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Self-expression, being part of a group, finding our voice, and helping others to find theirs.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Self-expression must pass into communication for its fulfillment. Pearl S. Buck

On Saturday I attended the Mississauga Writers Group, it was a lovely day so we didn’t have a huge attendance but members trickled in throughout the morning. Being part of the writer’s group helps push us forward as writers. We listened to members talk about what they disliked about some of the books they read, and what authors did the same thing, but did it well.

In groups, we get inspiration from what others are accomplishing, and we learn about what is happening in the community. We share the struggles we face. We are encouraged and we encourage others on their creative journeys.

Writing is a solitary journey but if we are too hidden away, what will we write about? The stories happen out in the world, and even if the world of our story comes only from our mind, we need to people it with characters others can relate to. It must be relatable or readers will not connect with the story or its characters.

Finding our group is a bit like finding ourselves. Finding a group that resonates with us is a different experience than when we don’t quite fit.

Finding mentors and being a mentor is part of life and maybe we don’t take advantage of enough, at least I never have. When I look back over my life there are a lot of changes I would make in some areas and in other areas, not so much. Maybe the areas I’m proud of are good because I didn’t spend the time on the areas I’m not so proud of. Life is all about choices and being a creative person as we age may be more important than focusing on it when we are young. I see what it gives to people as their life changes and they have creative pursuits to pour themselves into.

Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways. Sigmund Feud

I saw how good it was for Mom to have her quilting, and she didn’t start quilting to a big degree until her eighties. She could lose herself in her quilts and forget to eat. When we still have busy lives we don’t have that many days to lose ourselves in creativity, we sandwich our creativity with the busyness of everything we need to do. But one day that busyness will be gone, creativity can fill the empty hours, and bring joy to our lives we may get no other way.

Some of us are writing about life we’ve lived to get what has been bottled up inside out where we can look at it. Some of us write to understand the world and ourselves. Some of us dream of becoming famous writers, and some of us write because we must, and what form that writing will take will be discovered along the way.

Writing and painting are connected for some of us. We paint what we cannot put into words, and write what we cannot paint. It isn’t the world that needs our writing, paintings, or quilts, it is us, we need to find a way to express what is in us. If everyone found a way to express what was inside in a way that didn’t hurt anyone else, would we all be better off?

Writing is a minefield, we have to watch what we say and how we say it, but a painting or a quilt, who can know the inspiration behind it? What if self-expression plays a role in improving our mental health, what if it serves as a bridge between what is on the inside and our outer world, what if expressing our thoughts, feelings, and experiences is what we need to do? We don’t need it so other people understand us so much as to understand ourselves and make peace with our place in the world. We can choose to change the things we can and make peace with those we can’t.

Finding a way to help others express themselves may be one of the ways we help ourselves. Being part of a group and helping others may help us in ways we can’t imagine. We may find helping someone fulfill their dream is even bigger than finding ways to fulfill our own. I look at the leader of our group and others in it as midwives helping us as we give birth to the stories within us.

He who seeks truth shall find beauty. He who seeks beauty shall find vanity. He who seeks order shall find gratification. He who seeks gratification shall be disappointed. He who considers himself the servant of his fellow beings shall find the joy of self-expression. He who seeks self-expression shall fall into the pit of arrogance. Moshe Safdie

Self-expression is always a right, but it’s still not there to be abused. Isaac Hayes

I think any form of self-expression is half confidence, half sheer hard work and, maybe a bit of talent thrown in. Kate Winslet

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Friendship and trees, never underestimate the power of friendship or the power of trees to bring good into our lives.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

The best friend on earth of man is the tree: When we use the tree respectfully and economically, we have one of the greatest resources of the earth. Frank Lloyd Wright

The book club met on Tuesday and we had a lovely evening. Not all of our members could attend some have kids’ activities that take priority and one will be able to attend our meetings now she’s moved closer. We shared pictures of one member’s daughter’s destination wedding and talked about vacation plans and how important friendship is in our lives. Last month we got a new member who is a wonderful addition to our group.

