare said neither a lender nor a borrower be, and Charles Dickens gave the recipe for a happy life. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery.

What advice do I have for my daughter on this birthday? Love and live fully, don’t put off till tomorrow what you can do today. Be grateful for what you have and you’ll get more. Live beneath your means and be kind to those you meet along the way. When you have children they completely take over your life, and will be the biggest blessing, and raising happy healthy kids is your biggest job, and where much of your joy will come from. Make time for your husband amid the chaos and enjoy together what you build together. Walk into the sunset of life arm in arm and enjoy your golden years. Time is the secret of a long marriage, there will be ups and downs, and you have to get through the downs to enjoy the ups. Don’t throw away good trying to get perfect – there is no perfect in relationships. Love is a verb, and happiness is an inside job.

A good life is when you assume nothing, do more, need less, smile often, dream big, laugh a lot, and realize how blessed you are for what you have. Unknown

Create a life that feels good on the inside, not one that just looks good on the outside. Unknown

Life is like a camera… Focus on what’s important, capture the good times, develop from the negatives, and if things don’t work out, take another shot. Unknown

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Secrets and Silence: What if your biggest secret became public? by [Belynda Wilson Thomas]

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Family day should be every day. Love your family while you can.

Love your family while you can. Family day should be every day.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life. Richard Bach

Yesterday while we made breakfast our friend the humble skunk was in our backyard. He or she slowly ambled to the side yard. I like the idea of non-violence but we have to be able to take care of ourselves and the skunk exemplifies this. I’ll leave you alone if you leave me alone they seem to say as they amble about unhurriedly.

Enjoying meals together as a family is a simple blessing. Being part of a family makes our lives complete. Our circle will grow and shrink depending on who can show up for family dinners, and the circumstances that occur in our lives. Sometimes the empty chair is almost unbearable, but bear it we must. We are left with memories of better times. If the missing person in our life got to the end of their life we can be grateful for the part they played in ours. We can be grateful for all the good times we had. If they are still alive and it is a breach that needs to be healed we can try and become the healer of the breach. Someone has to do it, why not us?

If we don’t try and heal the breaches between us, the breach will forever remain, but at some point, the person is no longer alive and we can never repair it. We will continue to live with the pain of our unhealed relationship. Can we forgive people even if we don’t talk to them? Can we forgive them even after their death? Not all relationships can be fixed, but we have to find some measure of peace, and forgiveness may be the way forward. Forgiveness does not say, we are okay with what was done to us. Forgiveness says we are making peace with what is, and what was, and we are not carrying the vitriol we feel anymore. Pain, hurt and betrayal, are not controlling any more of our life.

What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family. Mother Teresa

Today is Family Day in Canada. It is a day to draw close to each other, talk, laugh and enjoy each other’s company. Family day is not only for those families that look perfect and act perfect. Being part of a family is messy, funny, maddening, empowering, and where we should feel loved, accepted, understood, and encouraged.

Family is important for all of us; it is where we find our first sense of belonging. It is where we learn to relate to others, how to act, how to love and be loved. Our families have in many cases done the best they could throughout time to get their children to adulthood and create families of their own. The fact that we are here is a testament to our families surviving into the next generation.

Our society can only be strong if our families are strong. Building a family is a testament to our faith in the future. It shows our trust that it is worth building a family to take our genes into the next generation.

Of all the things I’ve done in my life building, a family holds the most significance. There is nothing else we can do that can give us what family gives us. It is our responsibility to take our place in society, and help build it, even if we don’t have children ourselves we can strengthen our society by supporting those who do.

Today can we be grateful for those people in our life we call family? Can we hug them a little tighter? Make a call if we can’t see them, to say I love you, and thanks for being in our life?

Nothing in the world can take the place of family. Not all people we consider part of our families are related by blood. Can we continue to build our family, and widen our circle by embracing those we meet along the way?

Love your family. Spend time, be kind and serve one another. Make no room for regrets. Tomorrow is not promised and today is short. Unknown

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. Jane Howard

The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works, is the family. Lee Iacocca

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, family, and love.

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The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families: Building a Beautiful Family by [Covey, Stephen R.]

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