Posted on by BWThomas

Love makes the world go around.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Love is a better master than duty. Albert Einstein

Valentine’s Day is coming, where couples feel pressure to be romantic, and singles feel pressure to be coupled. What does romance look like? We feel it, we know it when we see it, but how do we create it on command? One of the things that ruins the chance for romance is expectation.

Young families often have to find romance between moments of looking after young children whose needs are endless; some manage, and some get lost in the heavy lifting of parenthood and providing for the family.

How do we keep love and romance alive, or do our expectations of wanting it to be more than it is kill it? Love is a verb, and an action verb at that. Does a partner we can count on count more than one that brings out romantic gestures?

I know someone who said she never wanted to get flowers because she always got I’m sorry flowers. What a way to ruin a lovely gesture.

Many of us who’ve been married for years get to take things for granted, like sharing a cup of coffee, we get to go out with our partner without finding a date, and making big plans. We share the mundane and the spectacular, the highs and the lows.

Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of everyday life into a golden haze. Elinor Glyn

This year will be hard for those who lost their partner, and losing a partner is much more than losing romance. Those of us who have a partner should hold on a little tighter, share an extra cup of coffee or tea, hold hands, and enjoy the little things because that is what we will miss. The day-to-day pleasures we share, coming home to someone, and sharing meals.

Valentine’s Day is about romance, but life is about love, and sharing love, not just with our partners, makes the world go around. Can we reach out to others, find a way to make a difference in someone else’s life, and widen our circle even if romance eludes us?

To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. David Viscott

The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love. Henry Miller

The love we give away is the only love we keep. Elbert Hubbard

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read more, and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Does what we say to ourselves and others make a difference?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then is not an act, but a habit. Aristotle

When we hear children’s words, do we sometimes wonder where they heard that? If we know it first came from us, we might be happy if it sounds good, or look for somewhere to hide, especially if it is in public. “Give me a child until he is seven, and I will show you the man”. Is this a Jesuit Motto or a quote by Aristotle adopted by the Jesuits?

It is scary to think we only have a few years to help a child become who they will be. We don’t consider them adults until eighteen, but the foundation for their lives is set much earlier.

Yesterday, my three-year-old grandson invited his mother to eat potato chips with him and his dad. “I don’t like this flavor,” she said.

“We get what we get, and we don’t get upset,” my grandson said to his mother, or something similar. In life, we often get what we get, and getting upset doesn’t make a difference. Sometimes we must accept circumstances as they are, sometimes we can change them, and knowing which is which might make all the difference. We need to know when to work for change and when to accept what can’t be changed, and if we can tell the difference between the two, the impact on our lives will be immense.

How often do we rail against the things we can’t change while living with things we can change that would make a big difference in our lives? How often have we heard, “Clear the clutter, and clear your mind?” How often do we find someone’s life descends into chaos as their surroundings do? Which comes first, and if we can keep clutter from taking over our lives, can we deal with the slings and arrows that come with life?

You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do. Henry Ford

We might not like the action we need to take in our lives, but if we know it needs to be done, we may as well get to it. If we pull the covers over our heads instead of getting up and getting busy, it leads to feeling worse, instead of better. The longer we take to do what we know we need to do, the worse things get. Sometimes we have to change what we can, and sometimes we have to accept what we can’t, but either way we have to move forward.

I think of the choice Mom and Dad made after Dad lost most of his right hand in a farm accident. Until that happened, I don’t think they considered leaving the farm, but by accepting their new reality, they had a different retirement than they might have expected, and I think it was a pretty good one.

We probably all have some things in our lives we wish were different, but have no power to change. We have choices to work around what we can’t change, and is this where our power lies? If we accept the things we can’t change, and change the things we can, how will it impact our lives? As my grandson told me when I was peeling wallpaper, “Don’t give up”. Eventually, the wallpaper was removed; it seemed daunting to attempt, but now it feels like an accomplishment. Getting started was half done, as it is in many cases, when we finally tackle things we’ve been putting off.