Reading books is hard for some of us to get done, and I find myself in that group, but this morning I made a pledge to make an effort to read the books. One of our members sent a picture of the group to her son and he commented on the glaring absence of books. The glaring absence of books or not the book club feeds a need we have for friendship.

On Saturday the Horticultural Society is having a plant sale and a friend and I will attend. I have a sign on my lawn advertising the sale, my friend and I laugh that as Horticultural members we should have better gardens. At our last meeting, the speaker talked about providing plants that pollinators like, and how the bug population has decreased dramatically. We need to create urban forests and gardens; there is a movement to plant native flowers on boulevards to provide corridors for pollinators to be connected.

Some believe that greener cities are safer cities. Don’t we love the neighborhoods with lovely trees and gardens, what if every neighborhood regardless of income could be lovely? What would it take, how much would it cost, and what would the benefits be?

One of my friends started a boulevard garden last year. Boulevard gardens will become more popular than grass boulevards I predict over time, but how much time, we’ll have to see. We are beginning to realize the cost of lawns is not just in the pesticides used but also in the sterility they produce. Most of us don’t live in nature but we can bring a bit of it into our backyards, front yards, and boulevards with trees, shrubs, and plants other than grass. Of course, grass is better than no plants at all.

Love is flower-like: Friendship is like a sheltering tree. Samuel Taylor Coleridge

I often think of growing up on a farm with wide spaces to ride my horse. How blessed I feel to grow up how I did. My choices took me far from the farm, but I treasure that time.

The greening of cities has probably been an interest of many since we began to live in cities. Most of us want our little oasis, a place to relax, reflect, putter around, and beautify. Reading a book in the backyard is one of the joys of life. Listening to the bird’s chirp, a squirrel or two running along the fence, and the sun shining with a cup of tea is pure pleasure. Sitting with friends or family in the backyard and sharing a bite to eat feeds our stomachs and soul.

When I first moved to Toronto, I lived beside a golf course, where there was a break in the fence and a small stand of trees I could sit in. I enjoyed sitting there alone with my thoughts and the energy of the trees. I missed trees after moving here, having been surrounded by trees my whole life, and finding some trees to spend time with fed my soul.

Now the trees we’ve planted over the years have grown up, they might be a little wild and unkempt for some, but I love the privacy they have created and the opportunity to view trees from the kitchen window.

This is our life; we need to bring things into our lives we enjoy. If we love trees, plant a tree, and even if we don’t have a garden, maybe we can find a space with a tree we connect to.

We should make time in our busy lives for friends, old friends, and new friends. Mom, at 98, is still making new friends, and I think we can always widen our circle. If we don’t include new people in our lives, our circle will get smaller and smaller. Some day we might not have busy lives anymore, and we will have more time for friends, but wouldn’t it be sad if we have the time for friends but no friends?

Do like trees: change the leaves, but keep the roots. So change your ideas, but keep your principles. Unknown

Friendship is a tree to take shelter from the storm, to find shade from the blazing sun, to climb its branches to get a better view, and to swing from when we are happy. Sir David Baird

Be as useful as a tree! Give life to others; be shelter to everyone; grant fruits to all! Be good like a tree. Mehmet Murat Ildan

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Groups are powerful. We are responsible for the groups we belong to.

We are responsible for the groups we belong to. Groups are powerful.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life. Amy Poehler

Being part of a group gives us a support system. We have people who are in similar situations to ourselves we can ask questions and hear other people’s experiences. This is why when we are a new mother joining a mother’s group is good. There are groups within industries, social groups, self-improvement groups, motivation groups, fitness groups, and art groups.

Groups are part of my life and I enjoy every group I am part of. One of the highlights of the horticultural groups was the garden tour. Where we would traipse through about six gardens and then get together for a potluck dinner.

The book club is one of my favorite groups. We will be getting together for dinner this week, after meeting over zoom for most of two years.

Toastmasters play a big role in my life. At a recent meeting, the third-place winner of the International Speech Contest showed up. Toastmasters is a group that changes lives because becoming comfortable as a public speaker pays dividends in our life, and when we find our voice we find ourselves.

