Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it. Henry David Thoreau

One of the things we learn in life is there is a price for everything. There is a price for doing and a price for not doing. What we do for others we do for ourselves, which means when we treat others well we feel good about ourselves and when we don’t treat others well it will come back to bite us. Jordan Peterson tells us we don’t get away with anything.

When we look around we think people are getting away with things, and if we watch social media some of the most outrageous people get the most views. We need to be careful who we emulate, who we hold up as role models, and who we follow. I have always believed pimps are the lowest form of life, because they take innocent people (mostly girls) with a life in front of them and turn them into prostitutes and now cam girls, and one of the ways they do it is the lover boy technique.

If anyone says they want to make someone fall in love with them so they will do anything they want them to do, we know it isn’t something good, and certainly isn’t something that will be good for the young woman’s life.

One of the antidotes to men exploiting young women is strong fathers. One of the things our fathers teach us is to be self-reliant, to be able to look after ourselves and be willing to work to better our situation, and not to let people make you feel you owe them anything.

 When we think things are too good to be true they usually are, and if someone isolates someone from their family, makes someone dependent on them, and then asks them to do the unthinkable, and introduces them to women already doing it who tell them it’s good or at least not that bad and they’ll make a lot of money, they won’t be told he will be getting most of the money, and they are now basically slaves.

Slavery still exists, but now it applies only to women and its name is prostitution. Victor Hugo

The sex trade seems to be bigger than ever, and Romeo pimps are roaming the streets and online looking for our daughters and granddaughters. What can we do? It seems it is mostly older guys going after young girls, some of these girls are in group homes and when they run away with their wonderful boyfriends is when the pimp has them in their clutches.

The breakdown of the family is our biggest problem and where children become vulnerable. If we can’t build strong families how will we lessen the victimization of our children? We might not be able to do anything about huge societal problems but we can perhaps do something in our own families. If we can keep the lines of communication open, let our children and grandchildren know that even if they make a mistake, trust the wrong person, or go down a path they are ashamed of they can always come home.

If we let them know they can turn over a new leaf in life, turn their lives around, and build a better future we give those that prey on our children and grandchildren less of a hold on them. If someone can make our children or grandchildren feel so bad about themselves they can never be forgiven for the choices they’ve made or been forced into, they are putty in the hands of those wanting to exploit them.

Even pimps can turn over a new leaf, and forgiveness is open to everyone. But a pimp that pretends to reform or makes it seem like being a pimp is empowering might be the most dangerous one of all. There are men teaching other men how to become pimps online.

When we become enamored with people with money we need to ask how they made it. What did they do to get it, and what are they asking us to do to get ours? Some people want to make the sex trade acceptable, if it were respectable it would already be acceptable. If we have to sell our soul to do something the price is too high, no matter how much money we make or the lifestyle we acquire. Is it money that’s the root of all evil, or the willingness to do anything for money, to sell our soul for money, or to make someone else sell their soul for money, that makes it evil?

In reality, victims of human trafficking are often left voiceless and completely unseen by society. Elise Stefanik

Children are the most vulnerable and susceptible to become victims of human trafficking. Asa Don Brown

During the grooming process, a sex trafficking situation can start out looking a lot like a romantic relationship before the exploitation begins. Aura Freedom

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Thank you to those who read my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

There are downsides to everything; there are unintended consequences to everything. Steve Jobs

“I’m not accusing you, but…” a young boy stood on our front step Tuesday evening showing me his phone which showed his missing earbuds were at our address. On the screen in big black letters, was our address.

The earbuds were taken out of his backpack at school, he said, but it isn’t one of our local schools. No one in our area goes to his school. No one in our house is of school age, but there on his phone is our address. He and his father leave, and we are left with a mystery. Why is our address on his phone the location of his missing earbuds?

Last night his mother showed up. We go through the same information, but now the earbud tracker is dead and the last known location on the phone is our address at three o’clock pm on Tuesday.

Evidence like this could get someone in real trouble. What if the item missing was more valuable than a pair of earbuds? What if the police were called? What if the earbud tracker quit working at the precise time it went past our house in a vehicle, and that is why it shows our address? There is an explanation and I believe both of our stories are true, those earbuds must have been by our house at 3:00 pm on Tuesday to register our address, and we don’t have anything to do with the missing earbuds.