What would make a big change in our lives, how long would it take, and what would it add to our lives?

Tomorrow becomes never. No matter how small the task, take the first step now. Tim Ferris

Do. Or do not do. There is no try. Yoda

If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse. Jim Rohn

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read more, and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

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Getting what we want is easy; knowing what we want is hard.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. Dale Carnegie

Getting what we want is easy; knowing what we want is hard. I heard this on a podcast, not sure who said it. I watch our fifteen-month-old granddaughter ask for what she wants by pointing and making a sound. Sometimes the sound is close to what she wants, like whawha for water, but other times we look in the general direction to see what she’s pointing at and try to figure out what she wants.

Are we still pointing at what we want, do we give up wanting, or give up clarifying what we want because of general dissatisfaction about everything? Getting what we want might take a bit of work, determination, and time, but what does not knowing what we want cost us?

This morning, an article on the computer is titled, “I waited until the kids grew up to get a divorce and wasted my life.” I don’t know if it is a man or a woman saying this, but it sounds sad. It could be they skipped another divorce, it could be they are estranged from their children anyway, and wonder why they sacrificed those years for kids who don’t appreciate the sacrifice. It could be that no matter what choice they made, they wouldn’t be happy, because they haven’t figured out what makes them happy. Chasing happiness seems futile; it’s an inside job. Depending on someone else for our happiness doesn’t seem like a good way to live.

Does developing a grateful attitude help us build a better life? Perhaps the article should have been titled, “I waited for the kids to grow up, now divorced, and I’m looking forward to this next chapter in my life.” It sounds better to me; it sounds like someone who knew what they wanted, to raise their kids, before they moved on.

True power arises in knowing what you want. Knowing what you don’t want, expressing it clearly and lovingly without attachment to the outcome. Leonard Jacobson

How often do we think, if I were ten or twenty years younger, I’d…? But in ten or twenty years, we might be saying the same thing. At some point, we need to go after the thing we want, or we have to admit we don’t really want it. Maybe it’s something that would be nice to have, or it was someone else’s goal for us, and maybe we’ve embellished the goal, but if we peel back the layers, we can still go after the essence of the goal.

Sometimes we want what we think reaching that goal would give us. We wanted accolades, fame, respect, an elevated life, something more than what is… and that might be what we can’t put our finger on. What is ‘the more’, we are always seeking? When will more be enough, or will more never be enough?

If we have a hole in our life, what is it that’s missing? Can we find a way to bring something into our lives to make it fuller, rounder, and more impactful? Is there someone we can help? Can we join a group of like-minded people? If we make a difference in someone else’s life, will it make a difference in our own?

Parenting is a sacrificial investment, and children might not appreciate the sacrifices parents made, but if we’ve prepared them to make sacrifices for their own children, and look at our investment as a worthy one, even if we aren’t as happy as we’d like to be, we might feel a glow of contentment. We might think selfish choices give us more happiness in the short term, but in the long term, the unselfish choices might be what build a good life. Steadfastness and seeing something through to the end might be how to build a life we are proud of.

At a funeral, everyone commented on the deceased’s devotion to his wife of not quite fifty years. They were a devoted couple, which doesn’t mean they didn’t have their ups and downs, I’m sure, like all couples they did, but they loved each other throughout their lives together, and it was apparent to all. God was the centre of their lives, is that the hole many are looking to fill?

Choices we make will impact our lives; being grateful for what we have and choosing well might be what makes a great life. What do we want, what are we willing to say out loud, and what desires do we keep hidden? If we don’t acknowledge what we want, how will we ever get it?

The hardest thing about getting what you want is knowing what to do with it. Patrick Hennessey

When you know what you want, and you want it bad enough, you’ll find a way to get it. Jim Rohn

If you don’t know what you want, you’ll probably never get it. Unknown

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read more, and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale.