Joining the writer’s group and being in the company of others who are already published or who also want to be published helped me move in the direction I wanted to go.

Whatever we want to do there is a group for that. When we join groups we realize we are not alone in our struggle, endeavor, or interest. We may have narrow interests or wide ones. Being part of a group challenges and encourages us.

Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance. Confucius

Of course, groups are not always positive, and they can get behind negative ideas as well as positive ones. We may not even realize when we are part of a group that is sliding into ideas that one day will be looked at in a negative light.

Agnes Campbell Macphail the first woman elected to parliament in Canada had a tie to eugenics. The aim of eugenics was to reduce human suffering by “breeding” out disease, disabilities, and undesirable characteristics from the human population. It sounds like a lofty goal but we know the dark side of eugenics.

Groups are great when they are positive and focus on the good, but they can also devolve into us against them. Group dynamics are such that unusual things can happen – both good and bad. Belonging to a group can make people more likely to harm others outside of a group. We have to make sure when we are part of a group we don’t lose touch with our own morals and beliefs.

Groups think, and mob mentality can take us in a bad direction. It may be hard to stand up for what we believe in a group. It may be easier to go along to get along than to stand alone.

There is power in groups, but wherever there is power it can be wielded in negative and positive ways.

Many groups that have the power to make life decisions for others don’t ever have to live out the consequences. Frances Fox Piven

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin

The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Groups lift us up and we lift up others. There is power in being part of a group.

There is power in being part of a group. Groups lift us up and we lift up others.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else. Booker T. Washington

Today is the day that school starts in earnest. I am happy this September to have new projects to work on, new things to learn, and new goals to accomplish. One of the things I haven’t done in my life enough is set goals. Not setting a goal when I started Secrets and silence in 2012 was probably the way to go then. I had so much to learn and my first novel sits behind me in a binder, too convoluted to do anything with, or so I tell myself.

We don’t have to put our first halting work out into the world. We can keep it safely stowed away and build on what we learned. It was fun to join our zoom Writers Group and be able to hold a copy of my published novel up to the camera.

Yesterday out for a walk I ran into a neighbor I’ve known her since she was four and she is the same age as my son. She finally got her bridal party together for the wedding she’s planning for next May. At the end of our conversation, I finally said, “I have some news, I published a book.” She said, “You should have led with that.”

It isn’t easy being our own publicity department. I’m glad I mentioned it or instead I would be thinking why didn’t I tell her what was new with me. We don’t want to be a braggart, but we also don’t want to hide our light under a bushel. Finding a balance between bragging and being humble may be hard. If we’ve accomplished something we have a right to be proud of it. Of course, this doesn’t mean someone wants us to go on endlessly about our accomplishments and act like no one else accomplishes anything.

Can we own our accomplishments humbly and give praise and recognition where it is due? This is one of the things I love about the Writers Group we have members who have published quite a few books, and members who have published none. We have spoken word artists who are very accomplished. It is a great group and encourages each of us to do our best work and take the next step.

If everyone is moving forward together, then success takes care of itself. Henry Ford

This is where some of the power comes from in groups. We are encouraged to do things we wouldn’t do if we weren’t in a group. In our book club we read books we wouldn’t choose on our own and we discuss them. As we see people a little farther down the path than us we realize we can do it too, if we just keep taking that next step. Some people are finding it hard to write at this time and being encouraged by the group and especially by our leader who has gone through many challenges and continues to encourage us to do our best is helpful. We can all use an encouraging word and a pat on the back.

Finding a group that supports us in our growth is powerful. Being part of a group where we can support others is good for us too. We can share our knowledge with people who are interested in how we did something, how they can adapt it to their situation, and how they can take the next step. Sometimes we are the ones getting encouragement and sometimes we are the ones giving it. One of the best mutual support groups is a good marriage. We encourage and are encouraged by our spouse to reach our goals and make our dreams come true.

If we aren’t part of a group can we find one that encourages our growth as we encourage others to grow?