If a tracker in a vehicle registers as being at an address when it is in a vehicle traveling on a road there are all kinds of ways this can point fingers at innocent people, and the accusers might not always be willing to believe what they are seeking is not at said address.

Technology always has unforeseen consequences, and it is not always clear, at the beginning, who or what will win, and who or what will lose. Neil Postman

Situations get out of control over seemingly benign things, tempers get heated, things get said, and actions get taken because people with an address on their phone don’t believe what they are seeking isn’t at the address their device says it is. What if a missing child’s tracker showed their last known location as our address because the vehicle whisking them away drove past our house?

Technology is wonderful and knowing we can locate missing items might make us feel good until we are on a stranger’s doorstep saying, “I’m not accusing you, but…” As we’ve seen in the news, showing up at the wrong stranger’s house can have dire consequences.

Tracking devices can and are used in nefarious ways, and seemingly innocent things can have devastating consequences. As a society are we equipped to deal with what our technology brings, both the good and the bad?

One of the great mistakes is to judge policies and programs by their intentions rather than their results. Milton Friedman

The law of unintended consequences is the only real law of history. Niall Ferguson

Fear makes come true that which one is afraid of. Viktor E. Frankl

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to everyone that reads my books, and a special thank you to those that leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Happiness depends on ourselves. Aristotle

I’ve been listening to Tony Robbins, and he tells us he knows what makes us unhappy and what makes us happy. He tells us we are unhappy when the life story (blueprint) we have for ourselves doesn’t mesh with the reality of our lives. When our life is far different from what we expected it to be, we are not happy.

We have two choices, we can change our expectations, or we can change our life. Sometimes we have to make huge adjustments in our life and change our expectations because the reality is the dream we had for ourselves is never going to happen.

We may look at people who have huge accomplishments but still aren’t happy, and we see people with seemingly small achievements that are very happy. One strategy to find happiness is to continually improve and to see progress in our lives. He tells us we may need post-traumatic growth. We need to grow through adversity, and when we do we will realize we are stronger than we thought we were. We can deal with more than we thought we could and we know we can deal with what lies ahead.

How easy is it to manage our expectations? One of the problems we have is our expectations of other people, but we don’t have any control over other people. The person we get to change is ourselves but often we want to change others. If they would just… then we would be happy. If other people have to change for us to be happy, chances are we will never be happy. We have to accept others as they are, but we don’t have to let them have control of our lives, we can give up our expectations for them to be different than what they are, and accept them as they are, just as they need to accept us as we are.

Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions. Dalai Lama

It all sounds so easy when we are listening to someone talk about some of the biggest challenges in life. What if people are really not doing what they should be doing? That is still their business and not ours. What if they are living in our house? We can live with them and love it, we can live with them and hate it, we can leave, or they can leave, but what we can’t do is make them change to be what we think they should be.

If we expect less of others and more of ourselves it seems better than the reverse. We can change the way we look at things, we can change the practices in our lives, and we can change the groups we belong to. We may find when we leave people be, to make their own decisions and lead their own lives they figure things out.

We may be unhappy that we haven’t reached our goals, but maybe that goal isn’t part of our destiny. Maybe adversity is part of what we have to go through to become who we are to become. We might not like the adversity, but we might like knowing we could get through the hard parts of life, and know we can meet the challenges in the future.

Is it true when we change the way we look at things the things we look at change?

For just one second, look at your life and see how perfect it is. Stop looking for the next secret door that is going to lead you to your real life. Stop waiting. This is it: there’s nothing else. It’s here, and you’d better decide to enjoy it or you’re going to be miserable wherever you go, for the rest of your life, forever. Lev Grossman

Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort. Franklin D. Roosevelt

One is happy as a result of one’s own efforts once one knows the necessary ingredients of happiness: simple tastes, a certain degree of courage, self-denial to a point, love of work, and above all, a clear conscience. George Sand

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to everyone that reads my books, and a special thank you to those that leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the purchase price through the Amazon affiliate program.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Honesty is often very hard. The truth is often painful. But the freedom it can bring is worth the trying. Fred Rogers

Life is about growth, which means as long as we are living we are continuing to grow. Not all growth is good, cancer is growing. I’m wondering as I write this if ideas are sometimes good like normal growth and sometimes bad like cancer. We don’t all agree on what are good ideas and what ideas we might consider cancer.

I was listening to Joyce Meyer and she looked at her audience and said, “There’s two of us.” Then went on to explain the two sides of ourselves constantly fighting for supremacy. One is selfish, short-sighted, mean-spirited, and out for ourselves. The other is kind, generous, open-hearted, and good.