Posted on by BWThomas

Choose love over significance and purpose over happiness to build the life of your dreams.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Life is the flower for which love is the honey. Victor Hugo

Love or significance, happiness or purpose, don’t we want it all, and isn’t that what we were brought up to believe? Trying to find happiness without purpose might be no better than trying to find significance without love.

I watched a movie where the heroine had the best job in the world, she’s a travel writer, and some days she wants to commit suicide. She has holidaying down pat, but she doesn’t have the life people usually take a vacation from.

Love, we all want it, but we can fall into a trap thinking getting married and having children isn’t exciting, isn’t using all of our potential, isn’t a big enough life. What if turning our nose up at love, marriage, and children is turning our nose up at the best life has to offer?  What if this is where real love, purpose, passion, and significance exist?

One of the things we don’t do, or maybe some do, is try to think about the person we’ll be down the road, and what they might have wanted us to do. If, when we were in our twenties, we thought about what our choices would mean when we were in our thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, and older, we might make choices to benefit our future self.

Love is our essential nutrient. Without it, life has little meaning. It’s the best thing we have to give and the most valuable thing we receive. It’s worthy of all the hullabaloo. Cheryl Strayed

What choices can we make to benefit our future self, and are we making them? How do we build a life that works for us, our families, and our society? How do we make the choices that build a good life, and how do we correct if we’ve taken a wrong path?

I watch my daughter come home from work, her daughter’s face lights up as she walks in the door. If she takes too long or goes to the bathroom without first coming to get her daughter, her daughter’s face crumples in tears. Being a mother and father of young children is incredibly demanding, but it is also the most rewarding.

This morning, my grandson was up at four am, he gets to come to the airport and pick up his great-aunt today. We dropped her off at six am ten days ago, but we said it was too early for him to come with us. Do we still get joy from little things? Baking cookies is an adventure when you’re three, making snow angels in the snow, and so many small and mundane things we take for granted.

It takes so little to put a smile on a child’s face. When did we get so jaded? Enjoying the small moments in life is part of living a good life. If we can smile at the little things, make an effort to reach out to someone, move our bodies and feed them well, think good thoughts, and read or listen to good books or podcasts, we can make the most of the life we have. Can we live with passion, purpose, spreading love, and finding significance in how we impact others?

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. Buddha

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Lao Tsu

The significance of the law of love is precisely that it is not just another law, but a law which transcends all laws. Reinhold Niebuhr

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read more, and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

Tos subscribe, comment, and see categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Anxiety and worry don’t build a good life; habits, action, and gratitude do.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Our anxiety doesn’t come from thinking about the future but from wanting to control it. Kahlil Gibran

How does fear play out in our lives? I couldn’t get up this morning because I wrestled with thoughts about a future that hasn’t unfolded yet. Worrying about diverse groups not getting along and fracturing life as I’ve known it, worrying about the leadership of another country and what it might do to mine, and worrying about aging relatives. All of these worries are out of my control, and what I can do something about, I was too tired to do, because I spent all night worrying about what I can’t control.

What can we control? What we eat, what we think, exercise, how we interact with others, our gratitude for what we have, and how we spend the resources we possess. Do we worry as much about the things we can control as about the things we can’t?

We worry about who moves in across the street, even if we never spoke to the occupants who used to live there. What would life look like if we all looked after the little things that become big things? What if we quit envying what others have and worked hard to build a good life for ourselves? If we think it is too late to do something, we might watch someone else and wonder how they did it.

Sometimes I think we know too much about what won’t work, and so it doesn’t work, but watch people who didn’t know they couldn’t change things do exactly that. We don’t try to do things we know we can’t do, but where did this knowledge come from? Learned helplessness is a big deal; we have to watch we don’t let things we think we know work against us.

One of the reasons I love being a member of Toastmasters is that everyone who joins wants to improve something, and watching them improve makes us know we can improve too. It isn’t only speaking; once we start improving in one area of our life, we can see other areas we can make an effort in.