It is literally true that you can succeed best and quickest by helping others to succeed. Napolean Hill

Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life. Amy Poehler

You need to be aware of what others are doing, applaud their efforts, acknowledge their successes, and encourage them in their pursuits. When we all help one another, everybody wins. Jim Stovall

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Secrets and Silence: What if your biggest secret became public? Paperback – Large Print, Aug. 29 2020

by Belynda Wilson Thomas (Author)

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Secret ingredients in cakes, life, and friendships. Are we looking for the secret ingredient to a better life?

Are we looking for the secret ingredient to a better life? Secret ingredients in cakes, life, and friendships.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

The best love is the one that makes you a better person, without changing you into someone other than yourself. Unknown

On Tuesday evening we had our first in-person book club meeting in the back yard of one of our members. It was our first get together since March. The hostess baked a cake and said we had to guess the secret ingredient. We guessed everything we could think of, but the secret ingredient was tomato soup. This was an old recipe and tomato soup was used in place of eggs and butter. She thought it in keeping with the book we were reading written in 1915 “Of Human Bondage,” by W. Somerset Maugham.

Someone brought a bottle of wine, most of us hadn’t tried and it was delicious. One of our members we haven’t seen for a while came late. “I really missed you guys,” she said. We have really missed each other. We talked about all kinds of things some members have children going back to school and university. One member’s sister-in-law was starting to go into labor and she was being allowed in the delivery room. The lady who brought the wine asked her husband to come and get the car so she could drink. He and her daughter showed up to get the car and he brought more wine.

We sat in the fresh cold August evening air with shawls around us to keep warm, laughing, and talking.  Zoom meetings have been good but nothing beats meeting in person. No one finished the book so we are meeting again next month for the same book. Hopefully, it will be in someone else’s back yard, we have a volunteer to host.

Don’t stress about people copying you. Even if you give them the recipe, the sauce still won’t taste the same! You’re the secret ingredient!!! Unknown

What are the secret ingredients in our lives, friendships, and relationships? What is it that makes some relationships work, some friendships last lifetimes, and some people can put strange ingredients together and create masterpieces?

Our book club is a group of women who have come together over time. It isn’t a fit for everyone but those of us who have stayed find something in the book club we don’t find anywhere else. We can talk about things with the book club we might not feel comfortable sharing with others. Other people are too close to us, they are not close enough, or they aren’t interested. Somehow, the book club is perfect and it feeds our soul in ways no other relationship in our life does.

Groups are important in our lives. They support us in ways individual friends and family may have a hard time doing. If anyone is thinking of joining a group, join. Every group may not be the perfect fit. There is a group I’m a member of where I often feel like I’m on the outside looking in. Yet, I’ve remained a member and it is where the invite to the book club came from.

Groups support us in our growth, they encourage us in our struggles, and we learn things from other members. I watch my husband listening to online groups and I wonder what he gets out of it. If he sat in on my book club he might think the same thing. We need to find groups we feel we belong to, and of course, this can be dangerous if the group is not a positive one. A group gives us strength that what we are thinking is okay, if we aren’t thinking right and everyone agrees we can go down dark roads in groups being supported in negative thinking, behavior, and actions. We all need to be responsible for the groups we are a part of. We need to be willing to have a dissenting opinion in our groups or they might descend into something we don’t want.

Are the groups in our lives negative or positive? Should we join more groups or leave groups that are holding us back? Is there a secret ingredient other people are using in their lives that if we added to ours would make our lives better?

You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of. Jim Rohn

When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life. Jean Shinoda Bolen

The secret ingredient to true happiness? Decisive optimism and personal responsibility. Amy Leigh Mercree

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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A Book About Love Paperback – July 25 2017

by Jonah Lehrer (Author)4.6 out of 5 stars 16 ratings

Secrets and Silence: What if your biggest secret became public? by [Belynda Wilson Thomas]

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Secrets and Silence: What if your biggest secret became public? Kindle Edition

by Belynda Wilson Thomas (Author)  Format: Kindle Edition

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Seeking to understand and be understood. Are we willing to have difficult conversations over dinner?

