Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas
Sometimes it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life forever. Keri Russell
We are the heroes of our own life. We should not be the bit player, the sidekick, the odd but quirky character, nor the unfortunate woman with the heart of gold, the maiden in distress, or the sage and the wise fool. Even if parts of us are all of these characters we are the hero of our story. If we are the hero of our story, why don’t we feel heroic?
Are we looking around and comparing the worst of ourselves to the best of someone else? Are we looking down at our own accomplishments and magnifying someone else’s? Are we sitting on the sidelines of our own life, wishing, hoping, dreaming, but not doing?
This morning I was not the smart hero. It’s nice enough to not have to wear a jacket and without pockets where is one to put keys? “It’ll be okay”, I tell myself as I take Lulu out for a walk leaving the door open and my keys at home. We are rounding the last corner before home when I see my son in law go off to work. When I reach the door I realize he locked it. Why wouldn’t he lock the door? He’s a responsible young man. I looked through the blinds and finally, my daughter walked by, I rang the doorbell and she opened the door.
All I needed to do was get my fanny pack and put my keys and phone into it and I was master of my own fate. We can count on people in ways we shouldn’t. We should be in control of most of our own life. We live with our spouse or family but it’s our life. No one is going to live if for us but us. If we don’t step up and build a life we love, who do we think will do it for us? There is no magic fairy, and there is no magic wand. If we don’t make things good for us, who do we think will? If we don’t treat ourselves like we are someone we are responsible for helping, why do we think other people should help us?
My dog Lulu does not expect us to watch her feet. She is very protective of herself and we should also be like that. We need to take care of ourselves; we are worth our time and attention it shouldn’t just be lavished on the others in our life.
If we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of, isn’t it at least part of our responsibility. We need to protect our self from the users and abusers in life. We put ourselves in vulnerable situations we shouldn’t when we drink too much especially when we are young and likely to be prey to trolling men looking for easy pickings. It isn’t women bashing to tell young women they need to be their own control board. Trusting people who haven’t yet proven they can be trusted is not smart.
I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
My husband tells me someone has made a derogatory comment, “Thank you, fathers, for dropping off your virgin daughters at the university.” We may not like the fact that there are many users out there wanting to get their hands and other parts on our young daughters. Pretending it isn’t true isn’t helpful. Not letting our daughters grow up, get an education and take their place in the world doesn’t help. We need to teach our daughters to be smart, don’t let people ply them with drinks. Don’t over drink and become a victim. It can be hard to keep our head about us when we aren’t in a mind-altered state. It can be almost impossible to keep our wits about us when we are, and that is what the users and abusers count on. If we don’t teach our daughters to protect themselves and think about what they want and make the choices they want to make, who do we think is going to do this?
It isn’t that our daughters shouldn’t live fun lives, the fun should be on their terms. They should know the consequences of their actions, and they should choose those actions, not just deal with the consequences afterward.
If that rather ignorant but true comment makes some parents and their daughters think about what is in store for them as they go off to university then saying it was a good thing. Not everyone with a smile and a drink is a good guy. Girls just want to have fun is often true, they need to be smart about it, and take care of them self. It isn’t more fun because you are irresponsible or less fun when you are. Living a life of few regrets is worthwhile at every age.
We need to teach our girls and young men to think for themselves. We need to teach them to be able to say, no, that doesn’t work for me, that’s not what I want. We need to teach our children to choose, not just accept what is offered, expected, or coerced. If we taught our girls they could say “Yes” when they want to, maybe they would be better at saying “No” when they need to.
Are we asking our kids, “What do you want?” Not just what do you want to do? What do you want out of life, relationships, and this journey that is your life? What if they could tell us the truth, and we were okay with it? What if our girls didn’t have to pretend it was a mistake when they have sex? What if we made them believe they have the right to make choices, and they should make choices they can stand behind?
There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them. Denis Waitley
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