Never mistake the power of influence. Jim Rohn

It’s a bit like decluttering; we can be overwhelmed by how things have piled up, but if we pick a corner and clear it out, we can look at another corner and know it will look better too, and bit by bit we can take back our space. Everything in life can be improved, and sometimes what most needs improvement is our attitude.

What if every situation in our lives can teach us something? What if controlling ourselves, instead of trying to control others or events outside our sphere of influence, is where our power lies?

Is this the year we take control of things inside our sphere of influence and make them better? Does making an effort to talk to people create a better and friendlier society? Decluttering our space, exercising, and eating better make us healthier. Will focusing on gratitude for what we have, instead of on what we lack, build a better life and help us see opportunities in front of us?

What can we do to make our lives and those around us better? If someone sees us taking control, will they realize they can take control, too? Is there a fine line between help and control? We can help others to help themselves, but can too much help be crippling? How do we figure out whether we are helping or hindering others, especially those we love the most?

Are we listening to people tell us how to think instead of thinking for ourselves? Are we fact-checking what we hear at least a little bit instead of letting fear-mongers make us quake and feel powerless? What can we do to fix some of the little things, which will fix some of the big things?

To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as to talk well. John Marshall

Anything you read can influence your work, so I try to read good stuff. S. E. Hinton

Choose your habits well. Habit is probably the most powerful tool in your brain’s toolbox. Ray Dalio

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read more, and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

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Thank you for reading my books. Special thanks to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas · 1 Comment

Does our life call out for small or big changes?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Change your thoughts and you change your world. Norman Vincent Peale

Yesterday, my Grandson said my face is cracked. When we reach the point in life, our grandson says we have a cracked face. What can we do about it?

Have I been relaxing a bit too much, not getting ready for the day, and skipping makeup? Aging is a natural part of life, and we need to embrace it because it’s inevitable. Moms and Grandmas will have their flaws pointed out by those they love the most. Mom’s two oldest daughters told her she was old when she was about twenty-eight.

There are things we can’t fix, but there might be changes we can make. I’ve spent my life tweaking things, and I think tweaking things helps, but there might be times when big changes are needed.  

Ramit Sethi tells us that too often we spin our wheels trying to fix the system, when what we might need to do is overhaul the system.

How do we know if we can tweak something, or if a big change is what we need? Do we sometimes go for the big overhaul when we didn’t need to be that drastic, or try to tweak when our life calls out for big change?

I’m thinking of this as I watch videos of people discussing grey divorce, which seems drastic, and unless one has huge financial reserves, could be a significant mistake. Am I wrong in thinking that if you could live with someone for thirty years, why jump ship now? Take this job or marriage and shove it might not be the best decision. They are big gestures, but blowing up our lives because we need some change doesn’t mean we should dump everything and start over.

Is “I’m not happy” a reason to end a marriage? Happiness is fleeting, an inside job, and our spouse doesn’t make us happy. If we feel we need more in our lives, what do we need? It probably isn’t a new spouse, even though the excitement might feel good for a while. Wouldn’t a new spouse become an old spouse pretty quickly?

Can we fall in love with our old spouse again? Can we see what we saw in them so many years ago, before the mortgage, kids, bills, and responsibilities piled up? Who were we when we met, when a look across a room held so much promise? Has discontent with ourselves spilled over into discontent with them? What can we do to improve our lives without blowing it up? How can we make ourselves happy, what used to make our hearts sing? Where did we like to go, what did we like to experience, and can we bring it back into our lives?

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. William Shakespeare

One of the joys in life is sitting at the table, holding our grandchildren, and sharing a laugh over their antics. It’s a small thing, but a lot of small things lead to a good life. We might long for grand gestures, but maybe they are overrated, and maybe the small things that any couple can share are underrated. How often have we been touched by a commercial that captures small moments? Tim Horton’s commercials come to mind.