Are we willing to have difficult conversations over dinner? Seeking to understand and be understood.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters. Unknown

Last night I should have been editing but I was scrolling through article after article and I came across one article on Race to Dinner. For $2500.00 white women are paying two women activists of color to come into their home and discuss race with a small group over dinner.

It sounds crazy on the face of it but many people don’t know who to talk to about these things. Talking about things is one of the ways we create understanding. We need more talking. We need to talk to all kinds of people about all kinds of things.

I said to my husband I’d like to talk to police officers about how easy it is for things to escalate. How many of them have come close to situations taking a turn for the worse that somehow, miraculously did not?

One of the reasons we like YouTube talks is we can listen to people talk about things. How much more would we like it if we could have a conversation with people where we could understand how they feel and they could understand our side of things?

We often steer clear of divisive conversations. One Christmas we ended up with two guests leaving because something was said about religion that I missed because I was busy cooking in the kitchen. Conversations may get heated if we talk about things we need to talk about. They may get so uncomfortable we need to leave and cool off. We may need to keep talking about them so we understand each other’s point of view. We may never completely agree but maybe through talking, we can understand their point of view and they can understand ours.

It is unlikely we will ever get over our bias of one kind or another. Being so polarized that we can’t talk about things is not good. We need to talk, we need to understand each other, and we need to heal.

You’re not learning anything unless you’re having the difficult conversations. Gwyneth Paltrow

Also last night an article about Syrian refugees in Germany came up. A small town in East Germany was about to lose their school. The Syrian refugees were coming into Germany and one of the people from the small town thought inviting some Syrian families to live in their small town would be the answer to the problem each group faced. Not everyone on both sides thought it was a good idea but they took the chance.

The East Germans in the village had felt disenfranchised in Germany during the reunification. They felt their experiences in East Germany didn’t seem to count. The elders had lived through a war. They had a lot in common with the Syrians as they got to know them. Each group taught the other what they knew and in a few years, they were a cohesive community. The people coming from Syria contributed to the community and together they made it better for everyone.

It may be easier to accomplish this in small communities. Part of our problem may be in big cities we don’t get to know people. We don’t get to see what they have to offer. Instead of getting to know them, we fear them and they fear us.

What if instead of steering clear of difficult conversations we discussed them over dinner with people who are different from ourselves? We seek to understand and be understood. We face up to the realities of life, we don’t expect it to be perfect, but we each work to make things better one conversation at a time. It isn’t about changing someone’s point of view so much as understanding it.

One way to have some of these conversations is through a book club. We read books on every subject and we can discuss issues through the lens of characters and it brings up experiences we have had. Some of the best conversations have been book club conversations.

Are we willing to have difficult, awkward, and disturbing conversations?

Be open to every uncomfortable, awkward, difficult conversation you will engage. Disturb the ground to grow. Then adjust the margin of grace. Dr. Octavious Bishop

Being taught to avoid talking about politics and religion has led to a lack of understanding of politics and religion. What we should have been taught was how to have a civil conversation about a difficult topic. Unknown

I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend. Thomas Jefferson

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Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.

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Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.  Audible Audiobook – Unabridged

Brené Brown (Author, Narrator), Random House Audio (Publisher)4.7 out of 5 stars 1,853 ratings

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Moments of truth. Being part of a group enriches our lives. Finding balance, dancing through life.

Being part of a group.enriches our lives. Moments of truth. Finding balance, dancing through life.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Never regret a day in your life: good days give happiness, bad days give experience, worst days give lessons, and best days give memories. Unknown

Yesterday I visited one of The Toastmaster Clubs in my area to do an “official” report as Area Director. They took the summer off and this was their first meeting back. It is a small corporate club which is about four years old. This is the first corporate club I’ve visited. It is the personalities of the people who make or break clubs. The President is amazing; the club appears to have a strong Executive and great club culture. They don’t have a large membership but it’s a fun club.

The President said in closing that many times he thinks he should cancel a meeting because of low expected attendance, or lack of time for organizing the meeting, but every time he feels better leaving the Toastmaster meeting than he did when he went in.

When being part of a group energizes and inspires us we know these are the groups we should be part of. These are the groups other people want to join.

