Courage to feel. Finding courage to love.

Courage to love - Purple petunias photo by Belynda Wilson Thomas

 

“Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.”
― Maya Angelou

“Don’t be afraid of your fears. They’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it.”
― C. JoyBell C.

I was talking with my husband, daughter and son yesterday about people who don’t have the courage to commit. It is understandable you don’t want to get your heart broken. You don’t want to end up paying child support and not see your child.

It is a small group of women who take men to the cleaners. The law and government help them do it. Men and women both are capable of destroying each other. Most of us want to find someone to love, build a family and a life with. Sometimes marriages don’t work out and divorce is the only way forward. It is good to think it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Sometimes we are so focused on not building the life we don’t want, we don’t build the life we want. Don’t hit the tree thinking has us hit the tree. We need to have goals for our life and family. We tell our self we will get married once, we won’t get a divorce. Only half of that decision is ours. We hear about people who swear they will never become the abuser, the drinker, the gambler, the cheat.

For some people this works because they set the goal of what they do want to be. For some it doesn’t because the focus is on not being something instead of on being something. I believe we get what we focus on. We need to find something positive to focus on in each area and phase of our life.

It’s quite a different thing to say I don’t want to be old and lonely, than to build a life where that is unlikely to happen. Building friendships and relationships with family means you have to put yourself out there get involved. Our circle naturally gets smaller unless we make an effort to continue to make it bigger.

Finding a group of like minded people for many of us is the answer. Even if we have the best partner in the world they can’t be the be all and end all of our life. When we have outside interests we bring something back to the relationship.

When we have outside relationships we have people there for us when the worst happens. Other people inspire us and put together group activities we can join. A group from Toastmasters ran and walked in the CIBC run for the cure yesterday. This happened because it was organized by someone. We are having monthly dinners because we started a Fun Club.

It can be a Church group, social group, community group, or any group. Many groups are always looking for new members and are there to welcome you. Many are very low cost if any cost at all. Whatever your interest there is probably a group out there waiting for your contribution.

“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.”
― Maya Angelou

Build a life you love. Find the passion and purpose that feeds your spirit. Focus on the things that build you and other people up. Join groups of like minded positive people that do positive things in the community and world. Get involved in helping others.

Trust that if you meet the love of your life, you will be strong enough to live through the ups and downs of life. Take a chance on life; take a chance on love if and when the opportunity presents itself.

We all take a chance on love if we love someone. You think divorce is the worst thing? What if your beloved gets sick? What if your child is not healthy? You can’t control these things. You have to take the step and have faith you are strong enough to deal with what will be.

That’s all any of us have, all at any point in our life can do. We take a chance on life, love, the future. If we don’t take the chance we live a narrow little life protecting our selves from what might happen instead of finding out what will.

There are no guarantees that if you love her she will love you back. There are no guarantees a loved one won’t be ripped out of your life too early. Would you rather never feel anything than feel love and loss? You won’t feel loss if you never have anything to lose. A life with nothing to lose isn’t much of a life.

You think you couldn’t get through the pain and grief that might come. You think that, but it isn’t true. We all can get through what we must. On the other side of the unimaginable is still a life worth living. We are stronger than we think we are. Don’t run from life, embrace it. Grab on and live through all life has to offer.

If you take a chance on love and life, I doubt you’ll regret it. If you don’t, I’m sure you will. Take the chance! Find the courage to live your life. Really live it.

A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.”
― John A. Shedd

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Living in truth and honesty. The truth will set us free. Living a lie gets us nothing but heartache and misery.

Photo of two hibiscus by Belynda Wilson Thomas

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“The first principle is that you must not fool yourselfand you are the easiest person to fool.”Richard Feynman

It isn’t always easy to tell the truth. People have committed suicide because they didn’t know how to tell the truth. How do we come to grips with who we really are, what the circumstances of our life really are?

Being our self, accepting our imperfections, is part of living the “good life.”

I think we can live with almost any reality if we accept it.

When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits anything that kept me small. My judgement called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving. Kim McMillen    

We need to ask our self some hard questions. What is this reaction of mine trying to tell me? What do I need to take head on?

We need to become radical acceptors of reality. It is when we do this we become powerful. We cannot change what we don’t or won’t acknowledge. With knowledge comes power. We may think deceiving others is bad but it is the lies we tell our self that do the most damage.

I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do. Brene Brown

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