Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas
I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again. Eric Roth
A year ago I was contemplating creating a blog. It was in the works but I hadn’t posted anything yet. There were possibilities but no realities. At some point, we just have to do. We can’t continue getting ready; the dress rehearsal we’ve been living has to turn into actually doing. The journey needs to actually begin.
Starting anything makes us question are we doing the right thing? We won’t know if we don’t try. Does that mean we should try every hair-brained scheme that pops into our head? Last night we were watching TV and American women were going to various parts of the world to marry men. One of them went to India where her new husband or soon to be husband is thirty years younger than herself. He told her he quit his job “so he could help her settle in.” She said she had six months savings and wondered what would happen. What security did she now have? She was wondering if she would be able to get a job in India. Maybe her savings will go so much further in India that it is actually a good decision.
Another older woman was leaving her son in America and traveling to the Middle East to get married. The son wondered if he would ever see his mother again. How will these adventures turn out for these women? I hope well, but one has to doubt the wisdom of these decisions with retirement looming. How do they rebuild if they are just being used for their resources? I question anytime I see a thirty-year-old man marrying a sixty-year-old woman, “for love.”
Maybe I’m just a “material girl.” It’s always been important to me where I would be staying, how I would live. My husband was asking me the other day about staying in a bad situation and I wouldn’t give him a “Well I’d just leave.” It was important to me even in our scenario to know, what leaving and going forward looks like.
Oprah said, “One of the fears women fear most is ending up as a bag lady.” I think she’s right. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush is an old saying I grew up with.
The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience. Eleanor Roosevelt
We can be too careful, and we can take too many risks. How do we know when we are being too careful, or too risk-averse? When are we throwing caution to the wind with a good outcome unlikely? Listening to that still small voice can be hard. I signed the contract on a condo when that still small voice told me it wasn’t a good idea, the market went down. How many people have been scared to get into hot housing markets that have continued roaring? There are corrections and had we not been in the situation of a business and two children in a condo we would have weathered the downturn. In a downturn, the house we eventually bought was a better price also. In the end, it was probably a wash.
If I were single at my age and a young thirty-year-old wanted to marry me would I get swept off my feet? Would I take a chance on love? Would I take the call to adventure, or get a cat? That he might love what he thinks I have instead of just me, well let’s face it men have gotten young women this way forever. It works for some men; maybe it will work for some women.
I was watching an old rerun of friends and one of the girls was dating an older successful man and he said he would be willing to have children with her because he didn’t want to lose her. She said, ” I’m not okay with you being “willing.” I want someone that wants to have children with me. The problem with the older women/younger man is that isn’t even an option. Willing or not, there will be no children. It is one of the reasons I can’t see it working. When young women marry older successful men, they get his success for their children. They don’t take a chance on a young man with a future, they step into ready-made success.
Young men with older women give up a future if the legacy of children is part of what we consider an important part of our future that is. What we get out of marriage are our children and a loving partnership. If the loving partnership doesn’t work out we still have our children, our legacy.
It’s why young women can’t waste their good childbearing years, on flakey men. Men have the luxury of time; we do not, at least not in our early years.
We don’t know where life will take us. Adventure calls, will we accept? There must be a few questions we ask ourselves before we ditch everything. What is the worst that can happen, and can we live with that, should be two of the questions.
When we are a sixty-year-old woman and alone, how long does a love affair have to last, to be worth it? When we are a thirty-year-old man how long does the money have to last to be worth it?
Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts; it even breaks your heart. But that’s OK. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind. Anthony Bourdain
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