Last night the book club met, we are not a big club, but we are a fun club who sometimes gets the book read. We are a sounding board for each other, we have ah-ha moments all the time as we discuss life.

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another. “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself…” C.S. Lewis

The more we are involved and engaged the more we enjoy life. If we want to belong to groups we need to be more than seat warmers. When we all do our part we can have wonderful organizations that enrich our lives.

We enjoy our lives more when we are involved, and engaged. The more we put into life, the more we get out of it. We can go too far, we can get so involved in Church, community groups, sports, etc. that we have little time to be engaged at home.  Finding balance is a challenge, and when our spouse feels that everything else in our life is more important than them, it is not good. Sometimes we have to cut back on our group activities to make time for family.

When we are involved in groups we have stories to tell, things to discuss, and our world opens up. We can bring more to our relationships. As long as our significant other doesn’t feel they are on the periphery instead of the center of our lives, being part of a group can be positive. When our spouse thinks everything else in our lives is more important than them it is a problem.

If we are too much just the two of us, we may feel our life is too small, our interests too insular, our view too narrow. We need to take stock of where we are in our life. Do we need more outside interaction or less? Do we need more outside interests or should we develop a shared interest? Are we forging ahead alone into uncharted territory?

Life is a dance, dancing is about balance and rhythm. We need to lead or follow, and we also have to hold our own in dancing and in life. What works in one stage of our life may not work in another. We must adapt to the changes, challenges, and stages of our life.

Do we have enough balance in our life? Do we need to take a good hard look at our life? Is it time for “Moments of Truth?” Where are we out of alignment with our values and goals? What is the tweak we need to make in our lives that would make us healthier, happier, improve our relationships, develop our interests, reach our goals, and leave a legacy?

Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, what are you doing for others? Martin Luther King Jr.

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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The Power of Eight: Harnessing the Miraculous Energies of a Small Group to Heal Others, Your Life, and the World Hardcover – Sep 26 2017

by Lynne McTaggart (Author) 4.8 out of 5 stars 9 customer reviews

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Escape rooms and team building. Are you up for a challenge?

Team building and escape rooms.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory. George Jesson

Last night a group of five of us went to an “Escape Room” as a team-building exercise. We had forty-five minutes to get out, and we could call for assistance three times. We got out before forty-five minutes were up and we didn’t use all of our assistance calls. None of us had been to an escape room before.

We were escaping from a plane crash. We had many combination locks to figure out. and we had to figure out the combinations from clues that were planted. When we got the first door open, it opened to a completely dark room, when one of our team found a battery to put in the flashlight we’d found when we unlocked one of the boxes we could see what we had to unlock to send out our SOS call for help. Then we had to unlock more locks to finally find cables to attach to a board using Morse code to locate the correct positions and the door opened. We needed almost all of our forty-five minutes.

It was a fun experience and different escape rooms will need different skill sets. Now that I’ve tried one it would be fun to try others where the challenges will be different. One of our members has specific training that helped us. We have picked up knowledge and skills in life that comes in handy. What kind of escape room is there that my particular skills would come in handy? It was a fun evening. It would be a great group activity for a birthday or other celebration.

People may be leaders in one situation and followers in another. With a team, everyone contributes something. There was a live snake in a cage in the room. We were told there was a live animal in the room. It might be a deal-breaker for one of my friends who can’t look at a picture of a snake. I wonder if they have had people who panicked and said let me out “now?”

We learn things about our self and other people when we are presented with challenges. Sometimes we rise to the occasion, sometimes we do not. We may think specific people will take charge, but someone else may be the one.

If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.  Unknown

It’s not the mountain we conquer but ourselves. Edmund Hillary

This would be a great experience for couples. Can they work together to figure things out? Would this be a good challenge for couples on the cusp of marriage? What might we learn about our self, or someone else?

We don’t know how we’ll react in situations until we are actually in them. This is a way of putting ourselves in situations we’ve never been in before. We can face the challenges we’ve never faced.

Some escape room managers say they see the same people come and bring different dates. It would be a fun experience for the date, and the person bringing them knows how to solve the clues, so they look like a hero. Everyone wins. Don’t we take someone dancing where we know the dance?