There are also big moments; a friend and her husband celebrate the arrival of a long-awaited grandchild. If there weren’t tears in their eyes, I’d be shocked. There are tears in mine, as I think about it.

We have cataclysmic shifts in our lives; a friend lost her husband before Christmas. She’s ninety-four and doesn’t know how she’ll go on without him. Sometimes we have to deal with what happens, and sometimes we get to choose what happens.

As we take stock of where we are and what is possible, do we need to choose wisely? Can we always make something better or worse, even if all we can change is our attitude?

The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude. Oprah Winfrey

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Maya Angelou

When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves. Viktor Frankl

Thank you for reading this post. Have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Can we harness hate and anger?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Let no man pull you low enough to hate him. Martin Luther King Jr.

Dick Van Dyke turned one hundred years old, and he said, “Avoid hate and anger to live a long life.”

If you listen to podcasts, hate and anger seem to be the order of the day. Everyone is ranting about something, and they look at the worst someone says as being all they stand for.

By most standards, we live better than most of our ancestors; we have more options, but we demoralize everyone, telling them and ourselves we are victims. We are a victim because of the inequality between the rich and the poor, clashes of cultures, religion, and class.

We look at our history and put the worst possible spin on everything that was done, tearing down heroes and turning them into villains. I’ve had a much easier life than my parents. I didn’t recognize opportunities. I have opinions on decisions made, I think should have been different, but I don’t know for sure what the outcome would have been.

What builds a good life? What builds a strong country are questions we should all ask ourselves. But what happens when my ideologies don’t mesh with yours? When what someone wants to protect interferes with what someone wants to build, and when historical issues rear their head, threatens society as we know it. What does a fair and good society look like?

Anger and hatred are the materials from which hell is made. Unknown

Many have bought into the Robin Hood idea of taking from the rich and giving to the poor, but that only works until the rich don’t find it worth their while to build something someone can take. What if the builders quit building, inventers quit inventing, and progress stops? It might be okay for a while, but if it’s true a society either evolves or devolves, we have to be careful where we end up.

Does hating change or people who change things help? Does it make us feel powerful without doing anything?

I’m interrupted in my writing by my three-year-old grandson. He wants toast, when I make the toast and butter it, he wants it with peanut butter, then he wants chocolate milk, and when I make that, he wants more milk (the cup is full enough if it’s filled more he’ll spill it). He cries; I leave the kitchen because no matter what I do, he wants more. This seems like the society we live in; appeasement does not help. Trying to make people happy doesn’t seem to work. We give until we feel there is nothing more to give, expecting gratitude, but finding none.

When we do things for ourselves, we often satisfy ourselves with results that, if someone else did them, wouldn’t be satisfactory. Is building a life or a society different?

Could it be, the more we do for others, the worse it gets? Can we teach everyone to do for themselves? When we raise children, it takes longer to accept their help than to do it ourselves, but if we don’t let them do things when they are no help at all, they don’t learn. Is building a society different?

Can anger and hate be used as powerful motivators for positive change? But who decides what change is positive? How can we keep everything we love and change everything we hate?

A new year is before us; can we harness hate and anger? Happy New Year!

Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from the inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves. Mitch Albom

Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time; what we really want is for things to remain the same but get better. Sydney J. Harris

Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy. Aristotle

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read more and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Do expectations make us unhappy? Is gratitude the path to happiness?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Most folks are as happy as they make their minds to be. Abraham Lincoln

Are our expectations a hurdle to happiness? Dennis Prager, in one of his podcasts, says they are. He said he was in university when one of his professors told him goals and expectations were killers of happiness. He decided to eliminate expectations but not goals from his life. He also says gratitude is the secret to happiness.

I’m thinking of Christmas Day as I write this, and the many expectations we often have; our expectations are so lofty that the reality of how wonderful getting together is gets lost because everyone isn’t acting how we hoped.

