Loving is the answer to feeling truly, deeply loved and accepted.

Ask and It Shall Be Given - Photo of two swans by Belynda Wilson Thomas

It is the loving woman who feels loving, not the loved. Jessamyn West

What is love? Is it better to be loved or loving? Love is an action, a verb. We think we want to be loved, but we feel good by being loving. The more we give love, the more we feel loving. It is probably true in love as well as everything else it is more blessed to give than to receive. We may not be in control of getting love, but we are in control of giving love. This puts us in control of our life.

There are so many people, animals, causes to pour our love on. We can use soft words to turn away wrath. We can love first, we can forgive first. Our life is more in our control than we think. The sum of our relationships is our reaction to each other, in words, and in deeds. We make the choice how to react to situations. Our reaction sets in motion what someone else reacts to. We can ramp it up, or we can ramp it down. Our choice.

So often we don’t want to accept absolute responsibility for conversations, or hurt feelings we have. We don’t want to forgive. We don’t want to move on. We want to wallow in our pain. We want to lash out, we want to hurt. If we do it too much, we have words out there we can never take back.

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

Would we rather be right, or would we rather be happy? It seems we can’t have both. But we are right, we say. Even when we are, it isn’t helpful. Often what we are right about is splitting hairs so fine only the two disagreeing see the difference in what is being discussed. We don’t see everything the same way; we can’t see everything the same way. We have to agree to disagree. We have to compromise.

I say I’d rather be happy than right. I don’t always act that way, sometimes I say things that indicate I’d rather be right. I don’t use soft words; I use words and tones that ramp up the situation. It is easy to see what we should have done after the fact. How do we get to the point where we do it when it needs doing?

Our relationships are something apart from ourselves. A third entity shall we say. This entity becomes what we make it. I am not only talking about our romantic relationship but all relationships.  Each relationship in our life becomes what we make it. We can’t change another person anymore than we can change the weather. What we can control is the energy produced by the two people in the relationship. We are in control of the care and feeding of our relationships. This care and feeding determines the sum of the relationship.

When someone gives us fear and anger it is up to us what we do with it. If we meet fear and anger with more of the same we get blasted with fear and anger. We need to dig deep and fight fear, not people. Fighting fear is not ignoring it. We need to feel the fear, then we need to stop producing and spreading the fear because it can grow and encompass our whole life. We need to put fear in its proper place and through, compassion, understanding and love work through it.

Don’t worry what other people say behind your back, they’re only finding faults in your life instead of fixing the faults in their own life. Unknown

A broken bone can heal, but the wound a word opens can fester forever. Jessamyn West

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I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships by [Sorensen, Michael S.]
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Heart centered. Listening to our heart.

Be True To Your Values - photo of Geranium by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden where the flowers are dead. Oscar Wilde

Our heart is like our inner sun. It fills our life with passion. It is this inner light in all of us that gives rise to the beauty, grace, compassion, and love we feel in our lives.  What happens when we stifle that passion, when we refuse to feel? If we don’t open our self to feel the lows in life, we won’t feel the highs.

In Healing Through Dark Emotions Miriam Greenspan says we have to actually walk through the emotions to get where we are going. We are strong enough to face whatever is in front of us. There is life on the other side.

We feel our emotions in our bodies even if we don’t express them. We can’t hide from our deep dark emotions even if we put on a happy face and pretend they aren’t there.

Some people believe that disease manifests in the body because of suppressed emotions. Louise L. Hay in her book You Can Heal Your Life gives a list of  physical problems that are expressed in different parts of our body and what is behind them.

Glands – Represent holding stations. Self-starting activity.

The affirmation is – I am the creative power in my world.

Glandular problems – Poor distribution of get-up-and-go ideas.

The affirmation is – I have all the Divine ideas and activity I need. I move forward right now.

Gum problems – Inability to back up decisions. Wishy-washy about life.

The affirmation is – I am a decisive person. I follow through and support myself with love.

Hay fever – Emotional congestion. Fear of the calendar. A belief in persecution. Guilt.

The affirmation is – I am one with All of Life. I am safe at all times.

Heart – Represents the centre of love and security.

The affirmation is – My heart beats to the rhythm of love.

Heart problems – Longstanding emotional problems. Lack of joy. Hardening of the heart. Belief in strain and stress.

The affirmation is – Joy. Joy. Joy. I lovingly allow joy to flow through my mind, body and experience.

Heart attack – Squeezing all the joy out of the heart in favour of money or position, etc.

The affirmation is – I bring joy back to the centre of my heart. I express love to all.

Cancer – Deep hurt. Longstanding resentment. Deep secret or grief eating away at the self. Carrying hatreds.  What’s the use? The affirmation is – I lovingly forgive and release all of the past. I choose to fill my world with joy. I love and approve of myself.

Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom. Rumi

Is it true what Louise L. Hay says? I don’t know but I know when I look at the list, I see physical problems that have cropped up in my life and I can see a correlation to my emotional health at the time.

We have more control of our life than we think we do. Even if it isn’t all up to us, enough of it is up to us to make a huge difference in our physical and emotional health. We can choose to forgive instead of letting things eat away at us.

It can seem like we are blaming people for the afflictions in life they have. That is one way to look at it. The other way is to say we are not without some control in the way we react to what life throws at us. We do not need to let things eat away at us. We do not need to walk around with a heavy heart. We do not need to be burdened by the world’s problems.

There are many ways to lighten our hearts and minds. We can meditate, sing, whistle, chant affirmations, pray, and forgive. We can’t change the things that happen to us but we can choose how to react and how we go forward with a happy or burdened heart and mind.

One of the things I read in Louse L. Hay’s book that resonates is, “whatever I need to know is revealed to me and whatever I need comes to me in Divine right order.”

It isn’t easy to think we trust and what we need shows up. We ask and what we need is given. When we are dealing with the situations in our life instead of sweeping them under the rug or ignoring the elephant in the living room we will have to trust in the process of life. Trust that our belief in things can change is true, trust things can be better, trust it is worth it to give other people a second chance maybe even a third and fourth.

We are to forgive seventy times seven times. This means we are never to give up on anyone. We are to believe they are walking the walk they need to. They are worth keeping in our life, they are worth loving, and they are worth helping.

What if we did this? I hear people tell me I got rid of all the negative people in my life. The people who tell me this don’t seem like the positive people. The people I see who I want to emulate never give up on anyone. They don’t do for someone what they need to do for themselves, because that is not love that is enabling. They are there to listen, to encourage, be there with them through their struggle, not eliminate the struggle. The struggle makes us strong, we need to make our own way through life, we need some help along the way.

We need people to believe in us, encourage us, love us. We need people to believe in, encourage and love. When we are charitable, kind, compassionate, encouraging, and loving is when we feel the best about our self.

Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts. Charles Dickens

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