On a blog, someone says they have played 100 escape room games. It is easy to see how once one has experienced one, another, and another, and another might be calling to us. They each have their own theme, and different knowledge and skillsets are required to figure out the clues and beat the game. If these escape rooms are set up so 30 percent of the players get out within the allotted time then we may think if I’d done that sooner, or got that clue quicker? Let me try another one. If we find the right escape room maybe we will be the star of our team, the one that cracked the code no one else could get.

What does it take to be the mastermind to set up the games? How profitable are they? A group was finishing when we arrived. A group was going in after us.

I worked with two brothers who started a paintball business when paintball wars were all the rage. They said they had a trunk full of paintball guns in their trunk when the Pope was here on a visit. If they got stopped by the police they would have looked like assassins up to no good.

Are you looking for a new fun experience? There is probably an escape room near you. You may learn something about yourself and those you go with.

Keep challenging yourself. That’s the only way forward in life. Unknown      

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, adventure, and love.

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Escape the Game: How to Make Puzzles and Escape Rooms Paperback – Aug 3 2016

by Adam Clare (Author), Samet Choudhury (Illustrator) 3.3 out of 5 stars 3 customer reviews

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Being part of a group. Finding balance in our lives. Moments of truth.

Moments of truth. Being part of a group. Finding balance in our lives.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. Carl Sandburg

Last night I went to the Horticultural Society meeting. I learned that one of the local Horticultural Societies has closed down because they couldn’t get enough board members. Our society needs board members as well. It might be time to step up. Volunteer groups can’t do much without volunteers.

When I first joined the society twenty years ago I jumped into the Secretary role, moved up to Vice President and then life got busier and I dropped off my volunteering. I attend with a friend, but we are just seat warmers. We need seat warmers but we also need volunteers that make volunteer organizations work. In all organizations, there are a few souls who do most of the heavy lifting. They are so good at it, so committed, so capable we let them, but they can and will only do it for so long. We need new blood; new volunteers or these organizations falter and fail.

Some roles are heavy but some are not very demanding at all, but these roles still need to be filled or organizations can be lost to us. It is harder to get something restarted than if we can keep it going. If we’ve become a group that just shows up to hear a speaker, and eat cookies we aren’t a very strong club. I left the meeting wondering what happened. I know what happened, too many of us are sitting on the sidelines, only showing up to hear a speaker, eat cookies, and warm a seat. As much as I hate to admit it, I have become that member too.

The Horticultural Society was the first group I joined. I needed to get involved, meet more people because we were working from home and my circle was getting too small. The camaraderie of fellow workers was gone, as it was just my husband and me in our small business. From the Horticultural Society, I was asked to join a book club which is still thriving. Then in 2016, I joined Toastmasters and last year I joined a Writers Group. As I’ve joined other groups more aligned with my interests my involvement with the Horticultural Society diminished.

The Horticultural Society needs more than a board member but it really needs board members and since it isn’t too big of a commitment, I think I’ll put my name forward. To get heavily involved in the Horticultural Society when it isn’t aligned with my bigger goals, and there is only so much time and energy, doesn’t make sense.

When you doubt your power. You give power to your doubt. Unknown

If we want groups to belong to, we’ll have to be more than seat warmers. If we all do our part we can have wonderful organizations that enrich our lives. Without volunteers, we don’t. We can’t always look at someone else to do it; sometimes we have to put up our hand. I enjoyed the Horticultural Society more when I was involved.

We enjoy our life more when we are involved, and engaged. What does being involved and engaged mean? The more we put into all areas of life, the more we get out of it. We can go too far, we can get so involved in the community we become less engaged at home. This is not good, we always need to put family, fitness, health, and work first, but there is still a place for community involvement. We can have achievements in community groups, and sports organizations that we don’t get in any other area of our life. Being involved in groups leads to fuller, richer lives.

My mother once said she didn’t want to belong to groups that wanted all of her. She has a point; we have to be our own control board. We have to develop boundaries so our involvement doesn’t take over our life.