What if Dennis Prager is onto something, and our expectations do cause many of our problems, especially the expectations we set for others? If we set a goal for ourselves to not get drawn into a contentious argument, that is a different thing than if we set that expectation for someone else. We do have control over our own actions, but wanting to control other people might be where the problem is.

The fewer expectations we put on other people, the better our lives might be. Even with my books, I’ve tried not to have expectations as to who would buy or read them. I wrote them and put them out into the world, which is as much control as I have. Being content with what is, and being willing to deal with what will be, might be the path to happiness.

Letting go of expectations might be one of the hardest things we try to do. Does it seem like we are giving up, and maybe we are, giving up trying to control others, which will be a good thing.

We can control some aspects of our lives, and other things in our lives we have no control over. We can fight against what we can’t control, but does acceptance of what we can’t change lead to a better life?

Happiness is a choice, you cannot choose what happens, but you can choose your reaction to it and be happy. Unknown

We might think we can’t be happy after certain things happen in our lives. How can we be happy if we lose a spouse? Won’t that seem like a sign we didn’t love them enough? I don’t think so. If we did the best we could while someone is alive, that’s the best we can do. Life is for the living. Mom lived fifteen years after Dad died, and although she missed him, she built a life, much of it centered on quilting. Quilting gave her an artistic outlet and something she could accomplish. She’d always loved fabric and sewing and had the time to create as much as she wanted. Sometimes when I’d call her, she’d be so immersed in her quilting she’d forget what time it was, and would miss lunch.

Did every quilt meet her expectations, or did she not have expectations about how the quilt would look, because you don’t really know how it will look until it is complete? Wondering what the finished product would be was part of the journey, and might be what motivated her to get up and sew every day.

If we can curb our expectations and watch life unfold, dealing with what is, and work toward what might be, without getting disillusioned because it isn’t that thing yet. This might be one of the keys to happiness. Can we Learn to live with progress, not perfection, and find satisfaction and happiness in the small and big things in life without trying to control everything? 

Is being happy a gift to ourselves and others? What can we do to create a happier life, a happier countenance, and a happier family? Is gratitude the antidote we are looking for?

There is no path to happiness: happiness is the path. Buddha

Happiness is a choice. Choose to be happy and you will always find something to be happy about. Sandra Cooze

Happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy… until you choose to be happy. No person will make you happy… unless you decide to be happy. Your happiness will not come to you. It can only come from you. Ralph Marston

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read more, and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.

Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Goodreads and Amazon. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item, I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.

Posted on by BWThomas

Is a drama-free Christmas possible?

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

Drama is for fools. The wise stay calm. Maxime Lagace

Years ago, on a whiteboard I printed a quote by Thomas Jefferson, “I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend.” Opinions have continued to become increasingly polarized over the years. But the fact he made that quote means they were polarized then. Perhaps we need to learn how to navigate dealing with differing opinions without withdrawing from friends or loved ones. What if this is the lesson we need to learn?

Who knows how to build a fair and just society? Does fairness and justness look the same to everyone?

Conversations at Christmas can get heated, loved ones leave in a huff, or worse yet, aren’t invited because of contentious views.  I’m reminded of a quote by Lynn Robinson, “Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?” The quote has stuck, but the book I read it in escapes me.

Many of us would answer, “Of course, we’d rather be happy.” But I wonder if the reverse is true, we think we can only be happy if we are right, and whoever we are talking to must agree we are right.

Tolerance implies no lack of commitment to one’s own beliefs. Rather it condemns the oppression or persecution of others. John F. Kennedy

There are many contentious issues; the issues don’t stand alone, and we have to pick a side. It seems I can only talk about issues with people whose side I align with. People on the other side don’t see the context of the discussion in the same way. We don’t see the history of things the same; we aren’t on the same page, and we aren’t even in the same book.

We like the idea of getting together for Christmas, holidays, and big events, but the reality can be messy and contentious. “Pass the potatoes,” comes with contempt, as people look at someone who voted differently from them as the enemy.