Where does self-interest come into this? What if we put someone else’s self-interest first to the detriment of our own, is that still good? What if we are trying to make amends for the past by putting someone else’s children’s interests ahead of our own children? What if we build up resentment in our children by trying to atone for sins they never committed? Are we still building a better society?

Fair seems to be a double-edged sword, because what is fair? How do we make it fair for people who never had the advantages other people have had? Is this even something we should try and do? People have risen from very humble beginnings and others have fallen from great heights. When we set up competitions we can try and make them as fair as possible but we can never make up for the advantages or disadvantages people got at birth, and sometimes people turn what looked like a disadvantage into an advantage, and what looks like advantages sometimes don’t end up to be advantageous at all.

The truth is rarely pure and never simple. Oscar Wilde

When I look at my beautiful grandson I envision a future for him, but I don’t know what that future will be. I have to be careful I don’t look only at the negative or only at the positive of what can be. What would make our society better for our children than what we have built? Are we so sure we know how to make it better?

We do have to take steps into the unknown as we deal with the challenges we face. We should try and make the world better but let’s not think that isn’t what our ancestors were trying to do, and what they built is an accomplishment, even if it isn’t perfect. No one will look back on our time and think we were perfect either. Most people are doing the best they know how to do, when they know better they will do better. Getting better at anything is a forward-and-back struggle that will look like a stock market chart over time, moving ever upward but with deep downturns in its midst.

Unintended consequences come out of our good intentions and good sometimes comes out of what was meant for evil. Mom repeats James Truslow Adams’ quote often, “There is so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad in the best of us, that it ill behooves any of us to find fault with the rest of us.”

It is easy to say but not easy to live. How can others not see what we see, it’s so obvious, and they are looking at us thinking the same thing, how are we not seeing what they are seeing? We can fight almost to the death to make our point and still never see the other person’s point of view. How do we see someone else’s point of view when ours is so right?

I say to my husband all the time, “The truth is the truth, but his truth and my truth aren’t the same.” I think we have some inconvenient truths we have to deal with, but others think that is only your opinion, and your opinion is not better than my opinion. Even truths that seem incontrovertible to some are up for dispute. We live in interesting times, and I sometimes wonder what historians will make of this.

In a time of universal deceit – telling the truth is a revolutionary act. Unknown

Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth. Buddha

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe. Andy Rooney

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to everyone that reads my books. A special thank you to those that leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate link.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

When someone is rude, keep a smile on your face. When you stay on the high road and keep your joy, you take away their power. Joel Osteen

Sometimes we do things and then because we did them we get pushed to do them again. What is the point when we are being pushed unfairly and we are unreasonable in not wanting to be pushed at all?

Sometimes I wonder whose interests are paramount. When do we give in to get along and it’s okay, and when do we need to stand firm? I’m not sure it matters what the issue is. No matter the issue we always wrestle with how much compromise is okay and how much is too much. When are we giving in to someone else’s demands at the danger of betraying our own beliefs, values, and good judgment? When does standing up for what we feel is unfair or defaming our character, go too far? When does standing up cause the problem we were hoping to avoid?

One of the things I’ve learned is that getting defensive doesn’t work. It is really hard not to want to defend ourselves when we feel unjustly accused. Being honest is not the same as being defensive and conflict allows for reconnection but it can be very messy as we connect, rupture, protest, repair, and reconnect over and over again. The two most important steps of an “ideal conflict” are protest and repair. It is during the moments of protest and repair that we build faith in the resiliency of the relationship. We need to work through our conflicts openly but not publicly.

If we don’t work through our conflicts they don’t go away, we deal with them indirectly and we have just seen one dealt with through the courts. We are wired to defend ourselves, and to connect with someone we need to remain generous and understanding of the other person throughout our relationship or we may end up in a very bitter situation. We may be tempted to withdraw but this is not helpful and leads to disconnection which harms the relationship further. Experts tell us sometimes when we least feel like reaching out to our loved ones to reconnect is when we should take the risk, and the result will pay off much more than isolating ourselves.

Ten percent of conflict is due to differences in opinion and ninety percent is due to delivery and tone of voice. Unknown

None of us are perfect we will do and say things that will cause problems in our relationships. We need to be okay with our own imperfections and the imperfections of others. How do we learn to listen to our partner lament about our shortcomings without getting defensive so we don’t seem emotionally unavailable or untrustworthy?