When we are involved in groups we have stories to tell, things to discuss, and more to bring to our relationships. We need to be careful our significant other doesn’t feel they are on the periphery of our life, that everything else is more important than them.

If we are too much just the two of us, we may feel our life is too small, our interests too insular, our view too narrow. We may need to evaluate our life, do we need more outside interaction or more time with our significant other and family? Life is a dance, dancing is about balance and rhythm. What worked in one stage of our life, may not work in another. We must adapt to the changes, and stages of our life.

Do we have enough balance in our life? Do we need to take a good hard look at our life, is it time for “Moments of Truth”? Where are we out of alignment with our goals?  What is the tweak we need to make in our lives that would make us healthier, happier, improve our relationships, develop our interests, reach our goals, and leave a legacy?

I’m always tweaking, always trying to make it better, constantly moving the levers and dials. Steve Ellis

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, balance, and love.

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Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead Paperback – Apr 4 2017

by Brené Brown (Author) 4.5 out of 5 stars 86 customer reviews

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Finding meaning in our everyday life. Enjoying the moments means enjoying life.

Enjoying the moments means enjoying life. Finding meaning in our every day life.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

There is not one big cosmic meaning for all; there is only the meaning we each give to our life, an individual meaning, an individual plot, like an individual novel, a book for each person. Anais Nin

This morning I barely catch my daughter to say “Good morning” before she rushes out the door. It was a moment we would have missed if I came downstairs a few minutes later.

“Would you prefer breakfast or dinner for Mother’s day?”

“Breakfast.”

“Breakfast is better, then we can relax”, she says before leaving for work.

A small little conversation, a moment in time, a moment in our memory, these small moments is how we build our life.

“Do you want to go for breakfast,” my husband asks. We love breakfast on Friday mornings. The work week is finishing, we are a little more relaxed. I might have a few stories from Toastmasters to tell him over breakfast. We laugh, talk about what’s going on in the world, our plans for this weekend, or whatever is coming up.

Being part of a group gives us something to learn, skills to hone, and we develop ourselves in other areas. We have more to give to our partner when we return home.  We learn what others are doing in their lives, we learn where they’ve traveled, the places they’ve been they enjoyed the most.

Life is meant to be fun, and joyous and fulfilling. May each of yours be that. Jim Henson

In a group like Toastmaster’s we see people develop as speakers, they become more animated as they speak. The people who join Toastmasters are often shy but not always. We all have skills we want to develop and things we want to learn. Being part of a group of people whose intent is bettering themselves encourages all of us to go after our dreams, take more chances, and look on challenges as opportunities. When we discover our strengths, we find the courage we didn’t know we had to go after what we want. We get clearer in what we want as we spend time with people making goals, talking about their challenges, vulnerabilities, and successes.

We have been as touched by some of the speeches at Toastmasters as by great Ted Talks. We don’t know the challenges people have dealt with. When we hear about some of the World events through the eyes of those who lived through them, we get a different understanding than when we hear only the news or read about it in a book.

We’ve heard speeches about “The Arab Spring,” the great famine in China, marriage customs from around the world. How people deal with death in their families, the lessons they’ve learned through hard times. We learn tricks and tips for being healthier. I’m looking forward to hearing a talk on what it’s like to run the Boston Marathon.

After Toastmaster’s we often go out for a drink, a nibble, but really for conversation. We love to laugh and learn more about each other’s lives. Anywhere people congregate in groups, Church, or work are places to connect with like-minded people.

We need to be careful to keep or find balance in our life; we can let groups take control of our life if we can’t say no. It is not good for our partner to play second fiddle to a group. If we can keep it in balance our primary relationship will benefit from what we get from a group.

Are we spending too much time or not enough time with other like-minded people? Are we spending enough time with our spouse? Do we have enough “moments” with the important people in our life? This is our life if we only get one, are we making it the best it can be?

It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see the other and honor him for what he is. Hermann Hesse

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, friendship, and love.

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The Bond: How to Fix Your Falling-Down World Paperback – Jun 5 2012

by Lynne McTaggart (Author) 4.1 out of 5 stars 11 customer reviews

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