When we know we shouldn’t bring up certain subjects, conversation can seem stilted. What used to be easy camaraderie is uneasy. Am I thinking of a time that didn’t exist? Maybe many of us were never aligned on the same side; we were in the middle of different sides, which almost seemed like the same side until something tipped us to one side or the other.

Becoming a person of fewer words, thinking before speaking, and not commenting on everything, might be the way forward. Are we comfortable with silence, not allowing ourselves to be drawn into a confrontation, and ignoring the jabs coming our way?

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. Aristotle

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness. Ralph Waldo Emerson

We don’t need to share the same opinions as others, but we need to be respectful. Taylor Swift

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Posted on by BWThomas

Christmas traditions, building strong families, and making treasured memories.

Painting by Belynda Wilson Thomas

It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving. Mother Teresa

Christmas is coming with all that entails. Santa gets the credit for the presents, Jesus is the reason for the season, but moms do most of the work to make it happen.

I’m not part of the over-the-top Christmas crowd. My daughter, the grandkids, and I put up the Christmas tree last week. On Christmas Day, we have a big breakfast, open the gifts, and then late afternoon, the kids and grandkids go off to Christmas dinner at their spouse’s families.

A big Christmas breakfast has been our tradition; we still get our Christmas morning, and the kid’s spouse’s families get them for dinner. Making Christmas work for everyone can be a huge challenge. I feel blessed, and it’s working out for everyone.

On Saturday, I removed a wallpaper border we put up thirty years ago. It was slow going, and my three-year-old grandson, watching me, said, “Grandma, my Dad always says, don’t give up.” He helped me take off wallpaper in the hall. He’s a big helper, and he would have helped on Saturday if I’d let him go up the ladder.

In a movie we watched last night, the overworked Mom mentions three little words she loves to hear. Another character nodded and said, “I love you.”

“No,” the character laughed, “Can I help?” Don’t we always need help and encouragement, but sometimes we don’t get the question, “Can I help?” Because we are so particular, the person asking knows they can’t do things to our standard, and so they don’t offer to do anything at all.

Mom always said, “You have to let kids help, when they are more of a hindrance than a help, or they won’t help when they are capable. Maybe they won’t become capable if we don’t let them learn to do something badly before they can do it well.

What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. Agnes M. Pharo

My daughter-in-law helps her Grandma bake. There was a time she would have been more of a hindrance than a help. Now these baking times are a great way for her and her Grandmother to spend precious time together. We are the recipients of the delicious things they bake.

Christmas traditions get started; we might not even remember the origin. I can’t remember when we started having a big Christmas breakfast, but it has become the centre of our Christmas, and more important than Christmas dinner for years.

Once our children grow up and start their own families, we aren’t in control anymore. Our children need to create their own traditions, and if we are lucky, we can be part of them. Such is the tapestry of life, we weave in and out of people’s lives, and we might feel sidelined at times while our children build their own lives.  Our thread will end, and we want our children to carry on with traditions we started or carried on that fit into their lives, and they can pass on to their children. This is how we leave a legacy impacting generations. We don’t know how long our thread will be; what’s important is being a strong thread in the tapestry, helping our children and grandchildren to be strong threads.

Is there a Christmas tradition you hope your children and grandchildren will remember fondly?

 Christmas magic is silent. You don’t hear it – you feel it. You know it. You believe it. Kevin Alan Milne

Winter, a lingering season, is a time to gather golden moments, embark upon a sentimental journey, and enjoy every idle hour. John Boswell

Christmas can’t be bought from a store. Maybe Christmas means a little bit more. Dr. Seuss 

Thank you for reading this post. Please come back and read more, and have a blessed day filled with gratitude, joy, and love.

To subscribe, comment, and see archives or categories of posts, click on the picture and scroll to the end.     

Thank you for reading my books, and a special thank you to those who leave a review on Amazon and Goodreads. If you click on the Amazon link and purchase an item I receive a small percentage of the sale through the Amazon affiliate program.