I don’t think I respond well to criticism. But, I don’t think I perceive every situation as an attack like some people who are too sensitive. What is the perfect degree of sensitivity? We carry a lot of baggage with us from childhood and the feeling we have to defend ourselves is hardwired into us. This impulse causes a lot of damage to our relationships. We need to be willing to talk about our issues openly so they can be dealt with because if we don’t talk about what bothers us we smolder with resentment and that doesn’t get us anywhere.

We are told to learn to hear our partner’s complaints about us with curiosity and openness. We can if we are brave enough take a good look at their complaints and see if we can become a better version of ourselves. Life is a growth opportunity and there will be room for growth throughout our lives. We will never reach perfection and perhaps we shouldn’t feel the need to defend ourselves that we aren’t perfect yet, if we can honestly say we think most of the time we do our best.  

Good luck with this; it’s a hard one for me to be curious about.

There is never a reason to be defensive. If you are wrong you have no defense. If you are right you need no defense. Unknown

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure that you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. Unknown

Sometimes, not saying anything is the best answer. You see, silence can never be misquoted. Unknown

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you for reading my books, a special thank you to those who leave a review on Amazon and Goodreads. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

The worst distance between two people is misunderstanding. Unknown

We all make mistakes in life and some of them will impact our lives in big ways. Listening to Pastor Mark Hughes of Church of the Rock yesterday he told the story of twin brothers who were left their father’s hardware store. One day one of them sold an item for one dollar but he didn’t put it in the cash register he left it on the counter. When he came back to the front of the store the dollar was gone. He accused his brother of stealing it. The brother said, “I didn’t see a dollar on the front counter.”

This went on with each thinking they were right until they weren’t speaking to each other. They put tape down the middle of the store, put a cash register on each side of the store, and didn’t speak to each other for twenty years.

One day a man came into the store and said, “I’d like to speak to you two gentlemen. Twenty years ago, I was down and out and I saw a dollar on the counter and I took it. I’ve recently turned my life around and I’d like to make amends by giving you back your dollar.” He handed them a dollar. The two brothers embraced and cried the answer to the mystery now known, but they wasted twenty years.

On Dr. Phil the other day he had a couple on. The husband is accusing his wife of sleeping with three presidents, Obama, Trump, and Biden plus 97 other men. She says he is the only man she has ever been with. Dr. Phil said to the man, “I believe, you believe what you are saying. I also believe what your wife says is true.”

How do we handle things when we know for sure something is true and the other person is adamant we are wrong? Do we not speak to them for twenty years, get a divorce, or try to find an answer that makes sense?

When nails grow long, we cut nails not fingers. Similarly when misunderstandings grow up, cut your ego, not your relationships. Unknown

The problem in the hardware store was not so much the missing dollar as the brother’s refusal to believe his brother didn’t steal it. In the couple’s case, the wife is trying to get help for her delusional husband, who up until this point has been a good husband and father, they have a baby in the hospital with heart problems. She is hoping Dr. Phil and others can get to the root of his delusion and she can get her husband back.

That is an extreme case and of course, we all got a laugh when we heard he thinks she’s slept with three presidents which shows how delusional he is. But, we have many situations that may arise where we or someone else believe things, but they aren’t the way we think they are. We took offense to something that wasn’t meant. We heard or understood something that wasn’t meant the way we heard or understood it. We are willing to believe the worst instead of the best possible explanation.

How many relationships are ruined because of misunderstandings, misinterpretations of events, words, or situations? Even if we forgive someone for what we think they did, can they forgive us for thinking they did it?

Can we find dignity in what we know to be true even if people don’t believe we are virtuous, honest, and fair-minded? Can we not let our dignity get in the way of the relationship? If there is an answer can we look for it, can we at least be open to there being an explanation that isn’t just we are right and the other person is wrong?

 A single moment of misunderstanding is so poisonous, that it makes us forget the hundred lovable moments spent together within a minute. Unknown

Misunderstandings, if left unsolved, will push people so far apart that they might never come together again. Unknown

And I have again observed, my dear friend, in this trifling affair, that misunderstandings and neglect occasion more mischief in the world than even malice and wickedness. At all events, the two latter are of less frequent occurrence. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you will come back and read some more. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, see archives or categories of posts click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you to everyone that reads my books. A special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.